Went to the barn. Had a lovely, peaceful time cleaning Gabe's stall while he munched hay. Brushed him, saddled him, lunged him... couldn't ride him. I couldn't get on. The saddle was just a bit less tight than last night. In trying to get on, it slipped a bit, the mounting block & I tumbled under the horse, twisting my ankle a bit. No witnesses, THANKFULLY! And no real injury, but I couldn't get on because I'm too fat.
What have I done for the last year? Why have I made no progress at all? Is this no longer important to me?! Do I not CARE?! Is it too hard?! Good grief, Charlie Brown!
I have so many great excuses lately.
1.) The kitchen drain hasn't been working right so I can't cook cuz it would make too many dishes. (That one's a doozie, huh?) But Bill is driving home as I type, and he IS fixing it. Problem solved.
2.) My budget is too tight lately to go shopping and stock up on the right foods. So I've been spending probably $15 a day on prepared foods... like that's really economical! So tonight (as tho in answer to a prayer) I found chicken on sale for $1.99/lb, and in truth, the freezer is already full of veggies. I just haven't cooked 'em. Problem solved.
3.) I SO am not in the mood to exercise lately. OK, I'm taking suggestions on this one. I might start with kicking somebody, given the pouty, angry, disgusted, self-loathing, but-on-the-edge-of-fiercely-determined mood I'm in just now. Working on solving this one...
4.) Um... Stress. Yeah, that's it. Always a good excuse for why I choose to hurt myself. What better excuse could I have to please my evil SD and her even more evil mother by staying fat? Organize, prioritize - clean up my house and my checkbook. Problem handled, if not solved.
5.) Let's not forget hormones. Never have I had to battle those ferocious buggers like I do in this ugly pre-menapause thing. Another great reason to hand my fate and happiness over to Hershey's... right?
6.) Oooo, one of my favorites: It's
BARB's fault cuz she brought a loaf of bread in to the house. Gee, do you think she'd care if I just put it in a cupboard so I don't have to look at it? Out of sight, out of mouth. Problem solved.
7.) Don't you just love the "what-the-heck, it's-only-one-bite/day/donut/meal/etc." excuse?? Now counts. There has to be a starting place, and it's Now. Now, before I eat that next thing that keeps me so fat that I can't get on my horse.
I have absolutely no right to self-pity. It's not that I've just slipped, or even that I've failed. It's that I haven't really committed myself to trying. I lost 70 pounds because I was committed to trying. I developed biceps because I was committed to trying. I lost that commitment and stopped trying for more than a day or two, here and there. I ignored the plan that I know works. I chose to find and accept excuses, rather than keep my eye on the goal - even though that goal is what my heart most greatly desires.
So the next thing, the more important thing I need to do, is focus on all the reasons why I'm still going to work on this - why I'm still going to succeed - and HOW I'm going to do it.
The plan:
1.) Plan ahead to succeed by cooking ahead.
2.) Write it down. Write it ALL down.
3.) F.C. - as often as possible!
4.) Celebrate success.
5.) Quit giving up. One day at a time, fight to the end.
6.) Reconsider exercise, even in little increments - and celebrate those successes, too.
Since I listed 7 excuses for failure, I'll start with 8 reasons to succeed.
1.) To get my wide wagon up on my wonder-horse.
2.) To not make him sway-backed once I'm up there.
3.) To stay up there without rolling off like a bowling ball.
4.) To look darn good up there.
5.) To not have a multi-chin looking down at the camera for a picture.
6.) Field boots. I want a pair of field boots so bad I can taste it. Ugh. I better go brush my teeth.
7.) Breeches. Off the rack. And a riding jacket, too.
8.) To see more sunrises before I meet the Artist. OK - sunsets. A morning person, I'm not.
9.) Because my friend with cancer would do it differently if she had another chance. I do have another chance, and to honor her beautiful heart, I should do for myself what I am unable to do for her, or anyone else, nor can anyone do it for me. To be healthier.
10.) To really, really, REALLY piss my evil SD off
See? I wasn't even trying and my reasons whipped up on my excuses.
I've blabbered enough. I have 3 hours until Bill gets home. I better go claim my side of the bed and make use of it.
THANK YOU for being here to blabber at!