I'm not exactly sure where I should be posting this, whether in the depression thread, or perhaps the 20-somethings (since that's indeed what I am), or here. I apologize if it's the wrong thread, but, I just need to know if anyone feels the same.

When I look in the mirror, I don't see a confident person who has lost weight, I see all the weight that is left. When I look in a mirror, I see a fat, ugly girl (or woman, whatever your preference of words.) I step on the scale and when I see I've gained any weight--It could be a ridiculous amount of .5 lb, I freak out. I wonder what the **** I did wrong. I wonder why do I continue to still be this ugly, fat creature that seemly haunts the college campus. And it doesn't matter what others tell me, to assure me everything is OK--I think they're liars and just don't want to tell me the truth. It isn't an attention seeking behavior, it's depression. I had it in high school (my highest weight was indeed 245-248lbs; size 22) and I thought it had gone away during college. I started to FEEL confident and proud...Then I realized that I was still the ugly, fat girl, just in a different (and way bigger) setting.

My point is, I never "celebrate" or think about how much I've lost. I think about much I weigh now and how it's a disgusting number (about myself.) I google up "5'5" women + 135 pounds" to see any sites or pictures come up so I can kinda compare--just to make sure it is small enough so I lose weight to still look like a cow.

I really don't mean to offend anyone, I think you all are just lovely ladies, but this is what I feel about myself. I was just wondering if anyone else has felt this way, or heck, still do.

I'm not "20 something" and haven't lost too much yet -- but I definitely know where you are coming from -- I've actually gone from thin to 100 lbs overweight --- even when I was 5' 9" and 145 pounds I felt incredibly overweight, so where does that put me know at 262 lbs?? --- EXTREMELY depressed about my weight. To me it has nothing to do with the weight you've lost -- it has to do with your self esteem and your feelings about yourself in general. To me, if you feel overweight constantly, you may at any weight. So, instead of looking of pictures of "what you want to be", try to do things to be comfortable with where you are now. Maybe try to find some flattering outfits, get some extra exercise, etc. -- things to try to build up your confidence.

Good luck.

well I weighed 134lbs this morning and when I look in the mirror I see a huge cow. I don't know if i'll ever see anything other than all the fat hanging off of me.

I think this is the difference between "body image" and "self image". Some people have such a low self image, that no matter how much weight they lose, they still see the fat person they once were. Unfortunately, one's self image is often buried underneath the body image, meaning that many people have no clue that they are indeed, two separate things. Remind yourself - EVERY DAY! - that you are a worthy, kind, loving person who deserves love in return - ESPECIALLY from yourself.

You might want to give cognitive behavior therapy a try. It helps to realign one's self image, and not confuse it with body image.

Yeah, that is a real drag when it happens. Here I am, having lost 46 pounds, and I still look in the mirror and see someone with more weight to lose.

But you know, here's the thing: I know that I am never going to look in that mirror and see a hot teenaged chick ready for a bikini.

So if your happiness is going to depend on your body looking a certain way, you are liable to be disappointed, no matter how much weight you lose.

That's why it's more important to think about increased health and well being, which comes with losing weight. Gosh, we are all going to get older, and our bodies are going to change. We aren't always going to pass for Angelina Jolie... well, not naked anyway...

You have come such a long way! You have done such a great job so far! Don't let your negative feelings discourage you. Focus on how much you have already accomplished!

I promise that you'll be happier if you lose the weight and keep it off--no matter what you think about your body right now. You can do it now, or you can give up and do it later. It's up to you!

Hang in there! Don't give up!

Jay

As we start to lose weight, I think we become more aware of our bodies. Which is why you maybe don't feel as confident anymore. I'm the same way... I don't see how much I've lost, just how far I have to go. It's hard but you have to try and focus on the good. I don't have much advice other than that... just know that you're not the only one feeling the way that you do.

I make me shudder/feel gross, you have all my sympathy and then some <3

xxx

I totally agree with Melissa. I know I did everything NOT to think of my body before I started losing so I'm not sure that I ever really knew how heavy I was (except in pictures) Now however, I am obsessed with my body and even though I've lost 30 pounds I too think I look worse than I used to. Keep up all your hard work and it will pay in the end.

you hit the nail on the head santamonica, this is not about weightloss, it is about your issues with depression, which now might be headed off into eating disorder land, which is a place you do not want to venture to.
but i hear you, like the other ladies i too still feel really big, i even look at my clothing (which is like XS/S and size 2/4) and think that it is huge because it fits "fat" me. objectively i know otherwise. it is my "fat" head that is toying with my body image. and you better believe that i am in therapy for this. because i am.