OK...
well I went and did it...the self proclaimed non dater has gone and met the most wonderful man.... it's incredible how absolutely perfect for each other we are...at least so far...but there are things going side by side in the new found relationship that scare me a little bit.... romantic dinners out, wine, chocolate....trust me I'm not complaining about the absolute romantic fairytale that I've recently found myself wound up in but I feel like I need to be extra vigilant...so that I can have this and have my goals too.

We both enjoy the same things...good food...like gourmet food, good beer, good wine etc. (along with other things like outdoor activity, books, music etc) I suppose I'm not out of control worried...he says he has a 'fat' complex cause he was overweight in high school so he works out regularly and even though he's a sucker for good food and beer that isn't where the focus is all the time and he likes healthy cooking and vegetables....and he cooks to so thats a plus...and even better...he washes dishes....

We are doing active things when we go out...hey we climbed a mountain yesterday.

Anyway I suppose I'm not supremely worried about continuing my weight loss mission and dating at the same time where we both try to be healthy (despite the liking of quality food and beer...which was never my problem...I just need to stay away from fast food take out and drive on all the dates so I limit to just one beer) but I don't want to get caught up and go back to maintaining again because I'm going on all these romantic getaways.

Any advice on balancing weightloss with a relationship... I've been on my own for a long time now and it's a lot easier to stay concentrated when you only have to think of yourself. It's a tough adjustment... I'm just thankful I met a somewhat health conscious man which will hopefully make it easier.

When my DH and I were dating, I was dieting as well and lost 80 pounds. My advice is to be honest with him. Most likely he will want to support your choices in restaurants and such. He might also help to keep you accountable. Most important, take time to RELAX and enjoy his company!

Being single as I am now, I can't offer much in the way of current first-hand experience, but I am well aware that sometimes our emotions get in the way of things.

Like when my fiancee was killed a little over a year ago, and I ran to food for comfort, like the sad little thing I was.

Anyway, if you're both active and you both try to be health conscious, maybe you should try to include him in this journey. A work-out buddy, recipe taste-tester, motivational speaker, life coach, anything he can and is willing to offer you.

I think it's wonderful that you've found a man that seems so perfect for you, and I know you can find a way to balance the two. Just remember that it IS a balance, and that that may mean re-evaluating things if one becomes more important than the other.

I think you're blessed to have found someone with healthy goals also! It is definitely going to make this a lot easier.

For me, nothing is more romantic than cooking together. Planning out a fabulous meal, getting into the kitchen, feeding eachother bites while you're cooking - delicious. And then sitting down and eating, all with maybe a glass of wine? You're talking very high romance potential.

Some of the best first dates are also the active, weird ones. Rollerskating, anyone? How about hitting a rock climbing wall? Kayaking? White water rafting? I read a study about adrenaline-producing first dates being more successful in creating long-term relationships, because the adrenaline simulates happy-in-love-endorphins. And the calorie burn isn't going to hurt either.

At the very least, you have a new gym buddy!

Yay for you and your romantic fairytale. A little care and you can make this work.

NE sunshine - I know right where you are coming from, the same thing happened with me, well i met him 6 months ago, and Ive only gained 4 lbs, and that is only since he went back to join his regiment.
I really concentrate on portion size, especially when cooking at home... and just try and eat a lot less than him. Dont let dating ruin all your hard work so far!

When DH and I first started dating, we did eat out a lot but also balanced that with activities such as hiking. It wasn't until we moved in with eachother that both of us gained weight, he gained 5 lbs and I gained 10. At that point, we started eating out at healthier places and making an effort to exercise. We may still occasionally go out to eat at some of those places we did when we first started dating but they are a rarity and a special treat rather than a regular weekend activity. (There is a particular restaurant in DC that we both love, it is expensive though and the food is rich although the portions are reasonable, we go once a year, during restaurant week. So good)

I would definitely tell him of your concerns. Practice portion control and balance out your less healthier eating with more often eating on the healthy side. I ended up losing 75 lbs before I dated DH but I have now lost 76 lbs since dating, living with and marrying DH. It does help a lot that DH enjoys eating healthy and likes to be active and exercise.

Congratulations on finding somebody so great. Let me be the voice of caution, however. Not doom and gloom, just caution.

I met my husband at my lowest adult weight. I watched what I ate, worked out 5 times a week, generally just being very healthy. When we started dating, there were lots of meals out which isn't easy, and there was a lot less time for me to concentrate on what I was trying to achieve. He wanted to spend all of our non-work time together, and so did I. The gym became less frequent until I just had to acknowledge that I wasn't going at all. He had all of my bad old habits and it was really easy to fall back into them. While he never put on a pound, I ate and didn't exercise my way back to obesity.

I think my big mistake was in not really talking to him about my food issues and what I needed to do to be healthy. It seemed like a big load to drop on somebody in a new relationship and so I just didn't do it. We've had the discussion since then and he couldn't be more supportive; I just wish that I had brought it up before I had to lose all this weight again.

So have fun but talk to him about this stuff now. It's a lot easier in the long run.

First of all, congrats on finding someone who have so much in common with and enjoy his company as well.

I met my husband when I was at my heaviest. He was the proverbial "Jack Sprat". We hit it off right away and we have a lot of things we enjoy doing together. He has been my #1 supportive fan of all that I have tried to do.

He was a very healthy person when I met him and he still is. We don't go out to eat as much as we did when we are dating, who does when you get married, but I did struggle with overeating in restaurants (and I still do even though I am seriously working on weight lose)---HOWEVER, he was supportive then as he is now. He wants what is best for me and what I most desire. What more could I ask for?

Feel fortunate that you have met someone like him and continue to do your best as you have done in the past. Don't worry but be vigilant.

Thanks girls,
I'm with you on honesty being the best policy and he already knows that I've been working on losing weight and have just lost x amount of lbs etc. so that is a start. We both try to go to the gym regularly and eat fairly healthy. He seems to eat full flavored full ingrediented things but just not in large quantity which is something that I can get behind I think. And it's no problem if we are out and I get a sandwich and sub a side salad instead of fries etc....but we are more into 'foodie' type stuff...more on the gourmet side where portions are generally smaller as opposed to the casual dining places where they are huge.

Pair that with with being active...which we are so that is good...We went hiking yesterday and we are planning some day trips that will involve a lot of walking and exploring, not to mention things like kayaking and ice skating etc...we even talked about taking an Irish step dancing class...what can i say we're in a highly Irish city and we're both Irish

I just don't want to get distracted with all the wine and chocolate covered strawberries....that is something that can easily distract a girl! I think it also helps that he's been heavy before and has lost weight so he really understands what it is like. Also he lives about an hour away so right now we are really just seeing each other on the weekends, which means that if I can stay on top of it during the week staying really on plan and going to the gym every day I should be in good shape.

Irish step dancing is so fun!

Even at my highest weight when I was almost 330 pounds, I worked at a Ren Faire during the summer and was a step dancer. That's probably why I have toned legs like I do!

Seriously, give it a try! You'll love it.

hey i think it can only be a positive - he sounds cool, like he would help you on your journey, maybe with work out tips or doing active things! yay! and liking goooood food and wine is a bonus, i'd only worry if he were a lover of gross burger king food or something

and the added bonus of wanting to look hot for him! i know it's a 1950's mentality but it's kinda true

First off... where did you meet this fabulous man? I couldn't be more excited for you. I'm single but hoping to meet someone but have not had such luck as you. You go girl!

I have to agree with many you, dating can be so much fun and full of new experiences. A great opportunity to try new sports, activities, etc. More fun to do it together than alone. But, as also mentioned, eat with caution. Cooking together can be so sexy and fun and an opportunity to get to know one another better.

Hmmm.. my thoughts on eating out... ask for the to go box with your meal so you can control your portions. Oh, and share food. That way you're only eating a portion of it rather than the whole thing.

Have fun... the early stages of a relationship are the most fun.

Now, I just need to find myself one, too.

Ha,
it's funny you meet someone right when and where you weren't looking or expecting to find someone! We've actually been a part of the same circle of friends from college for almost 10 years and somehow never met. It's a mystery to both of us. We both showed up to a mutual friends house a few weeks back for a pumpkin festival and hit it off immediately...the rest is history...it hasn't been long but it's going very well.
Its astonishing how well we get along.

Oh Sunshine I am so absolutely THRILLED for you. He sounds great!!! And you and he sound great TOGETHER!! I don't have much to add to the good advice you've already been given. I just wanted to chime in and said well, first off - hello, it's been a pretty long time and next that I'm really happy for you.

But yeah, be honest here. Let him know your concerns. Forget chocolate strawberries. Just plain old ones will do just fine. Wine is okay - once in a while, maybe one day during the weekend. Stay active and adventurous. Good luck to you - all around. Let us know how it's going.

I also "met" my husband when I wasn't looking for anyone. Actually we were friends but we hadn't talked in a long time but then I was looking for another job, we started talking, and talking and talking and well you know