Hello all

First off let me say I've been a lurker here for some time and as far as weight loss advice/support and a friendly community go, 3FC is lovely

I'm hoping 3FC can help me to be more succesful in losing weight, and a more enjoyable experience.

My 'stats' are;
Female
Age 17
5'7
145lbs or 10.5 stone.

Well I'm not sure quite where to begin... and I'm no stranger to dieting!

So basically, my issues with weight and body image started when i was just turned 12. I'd been a very slim child and as I hit puberty I put on weight and developed quickly. I remember the first time my dad pointed it out, in no subtle way he prodded my stomach and said "bloody **** you're getting chubby". I didn't like it but I didn't dwell on it too much as I wasn't especially interested in my image yet and I was very active with sports. After this 1 comment they all seemed to start flooding in from family. By the time i was 14 I seemed to be getting hurtful comments from everyone I came into contact with (excluding my mum). I never brought any of the comments up though, or replied back. I do now but I was always too shy and guilt ridden to before.

When I got to about 15 i was really beginning to care about body image (typical teen really) but my issues weren't with the clothes I'd wear, just weight. I'd start bingeing one day, then starve myself for the next day/2 days maybe. It was a vicious cycle that went round and round. I don't really know when this stopped, it's all merged into everything really.

The trouble I have with losing the weight now is very much psychological i think. Mostly direct comments about weight have stopped, but I'm stuggling to 'deal' generally with all the past experiences I had when I was younger.
My dad, who I see most days constantly remarks on what I'm eating. not to say "you shouldn't be eating that" just general remarks really. And as silly as it sounds I just can't hack it. Quite a few times I've found myself unable to eat the food or feel so guilty that I'm eating it I cry. This is what really brings me down when I make solid lasting attempts to shift the weight, and general happiness tbh. It probably all sounds a bit confusing as I've not tried explaining it to anyone before, but this is something I'd love for someone to be able to give any kind of insight into. I want to be able to get over this in particular.

I'd never have thought for a moment, what people would say to me as a child would have such a big impact on my life now, or that I'd look back on the photos and realise I was not fat in the slightest just 'growing'.

Honestly I'm rather confused, any kind of advice or comments would be really appreciated

I'll probably elaborate more on certain bits as time goes on, and tomorrow I'll post some pictures to track progress (hopefully that will be the case anyway)

Sorry for rambling xxxx

serend
This is what we are here for. To listen and try to help. I understand. With me it wasn't weight it was that I was stupid and all a woman was good for was to clean house and have kids. When I graduated collage with a 3.5 average I broke the cycle of thoughts I had had about myself for years. I don't really see why you need to lose weight. I would think at your height and weight you are quite slim.

I can only tell you what I have been doing. Other people do different things. I am sure you have read a lot of posts and have seen some people find one thing works. Some people find another thing works.

For me. I started out getting my fat count down. Getting a lot of the fat out of my foods that I didn't need. This has really made a difference. I feel so much better.

Now I really watch my portion sizes. I use a salad plate instead of a lunch plate. A lunch plate instead of a dinner plate. I eat lean cuisines when the family is having something I don't like or couldn't careless about. I try to make sure I have the 4 basic food groups each day. You don't have to do without just watch portion sizes and keep an eye on the food groups.

Hope you do well. Please let us see you post more often.

Serendipity,
Welcome, we're glad to have you.
Let me just start by saying you're a wonderful weight for your height. Don't let anyone else tell you you're not.
My mom's father told her all sorts of things about her body as she was growing up and it has followed her to this day. Break the cycle. If your dad is not mature enough to love you just the way you are, he has his own issues and problems. You are wonderful just the way you are.
I'm shorter than you are and would just love to be 145! But as I look back at High school photos and realize I was 140 in high school and quite slim, I wonder why I spent so much time worrying about my weight! It's because my mom was obsessed with her weight (via her father's criticisms) and therefore so was I!

You are more than welcome here and we'd love to help you out and hear how things are going.

I suspect your weight is within the normal range for your height.

What concerned me when I read your post was more your emotional state, than the physical - and those issues, if not dealt with, could lead to weight problems in the future. But the problems might be more likely to be associated with low body weight, not high if you let this escalate. At that weight, height and your age, it would be healthier for you to keep off weight loss websites.

You must forgive me for being so blunt. A dear friend of mine at uni died of bulimia after years of anorexia and some of the things you're saying ring bells. She had a mother who drove her into the negative behaviours - and she never could escape from them. Like you, she was a normal weight for her height. She was intelligent, funny, good company - and knew she had a problem. But she couldn't tackle it because, presumably back at your sort of age, she hadn't. (Her mum worked in a dress shop and was always on at her to be a size 8 or 10, implying my friend was 'fat' because she was a size 14. At that time, size 14 was 'normal', the size women wanted to be, equivalent to a 10 today, maybe. (I was a size 6-8 at that time and spent my entire adolescence being made to feel like a freak because I was too skinny naturally. How things change! That was the late 1970s!) My friend was intelligent and objectively knew it was rubbish and her mum had mental health issues of her own, by the sound of it, but still she ended up hiding food, not eating what was on her plate - which escalated into making herself sick, etc). At uni when I knew her, she was no longer anorexic but bulimic and badly so. All the blokes fancied her, but she thought she was fat and ugly and had the lowest self esteem of anyone I ever met, although she was an extrovert and had lots of friends.

I don't want to scare you, just shock you, if necessary, into getting help on the emotional side NOW, before you put yourself in danger and before the destructive cycle starts. You should be having fun, not wasting your life worrying about being fat (when you can't possibly be). You don't need to be on any site with the word 'Fat' in its title, trust me.

I'd look up body dysmorphia and see if that resonates with your feelings. And go to your GP for referral for help - even if you're not physically ill yet, you will be, if you continue along these lines.

I wish you luck. If my friend's experience can help one other woman, it would be something.

I will tell you, from bitter experience, that you will look back on photos of how you are now and realise you were not 'fat' at all. At 17 I was around the same weight as you and a couple of inches shorter. I was active and toned but 10-20 lbs heavier than all my friends so I did think I was fat. I think I simply had a womanly, curvy figure before the rest of my peers but couldn't see it then. This started my liftime cycle of losing and then gaining weight and I so wonder if I had just stayed as I was at 17 whether I would have had the weight problems I have had for over 25 years. Sorry if this is depressing thought but I think you need to sort out your issues with food and learn to accept and love yourself.

Kitty

Thank you for the replies.

I am very aware that the biggest issue I have is emotionally, and this is what stops me physically from losing weight as i lose and then gain it back. Part of the reason it might have sounded a bit worrying/confused is that i really have no one to talk to about anything 'important'. Weight or otherwise tbh. I'm hoping being part of a community like this will help me able to be more expressive and give help as well if possible. I've just been bottling everything up for a long time now it's hard to always think rationally.

I have tried talking to my mum but she's very dismissive and my close friends have gone off to unis and different paths, although even before that they got involved with drugs etc which cause a huge divide between us.

PhatPhoenix I'm sorry about your friend, it's always very sad to hear of people dying from eating disorders. Especially with the way society is, encouraging women in particular to look a certain way, i think it is heavily to blame. Aside from disorders, it puts many peoples self esteem right down (as I've experienced) I wish we were just encouraged to love ourselves (wishful thinking with our media!) I do appreciate other aspects about myself, but I'm not at a point where I can feel totally content with myself.. something I've got to work on.
That said eating disorders are something I've always tried to keep realistic views on. I've never known anyone with one but I've seen a few documentaries and it really is horrific what they go through. It's not something I want to go through and I have the power to live a healthy life right now, before anything could happen.

The suggestions are sensible about obviously eating as healthy as possible. I do eat healthy most of the time. I love vegetables/fruits/only drink water (all I was given as a kid except birthdays and christmas!) but I slip up sometimes (comfort eating) I'm quite active with running and I walk a fair amount + college! I know i have to allow for eating more due to this lifestyle, but I'd like to stop comfort eating. With this I think I'd lose a bit of weight (I'd like to be about 130lbs) and generally tone up - I don't think I carry the weight especially well.

I do feel a little better for getting some of this out finally, feels quite theraputic!
Hopefully my posts can begin to be more positive as really I do have a happy disposition (as people have told me) but these conflicting feelings about food have caused me trouble and it's a big part of day to day life.
Thank you for listening to me and the advice. I really appreciatethe honesty too, I agree it's not always a good idea to try and sugar coat it. Thanks xxxx

Welcome i'm one of the token blokes. i'd say 10 and a bit stone at 5'7 was well within normal/healthy for you height. my significant other is 10st 8lb (ish) and she is only 5'2 granted she is very slightly tubby but when she gets down to 10st she looks great. your almost half a foot taller than her so i'd imagine you'd look great as you are now.

hello! thought id give you some input as we have similar stats, kind of, except im an inch shorter and ten pounds heavier (on a good day!) when i was fifteen i weighed the same as you and ive spent the last three years obsessing over losing the extra weight i so quickly put on through comfort eating, no exercise and binge/starve cycles (should mention i am bi polar and this happened in a depressive episode)
for me, like you, though, the concentration on weight and what i was putting in my mouth begun around the age of 11/12 when i started filling out and family would comment on the fact i wasnt a rake anymore. which would often lead me to tears too!
in my honest opinion, i agree with what someone else said, and you should probably avoid weight loss websites before you get sent the other way! im not saying posting and reading here will turn you anorexic but in my case, the minute i started worrying about how i looked and my diet, it went downhill from there. i am now heavily bulimic and would give anything to go back to a laid back attitude towards exercise and food. you, like me, love your fruit and veg and have a naturally active lifestyle - so i see no problem in you carrying on this way and enjoying it!

sorry to make all the comparisons from you to myself but it will hopefully give you an insight into how easy it is to obsess over these things. stay well xx

really feel i must stress that its not a bad idea to be involved in this forum, so long as youre talking through how you feel and not just after pointers for weight loss :P

I'm not after any tips on how to lose weight, and besides living in the UK this seemed like the best board (I dont plan to post in 'chicks in control') not that there's anything wrong with it as it seems like a great place for some, but I don't think it would do me personally any good.

I know all about healthy eating and exercise and restrictive diets (very low cal/missing certain food groups-you get the idea). I don't try those anymore as they interfere with my running which i'm very passionate about

Literally I just wanted a place to talk, be able to post things rather than keeping it all to myself as atm there's no one to really talk to. The more time i spend here the dafter it seems that I can be so obsessive about weight and so on. I've just been having the same thoughts and that in my head with no one to say anything different, it just doesn't seem healthy to keep it like that.

Thanks for the concern and help

seren

Restrictive and Renee just don't go together. lol. That is why I have kind of make my own way. I don't do without just keep things under a bit of control, only to an extent. There is nothing wrong with needed people to talk to. Most of my friends ( all of my real friends ) have moved to other states over time. This site is so great to chat with people. Everyone one is so supportive and they really care.

Many of us understand what it is like to not have many or in some cases anyone to talk to. I love it here, I have so many friends now.

Hey serendipity (is the name from the film?)

We have practically the same stats (i'm 19, 5'7 and 146 lbs) and i've been in similar situations where my Dad has made snide comments about my weight (mostly, not nasty enough to make a big issue about, but enough to stop you in your tracks) i don't get why men do this... i just don't think they GET it. I never thought i had a problem with my weight until my Dad turned round one day and said 'you're getting fat now, i'm worried' oh... thanks for the concern...

ANYWAY, i think it's a great idea you've decided to be part of this community. This site is more than a weight-loss site for me, it's a place where i can just talk about my weight-related issues with people who aren't going to reply with 'what? why do you care?' or think i'm a freak. Like, i wouldn't talk to my housemates about why i feel the need to stash food in my room and why i can't control myself once i start eating. You just don't do it, do you?

You also sound like we share quite a few emotional issues regarding food... and i know what you mean when you say you want to live a healthy life, rather than give in to the ED crap. Sometimes there is a thin line, there's no denying that, but i WANT to live a healthy lifestyle, and the changes i've made to my life while being part of this community is... well, it's amazing. My whole life has changed, i just feel healthier, my skin is brighter, my teeth are whiter, my hair is glossier.... it's funny how eating 5 different veggies a day and drinking water can do that for you! Ok, enough of being side-tracked!

If you ever need anyone to talk to, i'm always here. We seem to be pretty similar and going through the same thing, and it's always good to talk to somebody like that! Even if it's not weight-related, just add me to msn, talk here or pm me anytime

Lea xx

Hi there, yea it is, gotta love john cusack!

Yer men should have compulsory lessons in tact. They, like a lot of people dont realise the effect a few simple words can have on a person. The trouble I've had with my dad in particular has made me resent him quite a bit (you see how some dads are and it makes you wonder why you have been spoken to so differently!). Hopefully in time it'll ease up, can't solely blame him for what I feel now.

You're right, I think you have to be or have experienced weight issues to understand them. If i tried explaining to my friends about it, well i can only imagine the looks i'd get. And honestly i just wouldnt feel comfortable talking to someone about it who couldn't 'get it'. It's a very strange thing when you get certain eating habits. I don't remember the last time i ate out or felt comfortable eating infront of just anyone. The same with drinking. It really does stop you living properly because you're always holding onto some kind of worry.

Even if we don't have much weight to lose it's more than that. Being slim doesnt mean healthy or having a healthy/'normal' idea on food.
It is horrible having to bottle things up and going on with life feeling like you're somehow weird and different. Finding communities like this is like finding a great little sanctuary!

All your kindness and support is wonderful, and any kind of chat sounds lovely I really empathise with what you're going through too, you sound like you are on the right track now, stay strong! xxxx

Ello again, serendipity! My concern was that anyplace online with this kind of focus is not a 'healthy' place for you to be. This is a great site full of lovely people - and you're clearly a lovely person too. If you feel you bottle things up, why not blog? Also as you love running, why not join a local group of runners - so you could make friends and exercise with others? If you just want to tone up and avoid the odd binge - sounds like you're already doing the 'right' thing - and to be hoenst, everyone slips up in a while. The trick si not to beat yourself up about it! Simply move on.

What I was also trying to do with my post was to help you see that maybe the focus on exercise and food - any focus on it, at your height and weight - is a destructive thing entirely for you, when what would transform things and address the bottled up feeling, would be to find a counsellor or someone you could talk to, re. the issues around your dad? So long as you're focusing on weight food and exercise - you're actually avoiding doing just that, and that would help you most?

Being involved in a community of people who are focused on weight issues is a negative environment for you, given the issues and their potential to develop into something worse if you feed that interest by being here! Hope that makes sense. The fact people are welcoming doesn't mean it's good for you to be around people talking about these kind of issues, if that makes sense? I hope I made that clearer.

Well Serendipity, reading your posts have taken me back half a lifetime. I think you sound eminently sensible actually and way more clued up about your weight/eating issues than I was at your age. I also have to say (I'll probably get shot for this) that 145 at 17 is not the same as the same height at age 30 plus. Whilst you are at a perfectly decent weight for your height there's nothing wrong with your goal either as long as you're reasonable about it and do it the right way.

I firmly believe that some fathers shouldn't be allowed to speak. My weight issues started at 15 and although my own parents were brilliant I had an anorexic friend whose father was horrific. I went to boarding school and my friend dropped to under 6 stone at one point. One term and lots of counselling later she got to 7 1/2 stone. Her father came to collect her at the end of term and said "wow you're looking chubby". I was there and heard it with my own ears. She died age 24 and I still think it's partially his fault

Good luck but please don't get obsessed. I unfortunately did and here I am, 36 years old , still messing up.