Hi everybody,
It was good to catch up here this morning.
Spiritually disheveled best describes my state of being this week. Thank God for OA, especially my f2f meeting which saved my abstinence this week. Life is very hectic, back at college, and I could feel a lot of fear around the new schedule.
Did not want to lose my abstinence, but had no willingness to work the program either – the OA tools went right down the pecking order – no time to read, or make the call, or journal, or log on here.
I share a lot about intuitive eating, which keeps me sane and keeps me very close to my Higher Power, because in order to make good food choices, I need to have some semblance of inner calm. But it’s so difficult to make these choices once I’m running around being very busy. So it’s no wonder I had fear.
The only good thing I did was NOT binge and show up at my meeting. I was late, so could not set up the room, but I showed up. I felt all out of sorts, bad hair day, bad body image day, bad attitude! The meeting was half way over before my head slowed down enough to listen and to relate and to get grateful that I was still abstinent!! And still feeling I belonged in OA.
Later, I was able to share what was REALLY going on. I had become obsessed with weight again. All by myself. I was overdue my monthly weigh-in. While my food was good, my exercise plan had gone right out the window – I had been sick and later found it so tough to get back on track! I felt fat and worthless again. And guilty.
Faced the demons. Scaled the heights of the dreaded weigh-in. And it was not as bad as I feared. I lost no weight but did not gain either, which I can hardly believe!
My food plan is obviously working, but I need now to commit to more exercise. Drag my unwilling trainers onto my unwilling feet if necessary. What do they say – do the right things and the right things will happen! Bring the body, and the mind will follow!
Once again, I’m shown that OA makes all the difference – it was only when I ‘showed up’ that my week turned around.
Also, reading the wisdom on here reminds me that it's not about weight, I am at my best when I focus on how good food and exercise MAKES ME FEEL INSIDE!
Thanks for being there.
