You know maybe I am out of line here and I'm sorry if I upset anyone but I am getting very tired of hearing the same old stuff. I am getting tired of saying it, hearing it, believing in it. For years now we've been all saying the same things. Have we lost any weight? For most of us the answer is a resounding NO!!!! Everyone says not to set high goals, that you set yourself up for failure, start slowly, lose 1 -2 lbs a week and so on and so forth. Has any of this done us any good? We all talk the talk but we don't walk the walk. If we did we would all be thinner by now. I've been coming to 3FC for over 2 years now and I don't think I've really lost any weight. When I first came here it was a tremendous relief to me to discover that other overweight people had the same feelings and faced the same difficulties that I did. It helped me sort out a lot of my own feelings and I hope I have helped others do the same. I've said all the same things everyone else has and while it may be true it really hasn't helped me lose any weight.

Recently I had a serious wake up call. You know that I had a baby in September and I have a year off for maternity leave. I was hoping to use this year to lose all the weight. I gained 5 lbs over December. Please don't anyone post that it is the holidays, and whatever. The plain and simple truth is that I wasn't exercising, drinking any water or had any willpower to stop myself from eating all kinds of treats even though I know better. It finally hit me that if I want to lose weight before I have to go back to work that I need a serious kick in the rump and I need to work hard. It isn't going to be the nice and easy road that I must have been envisioning. It is going to be HARD. Gaining weight is easy, losing it is probably a million times harder. So I set myself a tough goal for Valentine's Day. 25 lbs in 7 weeks. I lost 4 lbs the first week because I worked hard. I worked really hard for those 4 lbs and I'll probably have to work really hard for the other 21. If I don't make it I'm not going to go crazy and eat a gallon of ice cream, I'll just work harder. I finally feel that I am walking the walk. I've had almost enough of talking. Sometimes I feel we talk and talk and talk and while it certainly is important we need to start putting some action behind that talk.

Anyway I just want to say that I am not going to starve myself, I'm going to eat healthy, drink lots of water, exercise and I'll lose the weight I want to lose. If I have offended anyone with this tirade than I am sorry, you have all really been helpful to me, as I hope I have been to you.

I'm not going to try to tell you that you're being too hard on yourself. We all 'cheat' and we all KNOW when we're cheating, and KNOW when we're not really trying all that hard. What we choose to do about it is another matter entirely. Sometimes it's better for someone to kick you up the backside than to tell you it's all okay and that you can start again etc etc. Different things work for different people.

Personally, I started all this on Jan 13th, 2001. Since then, I can honestly say that I've not 'fallen off the waggon' once. For me, it's not an option - I do that, then it's over. Not to say that I'm not strong enough to cope with it - I think I've been pretty damn strong to keep it up all this time without 'failure'. In that time, I've lost 87 pounds. At first it was 4/5 pounds per week, which has slowed down to 1/2 per week. Slow and steady has done it for me... no crash diets... no killing myself exercising for ridiculous periods of time... no starving myself. Just simply sticking to less food/more exercise IN MODERATION. And most importantly of all, not 'cheating' or kidding myself.

I wish you all the best - I know how hard it is, and everything you've said has hit home to me, as many times in the past when I've tried to lose weight, I've not got as far as I have this time.

Take care.

Karen
260.5/173.5/140

A LIGHTBULB MOMENT!!!! Great one. I think that was what was meant by the appology post about a month back. why are we not losing weight how many times do weokeep saying we are doing this and we will do this but when it comed down to it we don't? I have been sitting at a few lb loss for the last few months i workout faithfully, and eat sortof good. i keep wondering why is it not falling off? Am I not as dedicated asi think i am. the answer is I am not. That is why I am so frusterated. I need a kick but attitude like yours to keep myself going. I need to post constant reminders around the house, i need to be more diligent about the snacks. I need to journal my foods or i will not be accountable for the fgoods I eat.

thakyou JEN. you are reading my heart!!! and my mind. I just have not brought it out in workds yet, and you just did. I was fooling myself saying that is was my fear of being thin which in a way it is i am afraid of getting out of my comfortable fat suit and afraid of change. There is no reason I am not at goal. I have had the foods available to eat but chose the wrong ones WHY? I was not determined enough. I have it in me i just need to bring it a bit higher to the surface!!!

Karen I think that you are one in a million to be able to stay with your determination. Very few people actually can do that. I have had my best year yet for personally changing my woe but it has nt been enough, I still struggle everyday some more than others, and mantimes i fall during the low times becasue my resolve is not tough enough. I see you have that is not an option for me attitude, that does not work (or maybe i don't want it to work) for me. what other ideas and hints do you have for us that seem to strugle daily for control???

If anybody else feels like this what do you say to maintain our focus we do a kick but challenge??? Jen you can lead the charge!!

Sue,

I think you underestimate yourself - you've lost 60 pounds... that's A LOT of weight. By doing this, you must know what works for you.

The only advice I have is to keep thinking about WHY you are doing this. We all have our different reasons. And whenever I think about food, I think "Is it really worth it?" and I know it's not.

One of my reasons is that I'm 23 years old, and am sick of not having a life because of my weight. The longer I left it and pushed it to one side, the more time I wasted.

Think about getting to your goal... think about how you'll feel, and what differences it will make to your life. Think how much more important these are, than a cake, or a chocolate bar, or whatever else you were going to eat. It soon helps to put things into perspective.

Also, have you tried doing different types of exercise, just to give your body a change from whatever you normally do?

The hardest thing is to be patient - that's where I've probably failed before. Thinking about it - what's worse, a year or two spent getting the weight off, or a lifetime being fat?

Just my opinion, don't mean to go on!

Karen
260.5/173.5/140

Jen,

Thanks, you are exactly right! WANTING isn't enough. I agree that you've begun a charge. I'm ready to follow, too. We've been coddling ourselves too long. We need to stand back, take a good look, and accept that kick in the rear that you just gave us.

Karen,

You are one of my new heros, keep up the good work. Please give us more tips and hints. I think you're 'THERE'. Bring us, too.

Sue,

Don't belittle your loss. You've done VERY well. I know that periodically it really helps to step back and re-assess. Maybe that's what we need to do now. . .and reset our resolves. Be proud of your loss, but, don't become complacent (one of my biggest pitfalls). Karen's doing it, and we can learn from her and do it, too!

My best friend lost over 100# year before last. This past year she has fallen into that 'complacent' catagory. One of her greatest weapons was what I think I'm hearing from Karen. She employed 'visualization'. She could see herself walking on a beach in Kauaii in a two-piece bathingsuit. I didn't hear her say that one time during this last year. And, 25# have crept back on! We, just last night, restated our resolve to do this thing. I also should tell you that during that same time period, I lost 52#. Good for me, huh? Well, let me tell you that during this LAST year, while her 25# crept back on, I ballooned up 83#!!!!!!!! So, you KNOW I need that kick in the hindend! OK. I've spent a year indulging myself. ENOUGH!!!!!!!!

Let's get off our fat butts and DO this thing.

Great thread you've started here, Jen. I think you've got something going here, girl! I thank you, too.

Gayle

I'm glad that people are taking this in the spirit it was intended. Sometimes you have to make tough goals, set the bar a little higher than normal to motivate yourself. If people didn't strive for what others might perceive as being unattainable goals where would we all be right now?

Jen, you are totally right! I have been getting so angry with myself lately! I know exactly what I need to do to lose the weight, but I can always find an excuse to eat to much, or not exercise. I need a good kick, and maybe that will wake me up!

Nicole

Hi everyone...

Jen, what a terrific conversation starter- and everyone has added a lot of great insight.

One thing that I think we, as overweight people, tend to do is find other places to blame or alternate solutions. IE excuses: the holidays, blaming your family, blaming your past. IE solutions: drink more water, exercise, eat right.

But I think we're missing something here. Drinking water is great; eating healthy is great; exercising is great- but for so many of us, the roots to our weight loss issues are more then just about how many ounces we drink or how many minutes we can run. The REAL journey and the REAL goal is rediscovering who we are and who we strive to be.

If it's one thing I've learned from my friends here, it's that I am responsible for who I am. I will not let anyone control me or decide what I put in my mouth. This isn't about food. It's about control.

So.... I guess what I am saying is that we (definately myself included) need to stop making excuses and start finding solutions that get down to the core of the problem. Are we eating to fill a desired love? Are we eating to prevent anyone from loving us? Is my eating a result of my unhappiness in my life/marriage/job/friends/kids/etc.?

Once we start solving our root of the matter questions (without spending the whole time blaming other things), then we can truly go on our weight loss adventures with a head held high and a heart full of courage. And I say adventure, because there is never a dull moment.

Hope I made sense. I do tend to ramble. lol

Michelle

First of all, let me say I am new here, and I am old! I joined here last April, I believe. I came in faithfully and received so much encouragement. I really loved it. While I was coming in I was walking, drinking my water, and doing really good. Then slowly I stopped walking, started eating more, then totally stopped coming here because I knew I was doing wrong and I didn't want to read messages in here when I wasn't doing anything about my own weight. Needless to say I gained everything back that I had lost plus 5 pounds. Well, I'm back now more determined than ever. What perfect timing! This post was exactly what I needed at this time. You see, I have been struggling on and off (mostly off!) with my weight since my oldest son was born, almost 18 years ago! This has got to stop. I need to take charge. I decided I was going to walk at least 1 mile every day. I know a lot of things I read say take a couple days off, but when I do that I start missing 3 or 4 days, then I quit. I have to do it everyday, and know that it is just a part of my life. 3 years ago I started on January 1 and walked everyday until April then I missed 1 day, then 4, then 5, then I stopped. I can't do that.
I agree with the goals too, that look impossible to some people. About 10 years ago, my husband had to go to Japan for a month for his job. I decided before he left that I was going to lose 20 pounds while he was gone. I worked really hard, and the payoff was being able to buy a new outfit and see the look on his face when he got off of the airplane!
Anyway, sorry I went on and on. It just feels so good to be back, and thank you, Jen for this message. I really needed it. Now I'm off for my daily walk.

Sherri

Holy Moley!!

WHat a great thread, Of which I too will add how I feel.

It really is the "I" thing. I had to do a few things before my weight started to come off.

I had to own that I was fat. Someone might say well that's a no brainer, but I had differing levels of denial making me "OK" with my size.

I had to commit to myself that I was the priority, no matter what.
This meant that my work out time was just as important if not more important than doingsomething for someone else. My new woe of eating( lo carb) was it. That's the wayI cook at home, for work no matter what. I no longer bake. I can't do it and stay OP. If I need to do something like that , I either don't or I buy it. I can't have it in the house, because I will eat it. How do I know that? because I eat it.

Which leads me to honesty. I had to get real honest with myself. ANd explore my relationship with food. I used food for way more than to nourish my body. I used it innappropraitely. Period.

I have to keep things simple. My goals have to be simple. Working out is walking and calethenics. I would like to kickbox or taiboe(sp). But that means learning new things and that takes time blah, blah. Simpple works for me.

I have to own what I do each time. Over the past year, I have tried different things and have kept what works and discared what didn't.
I am the only one who feeds me. I am the only one 99% of the time that cooks for me. I know that if I eat right, I lose. If I don't I don't. Period. If I work out I lose if I don't I don't. Period.

These are the things that I have learned in teh past year. For me>

If I eat lo carb, I feel better physically, emotionally.
If I work out in the morning. It gets done and I have better control over my cravings and hunger.
Planning is teh key. Plan my daily meals and my grocery.
I will screw up. I am human.
I need to use 3FC forum. I get info support and motivation. I post to help me. I post what I need. Not what I think will help someone esle, I don't not post because I am ashamed or guilty or frustrated or gaining. I need to post for me.
I am learning to manage my emotions. Communicate my needs and how I feel.
I need to be commited to myself every day.
I need to drink a gallon of water everyday.
I must keep things simple and I must be focused.
If I get tired or sick I am more vulnerable to eating poorly.
I get to start fresh each day. But I can't use this as a way to justify my not following through.
In a year I will be 40 yo, I can weigh what I weigh today or be working on maintaining. I will be 40 in a year no matter what.
I need to focus on the little goals. AS they are the stepping stones to the big one.
IN the past year I have lost (officially) 39# and 38 inches. I have gone from a size 26-28 to a size 20. It was hard!! I wasn't always OP. I just stumbled thru the holidays. I am battered and bruised. But I am still commited and still dedicated to myself and my goal. I will make my goal and I will work on it everyday in some way
Thanks for the opportunity to add my 2 cents

I wish there was a way of keeping this post near the top so all of us can reread it. Pat great insight. We are going to eget older nomatter what and we have to decide if in a years time where will we be. how much effort do we want to put into it. we can not complain because it is not falling off us. our bodies are all different and it I have to wrk harder than the next guy the if i want to be there I will do that. no excuses. just like in school some get through with no studing and others have to crack the book every night. so where do we want to end up the bottom of the pile?? or the top?? that is the questions we have to decide.. if we wnt to end uip on top then we need to put for the effort no matter how hard it is. and we need to commit out selves to do it. if there is a report needed for work that is 100pages long do we start the night before??? only if we want to do a poor job. If we want to succeed then it will be an ongoing effort. yes there will be days when we do not work as hard on it but it remains there and if we want to get the job done then it is an ongoing porcess that is thought of every day and worked on every day. it is planned and the whole thing is carefully layed out.

the funny things is that we all give our all to work and to others do we not deserve the same consideration?? our lives and our health depends on it. we need to succeed for our families and work but first we need to succeed for our selves so we can be there for the families and for work. HHHMMM this is really making me think more and have many great ideas. thanks again.. i will have to ponder what i worte for a whjile. (I tend to write from the heart and not think to much when i first write it then go back and thinkabout it, as it comes spillling out)

Hey everybody,

I wanted to check back in and let you all know that I'm reading all the posts here and LEARNING a lot! Keep it up, please. I'm not always able to put my feelings into words, but you are doing a GREAT job of it. I think I can 'second' everything I've read so far.

I'm afraid that I am one of those who eat to keep people from loving me. I haven't loved myself very much, so I didn't think I deserved love from anyone else. I'm working on it.

This week has gone very well. I get weighed tomorrow. It's my first week, so, I'm expecting a loss. I can feel it somewhat so. . .

. . .let's keep pushing ourselves, ladies.

and ,

Gayle

Interesting post Jen. When losing weight, just like everything else in life, it is easier to talk the talk but very hard to walk the walk. I had not been heavy throughout my life but due to a set of circumstances added lots of pounds to my body. I have not been through many "diets" and needed professional help to guide me through this process since I did not know what to do. This may sound foolish to some people but I had not a clue where to begin. This bulletin board has helped me quite a bit and I appreciate reading all of the posts.

I was watching 60 Minutes tonight and they did a story on losing weight. I was reminded AGAIN that 95% of people who lose weight regain it all. Very disheartening. I don't have any answers. I have done fairly well with my loss (90 lbs since the end of January) but I have not been perfect. I have gained some back and relost it again. I try to accept that this will be me for the rest of my life.

I take one day at at time which is probably why I refuse to set weekly weight loss goals, Valentines Day goals. etc. Each of us has to find our own way. Thanks Jen for starting this thread

You are correct, Jen. I truly believe that all of us here know what we are supposed to be doing to lose weight, but why dont we??
Everyone knows you have to watch your calories, and exercise helps, etc but we dont do this so we gain weight! I bet you I have read atleast 10 different diet books over the years and I would gain and lose, gain and lose, but mostly gain. The most recent book I bought this time was "The Business Plan For The Body". It really is good common sense information. No crazy eat all protein, or eat no fat, etc.. Just good basic information like knowing what your basal metabolism is (mine is 2000 calories) which means even if I did nothing but lay in bed ALL day my body needs this many calories to function. If I have less calories than this I will lose even if it is carbs, etc.. that doesnt matter -what matters is total calories eaten. Also it gives info on why weight training is so important to us women. If you weight train you build muscle tissue which burns way more calories a day than fat tissue does (30-50 calories an hour per pound of muscle vs. 3 calories an hour per pound of fat.)
It says you should have a mission statement like "I am in the weight loss business-my goal is xxx by xxx" which could be a goal by a date or a size by a date or just general. I repeat mine like a mantra sometimes. I was sick of being in the weight GAIN business so now I am in the weight LOSS business which has helped my self esteem tremendously.

I highly recommend this book-maybe if you dont want to buy it then check it out the library!

lorelei
(313/274 /160 ultimate goal) 5'9

Hi all,

Good news! I weighed-in this morning. I am happy to report an 8# loss. I'm not surprised at the amount of the loss. I had been <BLOWING OUT> during the holidays. Therefore, I had a large water loss in addition to cutting the calories and fat grams. It really gives me an extra boost to continue. My friend here in Ohio and I refer to ourselves as 'being THERE' when we're entrenched in the weightloss mode. So, folks, I am THERE.

Nicholas, welcome, and nice to meet you. Congratulations on the loss. Re: your post - I wish I DIDN'T already know how to go about this diet thing!! It's not a great day when we realize that KEEPING the weight off is as much a struggle as getting it off!! But, we know it's possible.

Baylee, again, someone else is able to put my thoughts into words. Getting to the root reason for our original gain is crucial. I've been meeting with a psychologist for several years. She has helped me beyond imagining. One critical issue with chosing a psychologist is to finding one you can relate to and TRUST. I've been blessed with just that type of person. The idea of journaling is a very good one -- only problem is getting me to state my feelings (in my MIND, much less in black and white!!).

Lorelei, I like the sounds of that book. I will look it up. I especially like the idea of a 'mission statement'. I could post it several places around the apartment to remind myself. (I should start cross-stitching it right now. )

for now,

Gayle