Hello,

I'm not sure if I have this in the right section of the site, or if anyone's going to read it, but I have to get it out there, for my own sanity...

Like any woman, I feel fat. My measurements are something like 39-31-40.5...which yeah, a lot of people wouldn't complain about,but I look pregnant in almost everything because my weight is in my stomach, butt, and thighs... I wanted so badly to have made some sort of transformation before going back to see family at Christmas, but now it seems like just a pipe dream... I've been sick in one form or another for the last 3 weeks and my eating is all out of whack. some days I will eat almost anything, other days i eat almost nothing at all because I'm hungry.

I lost 80 lbs w/ weight watchers back in the day, but then struggled w/ the same 15 lbs for over a year with no change...I then tried body for life but didn't do the best with the 6 meals a day thing, ending up having 3 meals left by the time I got home from work at 8 p.m, so I'd eat more than I should.

Low carb ways of eating don't work for me. I get very ill with in the first day and it's not something I can 'get used to' or 'wait out'...
I take a medicine that has 'pronounced weight gain' as part of the side effects so I'm not sure how much of htis is the medicine ( only 200 mg of seroquel) or me...

I'm stranded,and confused. I don't want to go back to point counting or calorie counting because I get obsessive about it and my life revolves around it. I don't know what i weigh because I refuse to have a scale. I am one of those people that let the number on the scale dictate my happiness and self worth for the day...

I'm grasping at straws here. I need something i can deal with for the long haul...

I have learned that cookies make me sick. I'm not diabetic that i know of, but too much sugar at one time makes me feel really,really sick. I do know that I am hypoglycemic... i do know that i feel better over all when I work out. I still binge at times because I make food when I'm really hungry and then when it's ready Im not hungry but I eat it anyway.... so I do feel Im' making progress..just at a snail's pace.

My plan: to weight lift and go for walks/jogs every day or as much as I can. Stay away from processed foods, like refined flours, cookies, tv dinner type things...trying to eat things yogurt, fruit and vegetables, lean meats, drink a lot of water....

My problem is simply that I want to lose weight and get fit only to be smaller. Health isn't the priority it should be for me, and that kind of scares me because I don't want to do something bad simply to get smaller...

I'm panicky and feel like I'm sailing through the sky with a bad parachute that doesn't open, and as more time passes and I get closer to the ground, I'm running out of options.

I'm not looking for replies as much as I just needed to vent and release so that I can get on with my day....

Thank you all for listening and reading this whole thing

It's good to vent sometimes.
Sounds like you need some of these --

Hey Goddess,

Sometimes just being able to put the thoughts down is helpful. You haven't asked for opinions--and so, I won't give you any! Just my hope that you will find something that works for you.


Jay

I am inclined towards vanity reasons rather than health reasons for loosing weight, too. Intellectually I know about the health stuff, and I feel guilty about the vanity thing.

I used to smoke. I had a cough, and sometimes I would wet my pants when I coughed. That I didn't want to be wetting my pants in public really had more influence on my quitting smoking than lung cancer. But does it really matter? I quit and stayed quit (13 years). If we loose weight and keep it off our health benefits even though that isn't what is foremost in our minds.

Anyway, I am just saying I understand a bit where you are coming from.

Sounds like you are on the right track to "get it right"...good luck

Much thanks to everyone who replied....if anyone wants to give me advice, even if it's 'tough love' I'm ok with it.

I feel a little better now, i'm home from work..I reread my post and noticed that there was some stuff that I missed..

To guage myself I go by how I feel and how I look, and how my clothes fit. I am five seven and where an 9 ( some 8's and some 10's)... I firmly believe this is more of a mental thing over a physical thing for me.... I need to get right in my head and love myself there before going about physical improvements.

It is very true that vanity is a part of the weight loss process..I smoked for 5 years and quit six years ago...because I got to be too cheap to buy smokes...
The reason I am trying to look at this more from a health stand point is because there are more moments where I will see the direct benefit of proper eating and working out.

Since I"ve been fighting with the same 10-15 estimated pounds for over a year, it does seem rather daunting. It's like I want to give this the priority it deserves, but yet I worry about being obsessive about it--unhealthy obsessive, where I won't be able to enjoy much because my mind will be involved with 'what am I eating? When?Why? what will I eat later? When do I eat next? Should I have had that?...it's like an endless loop.

Lots of peole talk about being obsessed about weight loss and that it keeps them on the straight and narrow, which is good, but when it becomes larger than you, and starts to sap enjoyment from your life, that's not good either.

Actually, I am very interested in anyone's opinions. Don't be tough on purpose, but if I have to,I can take it....

Hey Optical,

Mostly what I hear is your dilemma--you want to, but you don't want to. That is, you want to lose weight, but you don't want to be obsessed, lose your spontaneity about food, not enjoy things because of having to watch, and so forth. Do I have that right?

You did have success with WW--so that's something you could try again.

Calorie counting works for lots of folks (me, for instance)--but you say you don't want to do that. And yet, it's probably the most flexible way to go, as far as spontaneity. I've found that I can eat at restaurants, have some foods at a party, and yes, I do have limits on how much I eat, but there are no totally forbidden foods. I simply have to be willing to pay the price, if there is one, and to keep my priorities straight.

What I've learned is how to eat smart.

So yes, you're in a bind if there are many reasons why you can't or won't try some things. Hopefully, you can find some way to make a program work for you, in spite of the things you don't want to do or are afraid of. If you really want to lose weight, you will find a way.

Be willing to keep trying until it works! Whether it's vanity or health, it doesn't really matter as long as you lose, does it? You'll still have the health benefits of reduced weight. And of course, vice versa would work, too.

Hang in there!
Jay

WW worked for me back in the day, but when I tried it again last year for those last 15, I had a really hard time sticking with it....

When I did Body for Life, I really felt great eating the 6 small meals, and I liked that I didn't have to look everything up.

It seems like the changes I need to make are actually small ones, and the main problem I have is when I fall off the wagon, or somethign stops me from being consistent, getting sick for example, the issue is getting right back and starting again.

I've been doing some research on different plans, trying to figure out what about certain ones appeals to me, and why some aren't right for me... I like the idea of 3 meals and 3 snacks, or 6 small meals approach, so I'm going to go with that but avoiding refined carbs and crappy foods ( except once in awhile, like special occasions so I don't feel deprived), and doing some form of exercise, even for a little bit, daily...I may count points during that time as well.
. I tend to have a very black or white out look on things, like if I'm not going to do it perfect, then I won't do it ( obviously I'm not perfect, so you can see where that goes ).

This all came about because i can't recall a time when I wasn't thinking about food or dieting, and I'm sick of it. That's why I am trying to get an idea of what I can do for the long haul...I really want it to be a way of eating, a way of life, and not the diet that takes over my life.

You could so charge me, because this is such great therapy.

Like you, I'm not so concerned about my health at this point... but rather the way I look. I'm SO sick of looking for clothes that make me look "less fat". As my girlfriends mom would say, "oh course it makes you look fat. Fat people can't look skinny".

From what I read in your posts, you already want to give up refined flours, and don't want to count calories. I have to tell you, I'm doing The Sonoma Diet, and it might be something you want to look in to. You don't count calories, you divide your plate in quarters. You have a whole grain, protein, fruit and a veggie. This diet also has power foods, ie: grapes, strawberries, peppers, almonds, broccoli, etc. that you should eat routinely. It does not allow any refined flours and is all about whole grains. So, that might be a plan you may find will work for you. Along those lines is the Mediterrean Diet. I haven't read that book, but I understand it is similiar in practice.

If that plan doesn't interest you, I hope you find something that does. Good luck. Know you aren't alone.

Well, my main point I want to throw out there to you is - why do you think that being smaller will make you happier? I'm your height, 34e-27-34, miserable, miserable, miserable.

However, I am in COMPLETE agreement. I'm on a constant diety type thing. I'm trying not to be, but its very very hard. I can't not count calories now even if I try, youre right about it becoming an obsession. After 6 years I have no idea how to kick it!

My main point is, its cliched but if you arnt happy in yourself and life you will never be thin enough - at 110lbs and less I was more unhappy than ever - so vanity reasons for weightloss just arnt decent ones, and won't keep you going.

I'm not saying I can do this, but from what I've observed, its the people who are either a) really health concerned over vanity ( iwish!) or b) very very clinically obsessive (raises hand) that maintain slimness. I'd so rather be a) than b)!

emily
xxx

Emily, I have to disagree with you. You said, "if you aren't happy in yourself and life you ill never be thin enough".

I can only speak from personal expierence, but for me, this is not the case. I am very happy w/my life and myself... but I am not happy w/my weight.

This is the one area of my life that really needs improvement. I was happier when I was thinner. I didn't have to worry about how terrrible everything looked on me. Finding clothes wasn't such a challenge. My physical appearence does not make me happy. I am overweight mom who has let herself go. I notice when I weight more, I want to dissappear into the background. When I am thinner, I tend to make myself stand out more.

It's the stigma that comes w/being overweight that can make a person retreat into themselves. When I'm heavier, I feel people look at me like I'm an idiot w/out self control. I feel gross. When I'm thinner, I feel good about myself, and my self esteem is very hightened. I guess I'm just saying, your weight really can make you happy or unhappy... at least in my case it does.

Hey!

I think that if your sense of being worthy hangs on your body and its appearance, then yeah, you're not going to be happy unless your body is "perfect"... and guess what? It never will be! In fact, as you get older, your body will get even further from that teenager ideal!

It is possible to be happy with oneself in other areas of life and yet be unhappy about one's weight--such as in my case, too.

Still, there's some truth in what Cousin says. Often unhappiness with weight, especially in people who are close to normal weight, is a focus for unhappiness in other areas. And if one is generally dissatisfied with oneself, and is trying to use weight loss as the solution, well, it may not be the solution after all.

Jay

I agree w/ Jal Ell...The thinner I am, the more confident I am. It's kind of like I feel much better after I get a great hair cut, or I have no issues drawing attention to my hands when I get a manicure....
My mind set is changing about weight and the role it has in society. I have been reading some empowering writings and really looking at what my impetus is, how bad I want this and what I'm willing to do.

Even today, I've eaten healthy and I feel good about myself because I'm treating myself good. I'm taking it one day at a time.

I'm also trying to look only at myself. I see people who are my height and thier goal weight is something I never weighed, even as a little kid....but I"m different. my body and my build is different. I need to figure out what's best for me, personally...

I did look up some calorie counts for some of my favorites...my bagel has 195 calories ( cinnomon and raisins), while if I eat oatmeal w/ raisins it's 355, but I'm much fuller than if I ate the bagel.

Hey,

I just wanted to let everyone know how much I appreciate both the support and advice.

Today I wrote down my food which wasn't too bad. I also figured out how many points it is I am at about 18 out of 22 points. I was unable to work out today.

However, I had a heart to heart with my husband as well as with myself. He is very honest, although tactful about it...our conversation as well as what I read on this board, and with my own experiences in general have added up to a lot of positive things for me... I really feel like I can do this this time around because of where I am mentally--that I am still valuable and lovable ect all even if the thighs on my jeans are a bit too snug for my liking. It's not like I'm going to be stoned in the town square or anything.

What lead to my 80 lbs loss in 1999 was I just decided I didn't like being fat and I was going to change it, go through the necessary steps and that was that, it wasn't like my life wouldd fall apart if I made a poor choice.
Besides, I lost 80 lbs, and I've only gained 15 in almost 9 years? Thats not too bad!

But again, I thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my thread. I want you all to know that your words are important to me and resonate with me. Any fees will be submitted to my HMO in lieu of a therapist.