Hi all, I've been thinking about something today I wanted to talk about. I am currently on my way to 140 lbs (I have about 18 pounds to go.) I decided on 140 pounds when I started my diet/exercise journey in April 2007, and have kept that number in mind this entire time. I picked this number because it seemed like a realistic goal (I started at 187) and it was a weight I was at several years ago and felt comfortable at. I am thinking that I might go further than that to 130-125, but I have stayed put with 140 for now.

I am a very short person (5 feet tall) and know that the "healthy, normal" weight for sometime of my height is anywhere between 105-125. (According to some research I've done online). Now, I don't ever remember being under 125 since middle school, and definitely not anywhere near 105 since who knows when. I was about 135 a few years ago in college, and although I was nowhere near skinny, I liked the way I looked and felt good about myself even though I wasn't really in the "normal" range for my height. I still had a little belly and thighs, but I liked the way I looked in the mirror and I can remember it being one of the few times in my teenage/adult life that I felt really good about who I was. I wore a. size 10 in pants and medium/large in tops (I am quite big in the boob area so shirts are also a letter bigger on me) and I didn't mind that size at all

So, where I am going with this is, is it ok to not want to be "skinny" and have a perfectly toned body after you have completed your weight loss? I still have belly that sticks out and thighs that could definitely use some slimming down right now, but I'm hoping that my body will continue to change and slim down a bit with exercise and healthy eating by the time I get to 140 pounds. I know that I won't be anywhere near skinny or even toned and athletic looking, but I feel like if I get back down to that weight and feel good about myself, I won't care if I still have a little bit of belly fat and fuller thighs. I don't know what it is to feel skinny or small because I have never in my life been that way, but I can stand being a curvy, fuller woman if I feel healthy inside.

So I would love to hear your opinions about not feeling skinny and perfect after you lose weight. Thanks for reading!

I think it's great to really think about what YOU want and can maintain and looks good on you! I think it's a very reasonable goal!

I am actually maintaining for now at a weight that is many people's starting weight (I'm in the 170's). But for me, starting at nearly 300 pounds, this is a weight that I feel I can maintain for now. Maybe at some point I will go lower, but for me the more important thing is that I am healthy, active, and loving not being obese any more.

It's ok to choose for yourself what is ok. That I think is the best lesson to learn all the way 'round. No one should decide what is right for you, except you.

And even you don't have to decide what is right for you forever, just what is right for you right now. None of this has to be set in stone. Heck if you want to stop right now and practice maintenance for a while, only you can say if that's right for you. Many of us here have "ultimate goal" weights that are higher than some members' starting weights. All of that is not only ok, it's GREAT! We're all individuals with different goals, desires, and needs. I can't tell you what is best for you, any more than you can decide what's best for me. And if you haven't decided what's best yet, don't worry just experiment and see what works for you.

Yeah, what THEY ^^ said!!!

I am setting my personal "goal weight" at around 100 pounds from where I am now, which would *still* put me at 25-50 pounds OVER what most would consider "optimal". Still, it is where I would like to be, where I look and feel well and can maintain an active, full life. I MAY re adjust by 10-20 pounds but don't realistically see myself weighing as little as I once did (it was impossible to maintain healthfully).

Honestly, I doubt if any of us feel "skinny or perfect after weight loss".

I think you answered your own question in your post. You know the weight that feels comfortable and right to you. So long as you're happy and healthy, that's exactly where you should be.

All that really matters is that you pick a sustainable goal weight, like SoulBliss said about herself. It doesn't make sense to select a weight goal that you can't maintain. How much better is it to pick a goal, practice maintaining, then evaluate and decide later if you like where you are or want to try to go a little lower? Heather is a shining example of sensible (and very successful!!) maintenance at the weight that is right for her, regardless of charts and calculators.

One of the great things about 3FC is that we don't have weight charts or predetermined goal weights like Weight Watchers or other organizations do. Your goal weight is whatever YOU decide it is. You tell us and we'll cheer for you. No one here will ever tell you that what you decide is wrong, I promise!

Well I can surely relate to you on many issues. The height one for sure. I am five feet, zero inches as well. Vertically challenged, some might say. Others, like myself and my children, we'll we like to use the word petite.

I started out 100 pounds heavier then you though, at 287 lbs. I felt the same way that you did about setting my goal weight at a number that was still considered overweight, 135. I chose that number, because 139 lbs was the lowest I remember being as an adult, so I just rounded it down a bit. I wasn't thrilled with my weight back then, but I was young and didn't know any better. Although I wasn't thrilled with my weight, I wasn't horrified either. I definitely had the weight in the right places.

I did hit the 135 mark and then immediately took it down by a few pounds. I might still try to go a few pounds lower, or I may just decide to stay where I am. I'm just not sure. And I don't have to be. It's all up to me. Just like it's totallly up to you. You do what you feel comfortable with.

I never felt the need to be skinny and perfect. I knew that that wasn't realistic. I just wanted to be healthy and active. And I am those things. I'm also wearing a size 2, so though I am still about 3 lbs overweight according to some of those charts, I'm pretty darn pleased with where I'm at - charts be damned. And I am way smaller, narrower and more boney and muscular then I was 20 years ago at almost the same weight. Exercise has done wonders for me. You may be very pleased at what it does for you as well.

It really sounds to me like we are in the same boat. You too don't feel the need to be skinny, just fit and trim and healthy. You always have the choice to stay there or try and go lower, whether it be soon after you hit the 140 mark or 2 years from then, or again, not at all.

Goals are not about numbers. I think having an idea and a feeling for a goal is much smarter. Getting back down to where you used to be and feeling healthy would be a huge accomplishment and it sounds like a goal worth shooting for. Good luck to you.

If you are comfortable and your health is good - stop at whatever weight you want. I have several friends who are NOT what you would think of as goal weight for their height - but they are physically active and in good health and very happy with themselves. That self confidence and security in their own skin translates to GORGEOUS !!!!!!

I agree!

Yup, what they said.
The wishful chasing after some imagined 'perfect' and it's near impossibility is one of the things that would drive a lot of us back to the dessert buffet.
Unfortunately, there's life mixed in with our fat. I've had three children, I'm not young any more, I was heavy for too long ... there's no chance I'll ever be model-like. But some smaller is healthier, looks better and feels much better.

There's a thread somewhere about this ... the affect a goal has on our perceived success.

Well, my post was just eaten so I'll try again.

Lots of good thoughts on this thread! A couple others...

The weight-related medical establishment will give you a gold star if you lose and keep off just 5% of your start weight, and claim that you are an unmitigated success at 10%. Your ticker, right now as I read it today, puts you in the unmitigated success column. Congratulations!

On an emotional level, I find it hard for my weight to be high, the allure of the perfect size 6 still lurks in me. Like wyllen, I'm maintaining a weight in the 170s, which is more than many people's "before" weight. But I'm more than 100 lbs down from where I started, I'm happy and healthy and can do anything I want (including running a marathon and having the occasional dessert), and so this is what is right for me right now. This is why I love having people like Heather around, to remind me that there is more than one way to do this thing, and what is right for someone else maybe wrong for me, even when people talk about how "gross" or "horrible" they feel at beginning weights less than mine.

One thing I did that helped me a lot was to give up the emphasis on weight and concentrate more on the qualitative aspects of life. I don't do goal weights, no tickers with my before/after (after what? I'm not done with life yet), and I don't talk about my weight much because it is really nobody's business. I do track my weight, like I track blood pressure or cholesterol, more often of course because it is much easier to measure, because it is one of many important indicators of health. And because weight varies so much with hydration levels, I use my pants size to figure out when I'm getting too far afield and need to watch my intake more. But when you get down to it, weight is just a number that cannot possibly define a person.

I wish you continued success and much happiness, now and when you get to a place where you are more comfortable!

Anne

Even though I'm a higher weight than wyllenn, I've also maintained my weight at different times. I maintained at 290 for well over a year, then I dropped to 260 and maintained there for 6 months, then I dropped to 220 and I've been here for 2 months.

After getting below 300, I was very happy with myself but I was also at a stopping point where I was at my lowest adult weight since I was at 300 at the age of 18. I'm pretty happy with 220 although I know a lot of people aren't happy at this weight. I'd be thrilled at being under 200 but it takes mental preparation for me to lose weight and go to a place I've never been before so maintenance has served me well during my mental preparations.

Thank you for everyone's posts on this! It is so good to read other's thoughts on something that has occupied my mind more than once recently. I like the idea of it not being completely about the number, but how you feel about yourself. I feel that if I am eating healthy, getting exercise, and living an overall healthy life, than it doesn't matter if I'm a size 2 and 105 pounds. I like knowing that it's ok not to be the skinny, perfect supermodel that society puts the pressure on women to be, because as far as I know, being healthy but still having curves is beautiful to a lot of people out there.

I hope I don't feel skinny. To me skinny equals unhealthy, I am looking for a healthy weight.

I just love the idea that you aren't chasing the "skinny" dream and that you want to feel healthy. it's a good attitude.

I remember back in my 20's (yeah I know - loooooooooooooooong time ago) I was at 120 lbs for about a year. For my height and build (very small frame) that was considered a very healthy weight. I looked HORRIBLE. I looked like I had been in a concentration camp for a year. I was sick constantly and I had no energy.

I obviously weigh far more now - but I eat healthy and have been working out every single day. Medically I am incredibly healthy - I feel wonderful - I have TONS of energy. I do want to lose more weight and will continue to work towards that - but you can be healthy and "in shape" at a higher weight. I get tons of compliments that I glow, my skin looks beautiful - "omg - I never knew you were so pretty" etc. Some of it is the weight loss but it is more about my energy - my renewed confidence and ease with my body.