I did something truly horrifying and traumatic.
I really wish I hadnt and at the same time, i really wish i had done it a lot sooner...

you see, i have become suspicious of my mirrors - i feel they have been lying to me.

why is it that i look in the mirror before i leave the house and think i look great then catch a reflection of myself elsewhere and be shocked?? why does my mirror tell me i'm cute when i go out with my girlfriends and feel like i am enormous?? i hear my friend say she weighs 125lbs and i realize i am fully a 100lbs bigger than her - but that mirror says i look fine.... I spot stretch marks in areas that when i get dressed in front of that mirror - i never see.
simply - the mirror has been deceitful. I know i gained back all my weight and then some. It really struck me more so when i went to old navy to try to put on a pair of 14s - one size up from all the 12s i havent been able to fit into at home. (i've been wearing scrubs and sweats for 2 months)... 14s - no go. 16s - no go! 18s - NO GO! gah! i went to lane bryant thinking that it was old navy's cut. (of course - it has nothing to do with my fast food binges!!) lane bryants - 14/16 nope... 18, nope. 20s... yes. OH GOD! the mirror HAS been lying!!

so i decided to be bold. mirrors lie, but cameras certainly do not! SO -
i got myself down to my birthday suit, stood as naturally as i could and snapped photos at several angles.

I am HORRIFIED! where did all those lumps come from!? my tattoos that used to be beautifully stretched across my skin sag heavily from all angles!!! No one ever told me my butt was quite THAT wide or that my waist is now just part of my butt and torso. where'd be jawline go? why is my cheek obscuring my cute nose?? why dont i have that perfect complexion i had last year?? where did all of this body mass come from??

i've never felt more motivated in my LIFE. but i'm also battling the overwhelming desire to HIDE because now that i KNOW what i look like - i dont want to be SEEN!

has anyone else taken reality check pictures?
what have you done or not done?
have you felt more motivated or defeated?

Hey KateRN,

Mirrors are our friends when they need to be. Cameras, to me, are just brutally honest. Good luck with your goal! (though I think losing close to 60 lbs by Thanksgiving is going to be really, really tough)

haha yeah thats an old goal when i put it up i had plenty of time to make it. i have made little to no progress and its looking much less likely. haha

Glad to see you back! Sorry you gained so much!

It's odd how that happens. I have the same thing. I'll be getting dressed and thinking that I'm starting to look not too bad and then I'll go shopping or something and see a large woman walking by and realize it's me in the mirror.

Pictures are even worse.

I think I notice it more now because I'm dealing with my weight issues. A few months ago it didn't even register if I saw my reflection.

A hard thing to deal with but at least we are on the right track.

On the bright side of all of this (I too, never thought I was fat, just a little chunky)....

Now that I am losing, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I think, "THAT is me?!?!?!" in a whole new way! Just think how cool that will be!

I also had a photo wake up call, the camera is brutal. I have a pic of myself at 285 (gasp) on my fridge. I remember looking at that pic and thinking "who is that holding Travis....OH MY GOD, it's me!" Of course, I had to wait three years and go through a divorce before I started to do anything about it, but now I'm on my way. Sometimes it truly is all about where we are going and not about where we have been.

Good Luck! If I can do it so can you!

Pictures are so brutally honest, I commend you for having the strength to take those pictures. I think we forget when we are dressed and out, how big we've really gotten. When I walk through the mall I practically run past the mirrors/store windows that show me in "all my glory"!! Victoria Secrets is the worst -- because not only are they covered with mirrors, but behind those mirrors are all the cute, tiny, sexy stuff I used to be able to wear!!!

Congratulations on recommitting yourself -- you are beautiful (no matter what weight!!) and I think with weight loss, you will feel it yourself. Those darn skinny friends without knowing it take away our self esteem every time then mention pants size, feeling "fat", etc. Someday I hope to be an "obesity ambassador" (when I finally reach my goal) -- enlightening all the skinnies on how the overweight feel!!!!

You are a VERY brave woman! I havent taken reality check photos but I do cringe everytime I go into a store that has the security camera and monitor, or when you walk buy the camera section and they have one hooked up to a TV. When I see my image I want to curl up into a ball and die. I leave the house thinking I look "OK" and then I'm slapped in the face!
I do like the idea of having a fat photo on the fridge. If I didnt destroy them all I will put one up as a reminder.

I got my boyfriend to take pictures of me in bra and underwear at the beginning of my journey from the front, side, and back. :shock: My first thought was "Oh GOD, THIS is what he's been seeing?!?!"

I also got him to take pics at my halfway mark, and when I got to my "normal" (i.e. no longer overweight) BMI (recently). I'm not done yet, but now, I can look at those pictures and say, "WOW, I've come a LONG way." It's VERY motivating. I took the pics in the same stuff each time, and to see where I'm not (as) bumpy anymore, to see some definition in my abs, my arms being able to sit at my side, not being pushed out by the fat, my CELLULITE is disappearing, my SKIN looks better... well, I have to keep looking over and over again, because I never quite believe it. One day, you'll look back at those pictures and thank yourself!

Unfortunately my mirror was just so shockingly brutally honest, and I wasn't even expecting it. My boyfriend was about to jump in the tub, and I went in the bathroom and pointed, and I saw my 'school bus lady arm' flapping in the mirror. I didn't realize it has been hanging that low! *gasp*
I am new here and on a mission. I have kicked in the Turbo Jam videos into high gear.

You are so right!!! I have felt the same way! I had lost about 20 pds from my highest weight...was feeling pretty good...put on a pair of jeans and a top...thought I was fine...THEN SAW THE PICTURES!!!! Sooooo not pretty!!! I have since lost another 21 pds... I am still cautious of the camera!!!!

Pictures at first kept me in the right frame of mind to lose weight, but right now I can't handle them. Now that I've lost weight, I seem to have forgotten that I was a very confident person even when I was at my highest weight. I started crying when I was looking over my trip to Europe from a few years back. I couldn't believe how fat I was. And one of those pictures I really liked because I thought it made me look thinner.

I even cringe at my avatar, I should change it. My face is thinner now.

I had something similar happen to me this weekend. I have a new cell phone that takes videos and my daughter was playing with it, taking videos of me. I watched it and was disgusted. I really thought I looked better than that. But, instead of deleting it, I should have saved it. But, I couldn't bear it. What motivation, though!

I just came across a photo this morning, while packing to move, taken of me from a play I was in about 4 years ago. Fat. Really fat. I had forgotten the double chin, the big waistline, the shirt that barely buttoned unless I sucked it in, the jacket that couldn't button. Yeah. That was reality. Scary! Now how I look is more in line with how I feel I should look--and I like that.

Jay

I wish I had taken photos at the beginning. I have photos that show how overweight i was but not like that i can compare the size of my stomach or how thick i was or how wide in the back i was. just basic pics. I guess i didn't take them in the beginning because i really probably never thought i was going to lose any weight. just like over the 2 years i "tried" to lose weight, nothing happened but getting fatter. Now, i do take pictures. I take one at every ten pounds in my 2 peice bathing suit. It is almost time for my 3rd set of pics. I can't wait. In the end, i should have 5 sets of pics to compare. But if i had started at the beginning, I would have had about 8 sets.

I agree about the mirror lying to you. It does. I hated pics because they always told the truth. At least now, the truth is not hurting as much. I am starting to enjoy having my picture taken. I am feeling better and more confident all the time.

Congratulations on coming back and recommitting yourself to getting healthy again. Good luck!! You can do this!!