I don't really know where I fit in around here yet, I've just been posting all over the place but since I only have a few pounds left to goal I guess that makes me a featherweight? Wow, that sounds weird after years of being fat.

I don't know if I'm really looking for advice, just wanting to vent/think outloud a bit I guess. This might get long...sorry.

I'm feeling a bit weird about my recent weight loss and wonder if anyone can relate. I was very thin as a kid and through my teen years, then in my early twenties I started putting on weight. So, through my twenties I worked up to plump, and managed downright fat by the time I hit my thirties. So, I guess you could say I was overweight most of my adult life. Until now that is. The weird thing is, in my head I KNOW I was overweight...but it's like at the time I was in denial. I always kinda just rationalized it as wearing the wrong clothes. It's that big heavy sweatshirt making me look fat...kinda thing. It's like I was a skinny person in a fat person's body.

So now, here I am 4 months after starting...down 37lbs and I'm back at a weight I haven't seen since my teens. I kinda feel like I just blinked and stepped out of a fat suit. I sort of feel like the fat me never existed, like I've always looked like this and it's a bad dream, yet also still feel too fat. I mean, in my head, I know I'm thinner, I know I look better, but I still go through most days feeling too heavy for my frame. I'm still sucking in my gut b/c I feel like it's all rolls hanging out everywhere. I'm wearing smaller clothes and actually went swimming in a two piece bathing suit on the weekend...but I just don't feel as good as I thought I would...or as I remember feeling as a teenager and it's bumming me out. Does that make sense?

I know I'm not a teenager anymore, but I'm only 32, things couldn't have gone that downhill, I'm not that old. I'm starting to think it's external validation that I'm missing. The last time I weighed this, I could get any guy I wanted and usually did...LOL. I got stares, whistles, looks, hit on in restaurants, etc, etc. I'm not getting any of that now. Am I really that shallow? Could that really be what's keeping from really enjoying this? As hard as it is to admit...I think it is. I hate that. What's wrong with me? I'm married for goodness sakes!!! And more to the point...WHY AREN'T I?? LOL Course, not that I'm getting any validation from DH either. The nicest thing he's said to me was that he could feel my hip bones one night after you know what. I figured I'd feel sexy again and I'm really not.

I'm definitely happier but I guess I'm just not enjoying it as much I thought I would because of all these stupid conflicting emotions. I keep thinking about how much more I want to lose...and how good those cookies DH bought would taste right now. Sometimes I wish I had been born a man so I wouldn't ever have a thought in my head. No offense to any men reading this.

Anyone else feel weird and conflicted after getting to or near goal?

Yes, yes .. we do. And I think you voiced your concerns very well.
Unfortunately, I'm not sure I have anything to say that might help ... other than to say that lots of us have similar thoughts.
I don't think I thought much about how appealling I was in my teens and twenties. My husband seemed to appreciate 'the package' so I guess it was good enough for me.
In and around and during pregnancy and having small children ... I think I thought Mamas were kinda squishy.
And then ... well just what is a forty-year-old supposed to look like?
I did go through a bit of a stint where I kept trying on clothing that was young and foolish looking ... yuck ... you should see what that looked like when I gained a few or stood with my belly relaxed!
And now? Well just what is a sexy 46 y o supposed to look like?
I got honked at on Sunday but I just figured that my sunglasses must have been covering my wrinkles!

I'm thinkin' that 4 months is not very long to experience a 'head change'. I think you'll grow used to what you have, grow more comfortable in this skin.

And husbands God love'em. Mine doesn't know what to say. If he says that I look great, does that mean he used to think I looked awful? Who knows what's going on in their pointed little heads when they say things like "Your hip bones stick out". It could be good.

First of all Welcome! And congratulations on your loss!

Now, you are not alone. You're not shallow! You've done a lot of work and expect to have a pat on the back and that's okay. I know I often wonder why I don't get the stares and whistles that I expect and then I think, okay, I'm too old and isn't that harassment anyway? LOL And I'm sure you don't have a distorted view on your body. It sounds to me like you know what you want and you're going to get it! Oh, and being in denial when heavy? Yup, been there, done that! Don't worry, you are perfectly normal!!

So join us in the weekly thread (and maybe you should check out the maintainers area since you're so close!).

I've started noticing a couple of stares, but only from slimy-looking, middle-aged, pudgy, unkempt guys in beat-up pickup trucks. (To back up Susan's theory, it's only when I'm wearing sunglasses!) It's reawakened the feminist side of me: I hate how women are objectified in this society, and I also hate how women, including myself, are brought up to think that (a) it's "natural" and acceptable for men to blatantly ogle women, and (b) there's something wrong with *us* if we're too fat, too old, too short, too strong-featured, or too whatever to be ogled.

I'm not distressed enough to want to gain back the weight, mind you.

Kim

Kim ... How did you know he was kinda slimeylooking and driving a pickup truck??

Hi there!
We're pretty similar height and weight goal wise..and too feel like I blinked and th weight was gone and that I couldn't have possibly been that big (I topped out at 167 a year after I'd given birth to my second child!)! But, I'm still reveling in my new thinnerness....it's all so awesome and new still (again).

I think though I appreciate my body more than I did when I was younger. Blah and now I feel like I'm babbling.

Susan: for me, "slimy" cues are greasy, stringy hair. I hate greasy, stringy hair on guys, even though it seems to be a celebrity fad. I know we can't control our hair thickness or waviness (well, without intervention), but we can control how often we wash it.

And the beat-up pickup truck? Because one of the oglers was stopped at a red light.

No Kim ... I mean my ogler! He even had a dirty hat!

Susan: Ohh... I wondered why you asked. I'm awake, really.

Funny you should post this! I've been feeling "heavier" and I have been maintaing so not sure what is up with that.

Also I think as you are losing weight people are always mentioning it and how good you look but after they are used to seeing you like that for awhile, that's over

One thing I've noticed just since losing 33 lbs. is how much nicer people are to me (men and women). It's so strange. People weren't ever really rude to me but now it seems (maybe it's all in my head ) that people are nicer and talk to me more.
I do get alot more stares, not necessary from greasy guys but usually older ones

My husband does notice my weight loss and he loves it and does comment on it and how good he thinks I look but I also know that sometimes it makes him feel bad because he doesn't try to eat more nutritious (sp?) food or exercise. He is not very overweight at all, just the beginnings of a gut I guess but I know he feels bad. I just know besides looking better I feel so much better and have so much more energy.

Ok, now I'm just rambling! Good luck and congrats on being so close to goal, you've done a great job.

Mine wore a dirty baseball cap! And yes, I had my sunglasses on (I'm 50 so not even all of the wrinkles were covered).

I'm in a bit of a peculiar situation as I 've never really been hugely heavy (top weight was 152 lbs at 5'4") but I've been quite muscular since my early 20's. Not a jock by any means (if the sport has a ball I'll get hit in the face with it) but I've always worked out in some fashion since getting my first big dog at age 21. So I always felt fat compared to what I saw in magazines, on TV, etc. Until I read that most of these women were over 5' 9 " tall! No wonder I looked squat next to them - I am!

Now I'm middle-aged and just put on the menopause 10-15 lbs. last year. I still don't feel really fat but "dumpy". Now that I've lost 10 of those lbs. at such a slooowww pace (8 months) I really don't feel any thinner, just better. I'm very happy with my body as it is even though I don't feel any smaller.

As for the ogling, my DH is a "gem" here - he points out all the men "checking you out oh gorgeous one". He makes up for any of his shortcomings in the compliments/cuddles departments (I knew I kept him around for something ). Tonite's comment from him: "you're such a curvalicious munchkin".

So give yourself some time to get used to losing the "fat suit" goinforthegold. You've lost almost 4 times the weight I have in half the time. Your body's way ahead of your brain/emotions right now.

Dagmar

LOL thanks everyone!! I also usually get the slimy, dirty pick up truck guys...well, at least I used to. I did get one ogle on the weekend when we went swimming, he wasn't slimy but he was only about 11 so it weirded me out just the same and didn't count.

And I know what you're saying about objectifying women and completely agree. The last time a truck full of guys whistled at me I was in my early twenties and I was so ticked and turned off I actually gave them the finger. Though back then it happened all the time. Now, I just think that I need to be objectified a little bit to feel a sense of worth. How sick is that? I think I need a shrink. LOL

I've only skimmed the surface of the responses to the question... But here is what I have experienced.... When I'd lost weight before I always still felt fat and giggly even though I wasn't ....Until I started exercising, weight training in particular, helped me a LOT... Because you get so firm and toned when you weight train you feel really really good. If I don't train for a week or so, specially lower body, my butt feels jiggly and I know it's time to hit the gym again ...

Gotta run... TTFN