Bear with me, okay?

A while ago I started a thread in which I stated my personal feeling that I believe I would find the weight loss journey easier if I started off at a higher weight than my current 140. People misunderstood me to say that I think heavier folks don't struggle.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

I know they do. And many of you have been inspirations to me.

But think of this:

I am overweight, but not fat. My BMI is not excessively high and I can easily fit into single digit sizes. Granted, the size is an 8 and not the tiny 2 I secretly long for. But I don't have to shop in the plus size section of the store and I can do every activity the size 2 person can ( except wear the size 2 lol).

I want to lose fifteen to twenty pounds. ( Actually I want to lose 40, but dream on, girl.)I am already light enough ( and, at 49, old enough unfortunately) to not require many calories to maintain my current weight, let alone lose anything. I do have a job that requires a lot of walking, lifting, bending and reaching but I don't kid myself into believing it requires quite as many calories as other jobs I've had in the past. (One job I had in a candle factory called for constant lifting of fifty pound bags of chemicals to shoulder height or higher as well as removing wax from 80 gallon kettles with what was essentially a flour scoop. On that job I found it hard to keep weight on. Another job was in a potato chip factory—Yeah, I know, I guess I should have called myself “Factory Girl”--where the physical work matched the candle job, but on 12 hour shifts at a temp of 120 degrees. Believe it or not I was in my early forties when I worked at those places, but I kept up with my twenty something, mostly male coworkers, lol.)

My DH does not think I am fat, in fact he often calls me skinny. His SIL are all quite plump, so I am thin compared to them. This makes it difficult to refuse or cut down on dinner, which, as I mentioned in a previous post, is the biggest meal of my day. Dinner calories average 700-1000, so to get a decent total for the day ( 1500-1800) I have to go hungry during the workday which is when I need the fuel.

By the way I've tried taking salads and fruit to work to cut down on calories. I end up so ravenous ( meaning nauseous and headachy) I end up hitting the vending machines. I was never so hungry on my other jobs, but back then I worked the night shift and had all my food before work.

I like the idea of intuitive eating and deep down think it's something I could do if I didn't have to work and lived alone.

On another note if I were heavier small adjustments in either my food intake or my activity level could very well result in big changes. As it is I really don't know how to tweak things so that I can lose at a steady rate without feeling totally deprived.

After all, why do I want to lose weight? Because the scale number is too high? Because my size number is too large? I just don't know.

I guess I just want to be smaller.

I hope this post doesn't sound like a rant. It's not meant to be.

I looked a healthy weight chart and for your height of 5'1" a healthy weight range would be 105 - 132. Where do you fit in that range?

Replace some of the food you take to work with protein. Chicken, turkey, any lean meat, peanutes, hard boiled eggs. Dizzy spells are often caused from a lack of protein (my doctor told me this years ago, when I was dieting). He said every meal should contain a good source of protein to keep you going until the next meal.

I believe what you want is attainable- don't give up. Make adjustments to your diet. Find you trigger foods and avoid them. Find your foods that fill you up fast and longer, and eat more of them.

Good luck, and keep at it!

I think your struggle is totally understandable. I dread getting down to 155 or so..I know I will lose the drive to get those last few pounds off because, as you said..Is it really worth it? But if it is worth it to you, then by golly you have to try! You can do it!

Thanks for the support and replies . I won't give up.

I think that people were offended, because the larger people... yeah it's easier AT FIRST, but we'll all end up where you are. Struggling to get the last 20 lbs off.

Anyways, don't give up. It's rough but you can do it! We're all here for you, even through the misunderstanding.

Hey marlu,

I remember your other posts. Things did get off track! But I do think I know what you meant--you are wondering whether you can really struggle through to get down from your current weight. You are thinking that maybe your weight is OK right now. Is that about it? I hope I have it correctly.

I can tell that you find this a dilemma! On the one hand you want to be lower in weight, but on the other hand you don't see why--or how you can get there.

You're 49, so it's not as though your weight has been skyrocketing since you were in your teens. I do imagine that it's gone up slowly over time, though. Correct? That's pretty normal.

So I'm not sure how to help. Only you can decide this. You got some suggestions the last time you posted about dealing with the big dinners and spacing out your food during the day. Although this may sound sort of nervy of me to say, there is no reason why you have to feel deprived all day just to meet your husband's idea of how you should eat at dinner (this was what you said in the earlier thread--that he wants you to eat the way he does).

If it's worth it to you to lose weight, you will find a way! If it's not--well, then you won't! But I can tell you that even though it may seem easier to lose when there's more to lose, eventually you are back at the same place.

I wish that I had stopped my weight gain when I was 140. Or 150. Or 160, gosh, or 170, or... you get the picture. I had to get up to just below 200 before I could get things in hand, and it has not been easy because it has taken a lot longer than it would have, had I started at 170, say. Or never had to start at all.

Good luck, marlu. I hope you can work it out! If nothing else, try to maintain your weight where it is now.

Jay

First of all, decide if you really want to lose the weight. If you don't then don't sweat it; you're at a pretty normal weight now and it's not going to effect your ability to live a long and happy life.

If you decide you really want to lose it then you're going to have to take steps to make it happen. You're 49 years old, certainly old enough to tell your husband or family that you don't need 1000 calories for dinner. To starve during the day and make yourself sick to avoid a little confrontation is ridiculous.

I don't mean to sound harsh but this is really what it comes down to, and although I have a ton of weight to lose, I do understand your point about the commitment being easier when you weigh more and certainly wasn't offended by it at all.

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

Not to mention struggling with the lasting effects of obesity - stretch marks, loose/saggy skin, broken blood vessels. You could always gain 75 lbs to have it easy as the rest of us who started higher.

I just wish I had gotten serious when I was 150 lbs and unhappy instead of waiting until I was 200 lbs and miserable. Everytime I look in the mirror, I can see the stretch marks on my belly from a failed crash diet in my early 20s (stopped fasting, gained the weight back so quickly I got lovely permament stretch marks). Everytime I bend over, I can see the loose, pouchy, wrinkled skin from losing 75 lbs. Everytime I try on a sleeveless top, I can see the puckered skin at my armpits from losing so much weight. When I try on a swim suit, I have to pick one with a skirt to hide the loose skin in my inner thighs that sags.

I made it to my goal weight, lost 55 lbs very steadily and then fought hard for 9 months to lose the last 15. The last 15 did take a lot longer, but at least I was a slim size 10, 140 lb woman who loved shopping again and who felt pretty when I looked in the mirror. It was not a miserable 15 lbs AT ALL (unlike being 200 lbs where I literally loathed the sight of myself in a mirror and gave up any pretense at trying to look "attractive" for years).

As far as the rest of your post - you are an adult woman. Eat what you want for dinner, average your calories throughout the day and stay out of the snack machines (it's all crap and poison).

I think it's human nature to look at someone else and think "wow, it must be easier for them somehow."

My sister, who is thin and always has been, found it harder to lose the baby weight from baby #2 and went to Weight Watchers. She could just as easily have felt, (and who knows, maybe did) just as you did. She lost her 15 lbs in 6 weeks, and went on lifetime maintenance. Did I feel jealous of her, Heck yes, for about 5 minutes!

I could easily get caught up in thinking that people with less to lose or who are physically stronger and can exercise more have it much easier than I do, because they're not going to have to best-case-senario be dieting for YEARS before they reach their goal weight. But that kind of thinking isn't productive at all.

First of all, it's rarely true. Secondly, you have to deal with what you have to deal with, period! Your life is never going to be just like someone elses, it's going to be harder than some people's, and easier than others. That's just life. Comparing yourself to others, tends to make you crazy. Wishing your life were different isn't much better.

I've been fat from age 5. When I was living at home with my parents,
I thought it would be so much easier to lose weight when I lived alone. When I lived alone, I thought it would be so much easier to lose weight if I didn't have to work and go to school. When I first was unable to work, and hubby was working I thought if I didn't have to make meals for both of us every day, it would be easier. Now that my husband and I are both on disability, home all day, and share food preparation and household chores, it still isn't any easier. It probably should be, but it just isn't.

The only way to make changes you want, is to make the time and the sacrifices necessary to do them. If you don't make the changes, you eventually have to admit to yourself that its because it just isn't important enough to you to make the changes.

And you know what? That's ok too. If you realize that losing the weight isn't important enough to make other sacrifices fo, no one should judge your priorities. We all have things we would love to do, but are unlikely to ever find the time or other resources to do. Every choice we make requires that we sacrifice some other choice.

Understanding and following through on your true priorities is the answer to enjoying your life. Too often we waste our time on things that aren't really our highest priority, for a lot of reasons. If weight loss isn't a priority for you - stop worrying about it, and focus on something that is a priority. If it is a priority and you've been choosing to work on less important tasks - start focusing on what is really important and find a way to get it done.

Easy? Nope, never was and never will be for anyone.

The idea of you starving all day and then eating an excessive sized dinner is simply absurd to me. Now of course, I'm not walking in your shoes. But that really, REALLY seems to be an area where some tweaking could be done. I'm just not sure why you want to make things so difficult for yourself by keeping to this schedule. It's like you're practically setting yourself up for failure. IMO you're making things way harder then they need to be.

I never chimed in on that other thread. But I will say this. It is very daunting, VERY to have to lose well over 100 lbs. It's not easy losing weight, you yourself know that. Just the thought of having to lose such a large sum is overwhelming to most people. It's down right frightening in fact. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Imagine losing 50 entire pounds and not even being half way to goal. I mean really, just imagine it. I'm just not sure though why you are focusing on what other people have to lose. IMO you need to focus on what YOU need to do. It doesn't matter what any one elses situation is. I know if I even start to think about what I myself should have done years ago it redirects my focus. I need to be focused on the task that is in front of me. Now. right now. Not what could have been or not what someone else's journey will be like. So what if someone else making small adjustments will give them results. You have already achieved that by living your life with those "adjustments" already in place. There are way more adjustments to be made when you are heavier. And the road is a lot longer. I say those things not because I am offended in any way, I just want you to realize that you shouldn't be envious of anyone else journey.

Marlu I wish you loads of luck in sorting things out and obtaining your goals. You'll get it all worked out in time.

good luck you know you can do it.Just one day at a time

I'm 49, and close to your height. My motivation for losing weight has been health and feeling good and strong. Since I made up my mind in March, losing weight in a healthy way been really doable. I had to have the desire to do it, the honesty to take responsibility for my actions, and then design strategies that would work for me. I am still tweaking my plan as I learn new things about what works for me. I think I'll be tweaking my plan forever, as I realize one of my problems is that I get bored really easily.

You hold your future in your own hands and I'm sure you can work toward your goals, whatever you decide they are.

Again, no one can tell you what is reasonable for you, or at what level you feel deprived, but if you really want to lose weight, I'd ask why you feel a dinner under 700 calories is not doable. Rather, I should say you might ask yourself, as I certainly do not need to know your answer.

I weigh more than 350 lbs, and while I am aiming at 1500 - 1800 calories a day, I am not eating that much for dinner. Well, probably sometimes 600 - 700 calories. For example, tonight I made spaghetti. We had a dinner guess, my husband's best friend. He is also heavy, and NOT dieting. He complimented me on the spaghetti and had no idea it was a reduced calorie recipe. He probably did eat 1000 calories or more for dinner as he had three helpings of the pasta and no eggplant. My husband had two helpings (also no eggplant), and my dinner was around 500 calories (tons of eggplant). I wasn't stuffed, but I was satisfied.

I don't know who does the cooking in your family, but if it's you, there are a lot of lower calorie recipes you can use that are family friendly. Anyone not dieting can eat an extra helping, or add a slice of buttered bread, or other side, or they can add snacks later.

Even though I'm no longer working, to make things easier, I still do a lot of cooking with planned leftovers for a new dish the next day (husband hates leftovers, so I freeze to serve a week or two later, and/or use the leftovers in a new recipe).

For example tonight's meal. I browned 1 lbs of lean ground beef with a lot of onion, celery, green pepper. I also often add mushrooms and even diced carrot. When the meat was no longer pink, I added 1 cup of tvp (textured vegetable - soy that is - protein). It looks sort of like grapenuts and you buy it in bulk in health food stores. It's much lower in fat and calories than ground beef, and can be used in place of beef. However, hubby doesn't like tvp only dishes, but can't taste it mixed in with ground beef. The tvp needs hot water to reconstitute, so I added 1.5 cups of water, and a tsp of chicken bouillon powder, and a tsp of beef bouillon powder (cubes would have worked as well), ans simmered for about 5 minutes. This gave me about the equivalent of 2 lbs of ground beef. I took most of it out of the pan into a bowl, leaving only about 1/5 behind. I put plastic wrap over the bowl and put it in the fridge. This will be sesoned with taco seasoning tomorrow and I will have taco salad, and hubby and his friend (who will be here for dinner tomorrow night too) will have taco salads or tacos as they prefer.

Back to the pan for tonight. I added a large can of italian seasoned diced tomatoes (I often use pureed because I don't like large chunks of tomatoes, but the brand I used tonight is diced small). Then I added a jar of spaghetti sauce (I read labels to find the sauce that is lowest in fat, sugar and calories), garlic powder, and onion powder. I boiled 1 lb of pasta (I sometimes use whole wheat, but tonight used vegetable spirals). Even with the three of us eating, and they guys eating several helpings there is still enough leftovers for at least two lunch portions, probably dinner portions. For the eggplant, I had about a lb of small oriental eggplant (green and the size and shape of a chickens egg). I quartered the eggplant, tossed in 2 tsp of oil in a ziploc bag and added 2 tbs of ranch dressing mix powder and roasted at 400 degrees for 20 minutes.

I loaded my plate with eggplant (so yummy) and only took about 3/4 cup of the spaghetti. Hubby and his friend both claim a hatred of all "diet food," but raved about the spaghetti.

Another great treat I have in the evenings, for only about 70 calories, is a virgin strawberry daquiri or margherita (if you want to add a little rum, vodka, or tequila you can, but I think it's so good without, I never waste the calories on the alcohol). I take about 1/3 of a bag of frozen unsweetened strawberries (check the bag to make sure you're using a 70 calorie portion). I put the frozen berries in a blender with about 16 oz of diet Mountain Dew, and pulse until you have a smooth slush. If you want it a little sweeter (I usually don't) add a little Splenda or other artificial sweetener. If you don't have a blender, but have a food processor, just use a little less diet soda. Put the resulting "sorbet" in a glass and add more diet soda and stir. I made it this way for a long time before I got a blender.

There are tons of ways to reduce your calories, eat a reasonable amount throughout the day, and be satisfied - BUT you have to be very creative and plan ahead. For me, the books Volumetrics and the Southbeach Diet were critical for me. Reducing carbs helps keep my hunger in check, and choosing high volume low calorie foods gives me the most satisfaction for my calories.

I know this post is longwinded, but maybe some of it will help.

Actually, marlu, I totally understand where you're coming from - my girlfriend likes to make me a nice, hearty dinner. The typical thing would be steak, rice & beans, fried plantains, and/or corn. She likes to cook me "balanced" meals, but I know how many calories they have and therefore ask her to give me smaller portions. This used to upset her, but now she's glad that at least I'm eating her cooking, even IF in tiny portions - I try to keep my dinner below 700 calories, and below 500 if possible.

Like you, my job is somewhat physical; not as much as yours, though - yours sounds like you are on your feet all day; I'm on my feet about half the time, sweating like a pig in the heat, then sitting at a cushy desk in an air conditioned room for the other half. If I don't eat throughout the day, I'll feel positively awful and completely unable to concentrate. So, perhaps you can just eat smaller portions at dinner (still everything you want, just not as much) and eat small meals throughout the day.

Also, yep, it IS easy to look at other people and think, "Damn... that lucky scmuck, they have no obstacles in the weight loss process and are losing weight like a pro, while I've hit a plateau before I even reached MINI goal!" For instance, I knew a guy who lost 80 pounds in 2 months and has kept it off for five years. Am I envious? Slightly, yes. I'm sure whatever he did was not healthy (he says he just exercised a lot, but I know he had to do more), but the fact he's kept it off is what makes me jealous.