I am doing okay with the calories. They were slightly below my aimed for total on Monday, several hundred over on Tuesday ( that supper thing again) but way under on Wednesday. So my average for the last three days is just over 1800 calories.

The problem? Actually there are two. I'm starting to get obsessed with food. As soon as I eat something I start thinking I should have had something else with less calories, Then I start thinking and planning about what I might eat at my next meal, but when the time comes to actually have the meal I'm almost afraid to eat it.

I feel like I need to eat as little as possible during the day so I have plenty of calories for supper. But then I feel guilty about eating supper.

At least I've never had any problems with after supper eating. (Of course that's probably because I go to bed soon after.) But I lie in bed and think about what I'm going to have for breakfast.

I wish there were some way to eat well, keep the calories down and lose weight without food becoming the whole focus of my existence.

I wish that were the case too. But that's just not how it works for me. I NEED to make food and calorie watching, while not my whole existence, certainly a large part of it. It is just THAT important. I need to keep it front and center and always on my mind. When I left it on the back burner, I ballooned to 287 lbs. So yes, I obsess about food and my next meal and planning and calories and exericse. So be it. The alternative for me - not caring - is no longer an option. I'm kind of an all or nothing person, so for now - it's all. It's worth it, I'm worth and although I would prefer it to just "be", I don't think that will ever be the case with me. I've accepted that though.

As for eating as little as possible during the day to save up for dinner. I personally don't recommend that. For me, that leads to overeating. I actually prefer to eat most of my calories during the day and have a light supper. I USED to think that way, but it just didn't work.

I understand that I need to make food and eating a major focus. But I don't want to become so obsessed that I develop an eating disorder. A long time ago (teens and early twenties) I was flirting with anorexia. I never lost enough weight to meet the official criteria but I was small enough to shop in the kid's department (girls' size 12) and I definitely had the behaviers ( daily calories under 400, hours of frantic exercise, heavy laxative abuse). I lost a ton of weight and I messed up my metabulism big time. It took me years to get to the point where I could eat more than a thousand calories a day without gaining weight, and for the life of me I can't remember how I did it.

I haven't starved myself or taken laxatives in years and I just know I don't want to go down that road again.

I need to find the middle ground between unhealthy eating and unhealthy obsession.

I have the exact same problem. I have been doing calorie counting, and I find that I am obsessed with it. Whenever I eat anything, I wonder if it is worth "spending" that many calories on. Or whether I would rather just be hungry. And then I figure that saving all those calories and starving during the day means I get to splurge at night. I eat about 1800 calories a day...the first part of the day is fantastic...I have a slim fast and maybe some fruit or crackers to go with it, if anything. But then dinner rolls around, and I have over 1000 calories "left over". There has to be a way to balance them out over 3 meals, instead of spending them all on one. I just haven't found it yet.

You might try to plan out your day/week in advance including how many calories each meal will be. That way you won't have to worry at breakfast how much you'll eat at supper because you'll already know. I usually try to be just under so I can have a treat sometime during the day. It's a lot of work but it's worth it.

marlu, I was just telling you about my experiences with my "obsession" with food. My eating disorder was that I was a terrible binger, terrible, terrible TERRIBLE. And this is how I've combated it. We are all different people with different circumstances. And therefore different remedies will work for some and not for others.

I am wondering though, if you have health insurance? Because I can really see where a nutritionist might be someone who can help you work through this. And I believe most insurance companies fully cover this. It might be something you should consider. If not there are many other people who can help with eating disorders. You might want to look into that as well. We have a forum here at 3FC called "Chicks in Control". You might wanna check that out as well.

Good luck to you marlu. You CAN and WILL find that middle ground.

I used to be anorexic, too...

And I DO obsess over calorie counting, carb counting, fat counting, and protein counting, but it's better than being fat OR losing weight the unhealthy way.

If you want to really succeed in weight loss, I imagine it's hard NOT to obsess. I just try to make sure I'm not irking everyone around me by talking about weight, fat, and calories; I have a tendency to annoy my friends because fat and calories is a large portion of what I think about all day.

Hey marlu,

I've never had an eating disorder or even close to it. What I did have was a desire to eat whatever I wanted, however much there was of it, whenever I felt like it. It is clear to me now that that's how I gained weight, and regained it, and regained it.

I do think a lot more about food than I used to--and that's a good thing. I can no longer "eat unconsciously."

I agree with planning things out ahead of time and with dividing up your calories so that your meals (other than supper) have about the same calories and your snacks do as well (though less than the meals).

Say, meals of 250/300/600 (=supper), and snacks of 200/200. That adds up to 1550, which is just an example. And then, you just stick with the plan! What's happening now is that you're trying to second guess what you're doing instead of just "following orders."

Don't worry--plan it out, get your supplies, and then follow through.

Jay

Yeah, it becomes a little hard if it is the center of your focus. Jessica Biel once did an interview where she admitted that once she started eating healthy and exercising, she became a little "nuts" with keep up with it and saw exactly how easy it was to succumb to an eating disorder. I remember this one time in my life where I lost weight accidently (illness) and then kept up the weightloss. It wasn't pretty, but a rather compulsive experience. I remember telling my friends that the food they ate were going to send them all to their graves. It was a pretty bad case.... yeahh...

Funny thing, I joined 3FC just to control my compulsiveness and obsession with food. I've been pretty successful with the help of some wonderful ladies. It'll be fine. It's a method of adjustment, mentally.

Argh its awful isn't it..I'm another ex-anorexic, and I'm still..well to be honest I have many of the behavoiurs still, I just eat enough! Eat all kinds of weird stuff and obsess about it though, and I have a low goal weight etc.

I don't have the solution as I struggle myself, but you're far from alone.

emily
xxx

I've never had an eating disorder, so I don't know whether my experience is relevant, but I've found that the calorie-obsession decreases over time. When I first started counting I would do what you describe--constantly thinking about what I'll eat next, how not to be hungry, etc, etc. As I've gotten more comfortable with it, however, I've lost that obsessive edge. I have a couple of go-to breakfasts, several go-to lunches and the snacks that I enjoy. I know that if I eat Kashi Go Lean for breakfast, a salad with fish or shrimp for lunch (or a wrap or an egg-white fritatta) and Ryvita crackers with peanut butter for my afternoon snack I will have quite alot of leeway with my dinner and I will meet my calorie goals for the day. I weigh, I measure and I log, but I don't obsess over it anymore. The same might happen with you as you become more comfortable with calorie counting and more settled with your meal choices.