or does anyone else suffer the pain, of binge eating, starving, then binging, then starving, YEAR after YEAR?

I think in the last 5 years i have been at my goal weight (healthy BMI) about 5 times, then i just turn around and eat and eat and eat. It isn't a love of food, its not the taste (i can eat anything), it isn't hunger... it is a total addiction? i can gain 14 kilos (30 pounds) in 2 months , (i can also lose weight fast, but it means a very low cal diet, and a lot of heartache)

I just cannot seem to shake this, i know what i should be eating, i do excercise and enjoy being active, but i just seem to always drown myself in food! i am either eating (full binging) or i am starving?
how do you find the middle ground? and be happy.

Everytime i lose weight i am over the moon, then 2 months later i am depressed and thinking horrilbe thoughts about myself.
I was made to look in a full length mirror at a gym on wednesday, and i was that disgusted with myself i just wanted to cry? how can i stop hating myself...

anyone out there with similar problems who needs a buddy???

This describes me to a "t". You are not alone. I am trying to break the cycle. It is very depressing. Looks like you have lost a lot of weigh though despite the struggle.

I would wager that everyone who visits this forum knows exactly what you are talking about. It's usually the rock bottom of these feelings that bring us to OA. I highly recommend that you attend and OA meeting. You will be amazed to find yourself in a room full of people who relate, understand, and have felt the exact same way. Even better-- they've found a solution to the vicious cycle. They will be happy to share it with you and help you find it for yourself.

Yes, it is an addiction. Nope, it won't just go away. The 12 steps teach us how to live in recovery from our disease of compulsive overeating and our addiction to food.

OA saved my life.

I use to be this way too. Now I am trying to take it slow, rather than try to lose X amount of weight by X date. A lot of us basically lack patience so we starve ourselves so we can lose the weight quickly, without realizing the slower we lose it, the more likely it will stay off.

Think of it like climbing a steep mountain. You can run up the mountain at full speed to get to the top as fast as possible (starvation diets), but halfway there we start tumbling down (binging) because our bodies just can't keep up the pace. This is how I use to climb my mountain. This time around I'm taking it sloooooowly. What I mean by this is I am cutting back on calories, but not cutting out too much. I have a new mindset. I'm doing this for life, so I'm choosing what I can live with. I realized I can live without eating a half a dozen doughnuts, without eating a bag of cookies, without eating a tub of popcorn at the movies. These are the things I use to do often. Now I eat a normal amount of food and try to limit "treats" for no reason whatsoever. I find low calorie alternatives that will make me happy, like microwave kettle corn. Mmmmmm. Now this is a treat! I eat only foods I like, but make sure I don't eat too much of it. I've learned portion control without deprivation.

I realize it will take me longer to climb that mountain and I'm ok with that. I lost 15 lbs since Aug. of last year. To me this is a miracle! And I know by the way I'm eaing now, the weight won't come back. I'm taking small steps, treating myself by taking holidays off, and going right back to "normal" eating. I use to eat like a pig because I loved it so much and my body craved it when I took away all food and starved myself. I use to think "what the heck, I'm fat anyways." Everything now feels so balanced out. I'm about halfway up that hill and not afraid or in pain, just taking one step at a time. My body likes it this way. Slow and steady wins the race!

Heidi
180/165/139

thankyou guys,
I don't know if there is OA here, but i will look into it, i really need to stop this, or work out a way to reduce it.
DoIreallylookfat, for me its not just taking it slowly, i am sure losing weight that way i still will get to a point then just binge, it is not just that i starve and binge and starve then binge, if i was not actively spending some of the time trying to lose weight i would continue just to gain it. I honestly diet at least half of each year if not more.
Even when i am just eating "normally" i still find i can just eat and eat and eat. So i am thankfull, for being able to stop myself and diet for at least some of the time! i honestly would be huge.

ann1, at the moment i just don't ever want to be back at my highest, and i get to a point (about 97kg) that i get so revolted in myself that i do go into "diet" mode. But this last time i have honestly gained 13.5 kg since easter! and here i am again dieting, During that time i tried just eating sensibly, but lasted 6 days before i just thought to **** with it and gave in.

It just gets sooo confusing! I know what to eat, how much i should eat, and i do love excercise (i walk, when i am not putting on the weight i jog, do weights) so it really is just a problem with food destroying my self esteem.
And i know it destroys my self esteem , but i cannot stop?
at the moment i am in control(3 days now no binging), and i feel very proud of that, but i wonder how long that will last.

Hey there.

Yep, there are meetings in Australia. Go to www.oa.org and there is a search for meetings by country.

Also at the oa website or amazon you can order the book "12 Steps and Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous" I highly recommend it. It will help you gain some understanding about what you are going through.

Marny, what you describe is a classic pattern of powerlessness. Think about that word, Powerless. That means you can't do it yourself. You never could, and that is not going to change. Your only hope is to completely surrender to the powerlessness, and look for a power greater than yourself to do for you what you (we) cannot do for yourself (ourselves). Without that higher power, we have no chance at all. None. When we turn without reservation to that power, however, miracles happen. For example, I have been abstinent ("on plan") for 26 days now. That is not something I can do. What's more, I no longer have the obsession with food. This is the miracle of this program, and it is available to ANYBODY who is willing to work the steps. We don't ask much of you ... only that you change everything! Hang in there, if you work the steps your life will be transformed in ways you can't even imagine. If you make a list today of everything you want in your life, and look at it a year from now, you will find you would have shortchanged yourself if you'd gotten it all. It isn't free, though. You have to work for it. You can't fight the obsession with willpower. You can only fight it by working the program until the obsession is GONE.
Love,

Oops, I was replying to icedragon. Sorry, I claim brain damage. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

p.s. don't let this Higher Power thing scare you -- you get to define it. It can be anything you want it to be.