Does anyone feel like they are putting their life on hold until they reach their goal weight or get close to it?? I constantly find myself making excuses or lying to get out of activities because I am embarrassed of myself. I feel like I am pushing my life away, but if I go out to that activity the only thing I think about it how fat I am and how everyone must be looking. Am I nuts? Please help!! I wish I could get over this.

Thanks,
Jill

Hey Jill,

I wouldn't say you are nuts... many folks do just that--put off doing things because they are "too heavy." Obviously you miss a lot that way.

Also, what if you never reach your goal weight? Will you just live your whole life without all those things? That would be too bad!

Because you're following a weight loss plan now, it would be a good time to think about things you might feel comfortable doing--and to do one or two of them. Think of it as practice for when you've reached goal!

What specific things do you not do, BTW?

Jay

I know I don't want to go anywhere that I have to wear a bathing suit!! I don't mind taking my kids to a beach that I know is not that crowded, but to go to our local lake or hang out with a bunch of people by a pool....NO WAY!!!

Some of this might be that "fishbowl complex" that's been described in other posts around here. We assume everybody's watching us, but the truth of the matter is so many people are paying far more attention to their own selves to notice others as much as we think they do.

I tend to put things on hold, though, because I think I will have *more* fun if I do them thin - going on a tropical vacation, for example.

I recommend that, if you are embarrassed to do certain things in groups of friends, try them alone first or with one friend who you trust, as a "dry run". That way, you can find out how it feels to do it, if there are any obstacles because of weight, and you might discover that it's not as intimidating as you thought.

YES YES I DO know EXACTLY how that feels!!! Isn't it great to know we're not alone?

I put off making new friends because of my weight gain. Gaining weight has given me a degree of social anxiety and isolation. I DEFINITELY put off going to the beach because my weight gain, because as I mentioned in a previous post, I believe I'm doing a public service by not showing my cellulite-covered derriere. I used to love surfing, but my fat self isn't going to be caught dead doing that. I'm an actress, and I put off going to casting calls because of my weight gain. I used to do print and commercial modeling (50 pounds ago), but I have UNQUESTIONABLY put that off because of my weight gain. I play guitar and sing badly but still used to get gigs... I've put that off AS WELL because of... oh, you guessed it, my weight gain! AND I put off shopping because buying fat clothes means I gave into the fatness and refuse to change. Nope. I'd rather dress like a bag lady and have the same 5 outfits in rotation than to buy FAT clothes!

I also get afraid that people are watching me... and since I live in a college town full of rude frat boys who would have hit on me 50 pounds ago (I remember how much I LOVED shooting them down and ruining their huge egos), when riding my bike, I sometimes get yelled at by them, and not in a positive way... e.g. "HEY FATTY!"

I did that when I was at my starting weight, but as I lost weight I gained SO much confidence. We all know how you feel and have gone through it before. Hang in there, things will get better!

I think there was a point at which I started to do that, but it didn't last long. Maybe it was because there weren't many opportunities of having fun in my life when I was at my heighest weight, and it quickly became evident that if I were to put even more on hold because of that, there really was no point in doing anything at all any more. I've had that talk with myself once, and made a promise to myself that even if I never were to lose those extra pounds, I still would do my best to live to the fullest extent I could. Granted, sometimes I'm self-conscious about certain things and it is not especially easy to say 'screw it, I'm doing it all the same'.

On the other hand, I'm kind of used since childhood to be a sort of 'social freak'--not because of my weight (I was overweight then as well, though), but because of Tourette's. I suppose this has sort of steeled me very early, in a sort of 'adapt or perish' way, since I just couldn't avoid social interactions like school and other basic things. So, compared to that, being overweight has never seemed that terrible, nor something I should be ashamed of. At least I have hopes of controlling my weight without having to resort to numbing medication.

Like I said in another thread (I rhymed!) you may want to wait until you lose weight, but, life isn't going to wait until you lose weight. Why are you focusing so much on life after you lose weight? You're living now, and everyday is a chance for you to do something new and exciting. Like Jay said, what happens if you never lose weight?

I know it's hard to move past being so self conscious, but, if you really think about it... how much attention do YOU pay to other people? If you see a large person do you automatically judge them? If you do, are you still thinking about them even 5 minutes later? I know that I'm not. Mostly I say, good for her! Then I probably won't think about her ever again. I think alot of people have a very conceited view of the world (no offense at all! i did too!). We think that the whole world is watching us, and paying attention to what WE do... when in all honesty, most people are paying attention to themselves and those they're interacting with.

There's nothing to be afraid of, I think it's silly to miss out on a potentially great life until you lose weight. Hey, you never know, finding a new activity that you enjoy could actually HELP you to lose more weight!

Good luck!

I know exactly what you are going through. I never want to go anywhere or do anything because I am ashamed of the way I look. And I keep telling myself that in a few months, I will look better and can begin living my life again. But every day I end up overeating or slacking on the exercise. And alas, a few months has turned into a few years. Its really upsetting, because I might never get it under control.