I was doing alot of self scrutiny lately to figure out what exactly was setting off my binges and purges (and/or severe food restriction), in an effort to try deal with those issues in another way.

Let me start off by saying that binging/purging/restriction are happily no longer a part of my daily or weekly life!! (And until a few days ago I had gone 35 days without a binge/purge and over two weeks since restriction)!!


BUT, I got set off on a binge&purge&restriction mode/cycle a few days ago in response to something that caused me ALOT of anxiety and helpless fear (health issues), and without being aware I just went off on a panicked disordered cycle. I have struggled to re-gain my footing and yesterday was "good" for me and today is going well. So, phew for now.


So, have any of you noticed what specific feelings or situations (or whatever) set you off onto a "bad" eating mode?

How do you cope with those feelings (aside from making unhealthy eating decisions)?

Anything tends to set me off -- the last time (Friday) was when I invited my ex-boyfriend to go shopping with me and he texted back and said he had a date! I was doing good that day until that happened. Ironically, he got stood up and he spent the night drinking and I spent the night eating. Then I continued eating because I was missing him a lot -- and then on Sunday (after I got over it), it just happened to be convenience because I was out and about in the morning, and drove by a Krispy Kreme when I happened to be hungry -- enough said. Sometimes it's an emotional trigger, and sometimes it's some unknown compulsion. I've been restricting yesterday and today -- but that's just the unhealthy mindset that if I eat too many calories, I won't be able to lose any more weight. It has no emotional bearings. I just want to finish -- I have a wedding to go to in August. As for not using food (or lack thereof) to cope, I really have no other coping mechanism. I've turned to shopping and drinking before, but the ironic thing is, while I'm doing those things, I'm STILL eating. So they are behaviors I easily can control. I need to find something compulsive and addictive I can do that's not destructive, because that's the only way I know how to cope.

i still dont know.. i just start eating and i dont realize that i just binged until im done.. sad, i know.

I've noticed that I'm very much an emotional eater (and a VERY emotional girl lol). If I'm stressed I'll binge, if I'm excited or happy about something I'll binge. If I'm mad at dh I"ll binge. I actually caught myself the other day, nothing was going right that day and subconciously I started walking to the fridge, then I realized what I was doing and stopped in my tracks.... strange how we don't even notice it sometimes .

OMG Kyra! That is so funny! You know how some people say "Oh, I eat when I'm sad"? I eat for WHATEVER I'm feeling! Happy, sad, lonely, bored, mad, stressed...who needs a reason?! lol
(Hungry??? People eat cuz they're hungry?! GO FIGURE!)

Ya, I'm like Kyra too. One day, after consciously saying I wasn't going to snack until lunch, I somehow looked down to find food in my hands. I honestly said to myself 'how did that happen?'. Crazy. (I think I still ate it.)

Right now I'm depressed because we when to a picnic this afternoon and I thought I was looking pretty good. Now, I get home to see the pictures taken. OMG! Am I really that big? Is that what other people see? I don't feel I look like that girl in the picture. (((ok. trying to shake it off)))

Mabelathey say that people with anorexia have distorted body images. People like us must too because I feel the same way I think, whether I'm fat or skinny (was I EVER skinny?!lol) The pictures of myself now astound me as well, and when I was down to my lowest (about 15 years ago) people would say how "small" I was and I'd think they were nuts! SMALL?? What are they, NUTS??!
In my head, I am always a size 12

What starts it all?
If I feel like I've been successful at something and on top of the world, (or at least a really big hill. lol) it makes me feel vulnerable and that the slightest thing could push me off the edge, it will usually happen. In fact sometimes I find myself looking for reasons to feel bad. It's weird that I've told myself I was worthless for so many years it's like I'm mentally more comfortable there. I'm afraid a lot of the time that this person I've become will just go away.

wow... I sound really really off balance don't I?

When things go well I wanna celebrate = EAT

When things are going badly i want to comfort myself and give myself a consolation prize = EAT

<sigh>

I just eat... I'm bored, I eat. I'm upset, I eat. I just can't stop it. I know a HUGE part of me eats b/c I'm hungry (I never really eat on a schedule so by the time I have a chance to eat I'm STARVING), but I know that I am an emotional eater as well.

I usually start when I feel out of control. When my kids are having a meltdown and I just can't do anything about it. When I thought I had gotten a $1000 traffic fine. When my dad is making nebulous threats.