Hello All. I just joined this forum today after the realization that I need to do something about my Eating disorder(s). I overeat and have had a cycle of this my whole adult life. I go through stages where I eat 1500+ calories in one setting, in front of the fridge, and of course, alone. Then I go a couple months eating next to nothing (1000 cal/day) because I'm depressed. I've been in an overeating stage for the past 9 months and have gained 20 lbs. Nowsince I haven't been depressed in a while, I'm not starving. I very glad I'm not depressed, but since that's the only way I've ever lost weight, this 'trying to eat healthier' is torture. I almost cry when I grocery shop when I only allow myself one 'junk' food. Lately I've been binging on 'healthy food' and it might not be as many calories, but it's still not right. Since I haven't been depressed in over 18months, I can't lose weight unless I vomit. Today after I vomited, my nose bled for 15 min. That was the wake up call that lead me to here.

To all of you who are recovering from your EDs, is the temptation still there? Have you 'relapsed'? I feel like if I can get to the point that there's not much of a temptation, I can do this. If I'll always be tempted, I just don't know. I don't want to live in misery. And denying myself of my favorite foods makes me miserable.

Any advice?

Hi alanisj

I'm a recovered(?) anorexic who has also been overweight and binged. First I want to say my heart goes out to you. I know it's hard.
Temptation will always be there, but that's just part of who we are as a person. Everybody's got temptation in their lives. But recovery, such as it is, comes when you realise there are more important things than food/thinness/fatness and the life these obsessions will lead us to. For myself, I was institutionalised because my weight was so low and my depression was out of control. One day I had an epiphany and realised how much I was hurting my family, my friends and myself. That didn't magically cure me. The next - well, years - temptation was there every second of every day - but I just kept reminding myself where that path lead, and gradually, a little at a time, temptation fades.
Some things that were crucial to me and I have heard were crucial to other people:
- I remembered my first love: literature. What did you love before the ED started? Do you miss it?
- I wrote. Eventually turned my experiences into a novel, which started me on the career I'd dreamed of, as a professional author. Can you do something positive with this pain?
- In your lowest times, remember everything passes.

I'm worried to hear about your nosebleed. Vomiting does internal damage. Please, next time you feel like doing it remember your poor body!

Okay that went on a bit (lol). Hope you found some of it useful. Feel free to message me if you want.

Hi, and welcome to the site, I don't have a disorder, I think, just eat too much, went through a time when I starved myself, but over came it. I too am concerned about the nose bleed. Do you have access to medical care? I would check this out at a doctor's office.
You did a great thing by coming here, I know there is a board for you here. If you want to succeed at this you can. To me eating problems goes hand in hand with personal, emotional, psychological , whatever you want to call it , problems. I over eat because I am not happy, I accept this, but know I need to get healthier. If I can do this , you can to!!!! We are women, we have faced many difficulties in our lives, but you need to find a strong point in you and focus on it. Don't give up. You can do it. I wish I could give you more help, but please know you are not alone, and if you ever need to talk please send me a message. Cheryl

"One day I had an epiphany and realised how much I was hurting my family, my friends and myself..........."

I think we have that in common, I don't want to hurt my family with my ED. They only seem to notice my problem when I'm losing weight, so they don't even know I have this current issue (overeating). I'm so glad I found this forum because I had to tell someone about this, I've been hiding the overeating (and esp. the purging) for so long from my loved ones. Plus I don't think they would understand like you all do. Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement.

Hi alanisj.........

I am an ex-bulimic and a compulsive overeater. I think that the majority of us hide our ED due to shame, fear of being judged, people thinking were off our rockers, etc..... Our disease is no different from an alcoholic. We require the help to stop the cycle of the disease. We ride the rollercoaster of eating, shame, depression until we decide that we have had enough. There is hope to move away from that cycle, and you don't have to do it alone. I found my solice by getting involved w/ an overeaters anonymous group. No one but my husband knows that I attend. I had lost all hope of ever ending the cycle. I am now greatfully walking in 10 days of abstinence. If I can do it, you can too

Good luck to you...........

P.S. I am a hoosier at heart stuck in WI. I grew up in South Bend, and still cheer on ND.