Hello! I'm not exactly new to this forum but would say I haven't posted in over 5 months (and right off track ).

Well since January I joined the gym with a friend. At first I thought it would be motivating to have another person excercise with me. She is around 130lbs but wants to tone up. I want to lose body fat first before toning.

The problem is that it is not working out. We both haven't made any progress since Feb. We agreed to do the same excercise workouts together but it's not doing us good. I find when I go to the gym alone I concentrate much more on my workouts and I'm more committed.

She wants to stick to excercising 3 times a week with me, but I want to make those three times progressive. Now I'm in a bit of a blunder here....soft cry of help coming from my head I really do want to get back on track

Hi Passion!

A lot of us who are overweight fall into the trap of being People Pleasers. We don't feel very confident about ourselves so we're shy about asserting our own wants and needs. Instead, we concentrate on making everyone around us happy. Does that sound familiar to you?

To successfully lose and keep off weight, you HAVE to put yourself first (at least some of the time!) You have to take care of what YOU need and want and put other people second -- for once.

Your situation with your friend sounds like a classic People Pleasing Fat Chick ( ) situation -- working out with her isn't good for you and isn't what would be best for you to lose weight. You know what you need to do to get back on track and it's not what your friend want to do.

I think you know what you need to do -- work out on your own -- but you're afraid of hurting your friend's feelings. This is where you have to put yourself first! Weight loss is too important to mess up!!

How about having a talk with her, telling her that your goals are different, and that working out together just isn't right for you? Perhaps you can meet for coffee and still spend time together, just not in the gym?

Good luck! And I know you didn't ask, but please don't wait to tone up until after you lose fat. Resistance training from the very beginning will help you lost fat faster and you'll look better when you get to goal.

I think that is what would happend to me if I found a buddy to work out with. I can just work out better alone. I agree with everything Meg said, just have a talk with her, and hopefully she will understand! Good luck!!

I would also second what Meg said about weights Don't wait to do weights, they are the best thing I ever did.

Meg, you read me like a book

You're right. I've been thinking of her feelings more than mine. The fact that I put myself in that situation made it harder for me to go back into my old routine. It's a lesson learned... but it took me all these months to learn

I will go have that talk with her. But funny enough, since her sister came to visit for a few days, she hasn't come to the gym (nor talked about it)

As for weight training, I never thought of it that way haha. I'm sitting here staring at the words 'faster', 'look better', 'best thing I ever did'...

Thanks for your comments

Oh boy! We may have a convert!!

I'm so glad you're considering them.

A few months ago my boyfriend started wanting to go on my walks with me but he's so out of shape (although he's still skinny) that he couldn't keep up with me , I would end up walking his pace and distance, which didn't even bring my heartrate up above normal! Those walks definitely weren't doing me any good, now I just work out when he's not around or when he's still at work so I can go at the pace that's best for me.