And he's married and he's leaving for Iraq in July and I'm hot for him and he's hot for me too ... so far we've done nothing wrong other than flirt but that has every possibility of changing before he leaves ... my lovelife has never been anything but a big ole mess but my feelings are real ... can things possibly be any more complicated than they already are???

Married ladies, I do not go around stealing peoples husbands so please don't let the username fool ya. I picked Jezebelle on a site a long time ago as a joke and it just kind of stuck - and now the jokes on me. I know I know, shame on me for even thinking about it but I am thinking about it and him, and I can't help it.

God, if you have a computer and are reading this, please HELP ME. (j/k)

You asked for advice, so here it is. Do not get involved with this man, or any other who has been in a seriously committed relationship within the last six months. If he leaves his wife, and has been single for at least three months, preferably six, then meet him for coffee and see what happens. Also, even if he were completely single, becoming intimate before he is sent off somewhere, isn't a great idea either. But I think you know all of this already.

I know it's often generally assumed that we have to follow our feelings, but that is hogwash. We have to use our heads, because our hearts can lead us into very big trouble. A man who leaves woman #1 for woman #2, is much more likely to leave woman #2 for woman #3 - and so on.

Is this advice easier said than done - Of course! What advice isn't but it's really important.

When I met my husband, he had been "single" for only 2 months. He hadn't been married, but he had been living with a fiance and her young children (from her previous marriage). While he was visiting family in another state, she moved him out and a new man in.

Even though I was almost 35, and really wanting to get into a relationship, the situation was nearly a "deal-breaker" for me, and I remained "on guard" for quite some time to make sure he was really able to commit to me without complications. Although we spent nearly every spare minute together from the day we met, we didn't even kiss for nearly a month.

Having said all of that, I know that whether my advice is of any help to you at all depends on what YOU think is the right thing to do. Just try to decide based on the long term consequences, and your own personal values. If you make a choice that is against your better judgement and moral values, you will regret it.

OK,you asked for advice, hear it is. DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH A MARRIED MAN!!!!! not unless you enjoy pain.This is the voice of experience speaking.

Agreed, run don't walk away from this guy.

Once you're away from him, maybe start thinking about what it is that causes your love life to always be a mess. I never saw a pattern in mine until I had been hurt countless times... once I actually thought about it and saw what was wrong I realized I needed to change my own behavior or I'd keep getting stuck with the same bad man same bad relationship over and over.

It's easier to fall for someone who is completely unattainable. But it is still just has hard to get over them as it is anyone else.

If you know he is married why do you want to get involved with him? Find a SINGLE man!

I am married and my heart would be broken if someone gets hot for my DH or he gets hot for someone else
Please save your self the pain and stay away from him. If he does not respect his wife why would it be different with you?

I'm afraid that the only one who will get hurt is YOU. SO, IF he's serious about you, and IF you really care for him, WALK AWAY NOW. He can come back ONLY when he sorts out his private business in a definitive way. Like, he comes back in 2 years and says "I'm divorced, would you like to go out...". ANYTHING short of that will get you hurt. Take care of yourself!

I have to agree. When I was single, I wouldn't date married men or even men that were "separated". Only when someone is not married is it ok to date them. I'd even be careful about someone who was recently divorced. There are always a lot of issues.

My view is that a couple should work things out for themselves without another person involved. If they try to work things out and then decide to end their relationship, then I think it is almost safe to step in. Some men are scared (as well as women) of being alone so they won't leave someone unless they have a sure thing already. How would you feel if you got involved with this guy and he set up a sure thing on the side while he is with you? How about if he is just stringing you along and plans to remain married?

Seriously, you are taking all the risk and he is taking none. You are the one that is getting setup to get hurt.

A-frikkin-men! Why did it take me soooo long to learn that lesson?!

I have nothing original to add. Why would you want to get involved with a man that you KNOW is capable of cheating on his wife? Someone (Maya Angelou?) says "When people show you who they really are, believe them".

Jezebelle,

I see only heartbreak in this for you! Enjoy the flirting, but please resist taking it further. (I say enjoy the flirting because it must build your ego. I get a confidence boost if I ever have the slightest question that someone was flirtatious)

I know it ROTS to be alone!!!! But I would much rather be alone than to destroy a marriage.

Keep coming back and posting!!!! There are a lot of us in the same boat!!! Believe me I truly know that is does rot to be alone!!!! So let this guy's flirting build your confidence, cause someday there will be a different guy- a single guy doing it!!!!

Be Strong, Jezebelle, and please keep posting!!!!
ibbasquish

Anyone considering fooling around with a married individual needs to consider this: If he'll do it to her, he'll do it to you. Fool yourself all you want, but that's what it comes down to in the end. And years from now, you may find yourself the one sitting there wondering who he's with tonight.

Well, also his wife...who he is leaving to go to a war zone in a couple of months. She might be hurt too.

I would bet that nearly every woman who has ever knowingly gotten involved with a married man has said "it's not like I go around stealing other women's men."

And I bet nearly every married man trying to get involved with someone other than his wife has said that his wife is a horrible person or doesn't understand him, and that they haven't had sex in a very long time. After all, how likely is he to get any if he says, "My wife and I get along great, I love her very much and we have wonderful kids and a great sex life."

If you're even considering it, you're not worried about the wife's feelings, either because he's told you how horrible she is, how the relationship is doomed, or how much greater you are than she. It's an ego boos to think someone is willing to drop their wife for you, but the fact that someone is willing to leave a spouse for you says alot more about them than it does you.

Even if you still think this guy is great, and his wife is evil incarnate and we just don't understand the situation, that doesn't change the fact that it is still a very bad idea to get involved with him until he is fully single and can commit totally to you. Because if you don't, even if he ends up with you, to your family, her family, and his family, you will always be the woman who broke up his marriage.