Women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.
Mid life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear end without turning around.
Mid life is when you go for a mammogram and realize that it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless on film.
Mid life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream "listen honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those will, too!"
Mid life brings with it the wisdom to know that life throw us curbes and we'e sitting on our biggest ones.
Mid life is when you look at your know it allbeeper wearing teenager and think "For this I got stretch marks????"
In mid life your memory starts to go. In fact, the only thing we can still retain is water !
Mid life means that your Body by Ozzie now includes Legs by Rand McNally...more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin.
Mid life means that you become more refletive. You start pondering the "big" questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?
But, mid life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important. We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of us trade the knowledge that we have right now for the body you had back then?? Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all of the wisdom and love we've acquired....That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it !!!
This is a specially formulated diet designed to help women cope with the stress that builds during their day.
Breakfast
2 cups decaf // 1 whole wheat toast // grapefruit
Lunch
salad // grilled chicken // ice tea // 1 Hershey kiss
Dinner
3 or 5 glasses of red wine // 2 garlic bread sticks // 1 family size pizza // 2 snicker bars
Late Night Snack
1 whole Sara Lee cheesecake eaten directly from freezer
OR another glass of wine w/Healthy Choice ice cream
REMEMBER:
"Stressed" spelled backward is "Desserts"
Share this stress diet with at least four women you know and miraculously lose 10 pounds! If you don't.....anticipate the gain of the ten I'm about to lose!
