Le sigh.

I binged. Yes, Yes...I know...But after one binge my initial response was to jump back onto the starving wagon. I even tried to do that today. I am so dumb. I came home and binged...didn't seem like the ones I used to do...but I did binge. And I undid all my work this week. That's okay.

But it's the fact that I wanted to go back into starving because the results weren't quick. I swear...I am a very impatient person...and THAT probably needs to be worked on more than my diet.

But the worst thing is that I was eating a bowl of cereal and it tasted funny at the time. I hadn't eaten that particular kind in a long time so I thought I wasn't used to it...I ate 2 bowls to try and get used to it (dummy-face ) But now I feel so sick when I woke up...like...I want to throw up sick!!

It sucks. I don't want to eat ANYTHING right now except water. And I just think these impulses to starve are hindering me.

hi gamerchick,

i can definitly understand being impatient, i want immediate results too. But something to keep in mind. When you starve your body, your metabolism slooows down cause your body thinks its going through a famine. and when you start eating normally, your metabolism will still be sluggish, and make losing weight harder. Don't give up and don't beat yourself up over binging. If it is something that is bothering, you can always seek counseling for eating disorders. take care and good luck.

I binge daily. Binging is a way of life for me that I do not know how to control

I know. I feel terrible >_< Physically. I've thrown up twice.

This makes me feel so bad...I don't ever want to binge/starve again. I want to eat normally, if only to avoid throwing up like this.

it sounds like you are really frustrated and saddened and maybe a little angry about your behavior. Binging and starving is bad for your health, as you already know. It's going to be really hard, but have you talked to you doctor about this? Maybe she/he can offer some suggestions? i hope you feel better soon.

Let's try to get to the bottom of this Gamerchick (I assume you like video games?).

You are indeed anonymous on here, so I'd be interested to hear, if you want to share and think it might be helpful to REALLY reflect on everything that happened, what you ate etc.

What did you eat that day prior to your binge and at what times?
What did you eat on your binge and over how many minutes/hours?
How many calories did you end up having on that binge day (yesterday?) in total?
What were you feeling when you started? Happy, sad, angry, ambivalent?
How many calories have you been eating everyday before you binged?

Let's see what we can all figure out from there. Perhaps we can give you more help than just general tips this way.

I can say that guilt, self-hatred and self-disgust are really wasted emotions that should be curbed whenever possible. They do nothing but make US miserable and life is just too short and too great to waste feeling bad, especially when its within our own power to stop the negativity.

OMIGAWD, Gamer. I SO know how you feel,because I SO have been there! It's the absolute worst, isn't it? I don't know about you, but there was never any rhyme or reason for my bingeing It wasn't because of a sudden upset (although I DO imagine that I was depressed in general back then) or anything specific that I could pinpoint, BUT, having said that, it usually came about following a period of EXTREME deprivation - maybe not quite starvation, but VERY stringent eating, and most likely, not eating enough to ever feel satisfied. That was back when my diet plan of choice was Atkins, which works for a lot of people, and worked well for me for @ 7 years, but eventually, I just got so sick of the limitations in what I could eat (I never really followed through with adding carbohydrates back in gradually - just stuck with the high protein, low-to-no carbs) that I HAD to go off it. Then I was up and down, up and down. I've finally gotten around to accepting the *lifestyle change* philosophy, and am now eating very healthily - high fiber, low fat, low cal, lots of fruit and veggies, and lots of water (I always hated drinking plain, unflavored water before; always had a diet Pepsi in my hand, but I've forced myself to like the water this time around). I eat @ six times a day - smaller meals, maybe more like three meals and three snacks, but I do find that I'm less hungry this way, and don't start with that "deprived" feeling.
I KNOW how awful you're feeling right now, but you CAN and WILL get past it, honest! I can't prescribe the right plan for you - only you can determine that - but you might want to try the frequent small meal approach to avoid any hunger.
Good luck, sweetie.

Ella

I think that all of of have been there at some point or other and I know that I can relate to what you are saying.
The important thing is not to deprieve yourself and to try to understand your triggers. I'm not saying that once you understand them that you can always control them, I'm just saying that it is another level of understanding that helps you cope when you are searching for food to fill that void. One thing that is helpful to me when I am feeling really bad (and wanting to eat to make myself feel better) is to try to imagine 'tomorrow' and say to myself, "Tomorrow I don't want to wake up and feel terrible'. If I keep focussing on 'tomorrow' , sometimes the desire to be happy the next day can override the need to eat right now. It sounds like a bit of a mind game I know, but it works for me, even the day after I have overeaten or eaten crap that is no good for my body.
I have to say that joining this group has also helped me because at night I think, "Well tomorrow I want to read and speak to everyone and hopefully, I will feel ok'
Don't beat yourself up today, and don't starve, just think positive thoughts about the weight you have already lost and remember that there are a lot of people out here who know how you feel. I hope this helps.

First, I'm sorry you're sick. DO try to eat some healthy things, but also DO listen to your body and don't force it. Be sure to get plenty of liquids.

Next ... You know that binging and starving isn't healthy. You know that starving only leads you to binge. You've got yourself caught in an irrational cycle, and you have to break the cycle. I know you think you can't control the binge, and I certainly have felt that way many times. But, you have to keep reminding yourself that you CAN be in control. It is not impossible. You say that the reason you starve is because you are impatient, but there's more to it than that. If you read these boards for 10 minutes, you'll see exactly how counter-productive it is, even if it did not lead to binging. Beyond that, binging and starving (or purging, or excessive exercising) are signs that your brain thinks that extremes are the only way to do anything. You either keep eating beyond reason -- even something you suspect is bad -- or you eat nothing. If you are a gamer, I would bet that you spend hours and hours in front of the screen, playing when you are tired, playing when you know you should do other things? Once you get started, it's hard to stop? If not, cool, but I know that my compulsive tendencies have tentacles in all aspects of my life, not just with food. So, think about that. Keep reminding your emotional, extreme, all-or-nothing brain of the FACTS, both of the science and what your experience of the consequences has been when you binge OR starve. Stay mindful about what is going on; don't let yourself lapse into autopilot.

One thing to help with the impatience aspect is to keep a long-term view and play some what-ifs. Let's say that I can wave a magic wand and you will eat moderately and healthily and you are at your end goal in ... oh ... 18 months. In terms of food and exercise, what will life be after that? Intellectually I'm sure you know that you'll have to keep on the same road the rest of your life to maintain your weight. Let that sink in a minute. Dieting is not a temporary situation. Whether or not you use the word "diet," in order to maintain weight loss, you have to continue to do the same things you did to lose the weight. Every. Single. Day. To some that sounds like a death sentence, because they (and I used to) stamp their foot and insist that they wanted to be "normal" and eat "normal" food. The sooner you make peace with that concept, then the less important time becomes. When I started my last journey over 5 years ago, I had that insight, and it took so much pressure off. Because the lifestyle I'd started was going to be my permanent lifestyle, it didn't matter if I lost the weight in a year or 5 years or 10 years. I knew that I'd be doing the right thing, and losing. My goal wasn't really to get to a certain weight, but to live a healthy lifestyle. If I lived a healthy lifestyle, the weight would take care of itself sooner or later. It's the LIFE that's the goal, not the body. The body is just a fabulous side-effect. I've had some bumps along the way, I wandered off track for a while, but I'm back. I never lost sight of that healthy lifestyle and I knew that I'd find my way back. I still saw this healthy lifestyle as my permanent one -- the off-track period has been the abberation.

To everyone who binges, binges-and-starves, compulsively eats, etc., I want to recommend a few things. Realize that extreme eating behaviors can constitute a true eating disorder. Sometimes people with EDs can help themselves, some need outside help such as counseling or an organization. I would encourage anyone who has these challenges to visit the Chicks in Control board. You may or may not be moved to explore Overeaters Anonymous, but it would be worth looking into. I also encourage you to think about counseling with someone who specializes in EDs. You may not believe you have emotional eating triggers and need to talk about your "problems" but counseling can, if nothing else, help you identify what sets off a binge and give you strategies to deal with them.

I also want to recommend a book called The Thin Books. It helped me tremendously in understanding my compulsive eating and how my brain talks to me in ways I wasn't even aware of. I credit a lot of my success to this book.

you know what helps me?
one weekend a month, and sometimes one week a month, a say "screw you!" to my fitday and counting calories. I allow myself to eat what I want, I don't let myself feel bad for eating it, and it gets me through plateaus. for example, yesterday. I got off work early and went to a bar to watch some NCAA basketball. I. was. TRASHED. I have not been drinking much since starting my diet, so my tolerance is low as sin. but I drank. I had fun. I had two Irish Car Bombs and two beers. I ate. I, eventually, threw up. but I allowed myself the freedom to have fun, to go out and enjoy myself and forget my diet for a time. and you know what? this morning, I broke through my plateau again and am down two lbs.

I've got severe body dysmorphia and had a horrible eating disorder a few years back. before you can truly be successful on a diet, you need to wrestle your demons, and if that means seeking professional treatment - do it. you are so much more than worth it. you didn't gain your weight overnight, you certainly won't lose it overnight, and I know how much it sucks seeing the pounds come off.. one.. half.. pound.. at a time. it's nervewracking! but all of us on this site have been through it and are going through it right now.

good luck. I know you can do this.

Gamerchick, what games do you play?

(I know it seems off-topic, but it relates to an analogy I want to make. )

I'm a gamer too, more boardgames and text-based than video though.

Well...the binge I had earlier wasn't as big as my usual ones.

I came home hungry, and I ate quite a few BBQ chips, 5 crackers with peanut butter, and 2 bowls of cereal. My sister has been throwing up, too. And me and her either have food poisoning or a stomach virus. My dad is sick, too. So I'm thinking it's a stomach virus. I've thrown up 4 times since last night. The first one was food. The next 3 were all from drinking water. A few sips will put my stomach into pain, because after I throw up I feel better (physically wise). If I gulp water I'll throw up a few minutes later.

The only consolation to all of this is that I think it's passing...(drinking tea really helps), and that I am very disgusted with food right now. I don't want to eat at all...just because I'm scared I might throw up again and that something would make me very sick.

I'm not very hungry right now. My sister has thrown up about 6 times since last night.

The worst part is that I can't drink water when I crave it, and my heart beating really fast was scaring me. I bet that's what it feels like for girls with bulimia.

Anyways...About my starving and binging...I'll starve during the day when I have the impulse and then I'll come home defeated because I hate starving so much. I also feel like I can't starve anyways. I feel that it's wrong, and I feel that it's bad for my health. And the way I feel now, I don't want to hurt my health. Starving would hurt my heart and my organs. And I know it's very desperate. I don't have control.

But at the same time, I don't like to binge. I like it when I'm doing it, and I just give into my physical hunger easily.

I don't think I want to binge again after what happened, and I don't think starving is worth it. It's just the impulses I have to get results.

And the only good thing about this stomach virus is that I DIDN'T ruin all my week's worth of work. I was 248 after my binge, and I weighed myself a little while ago and I'm now 243.5. It's sad that it took a stomach virus to get there...and I didn't really care when I saw the number because I felt miserable. But I am a bit happy because I haven't seen 243 in a VERY LONG time. At least a year...unless I was going PAST it.

So when I CAN eat, I will be eating healthily, and I will probably have a smaller stomach for food (which will help to be satisfied for the number of calories I'm doing).

And with this virus...the seduction of food seems to have faded. And the wonder of it. It's simply food.

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As for how I feel when I binge, I just usually give into the physical hunger. Of course I feel shame after it. Sometimes I do it because I want to taste food, sometimes for boredom, sometimes when I am anxious.

I tend to binge after dinner...maybe an hour or two later. Or I binge when I get home. I eat before school, and I rarely bring anything to lunch at school. From 6 to 2 I eat nothing, so when I get home I'm ravenous. And while my meal cooks I grab small things (like chips and poptarts if we have them) while it's cooking.

I think one thing that is helping to keep my binges smaller is that my family hasn't bought much junky food recently. I hope it stays that way.

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For games, I like games you play on the Gamecube and PS2. I like Final Fantasy and Zelda the most.

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I think it's just my schedule with eating that messes me up. I don't want to starve anymore. I don't. I say I do when I binge, but I really really don't. I don't think I can do it anyways. I just always seem to try.

It never lasts for a day. I just end up binging.

And why would anyone willingly throw up? It's THE worst feeling.

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I think the reason for the binge this time is because I had smaller binges throughout the week. I've been eating enough calories. I even upped it from 1600 to 2100...but I'd binge up to my daily needs and stop. And I'd feel bad. Sometimes I wonder if I am serious about this?

I have no reason to be binging. I have been thinking about how I've been treated in my past (because I was never skinny) and have just been upset at people's lack of action for me in my life. I also try to starve, because I feel like I'm doing it for me. I don't think that's right, but I come to that conclusion sometimes.

I am just very impatient. I think, "It's okay to binge now...I can starve later." And that's never the case.

Have you considered checking out the Chicks In Control Forum here? Binging is an eating disorder, even if you don't purge.

Gamer, Gamer,

Sounds like everyone in your house is sick--maybe you were all coming down with something.

But you've been through this binging/starving thing too often. Many times I've suggested you talk to a counselor, a teacher, or another understanding adult whom you can trust about your difficulties. And yet--it seems like you aren't looking into that. Why not? Help is available if you will just reach out. We are always here for you, of course, but a website is a limited place in a lot of ways!

You didn't gain weight overnight and you won't lose it overnight. Starving and binging isn't the answer and you know it. Stay with moderation and the slower, steady course. Look at my ticker! When you first started posting here I hadn't lost this much (29 pounds today), but I've stayed with my plan. That's all you have to do!

Gamer, hang in there!

Jay

You really should consider eating something between 6 and 2. You've seen that going that long already leaves you feeling so hungry that it tends to have you binging, so if you eat something during that time, you might be able to hold off a binge when you get home after school.

And there is a bad stomach virus going around. We've all had it here. Lots of vomitting and diarrhea, as well as chills and fever.