Do you ever feel like you're in hiding? Like the whole reason that you are fat is not just because you like eating the whole bag of Oreos? I've always worried that I wasn't good enough (for my dad, my friends, my husband... etc), that I was failing in some way. What if I keep the fat on because it gives me a reason to be a failure? If I were to strip the fat away tomorrow- do you think I would be good enough then? What if I wasn't?

Does that sound ridiculous?

not at all!

sometimes it's easier to keep things the same, because changing them is scary. you know how you feel when you're fat, and you wonder, "will i do all that work only to find out that i'm still miserable?"

it's a scary prospect.

i think the best thing you can try and do is tell yourself, "screw 'em". don't think about how you want others to react, don't think about what you think others will say about you, just do what YOU want to do. lose weight because because you'll feel healthier and have more energy. lose weight because you like wearing miniskirts. lose weight because you don't like being fat.

if you only lose five pounds, who cares? you'll feel better about yourself. if someone else doesn't think you're good enough because of the way you look, they don't deserve to have you in their life.

this is the time to be selfish. make goals for you, don't stress and worry because you're afraid others are going to think you're not doing enough. you can meet your goals, and people will be proud of you.

i know i will be.

good luck, and let me know if you need any words of encouragement!

I definitely think I had been hiding behind my food and eating. I think I was just trying to escape life and I think it was a reflection of my general discomfort with myself. I lost my confidence. Sometimes it is easier to be fat and hide from the world. I think once you make that decision to make a change for yourself to make yourself happy and healthy, you will feel better and want to get out more. I think you have really tapped into the root of your issue with weight. That's great because now you can realize that and recognize when you are eating for those reasons as opposed to hunger. You are on your way to success. Good luck with your goal! I'm sure you will reach it soon enough!

HotDoc posted this in the toxic friends thread and it really really inspired me. I hope it does the same for you:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our
deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens
us. We ask ourselves: who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually who are you
not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small
does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened
about shrinking so that people around you wont feel
insecure. We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We are born to manifest the glory of God within us. It
is not just in some of us: it is in everyone. And as
we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other
people permission to do the same. As we are liberated
from our fear, our presence automatically liberates
others."

-Nelson Mandela

I taped it to my bathroom mirror. The only way you fail the people you love is by refusing to be all the wonderful things that you already are. You are already good enough and will only get better! Good luck!