I know this is totally self-indulgent, but I am having a bad day. It's not even really a bad day in comparision to the 'really' bad days I've had. to be truthful, I'm just tired from working 14 hours, and I ate about 8 mini hot cross buns in one go, washed down with a mars bar to finish. I didn't get to the gym, and when the BF gets home from work, (about 1am), we are going to get dinner from the 24hr Pancake Kitchen in the city. I know that is goona end badly too! but, damn, it's tasty there, and we haven't been for weeks.

Its crap, coz yesterday I was totally pumped about 3FC, exercising and watching what I eat...but it seems like it was just more hollow promises to myself.

I find that I am shocking at keeping promises to myself - i guess I figure I'm not important enough to value those promises. On the other hand, if I commit to something for someone else, I'll be there each and every time. I would like to try this with the BF, but he doesn't hold me accountable. He makes promises in bed at night, and by morning its forgotten. I'm not blaming him, honestly. I just don't have anyone to keep me accountable of my actions. And I know that isn't terribly self reliant, but I've worked out that that is just the way I work. I have to please somebody, come across as reliable and capable, but inside I feel like that is blatantly untrue.

Phew. That was an emotional data dump. Sorry girls, I never really had a place just to say all that except up here, (ie my head), so maybe...I dunno. I'll just get up tomorrow, go to the gym (if I get out of bed in time (another self promise to break)) and then go to work...

Quick, someone tell a joke to lighten the mood...!

I know how you feel. I'm the same way -- great "visions" of how my day will be, until I get up and get into it. So -- I'm going to hold you accountable!! See -- you can do this, we all need some moral support!! You and I are going to have a great day -- even if you do go get pancakes -- don't get the "super stack!!!". I've noticed even my "bad days" aren't as bad as they used to be, so you can get out of your rutt -- not every day will be great, but my goal is to have more good than bad days for now and I'll take it from there. And, the more tired I am the worse I do -- so last night I blew off half my work and just went to bed early (I work from home, much easier for me than most!!). I figured I needed a good night's sleep to get going on this. Off to the gym this morning -- haven't been in almost a week because of sick kids. So -- take it easy on yourself, this is tough stuff -- and send me a pm if you need a pick me up or a kick in the butt to get going!!!

its cool to dump to your friends!

You can be so dependable to others - and that is wonderful - you are WORTH being accountable to yourself!

I know it's so easy for someone else to tell you things. I had such a black day yesterday..but its over, I didn't do anything terrible to myself (as I was having horrible thoughts) and today is much better. I MADE myself do an exercise video and I'm sure it did help me.

I hope you're feeling better by now

Holly - 20 mg Lexapro since diagnosis Nov. 05