Me and my boyfriend (who's in Montana while I'm Washington) have decided to go on a break. I'm upset about it, but, I do honestly think that it's for the best.

Like the saying goes, "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, then it's yours. If it doesn't, then it never was."

We're going to talk on the phone every week or so. He's just really unhappy in our relationship and he wants to see if there's anything better out there. I know that it sounds bad, but, I don't blame him. I treated him like crud and he's sick of it, which is completely understandable.

He said that he's not going to go around and LOOK for someone, but if someone comes along then he'll go on dates and see how things go... if he misses me, then he'll know that I'm the one that he wants. He thinks that I should do the same.

Honestly, I trust that he loves me and he's going to miss me... he just needs some time to his own to sort out his feelings and whatnot.

If things go well, we're planning on seeing each other around mid march.

I really, honestly, have absolutely no friends around here. I know no one, and I want to make friends but with my weight issues and stuff... I really just don't know how to go about starting a life of my own.

I am upset, and I guess I would like some advice on what I should do during this time on my own? How should I deal with things?

So sorry to hear of this. Lots of hugs to you

Some suggestions for staying busy...do some volunteer work, take some classes or a class, dance lessons, join the Y...there's tons of things to do. Just totally depends on your interests.

Something is not right here. Every week or so? Not going to go around and look for someone? If he misses me?

Sweetie, dump him.

I know that's not what you want to hear. But you are better than that. It doesn't sound like he loves (let alone likes) you from the inside.

There are a few posters on here from your state. Why don't you put out a post to have a get together? I've started some PMs for the ladies in the SF Bay Area and we are planning one. You could do the same. You will be able to put a face to the posts and make some really good friends!

You deserve better than you are feeling right now. You are stronger than you think!

Sorry this is happening to you. Please don't sit home waiting for him to call and him to decide that there isn't anyone else out there that he thinks would be better. You are worth more than that. Trust me on this, anytime a man wants some "space" or needs a "break", they've already found someone else they are interested in. (or the same goes for most women also). Get involved with new interests and activities for yourself. Meet new people.

As far as wt. goes, you don't have to be thin to find a new man. I met and married my DH when I was 210 lbs. Also, there is always the option of not seeking a relationship at all until you have your life how you want it. The 3 yrs. I spent not dating after my DD was born (I went through a messy divorce) were some of my most peaceful yrs. No man to worry about, cook for, clean up after or spend my money. Enjoy the single life and do whatever you want for yourself, you deserve it.

Hey, just get out and try new things. It gets harder to get out the longer you stay to yourself. It doesn't matter how much I weigh, I still think I am the fat girl (even at my skinniest). Find what you are passionate at and get involved. I joined dance class, b/I love to dance. When you are not looking, the right guy will come along. I met mine after a crappy break-up experience. He knew instantly he was going marry me... and we've been married 10 years! You deserve that!!

You've gotten some great advice here. My advice would be to act on it!

Hugs...

I would say move on. If a guy wants to see if something is better out there, then let him but don't be waiting around for him. "Let me see if I can find someone else, if I don't, I'll come back" Is that what you really want? Maybe he is trying not to hurt you or maybe he is trying to hold onto you while looking around, but really it is best that you move on and find someone who really cares about you.

It does sound as though he is breaking up with you....and that is ok...things weren't right between you both...the sooner you get on with your life, and get out and do things....the better you will feel and the more attractrive you will be to others....nothing is less attractive than someone sitting at home waiting for life to happen to them.

Hang in there and let us know how things are going.

Liz

Purple, have you read the book 'He's Just Not That Into You' ? I didn't read it but saw Oprah interview the author and I thought it was a great book that every dating woman should read. Here are some excerpts from USA Today about the book... Good luck!

In a relationship, there will be times when you both may to live far from eachother and that does not mean that you have to separate. If he really loved you, he would wait for you.

Are you unhappy in the relationship too? or is it just him who wants to TRY out different things and then COME BACK to you if he cannot find anyone better??? I would be very offeneded if my so said or thought that way.

If he wants to try out more girls..just let him go without letting him crawl back to you in future just because he couldnt find anyone better!
You deserve better darling and you cannot be a part of his trail and error game!

I knoe it must seem very hard for you to get a new life but its possible and you make some new friends slowly. try to keep yourslef busy, may be join a gym (curves is a good place to make new friends)...

What stands out in my mind is his comment .....if he is thinking he can find someone better, DUMP HIM! You dont deserve that at all! Sounds like he isnt good enough......and what? if he doesnt find something better, he'll come back?! Would you really want him? Really?! Think about it, think about what you deserve.

Your weight has absolutely nothing to do with this! I met my dh when I was 240, married when I was 220.....Ive been under 200, and over 250 in our 6 yr marriage. Its about the person! Not the pounds.

As far as getting on with things, and how to get involved. I agree with some of the other ladies....get out and volunteer, join a craft club...or something like that. I dont make friends easily, but I have found getting out there ...literally forcing myself to do it....has made a big difference.

Keep us posted on how you are doing....I'll be thinking about you.

I've dated a LOT of guys in my time and there's one thing that remains true with ALL men: "I might want to date other people" = he IS dating other people. Period. It's not your fault or something you did personally, but maybe he didn't like the long-distance thing and wants someone more regularly in his life. That's all. Hike up your skirts and move on. Put it in your archives and look to the future. It's over with this guy.