Well, I'm not sure what to say. Let's start with a little about myself. A year and a half ago I had lost 40 pounds. I was looking so much better and feeling great. Then I got bronchitis. Anyone who has had this knows how miserable it is. I really thought I was near death. After I got better I never really got back into eating healthy and working out. I kept saying I'll start tomorrow and get back on track. Then I went back to work working 12 hour shifts. Tomorrow never came and the weight slowly came back. Then this last June my father died suddenly and unexepctantly. I turned to food, not my husband and not my family but good ole reliable chocolate. Well I am 7 pounds away from my original 234 pounds. I was all the way down to 189, it was the first time since before I had my first daugther who will be six in April. I hate myself for this. I am sickened by what I have become. Well I am tired of making excuses. I am need to kick myself in the butt and get this done. Sorry this is so long. I just needed to get it off my chest. I had to force myself to sit here and write this. So now I am off. My eliptical is sitting in the corner staring at me. Unfortunately we just moved into an apartment and it is buried by many boxes. My goal for the day will be to put those boxes away and use the elliptical this evening. Now I am off to attack those boxes.
Thanks for listening.
Jen

Hi Jen
First off, I'm really sorry about your father. My condolences to you and your family.

I understand how life can throw us for a loop and that loop really takes over. I really do. In 1999 I joined WW (the 2nd time) and in 14 months I lost 62lbs and reached my goal. I felt great, I was active, I was healthy, and I felt really good about myself. I maintained for a little over two years.

I got married, but I already knew in my heart it was a mistake. Shortly after my 1st anniversary things started to spiral out of control. I didn't know how to handle my emotions and I had trouble talking to people. I have always "held back" from telling people what was going on with me and I started emotionally collapsing. In a little under a years time I:

Split up with my EX H
had a nervous breakdown
lost my job
became more than just depressed, but suicidal
turned to food and drink
alienated all my friends (lost them all eventually)
remained unemployed for 6 months
alienated myself from my family
had to sell my house
financially almost hit rock bottom

Yes, I gained all my weight back. Yes, I'm disgusted with myself. Yes I need a kick in the patootie to "just do it". All those things are facts. Everything that transpired are facts.

However, I truly, truly believe, that the most important moment is RIGHT NOW. You had a hard time! You were ill! You were overworked! Your father died! Please, Jen, give yourself a break, hon. It was a rough time. Unfortunately rough times do happen to us. RIGHT NOW though you can make a decision to forgive what happened and move on. Don't punish yourself for coping however way you could at the time. Learn from it. Decide now to work towards your goal again. This is temporary, it doesn't have to be permanent.

Some of us just let it show on the outside that we are unhappy with ourselves or that we've had some grief. If you feel you are ready, then start towards showing the world that you are feeling better now!!

Hang in there, and good luck! Nothing in the past matters, only RIGHT NOW.

**bighugs**

Thank you ladies for responding. I have decided I am done wallowing in my self pity. I know some pains never go away but I just need to find another way to deal with them. I woke up with a positive out look this morning, well then I realized if I don't get my but in gear my daughter would be late for school. So far today is off to a good start. Almost noon and no chocolate or goodies of anykind. I had oatmeal for breakfast. I used splenda instead of sugar. I am thinking lunch will be a salad, or maybe soup since it is cold here. Definately will go with the soup, then I will have salad and chicken for supper. Thank you again ladies. I really appreciate the input. I hope to get the chance to get to know you better. Until next time.
Jen

There are some AWESOME Posts in this Thread . . . took a lot of guts to Post so honestly!

If you don't find a place to chat/support&motivate one another - a few of us that have just met are forming a group inside emjay71's "I'm back and looking for a buddy or two" Thread in this Introductions Forum. We'd love you to come and chat and go with us wherever they end up moving us to.

Jen,

OMG, remember me? It is so weird you and I are finding our way back to this site at the same time. I maintained most of what I lost, but I am slipping and needed to get back to this site ASAP. I missed you when we stopped chatting. Sorry to hear about your dad, that is really awful. Sorry about the weight gain too. But I know you can take it off, you are a very motivated and determined person. It is just time to get to work, for me too. Hey like Aud said we are meeting on a thread in introductions. I plan on checking in daily, it helps me so much. I hope to hear from you frequently.

MJ