lulubella,
Congratulations on losing so much weight & keeping it off. That's a great accomplishment at any age.
I'm not sure I have any suggestions, but I can surely understand what you are going through. It took me almost 3 years to lose the weight, although I did lose the biggest chunk the 1st year, & I have many fears about regaining as well. I'm 65 & loose & baggy all over, but I feel so much better than before. Along the way I have learned to eat healthier. I still do everything I did to lose the weight, except allow myself more food (calories at a maintenance level).
No matter how much we get angry with ourselves or regret things we haven't done, we can't redo them. Please don't let all your great success go. We can just go forward from where we are. Could you also be going thru one of those "just throw caution to the wind" periods. Every once in a while I feel like a 2 yr. old & just want to throw a food tantrum & eat whatever I want regardless of the consequences. Sometimes it passes & other times I eat more than I should. But thankfully, I've been able to go back to the program right away so far.
Whatever is going on with you, remember that it will pass. And, regardless of how you handle your current situation, you'll learn from it & can survive it while staying in your maintenance weight range. Hang in there & let us know how it all works out for you.
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