I used to be an avid poster on here about a month ago, and then I met my current boyfriend.
I'm super smitten with him. And we've been down right unseperable since we met. I've slept max 5 nights alone in the month i've known him.
The problem is that I haven't lost any weight since i met him. Though I haven't gained which is great.
I still want to lose weight. I'm not at a healthy weight, and that's what I want, to be healthy. That and wear a bikini.
Yet, how do i do it? How do I balance the boyfriend and the weight loss? I don't want to cut back on time with him. I love spending so much time with him.
I don't know. Advice please?! Anyone else have this problem.
I generally advise against spending that much time with a boy, regardless of weight loss, just to make sure you keep "yourself" intact. That being said I've been single for a while, so what do I know
I'd say you just have to schedule time away from him to exercise, or if you can't do that, exercise together. Do things where you're walking, hiking or biking, even if its just meandering around town - at least you're being active. If you're eating out, try to order healthier things or split them in half. Maybe cook at home together, healthy things, etc.
I'd also advise slowing down. You're likely to burn-out one or both of you at this rate.
That said, you CAN lose weight while dating. If you have a nice nearby hiking trail or park, schedule nightly walks or jogs together. Or go to the gym together. Or wake up early in the morning, do your workout, and then wake him with a kiss just in time to hop in the shower together.
As for food, that is still entirely in your control. You just need to be able to say "Let's go for a healthy option tonight" or "I can't eat that, can we do something else." It's all about self control and standing up for your diet.
we don't spend every waking moment together. We just pretty much live together, we've talked about it and in a couple of months we do plan on getting a place together. Two bedrooms though, just to test the waters.
I'm definitely going to try the exercising before he wakes up idea. He sleeps more then I do, so I think this idea would work great.
But I guess I don't really want to admit to being on a diet. I haven't told him that I used to weigh 30lbs more and look horrilbe. I don't know, I'm a very private person about weight.
I am sorry if this offends as I know what the first rush feels like, but if your boyfriend as amazing as he should be he will understand about the need for you to do your work outs. If he doesnt you have issues
Just becuase you are now part off a couple does not mean you sohuld lose yourself, but talk to him about it,
maybe go for a hike together, go bike riding, ice skating etc, cook a healthy meal, make it a competition thing see who can cook the best 'healthy' meal
but if this will be a long term thing, you need to be honest about that you want to spend time making yourself healthier
Another ditto to what everyone else said, and an alternative view point: there is material out there, if you're interested in reading it, that offers evidence that fat is not actually all that unhealthy (for instance data analysis of an NHANES study found the bmi range most associated with longevity was 23-29). Of course, you are the best judge of what is healthy for you, and I also don't want to negate your bikini aspirations (though I bet you could wear one now and look hott)! All I'm saying is that the research and the science is constantly in flux, so it might not be worth it to aim for a specific BMI target at the expense of your relationship. BMI works as a statistical tool but doesn't describe individuals very well, IMO. It's troublesome to conflate most statistics with individual human beings, for that matter. I want to reiterate though so you don't take what I'm saying the wrong way, trust yourself first to know what is healthy for you and what is not. I'm not trying to prescribe a higher weight for you any more than a lower one. I would recommend talking to your doctor, too, if you haven't already, about some "health goals" that are personalized to your needs. Achieving a balance between physical, emotional, and mental health can be complicated
Good luck to you both!!
ETA: Also, double ditto to all the working out stuff...I think exercise and healthy eating are a critical part of life no matter what, whether or not weight loss is involved.
Last edited by forestroad; 09-02-2009 at 04:07 PM.
Well, private time is really important in a relationship, especially when living together methinks. My partner really gives me enough personal time for my fitness and spiritual purposes, be it in a separate room of the apartment or going to the gym and blaring some loud music in my ipod.
Generally, settling into a relationship does cause people to gain weight C. has gained 40 lbs since we began dating (though that's due to work and stress circumstances, he was awfully thin when we met.) They tend to say marriage makes people fat
You're just going to have some discipline and force yourself to eat well and be active with or without him. After a couple of years, it'll come easier You'll be like "Hey, do the dishes while I'm gone!" haha
You met him a month ago and are planning to move in with him? How old are you?
I'd suggest taking it slower with him.... things will burn out, almost always. I've been with my bf over 3 years and we see each other 3 nights a week at the most, and I can't imagine living with him anytime soon, we both enjoy our independence way too much, and we have been going so solid and strong this route!
Okay, I'll stop nagging, I'm sure you've heard this from 10 people now. But for what it's worth... things are always better when you take it slow, you need to give this guy a chance to miss you and let yourselves grow slowly together and individually.
First off, I wouldn't flat out tell him I was on a diet. I don't like to call it "diet" anyway. Just tell him you normally eat healthier and want to get back into that habit. People normally respect and take that viewpoint more seriously. Otherwise they think of some stupid grapefruit diet you'll quit in two weeks.
Secondly, it is a bit fast as most have commented however it does not mean it cannot work. My husband I moved in together after 6 months but we both had a lot of crappy relationships under our belts to compare a really freakin good one to. I guess what I'm saying is keep it all in perspective. If there's any tiny itty bitty part of you that says... "well... maybe I should slow down" you should probably listen to it.
Congrats on what's starting out to be an awesome new relationship though.
Don't let people tell you you're moving too fast. Maybe you are, maybe you aren't, but that's for you to figure out.
Sometimes couples move in after a couple months and everything goes wrong and they then move out again, and sometimes everything is fine and they are in love forever and get married. My parents, for instance, had been dating for less than two months when they got engaged, and were married three weeks later. They've been married 35 years and are the happiest couple I know.
With everyone throwing advice at you, just remember that love can be blinding, but that you still know your relationship better than anyone on the outside.
First off, I wouldn't flat out tell him I was on a diet. I don't like to call it "diet" anyway. Just tell him you normally eat healthier and want to get back into that habit. People normally respect and take that viewpoint more seriously. Otherwise they think of some stupid grapefruit diet you'll quit in two weeks.
Yes, yes, yes. Set it up in terms of wanting to take the time to exercise to improve your health, and to put in the time and effort to prepare healthy meals. Any worthwhile guy will respect that, even if it means a few less hours together each week.
I've been with my husband for 7.5 years now, married for over 2, and I still know how you feel... we both work 8-9 hours a day (and often weekends), and then there's all the chores around the house, errands and whatnot, homework for me, long commute for him.. so when we do finally get to hang out, I hate to say "sorry, I have to go exercise."
But you have to make your health a priority! Either that, or you could decide it's just not worth it right now... but based on your post I have a feeling you'd regret that later, whether you stay with this guy or not.
I totally agree with TXJess..... nothing wrong with explaining the "want to be healthy" thing.
Also though, I'd like to add, like Ruby said.... only you can truly know your relationship... I've known plenty of people that went both routes. However, I feel that if you REALLY love this guy, and he loves you back, you should be okay to be open with him and tell him about those things. I mean.... you're ready to move in with him but you can't tell him your innermost emotions about your past weight and the fact that you want to lose more? Kinda cockeyed if you ask me. Just sayin though..... life and opinions are different for everyone!
dieting and boyfriend, where's the happy medium
