Well ladies, Monday is coming quick and I'm so afraid to get on the scale. However, I'm excited to get back on track. I think I"m going to get so disappointed when I stepp on the scale since I've been off track for so long now, but things are finally starting to improve around here and the RN program is about to slow down a little bit. I don't think it's actually going to slow down, I'm just getting into the swing of it and it isn't so new and overwhelming anymore. We start clinicals in two weeks, my first rotation is on the Med-Surge unit at the local hospital. The first 6 weeks of the program I was having to drive an hour (one way) for class since the college in in another city than where I live, but now I will be driving there Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and will have clinicals Tuesdays here in town. I know it still sounds busy but the classes end at 10 (instead of 3 like they have been these first six weeks) so I'll be home everyday before noon.

As for this week, TOM has been visiting, and is still here, and since after the baby was born in December, I have had huge carb cravings every time he comes around. It totally combats and voids all my hard work the rest of the month, so I'm going to get that under control pronto. I'm doing well with my water intake again, my blood pressure was staying under control when I kept my water intake up, but when I started slacking off on the water it shot back up. So, I am back on the water and i"m going to see how the BP reacts before I go to the Dr so he can tell me for the 10,000th time to loose weight. I'm really disappointed in myself for gaining all this weight back, but I've really worked hard to do well in this nursing program and I think I'm finally able to balance the two. So.....I'm back ladies!

Hey ladies!

Sorry it has been so long since I've posted. Like everyone else, I've been crazy busy. I just started my senior year of college, and it's pretty intense! I've also dedicated a lot of time to re-doing my room in my apartment, since it was pretty gross/ugly when I moved in--and I'm very proud of myself because it looks awesome so far! When it's all done I'll link or post before & after photos (though they will most likely wind up on Facebook, for those of you who are friends with me on it).

Food/diet-wise? Meh. I've put it pretty much on the back burner, and I definitely want to change that. Right now, I'm fluctuating between 262 and 266 (this morning 263), which is actually pretty good considering I haven't been trying very hard--not to mention I've binged a few times (including tonight...ugh). My biggest problem is that I'm forgetting to take my depression medication, and it totally throws me off. Also, I am spending WAY too much money on food; I've been out to eat like 5 times this week, which is BAD. I think part of it is because I am lazy, and I don't like cooking in my new kitchen (it's tiny, we don't have a dishwasher or microwave, and my roommates are effing CRAZY and extremely annoying about kitchen-related stuff in general). I know I need to change that, though. I decided that Sunday I am going to make more of an effort to do better, because I want it SO bad. "Doing better" definitely includes consistently taking my medication, too, just because it makes my life thousands of times easier. I really want to do well this semester academically, too.

So, my *safe* goal right now is to lose 25 pounds (in the 230s) by the end of 2011 AND to have over a 3.0 GPA for the semester. My more ambitious goal is 35 pounds (in the 220s) and 3.5 GPA or over (Dean's list!). Man, it is soooo strange to think that if I lose 25 pounds I'll be 238ish. WHAT. THE. EFF. I have been over 260 pounds since the beginning of 2006, so this is all extremely bizarre (but in a good way!) to me. Like, in another 15ish pounds I'll be under 250--closer to 200--and I haven't been THAT since sometime in 2005. It's crazy and exciting!

Oh, don't think I've shown you guys this, but if I have I apologize!



So, the picture on the left is May 31, 2010--when I was in the 310's. The picture on the left is May 31, 2011--I think around 275. So the lefthand one was 10 pounds less than my heaviest, and the righthand one is about ten pounds heavier than I am today. Either way, it's probably about a 45-50 pound difference and it's been a good motivator (even though my face is R*TARDED in both photos hahaha, please ignore that)!

I just really need to get back on this, because I WANT IT SO BAD! I am tired of being fat and not being able to wear the clothes I want to wear. I'm tired of being so insecure about myself that I don't even LOOK at guys and automatically assume they are grossed out by me (you develop that mentality when you literally NEVER get hit on or asked out). I just want to live my life the way I want to live it! So for the umpteenth time, I am getting back on the wagon this coming week! No more excuses! Ladies, we can totally do this. Look how far we've come! WE'RE ALL STILL HERE! Let's push out a few more pounds before the end of 2011!

Hahahahaha I am too funny. I re-read my post and it's very...energetic. Lots of exclamation points, and words in caps, and "extremely"s. I'll get a better post in soon, where I even respond to you all, I promise.

I'd like to join, if that's okay. I'm 255, not in the 280's but all the other 20-something threads are for girls in like the 190's and below, and I feel like I relate to things.. maybe.. differently than they do? I'd just rather talk with girls like me, who understand our specific struggles. Not all weight loss is the same.
I went for my annual at the OB the other day (overshare? lol) and my blood pressure was really high- I can't remember exactly but the top number was in the 190s I think. And I'm 21. And they're going to take me off birthcontrol if I don't get it under control. I had already started eating better and exercising a little, but that dr's visit definitely lit a fire under me. And I know that if I can get my blood pressure down, I'll be closer to achieving other bigger goals such as hiking the appalachian trail, or more normal things like getting married and having a baby. I'm engaged now but I don't want to get married until my life is in a better place. I want to love looking at pictures from my wedding, not hide them in a box because I hate the way I look.
I've been on diets for years, overweight since I was about 7, and my lowest is 170 but I was on drugs and barely 18 and it doesn't really count. Still, I took a lot of pictures, so that's a motivator for me. I want to be there again, because I know if I'm not headed in that direction I'm just going to continue to gain weight, and I don't want to wait until I'm 30 or 40 or 50 to do it. I've gone like five years in a row weighing more at the end of each year than I did at the beginning, no matter how much I lose in the middle. I know I'm wreaking havoc on my body. I want to be healthy, possibly for the first time.
I was trying low carb, but I was hungry ALL THE TIME, so I switched to calorie counting. I've stayed under my calories consistently all week (big deal for me) although I have eaten less healthy food the past couple of days. I've just been constantly hungry, which causes me to want comfort food so I can ensure I'll be satisfied. Twisted cycle. So obviously I need to change up my diet and probably keep carbs, at least for now, but watch my intake of sugar/simple carbs. I'm going to weigh tomorrow, I weighed 255 at the dr and this will be the first time I weigh since then.
Tailee- you look AMAZING girl, you've lost a bunch of inches. These types of pictures are always huge motivators for me, it's great to be able to see a tangible difference when you're lost in the crazy, tangled web of dieting. I'm also a senior in college this year, and it is INSANE. I keep having these weird, stressful dreams where the cops are chasing me, or I see someone get killed, and then it always ends up effecting my school performance (in the dream). Lol. It's crazy stuff. I've cried and talked about quitting a lot this semester already, but I think that getting my eating on track and not fueling the stress by stressing my body out with a bunch of chemical additives and processed junk will help. At least a little? Here's hoping.

Taliee - I'm sooooo glad your back. You have wonderful before and now picks, just look at all the progress you have made so far! I'm so glad you are still in the 260s, just makes things a little easier to start back up! I think we all hit a "back burner" phase at the same time, but I'm glad we are starting to find our way back! I can't believe it is your senior year, I am sooooo proud of you! Hang in there, I love your goals of weight and gpa! Fantastic! I know you can do it!

Munchie - Of course you can join!!!!! So glad you're here! You are right, its nice to have people of the same age and weight, because they now where you've been and where you want to be! Oh goodness, I'm sorry to hear about your blood pressure, you are right. You do need to get it down and once you do, you will be amazed how much better you feel! I have struggled with high blood pressure (I developed it in my second pregnancy and again in my third, once my last baby was born, it never cleared up so became chronic hypertension from pre-eclampsia). When I was drinking water (side note: drink A LOT of water to hydrate your body and it will help lower your bp soooo much), working out, and eating better I actually got it back down to almost normal. Well.....these past two months I have REALLY slacked off, gained some weight back, and ignored my water intake. So, it is back up again, and has me feeling yucky. I'm glad you're here, I think you'll find a lot of nice people here that will help you with your journey!

Well ladies, Monday is almost here. I've already started drinking my water again, and I think it is already helping, at least getting me hydrated again. I haven't weighed yet, I will Monday. Tom should be gone by tomorrow, so hopefully I will not be holding so much water, but I know I'm back in the 270s somewhere, I just feel it. I hate having to start over, so I plan on making it my last start over. I've got my husband on board and he is going to "monitor" me. He doesn't like doing it because he says he hates to tell me no, but I told him I NEED him too so I can be healthy and live long! So, back almost at the starting point, but I'm not going to get discouraged. I have a beautiful family, great friends (you guys are my rock here at 3fc!!!), in a great RN program that I am finally settling in to, and I have tons to live for! I'll post a re-start picture when I take them Monday! Until next time ladies!

Glenlorie- that sounds so stressful, especially with your pregnancy issues (including those I read about earlier. Gestational diabetes is something I'm scares of). I have this constant fear or being unhealthy during pregnancy or having a child that's unhealthy, so its good to hear that all is well with your family. I actually had a miscarriage this year, which helped me put on about twenty lbs in four months, and scared me senseless. One of my big motivators now is to be healthy for pregnancy- I'm at like the cut off or a little higher for what the dr recommends for pregnancy weight, so I really want to get to a healthier weight so that if and when I'm pregnant again, I can just focus on doing that one job. Plus I read something recently that said if you lose weight while pregnant, it can predispose your baby to hold on tighter to fat and eventually also be overweight, which I thought was really interesting- I constantly worry about passing my weight problem on to my kid/s. I have basically tripled my water intake, mostly for my skin but I'm really glad to know that it will help with the blood pressure though. It makes sense! I gues the more water you drink, the more.. Fluid everything is? Lol.
Today was my off day (I plan to take one a week) and I realized I needed it when I woke up and could think of nothing but food. I even was chewing stuff up and spitting it out before I realized that today just needed to be my day off. Weighing made that decision easier- I lost ten lbs since my dr's visit. I know it's mostly water weight from getting back on plan, but it really helped lift my spirits. Anyway, I kind of used today to binge but ended up not really wanting to (except on alcohol) and I'm excited to get right back on plan tomorrow. Hope everyone has had a great day!

Sorry for the typos, I'm on my phone lol.

Lorie, Glad to see you have your BP under control. Water definitely helped with mine. I noticed when I wasn't smoking it helped too....not that that is an issue for you but something else I noticed about mine. Losing weight seems to be the number one indicator though of where my BP is or will be.

Munchie-- glad to have you here. Weighing yourself at the doctor, while probably one of the most accurate forms of knowing what your weight is, isn't really (in my opinion) the best to go by. You will be weighing at home, I can only assume, the majority of the time so take your beginning weight on your scale at home and go by that poundage loss rather than using your doctor's scale as a starting point. Scales don't always show the same so while your doctors scale may very well have said 255, had you weighed at home the same time and the same time, it could have been a pound, or even several, off--and then that 10 pounds you've lost so far would either be more or less. Does that make sense? I hate weighing at the doctor's as I'm sure everyone does but keep in mind that we weigh at the doctors fully clothed and at home, I think the majority of us, will weigh naked. That could make the difference of several ounces or a few pounds. Anyway, my point is to be consistent with what scale you go by. Also, you had mentioned chewing on food and spitting it out. I may have taken that wrong but that sounds rather disturbing and like something I did in high school to avoid calorie intake while still being able to taste something. You may not have meant to refer to the eating disorder of chewing and spitting, and I hope you weren't.

Tailee-- You always crack me up! I think those pictures show a vast difference! Definitely can tell areas of improvement and the inches lost is obvious! You should be very proud of yourself. Making a weight goal and a GPA goal is fantastic. I had done the same thing. My goal was to be above a 3.7 and I actually finished out at a 3.68. A little disappointing but I figured above a 3.5 was fine in my eyes, especially when applying for grad school. Keep at it girly! I've also been putting my dieting on the back burner. Moving really messed up my routine and I know I have no one else to blame but myself. I got on a Taco Bell kick for some reason---like a jack@ss! Anyway, I've stocked my fridge now that I am settled in. I plan on continuing with South Beach until I get my @ss out of the 230's. I've been stalled far tooooo long!

I have been under a lot of stress lately and it has taken an affect on my moods and cravings. I don't crave carbs so much anymore. The South Beach really helped get those under control but sweets----which is unusual for me--has been ridiculous. I want chocolate all the time now. No, my TOM is not coming up. My job is in jeopardy so I have been applying to other places in hopes of getting out before they boot me out. The stress of that has made me turn to a ton of snacks and while the majority of the snacks are SB friendly, I just go overboard. I think I ate a third of a bag of almonds the other day. Yea....terrible. I fell off plan on Friday. Last weekend too for that matter. My friends don't seem to understand my sincerity when I say, "NO ALCOHOL UNTIL THE WEDDING!" because they have been tempting me left and right. Last Saturday was a temptation filled evening I just couldn't seem to turn down. I haven't been drunk in quite a long time but since I haven't been drinking my tolerance was capoot and drunk Michelle just came down hard. Anyway, whats the point of getting back up if you haven't fallen before so its just time to dust of my knees again and get going. My plan is to still be 230 by this wedding. I figure I haven't made my goal of 199 for the wedding so I might as well be comfortable. I haven't felt comfortable in several months. I haven't woken up feeling skinny since I got into the 30's and I still can't believe I fell off the wagon so hard that I have been bouncing back and forth for months in the 36-40 range. I'm sick of it and its time to get my @ss back in gear!

I haven't weighed, even though I promised myself I would daily, since Friday. BUT tomorrow is another day and I will be getting back to that and taking responsibility.

Munchie--something else I can relate to with your posts--pregnancy. I don't plan on being pregnant anytime soon and I intend to be married when I do become pregnant but I know that none of that will happen until I allow myself to be healthy. In my head, while it may sound twisted, I'm not going to find the man I intend on marrying and having children with until I get where I want.

I don't know if I shared these goals before but I'm going to repeat them continuously until I reach them.

End of year: 199 (Yes I know, I'm going to have to work my @ss off)

Birthday (2/15):189

May 24th (2 year anniversary) 160-170

July 1st- bathing suit in public.....150-160

PS- I need to post a picture too! I will get on that when I can!

Shelley- I had worried about that with the dr's scale, so I'm not really attached to the numbers. I've ' first-week dieted' enough to know that initial losses come and go wayy too easily to get excited over, its mostly water anyway. I finally got my scale today, as well as stocking up the fridge and I'm excited to get on it tomorrow. I'll still use 255 as my starting weight because its a round 100 lbs to lose and I like that. But yeah right now I'm trying not to get too hung up on the scale- I used my Wii fit to weigh and I'm suspicious about how accurate that thing is anyway, I just couldn't wait to see whether my plan was working. As for the chewing/spitting, it was sort of alarming behavior to me which is why I decided to relax and take the day off. I have an extensive history of disordered eating, and I directly attribute that to my problem keeping weight off. So whenever I fall into those habits I immediately check myself and adjust my plan because I'm trying to learn healthy eating habits for life. Thanks for your concern

Today was a good day for me, it was grocery day hooray. I spent over 300 bucks at WalMart, yikes, but now we aren't going to et out for awhile, and I have tons of yummy healthy foods. I'm under calories at 1350, and I didn't get to exercise but we walked around WalMart for hours so at least I wasn't sitting on my butt. I get to weigh on my new scale tomorrow! I hope I'm still at least 145, and that my previous weigh wasn't basically bogus, but no matter what at least I'll have a firm starting point. I'm worried I might still be up a little from my off day yesterday, but hopefully it just reset my metabolism like it's meant to.
Hope everyone had a great weekend and the upcoming week isn't too stressful. :Hugs:

Hahaha of course I mean 245, not 145. Wishful thinking. Sigh.

Muchie - It was very stressful and scary!!!! You have a great idea about getting your weight down before you carry a baby. Growing a baby is hard enough on our bodies, you really don't want to have to add all the other things on top of it! All my babies were born healthy and happy thank God, but we did have some scary moments! I don't think there is anything wrong with "taking a day off". You have to do what works for you and giving yourself a day to relax sounds like a good idea, just remember not to binge on those days! You can do this, I think you will do great!

Shelly - I think you are doing great and look beautiful! You just hang in there! I'm soooo sorry to hear about your job, this economical world is a mess and I wish it would straighten up soon! My husband and I were on hard financial times just a few months back (we still aren't perfect, but things are much better now) just hang in there and use all your resources, you will pass this hump! I am so excited for your end of the year goal, you are SOOOO CLOSE!!! I can't wait for you to get there!!!


Well ladies, I did the dreaded weigh in and it was not pretty! I'm up to 273!!!! I just cried (however, it was a little better when I weighed myself last week at 276). I will not get back to 280. Since I have done so awful with my weight it was kind of a motivator to go ahead and take control now. I know that I'm going to have to work at losing this weight and I'm going to have to be mindful about what I eat. My worst part is that I still eat at night, especially since my schedule is so busy during the day. After this week, things will slow down a bit and my class will be done by 10am (except Tuesday which is clinical and its over at 1:30, but it is only for 4 Tuesdays and it will be over the last part of October). Anyways, I've got a schedule written down and I'm going to try my best to stick to it. I also need to dust of the ole' treadmill and get on it! I'm so glad we are all coming back to the thread! We can do this ladies! Hang in there!!!!

Hi ladies
Glenlorie- yeah I mean I want to lead a healthy life with my family, so I might as well start now because I've learned that if the scale's not moving one way its moving the other way, at least for me. And treadmills make life much easier. We had one when I lived at home and I never realized I would miss it so much until I moved out. Now I have to go to the gym. Less fun.

Today is going great. I weighed on my new scale and, as feared, it was much different. I'd gained back a couple of lbs of the waterweight I lost but the scale weighs higher too- 257 :/ but today it was back down to 154. We're grilling pork chops tonight and having salad. Yum. I've plotted my calories and they're 1450, which leaves me about 150 calories of wiggle room.
Hope everyone is doing really well.

Hey ladies! Long time no update.

Soooo...I tried VERY hard to get "back on track" last week, and was successful for two days--then I went waaay off this weekend. I was PMSing like crazy and finally got my period today (bad excuse I know, but I couldn't help it!), so hopefully tomorrow I can pick up where I left off last week. I've been stuck in the 260s since July and I would loooove to get out of them before the end of the month.

I've been thinking a lot about boys lately--mainly because my friends have been talking to me about it--and how I feel about anything relating to them. I've had several girlfriends tell me I should try to date/meet guys etc. Thinking about dating makes me feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable. My ex is the only person I've ever been with (for everything--been on a date with, kissed, etc.) so I'm pretty inexperienced and awkward...but that's not my main issue. I don't feel good enough; I feel like a joke. I feel like I deserve to be alone. I don't know why I can't get over this, but I STRONGLY believe it. I can't take myself seriously...I don't find myself to be attractive. I want to say I'm pretty, and when I do I kind of laugh and go, "yeah, only in pictures. Not in person." and I always think people are insincere and just trying to be nice when they say I am. ALWAYS. When I meet a boy things like, "I know I'm ugly, and I know you aren't interested, and I know I shouldn't even be talking to you, and I know I am a disgusting whale, and you wouldn't even consider me in a million years..." run through my head. This has resulted in a little bit (ok, maybe a lot) of bitterness. I think, "fine. Whatever. If no one wants me then I don't want anyone, and screw being in love anyway and everyone in the world." I seriously cannot picture someone actually falling in love with me. It just seems like such a joke. And it does hurt and make me sad...because I feel like it's the truth. (I am 21, and no one has ever "liked" me. TRUST me. Even my ex didn't like me until waaaay after I started liking him.) I can't talk about it too much without crying. So I guess I sometimes close myself off because I don't want to get hurt, and I feel like, "why bother?" when it's just not going to work out. The idea of having a crush on someone just seems like a waste of time/a lost cause.

Sigh. Sorry, haha, just needed to get that out. It's just...a couple different friends have brought up that I've been single for so long, and they've encouraged me to "meet guys," and the thought of it just makes me extremely ill. And then I get upset because it's not fair that I feel this way. But again, I can't take myself seriously. I can't stop feeling like a joke.

I'll stop now! XD On a more positive note, I got a lot done today! I cleaned my room/apartment and it looks reaaaally good! Now onto homework...haha. How are you all doing? Like I said, my goal is to see the 259 by the end of the month...we'll see how that goes. <3