Thank you girls! It means alot to have support here....

I am still doing OK for today..had a snack of cheese doritos (1oz bag) with 2 slices of kraft cheese melted on them........now about to go have a can of Progresso soup and a turkey sandwich with low cal miracle whip. I am not going to mess with exercise this week Monday is my fresh start there.

I also made an appt with my Gyno today about my extreme PMS...it lasts....get ready for this...THREE WEEKS....thats right...for 3 weeks of a month I am either on my monthly or PMSing....its ****...so I am going to have him check my thyroid and stuff to be safe...its been doing this since I reached 165 in early december of 05. So that could be it and if not then I want meds to make it stop..there is only one week out of a month that I feel like a normal healthy mommy and wife...also only one week out of a month that I care about myself enough to actually watch my eating habits...today is not that week...I want to go in there right now and make me a whole box of pizza rolls and grab a big bag of plain chips and eat the chips with mustard and eat the whole box of pizza rolls...but I have to keep control..I want to be under 140 at the time of the Dr appt (27 of this month) because If I am at 140 my mind will take over and the bulimia will come back full force...thats just the way it works with me.

OK opinions needed here.....I have trouble working out now so I thought about breaking it up.....15 minutes within 1 hour of each meal.....like within an hour after each meal I walk/jog for 15 mintues.....is that still going to give me a good enough cardio workout or do I need a Full 30 min or more at a time for it to show improvements?? im not sure how that works..I figure that as long as its 15 minute blocks then i should be fine but im not positive...

also what do you guys do for PMS moodiness? Still 2 weeks before my appt so thats 2 weeks I have to control this..its anger, rage, weeping, sleeping way too much, depression, compulsive eating...everything PMS has multiplyed by 3 weeks I need serious help here with controlling my moods the next few weeks. any suggestions will be appreciated..Coffee is my current escape, it seems to calm me when i need to be calmed but I can only drink so much coffee before im bouncing off wallls!!!

And Ellis..I was the same way..this all happened on Friday and Sat I was SOO mad and just today I finally cried about it while typing it out here. Im sorry I made you cry

Sassy, I can guarantee you no one has said anything like that about you. We adore you and you definitely belong with us.

Kristen I'm sorry you didn't win your position, and you had the better of intentions . . . that's not fair. Good for you for making up with your friend . . . I had a really hard time doing that with my friends . . . AND good luck on your speech, finals, and term paper!!!

Jilly

Lucky

Sharon I'm sorry to hear of your grandmother's death I'm also sorry about your family situation, but you took the high road and defended your mom which showed better character than your family.

oops, got to run . . . finish later Sharon and others . . . sorry!!!

Sassy Chick with all the stuff going on here I forgot to comment on your comment...here is the way I look at it...The fact that you take the time each day to come to these forums and connect with other ladies struggling with weight problems shows that you are more committed than you think.....

Before finding this site did you ever look at food and think...oh no if i eat that then I will have to tell the girls online. That in itself shows that you are committed to the path you have chosen...If not you wouldn't come here on a daily basis and have the need to read of others struggles and offer your own advice...you are committed, and you do care about your health...that makes you far from a waste

Okay, I'm back to finish

Sharon I've heard varying opinions on the exercising in short stints. Some say it doesn't matter and some say your body begin to burn more calories after about the first 10 minutes of working out. But ANY exercise is better than no exercise. My personal take is as long as you get your heart rate where it needs to be quickly and keep it there those 15 minutes, your workout should be efficient, especially if you do it multiple times a day.

I don't get PMS moodiness, but I do get an insatiable appetite. Have you tried meditation or yoga? I think that might help calm you down. Maybe you could lock yourself in the bathroom, take a cool bath and listen to classical music.

ellis I'm kicking you back to the binge free thread!! And you need to kick me back there too!

Elizabeth

~~~~~

Okay, I did binge yesterday, but I totally burned the calories because I was shopping yesterday ($110 in damage ~ ouch!!!). But this is what I got: 3 pairs of capris, 2 pairs of shoes, a shrug (to hide my unsightly arms), a tank, 4 shirts, and get this: a winter coat that was regularly $80 and I got it on clearance for $20!!! Oh, and that total includes a watch I got for my dad for father's day!!! But it was at Kohl's and I got nearly $20 off everything because they are having one of their card holder discount specials!!!

And the other day at Kohl's, I got a new bathing suit that was regularly $76 for $9!!! (And I truly think it was an error because it didn't scan at the discount and they usually scan correctly, so I totally lucked out, but the sticker was on there, so she had to give it to me.)

Thank you all so much for comfort adn reasurance!
You have no IDEA how much it means to me. This is such a safe haven for me and especially when all teh stress comes because that s when I rush to the kitchen! I ate badly so far for the past 2 weeks, with everything going on.

There is some LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL in my problem. Although I did not get hte position I wanted because my youngersister has autism they want to make me chairperson of the activity because I was the one who sugested it in the first place. Anyway thanks again I have to go study now!!!!! ugggh
i hope i pass my tests!!
lol
HUGS AND KISSES TO ALL!!!!

P.S to Lucky- I totally get how you feel my mom said the same thing about her high school reunion it feels so good to see people get what they deserve, how evil of us lol

O I FORGOT to mention that the activity is an autism aswareness one lol! hehe that would have been important

Harpo I just wanna say you look AWESOME in your avator thingy!!! I like seeing pics of you!! you look so happy and satisfied in them although in the avator you look up to something......should we worry haha

Classical music sounds awesome...no kids screaming MOMMMMYYYYY

Do I look self-satisfied in them, Sharon? Boy, you can really take that two ways. I used to hate taking pictures, but whenever I take new ones now, I put them up for awhile on here until I get tired of looking at myself (and that doesn't take long). I'm not really satisfied with how I look now, but I'm very satisfied of how far I've come. I'm not looking at anything in paticular but I've always liked the others' avatars when they are looking away. It looks like we are daydreaming or in a deep thought. And that's what I'm usually doing, so I thought my picture should show it. And I LOVE a good classical music listening session. I usually listen to Ravel's Bolero. It always puts me in a good mood.

Kristen Congrats on receiving the chairperson!! I know you'll show them it was a mistake not voting you as VP!!!

~~~~~~~~~
It's almost bedtime, and I haven't binged today.

Hi ladies.

Wow you all are truely amazing and beautiful women! You have really opened up my eyes and today I needed that, thanks.

I want to offer to those struggling right now and I'm sorry I am not replying personally right now. I will later.

Hey Ladies,

As promised, here are the personals.

jillybean720 - Thanks. Yes I think we all secretly deep down all want to "look" good too and no I don't wanna look like Paris or any of those "Rib Showers" on tv either. Not that I ever could if I wanted too! lol. I think my body just isn't cut out to be that thin! lol. But I'm okay with that. Like you I just want to be the best me I can be! (lol sounds like the Army commercial doesn't it?) lmao!

Lucky13 - well at least you figured your candies into the rest of your day. it happens to us all, happened to me today. Thanks I need to keep that in my head to give myself a pat on the back for all successes -- big and small. What works for me, may or may not work for another so I got to remember we all are different and so should our WL plans. Oh yes it definately feels good to have the apt. clean. It definately makes me feel calmer.

LeaLee - BIG to you! So sorry to hear about the loss of your grandmother. BOTH of my grandmothers had health problems. Also more for how your family acted. I can certainly relate to that! We lost my step father in 03 from cancer and my grandmother (maternal) died in 01. When people pass on, it brings out a lot of people's nasty side to say the least and they just love to be totally selfish and make things much worse than they are. Its very tough to lose a loved one, let alone have to deal with all of that! So here are some for your mom! Hang in there girl and we are here for ya whenever you need us! About your pms, moodiness, I think it probably has a lot to do with what has been going on lately. That is a lot of stress. Grief and dealing with family can make you . I know it really affected my mother after my step dads death and everything she had to deal with. She lost A LOT of weight and my mom is a small woman so that wasn't a good thing. She still doesn't eat right even though I have my family and her friends keep watch on her and try to make sure she eats. But I'm glad you scheduled an appt with you gyn. I would tell them everything going on because they might be able to help you through it.

Thanks for you kind comments. I enjoy coming here and as with everybody does at times, I do struggle with self esteem issues from time to time but I'm slowly trying to get over those.

Harpo - aw thanks hon. I appreciate that! Whoo-hoo sounds like you had great deals there!

Ellis - You are so right. I am definately a different person when I'm heavier. When I lost weight and got all the compliments I had so much more confidence in myself. Amazing how we let that "go to our heads". But its true. I wish I could be that way all the time, but I'm not. We are just a physical world now. It's the "outside" what people see that they "judge" you on instantly, not what really counts, the "inside".


KristenElizabeth - YW that is what we're here for and on your tests! I'm sure you'll do great! Congrats on getting chairperson!


to everyone in "lurk" mode! I hope your all doing well!

Also if I happened to miss anyone, please forgive me.

OK I binged this morning...actually planned it last night but had company..she saw the food sitting on my desk though so she knew what was up......I feel better today after that though, I have been researching weight loss tips and tools today, reading articles for inspiration, things like that. I went out and cleaned the pool and saw a snakey and bout freaked and jumped into the pool in my clothes hehe...a pool with a 4 ft tall wall that is!!

I feel better today i think because I don't have ANY kids and NO hubby at home right now so I am concentrating on myself. Doing what I want and not having to do anything for anyone else. I miss the little boogers like crazy though...funny I didn't think i could miss "MOOOMMMYYYYYY" and all the fighting and whining but I do

Talked to some friends about my TOM and did some research and decided its best to go ahead and let the Dr do a thyroid test and rule that out before we try any meds or anything to regulate my mood swings and stuff. Couldn't get into him till the 27 though...besides that binge and me being bored as **** I have nothing to report That is unusual for me!! hehe

I think I hear Nora Roberts calling me outside talk to you girls later...everyone be good :P

Harpo- sounds like u had fun shopping the other day!
I am joining some of you on a binge coaster!!
I had 3 slices of pizza after school today, we have half days because this week is aexams as wel as next week, so that wasn't good i had it like 2 hours ago and i stil feel nauseous! Thank god I don't eat lunch in school anymore I would always go for hte worst stuff-(donuts!)

I have to go to the dermatologist now so he can pop those ovely white heads on my face!!! lol and give me more medication that doesn't work!! lol
ttyl ladies good luck with the food, I am going to work out after dermatolgist first time in weeks!! ugg

[LeaLee (Sharon) - I could have duplicated your PMS problems in a post and it would describe me exactly. It was strange ... about 6 months after I hit goal it started happening. I was PMSing at LEAST 2 weeks out of the month. My DR. said I had PMDD (severe PMS) and prescribed me Sarafem. I only used it three months, and I can't exactly recall if it even helped or not, to be honest. This was 3 years ago. What happened was I was reading all the things on the internet (side effects, etc.) about Sarafem (aka Prozac!) so I freaked and stopped taking it. Then divorce was sprung on me, so I sort of forgot about it. Anyway, I hope you find some answers with your medical tests - good luck!]

PMS is why I am here reading tonight! I have been doing great lately staying away from the overeating and binges, but this week has been rough. I ate fine all day, but have been grazing since dinner (froz. yogurt, cheez-its, crackers, a snickers bar, pretzels ... ugh). And of course I am mentally beating myself up for it. Then, once I start, I am searching the pantry and fridge for whatever else I can eat since I already screwed up and 'might as well get it out of my system' tonight. Guess I won't be weighing in tomorrow.

Kelly

Edited to say ... add another 1.5 hershey bars to that

I'm soooooooooo craving an Oatmeal Raisin Cookie Luckily I have no cash.........lol

Kelly I was researching stuff and I found that I do have alot of the symptoms of PMDD...I was on zoloft before and will NEVER go back on that but I have friends who use prozac one for PMS the other for depression and they have no problems so I hope we can figure this out and get me straight...

I woke this morning feeling so hopeless...I don't know why. Hubby told me last night that he likes my body and to stop worrying about it and everything but dammit I feel so gross all the time....I know I am not as heavy as some on this board but what most don't understand is that I carry ALL my extra weight in my stomach..So I have a roll of blubber right at my stomach (under my belly button)...I mean if you inflated this roll it could be used as a flotation device in a pool! Its just gross to look at myself and its starting to...i don't know how to say it i guess its "falling" where the pooch I normally have is now a sagging pocket of fat...Why can't i be normal and carry my weight the right way..in stead my arms and legs are skinny and I have this gross stomach.....I dont mean to vent or complain about skinny legs and arms but a flabby belly...but I just feel like sitting and crying today. the thing is that when i started crying about it last night hubby actually tried to motivate me...normally he would have said "i love you and your body you are fine" this time he added "if you aren't comfortable with youself work on it, I know you can do it because you did it before" that felt good that he is supporting me...I just feel so just totally hopeless and gross...I KNOW what i eat is nasty, I know what I am doing to my body is not healthy in the long run but I CANT STOP EATING JUNKFOOD!!!

Im wondering If I need to go cold turkey on snack cakes and candy. Its so hard though wanting it and not allowing myself to have it...and i am not going to make my family suffer the loss of the junk food that they actually know how to control themselves with...I don't know im just venting. I know HOW to lose this weight. I WANT to lose the blubber. I Want to be sexy in my own eyes again....but can't I do it......it doesn't seem im strong enough.

Everyone keeps telling me "sharon you are the same weight today that you were after you had Ally. that is an accomplishment in itself because most women gain 5-10 lbs a year" (allys 5th birthday is less than a month away)To me that means I am a failure because I still have Allys pregnancy weight on me which i KNOW is not true because when she was 6 months old I weighed 125 and wore a size 5 and felt so good and healthy and sexy....slowly I stopped caring and before I knew it I was at 160-165 (My weight fluctuates 5 lbs no matter what) and now I want that 120-125 lb body back and its lost somewhere in my mind and I just feel sorry for myself most of the time...even though most people that see me say "YOU LOOK GREAT"...WHY CAN"T I SEE IT???? I feel a major melt down coming seriously I feel like something is going to set me off and I am going to go deep back into the world of bulimia and OMG I don't wanna be back there....OK now I am crying.so I need to go take a shower and make me some coffee. thanks for reading girls...be back when i can but hubbys home so we have a busy weekend planned.

thank you girls for reading my venting, ranting, pity party,...you name it and thats what this post is