I wouldn't say you're bulemic, I'd say you do it out of guilt.

I feel massive guilt sometimes when I indulge or over indulge. One of my previous confessions is that I want to vomit when I eat horribly and the only reason I don't is because I'm scared of what it will do to my teeth. You're so not alone in that one.

I want to add a few more:

* I get really mad when I see someone my same height but 50 lbs lighter talking about how fat they are when I'm trying SO hard to get to THEIR weight.

* I want people to assume that I've never been fat, rather than assume I've never been skinny.

Dana
304.2/285.2/200
5'7"

I would emotional eat in high and after breaking up with my ex fiance who got my best friend prego I gained at least 15 pounds

I also am a recovering anorexic

Some time I ignore my hunger pains for a few hours until I feel like I am about to pass out and then I eat something

I am in in therapy so its getting better but sometimes it feels good to just tell someone

I confess that it bothers me that one of my best friends thinks she is fat (she is a size 3)

I confess that I want to be thinner than my other best friend (she wears a 16-18, I am currently in a 22-24)

My mom once said she didn't think she could love me if I didn't lose weight and keep it off (that was over 20 years ago, I did lose the weight but obviously didn't keep it off). I want to show her that I love me know matter what size I am.

I want my younger sister to not be embarassed by me, I saw a note she once wrote about my weight and how she never wanted to be like me.

I want people to say "You are so beautiful" not "You have such a beautiful face."

I want to be in love and feel that no one can love me at this size.

YES this!!! I feel the same way! Do you know what I would give to be 180? And yet plenty of people are 180 and trying to lose weight, all the while complaining about how fat they are. Conversely, I'm positive that there's people out there who are 350 and would give anything to be my current weight.

conversely to that, I hate when people tell me I don't have to lose weight when I am still trying. I have fought with weight my whole life. To be at the weight I am now is an everyday struggle. It took me a blink of an eye to gain 20lbs and not even realize it. Every day since 9th grade I have struggled with my weight. I haven't been skinny since I was 13.

So while people may not see me as necessarily fat, I fight to stay at the weight I am, and to even lose more.

Seems people that are skinnier than I am, think I'm fat and people that are bigger than I am think I should shut up about my weight. It's a struggle for me too.

I confess that it's hard not to judge when I'm being judged.

Wow, I totally relate to at least one thing in each person's post. I'm really thankful to have a place like this where we can support each other. Hugs to all of you

I confess that I secretly feel that my mom has been ashamed of me my whole life (she's never been bigger than about a size 12 or so, and considering she's 5'9, she still looks thin at that size... she's currently hovering around a size 8-10, where she's been most of her life)

I confess that I'm terrified of actually making it to maintenance. I don't know what it means to maintain.

I confess that I still think that once I get to my goal weight that this journey will be "over", and that I can go back to eating McDonalds, KFC, etc everyday.

I confess that I'm terrified that I will hate my body as I start to lose weight, because it will begin to look like a deflated balloon.

I confess that all the pictures of myself on Facebook are of several years ago when I was about 60lbs lighter. I have even untagged recent pictures of myself that others have posted because they are totally unflattering.

I confess that I sometimes don't believe I'm as big as I really am until I see myself in pics and think "oh CRAP! That CAN'T be me..."

I confess that I secretly hate my thinner friends for being thin.

I confess that it made me happy to see that a friend of mine who was always very thin, has recently gained about 25-30 pounds.

I confess that I hate eating in public because all I can think of is that everyone is looking at me thinking about how I shouldn't be eating... anything.... ever.

I confess that I have (in the past... thankfully not anytime recently) driven to a drive-thru, gotten food, eaten it, then driven to another drive-thru, gotten a whole other meal, eaten THAT, then driven to Krispy Kreme and gotten doughnuts...

I confess that though I have Lupus, which causes me to battle fatigue and joint pain frequently, that's not always the reason I choose not to work out... many of those times, I just don't feel like it...

I confess that I sometimes envy my cousin who passed away from Lupus. Obviously not the fact that she passed away (we were very, very close, so it's pretty ironic that we ended up with the same disease), but the fact that one of the ways Lupus manifested for HER was huge weight LOSS. For me, it's been huge weight GAIN (almost 70 pounds in the 2.5 years since I've been diagnosed).

I confess that I secretly hate women who have had a child/children and look like they've never weighed anything over 120... ever. Here I've never had a child, and I look like I've had at least 3.


I'm sure I have more, but that's all I can think of for now.

Room for one more?? I loved reading through this thread – such an eye-opener to see into other people’s minds. And then, yikes! I turned into a blubbering mess when I thought about my own list…

I confess that I think of my fat as a safety barrier from other people. Fewer people approach me and I could be pretty sure that those who did, and became friends, were genuine people. How you treat a fat person can be a good judge of character.

I’m afraid I’ll like my old body better. I’m afraid of lots of loose skin and, even more important, I don’t want to lose my boobs. I like my boobs. Boobs are a fat girl’s main advantage.

I’m afraid I set my goal weight too low. I’m 5’9” and 170lb is officially the edge of not “overweight” on BMI. But I don’t know what 170 is going to look like or feel like. I was in high school when I last weighed 170. What if I decide 190 is comfortable and preferable? Will I feel like I FAILED because I didn’t make this “goal” number? Will it seem like I’m adjusting the number because the last 20 pounds are too hard?

Speaking of high school, I wish I knew then that 170lb was an okay weight. I was the “fat” chick then and I’d kill to be 170 now. When I see marginally heavy teens, I always want to find a way to warn them.

I confess that I avoid reunions and parties with new people. I confess that I skipped out on a good friend’s New Year’s Eve party because I couldn’t find an outfit that made me feel presentable to 20 new people. And I lied about why I couldn’t go.

I confess that I’m sure that my parents are completely disappointed in me. I can remember in high school telling my mom about being hollered at by some guys, like “Hey girl, looking good.” And she said “They said that to YOU?” And I confess that I’m still angry about that comment, even almost 20 years later.

I confess that my best friend once said in an off-hand conversation “Well, you know I always like the under-dog, people who need help.” and I wondered what that said about our friendship, about me.

I confess that I hate when my other best friend complains about her weight and her “pooch” and goes to the gym twice a day some days. She's 5'7", weighs 127lb and has had a kid. I want to smack her, tell her that she should just be happy with herself and that she should believe most everyone thinks she looks uh-MAZ-ing.

I’m afraid I’ll never be able to eat a French fry again or if I do that I’ll suddenly spiral out of control.

I confess that I’ve thrown up a few times after meals, but only because I had eaten SO much that I literally made myself sick and had no other option.

I’m afraid I’m biased against attractive people because they make me feel uncomfortable. I confess that I picked out my new doctor using info/picture online, when I met her in person she was much more attractive than the picture and I thought “Huh, I never would have picked her if she had an actual good pic online.”

I confess that I’m baffled when I see fat or ugly people with relationships. I think “How in the heck does she have a boyfriend and I’m all alone.”

I confess that I think I’m the one who has the biggest problem with my excess weight. I’m the one who lets it make me feel uncomfortable around strangers. I’m the one who can’t believe that a guy would actually take interest in me, even when he does. I just can’t believe it, so I often misread or deliberately ignore the opportunities. I'm the one who thinks "I'm not in a good place to be with him anyways." I'm the one who's unhappy with my weight.

Thought of one more: I'm afraid of being all wrinkly in the face if I lose weight. Right now, the fat fills in all the wrinkles and people always think I'm like 6 years younger.

Hi everyone, i cant get over the amount of amazing women that are on this forum, I was really starting to worry that I was the only one that was struggling and having a hard time, Ive had a bad few weeks ive been up and down, Im going to a wedding in malta in september and found the most beautiful dress that i wanted to wear i went to fit it on today, and not a hope in **** was it going to fit (it was an Irish 18 not sure what that is in american sizes) it was the most horrible feeling, and my two beautiful children were waiting outside the changing room and asked me when i came out ''did the dress fit mammy?'' sure all i could say was yeah but i dont like it, they were so disapointed for me (they are aged 9 Daughter and 5 son) I have lost 49 lbs and was feeling really happy with myself, until this, so even though I have dropped 3 jeans sizes ( was 22 now 18 sometimes 16 (on a good day!) I actually havent lost anything from my top size unless i was massive on top to start with and didnt realise, came home then like a complete witch the poor husband didnt know what was going on, when i told him that i didnt want to go to malta and my beautiful dress didnt fit, he said that he was going to fix it, that he was going to organise a dress maker to make up a beautiful dress that will fit me perfectly and then i will go for my final fitting and I will be really happy cause the dress will be too big for me and will have to be taken in.... I taught, how lucky am I? I mean, this wont happen I will find a dress but it was nice of him to say it. I know this thread is not really for the above and hope im not boring you all, but even typing it has made me feal so much better, and to **** with the dress its not that great anyway..hehe..


anyway some of my confessions are most of what has already said plus I have an terrible habit of waking up in the middle of the night to use the loo ( because of all the bloody diet coke i drink during the day) and eating all around me its horrible I wake up in the morning with a terrible tast in my mouth and it starts flooding back about what ive eaten...

i am so jealous of my sisters that are so thin and are able to buy fab clothes for hardly any money, im sick of paying a fortune for over size clothing

thats all for now but there is def more
take care everyone, and thanks for sharing your stories xxx

Ahh yes, I've done this many times. For the last few years now, and coming up soon, I've had this big party to attend in NYC. Most of the women attending are better at fashion than me AND acceptably thin. I'm a size 22, always feel like the fattest girl in the room. Both prior years have been an utter meltdown in trying to find an outfit - Not to mention exhausting, visiting every.single.store. to try and find something that balances between sexy, young & hip, and flattering to my shape. Each year I nearly back out.

I also back out of pool parties at the last minute due to the whole comparison thing. Do I really want to be surrounded by thin women in skimpy suits????

*I am terrified of failure, to the point that I sometimes don't even try because I MIGHT fail.
*I once got down to 115 lbs eating 700 calories and exercising 2 1/2 hrs a day.
*I have horrible self esteem and even at my lowest weight constantly found flaws when I looked in the mirror.
*I discourage myself by looking at pictures of beautiful women and thinking, "I'm NEVER going to look like that, so why bother?"
*I have never purged, but have Binge Eating Disorder. Food is a CONSANT struggle. It's the one addiction you can't just quit!

At least I'm not the only one. I have a set of "rules" for weighing - I can't eat or drink anything beforehand, can't have a stitch of clothes on, and must have gone the the bathroom, or else I won't even think about getting on the scale! I have some serious OCD, I know. UGH!

Can I join?

~I confess that I am terified to become my mom...she is so over weight she can't walk and has to use that little sccoter thing. (She was where I am right now at the same age.)

~I too confess, that I want to be the cute mom when I pick my kids up and want it to look so easy that I make the other moms jealous.

~I confess that I am so worried that I am giving my girls a skewed sense of their bodies by gaining and losing and gaining weight.

~I confess I am turning orange because of all the carrots I am eating in place of junk food I would normally eat.

I always thought that THAT was a myth. I eat tons of carrots (always have, I love them...Phase 1 nearly killed me for that exact reason) and figured if ANYBODY could turn orange b/c of carrots it would be me. *shrugs* But I used to work w/ someone and her sister and her nieces and nephews really were turning orange. CRAZY!!!