Holly: You goofball, you are not being insensitive to me AT ALL!!!!! When you struggle with clutter, it helps me to know I am not alone. And when you tackle your clutter, it inspires me to do something about my own clutter! So, either way, it helps when you talk about it! Just want to make that clear!!!

Lisa: I am so incredibly sorry that you had a meltdown!!! But thank God you had your therapy appointment scheduled! And GOOD FOR YOU for keeping it! Sounds like you REALLY needed a good cry! But sorry you had a terrible headache all day because of it. If your gut feeling is that you need a med change, you probably do. Was your therapist able to help you at all? Did you discuss a med change? Yes, if you are feeling like you just can't handle life's stressors anymore, it is probably time for a change. I hate it that you have such serious financial burdens. I, like Holly, wish I could somehow make it all better for you. I will promise you my prayers, and sometimes that is the BEST thing we can do for someone. I so fervently believe in the power of prayer, because I have literally seen it work miracles!!! When I have been at my very lowest points, and prayer/faith is "all" I have left, it is often THEN that I realize it is ALL I NEED. The rest falls into place..... somehow..... eventually. Time and time again, this has proven itself in my own life. And, for that, I am grateful! I heard once that we are supposed to "boldly" ask God for what we need. And we don't have to be concerned with HOW God can make it happen. He takes care of the "how." Since then, believe me, I have gone very boldly before Him and asked for more than I think is possible. I don't always get "what I want," BUT I always do get what I NEED ~ in God's perfect timing. I am relying on this right now with the weight loss thing. I haven't been able to make ANY progress on my own for the last four years. I am really trying to SURRENDER it all to Him, while doing my part. And I trust that it WILL happen when the time is right. Sorry if my "preaching" offends anyone. This is really just intended for YOU, Lisa, because I know you believe. I can't help but preach when the power of God and the power of prayer has shown itself to me ~ ESPECIALLY in the very LOWEST points in my life ~ time and time again. And, believe me, I have had some REALLY LOW points in my life. Basically, I would NOT still be here today if it weren't for my faith. That is the bottom line, honest TRUTH! I also would simply not be still married today ~ and thriving (some of the time; NOT all of the time) if it weren't for my faith. And I am so very THANKFUL to be still alive and still married!!! So I believe I owe it to God and to others to share the "good news" when it is relevant. And I DO believe it is relevant to you now, Lisa. Be patient with yourself and allow God to carry you through this difficult time in your life. And allow others who care about you help you right now, too, if possible. Do you have any support people in your life at the moment ~ ANYONE who you can rely on to help you through this difficult time? Your therapist is one, hopefully. What about friends? Family? Neighbors? You mentioned going to church..... anyone there who you could lean on and have some fellowship with right now??? And what about at school? Teachers? Classmates? I just don't want you to feel so alone in this. Please know that all of us here are rooting for you and want nothing but GOOD things for you!!! There IS a rainbow behind this dark cloud, Lisa!!! I just know it! And I SO want you to see the LIGHT at the end of this dark tunnel! It is there!!! Please trust in that, even when you can't see it. I vividly remember when I was in my own dark tunnel and COULDN'T see that light for a very long time. I seriously began to wonder if there really WAS light at the other end for me. And, thankfully, I am still here to tell you that there was and there IS!!! There always was light there for me, but I couldn't see it because of all of the dark "clouds" in my life at that time that were blocking my view. And, trust me, there were MANY! I care about you and want you to feel better! Please hang in there and talk to your doctor about a med change, and let's hope and pray that you will find the right med or combo of meds and therapy that will get you back on your feet again..... SOON! Sending you a HUGE HUG in the meantime!!!

Fi: SO happy to hear that you had a good morning the other day and that your Qigong exercises are really helping to make your depression pain more tolerable!!! How are Oscar and Nenu? I hope they are a tiny bit better today!

What am I doing up at 3am anyway?!?!?!?!?!?!?! My son came home very late from a movie and I have been concerned about him and his choices lately. So I came back downstairs to talk to him and felt compelled to check the group and post!

NOW GET BACK TO SLEEP, KATHLEEN!!!!!

Today was somewhat of a momentous day: I weighed myself for the first time in four months. Various stressful life events—the arrival of our new kittens, the kittens being sick, my getting depressed, & so on—have kept me away from the scale, and more importantly, away from my diet plan. While I have tried to stick to the same meal pattern I set up several months ago, I have wavered on numerous occasions and have basically put my weight loss way on the back burner of my life.

However, to my great relief, in all those four months of not sticking to plan, I only gained two pounds! I weighed 273 on 7/22, and I weigh 275 today, 11/22. In order to get back with the program in a completely honest way, I fixed my profile and my weight loss ticker to reflect my current weight. I also changed my goal weight from 130 to 140, which is more reasonable for me, given that I have a large frame.

Onward and downward! =grin=

Fi: That is great that you only gained 2 pounds in the past 4 months, especially with all of the stressors in your life during that time! Now that you weighed, at least you know where you stand again..... on the scale, which ~ remember ~ is just a number; just information. YOU are so much more than the # on the scale!

Lisa: Sorry that you haven't been able to go to church because of your busy work schedule. That can't keep you from praying, though!!! We can pray anywhere and any time. Hang in there and take good care of yourself! Enjoy every moment of your time with Jennifer!

hello ladies!

Kathleen - I found your explanation of your faith so beautiful. and then found your reason to be up so flippin early funny and I hope you had a reasonable discussion with your son Oh the times of waiting up for them to come home safely!

Lisa - I'm sorry you had to have the TV turned off but you sound OK with it , and yes I guess there are other priorities. Oh I see that Jennifer comes home tomorrow, right? I hope your day is good!! hugs!!

Fi - what a victory!! only 2 tiny pounds gained in all that time especially when there were so many stressors.

and Hi Mossy, Mruki, amylynne, and all others

Mild and rainy here!! the snow is almost gone from our yard Hey if we have snow at CHristmas that will be OK but I don't care if we have any before then. If it was going to be sunny today i'd pull the motorcycle out because its supposed to get to almost 60, but its gray and rainy.

Haven't made great choices but not horrible ones either. And I 'bit the bullet' as Fi did, and actually weighed myself. I am at 156 , I was afraid it would be much more than that so I guess I feel okay.

I do not like to exercise, I mostly do it out of obligation to myself, but now I'm trying a different approach...I really should BECAUSE I CAN. I don't have an illness to blame, I have all my limbs (actually seeing interviews with people who had their limbs blown off at the Boston Marathon made me ashamed for not wanting to work out!) and I have dvds, and youtube to find workouts...I just really have no excuse not to.

so HI to everyone and hang on, if you're having a bad day, sometimes a better day is just around the corner.

I just sprayed the first coat of finish on a collage postcard that took so long to make my head is about to explode. The problem was, during Thursday night through Sunday night I had a massive breakdown into depression pain that was, ultimately, -5 on my scale. Some of you are familiar with my depression/mania scale. Some are not. Suffice it to say: -5 is a killer.

The postcard is for a swap on swap-bot, one that seemed innocent enough: "Mushroom Postcard." Any collage postcard, any ol' way, so long as it had at least one mushroom on it. I thought it would be simple enough. I laid down the backgrounds for both Grace (my 14-yr-old great niece) and I to make mushroom postcards together, the Friday before this past one. Grace's postcard came along nicely. I agonized over mine. I changed my mind about the theme partway through. Then I got overly ambitious about it. Then this past weekend's tidal wave of depression hit. And I tried to work on the darn thing while my chest felt like it was on fire. Obviously, under those circumstances, my creativity was at its lowest ebb, and the work went extremely slowly.

Anyway, I just felt like saying it's done. The mushroom postcard is done. One more coat of finish, let the finish cure overnight, write & decorate & stamp & address the other side tomorrow, then take it to the post office to be hand-cancelled. It will be late, four days past the deadline, but such is life. Maybe later on I'll post a link so y'all can look at it, but right now it looks like a pile of steaming crap to me.

My endocrinologist just added a T3 med, called Cytomel, to the Synthroid I was already taking for my hypothyroidism. She also added Metformin to address the Insulin Resistance. These changes, along with diet and exercise, are supposed to help me begin to finally lose some weight. I am hoping, praying, and working hard to make it happen! Holly, like you mentioned, I am really TRYING to look at exercise in a POSITIVE way. My trainer just told me today that it will affect the cortisol in my body if I am dreading exercise the whole time I am working out, as I usually do. It is sometimes difficult to remember, but we really are blessed to be able to exercise vigorously when some around us (including my own daughter) cannot. Thank God I can use my legs and arms to exercise and move about freely! I so often take it all for granted, which I am ashamed of.

Fi: The mushroom postcard sure sounds like it was tedious. I hope you are satisfied with the finished product. Where is your depression pain today on your scale? I hope that you are a perfect 0/0/0!

Well, what the hey, here's the link for my latest collage: 'shrooms party like it's 1967. Please read what I wrote underneath and then click on the image for a better view of it. I hope it isn't too crappy...

I've been more or less better the past couple of days. 0/0/0 on Monday and 0/+1/0 today. I didn't like that drift into low-level (uncomfortable) mania this afternoon, but I have the drugs to deal with such occasions. I feel very labile, as if I could slip off into any direction, down or up, at the drop of a hat. Skating on thin ice...

Just wanted to wish everyone in the United States a Happy Thanksgiving! I am thankful for each of you in this group! Have a blessed day!

Hey everybody, happy Thanksgiving. I have been so busy at work lately that I haven't had time to log on. I even got interrupted in the middle of writing this! But things are going fine. My doctor increased my antidepressant which seems to be helping, so that's good.

Don't eat too much today guys