I got up this morning and felt like I must be an awful mean person. Kids are so rude. Dear hubby and I were getting trash together to go out that wasn't put out with the other. Since we only 1 pick up day, I freeze trash that would draw bugs and Tony had forgotten to get it. So I proceeded to put it in the trash that had not been taken out of one of the kitchen cans. Any way, DGS decided to put trash in a new bag and I told him not to get another bag as we were using the bag that needed to go out. Never knew if it was what I said or someone else because I thought any conversation going on was between DH & me. However, I think I may have missed something because of the way things went. I thought DGS was mad at me as they all usually are so I said "I know you are mad at me Tyler but you will just have to be mad". Then I saw him pickup a glass that belongs to the baby that still had some milk in it. I heard him say "Hey guys, I'm tired of this. I have spent the last 2 days finding and cleaning up these glasses with curdled milk in it". His mother said "Well let's just make this a ***** at everyone night". I just finished what I was doing and left the room. DGS was only saying to them what I felt because I used to be the one finding all that stuff. It's just that I used to clean it up without saying anything. Tony didn't like it, but as usual he said nothing to them. He did tell me that if I keep saying things I'm pushing them away from me and they will not want to be around me. At this point I don't care to be around them either. They are such ungrateful, lazy moochers. So this morning, I woke up and called the church and went to see the Pastor. Told him I was praying and trying to work this out on my own but I just can't. He wasn't aware that they were living her for nothing. I told him I felt like I was a horrible person, but he says I'm just frustrated. He that I have one of 2 choices if I want to keep my marriage. #1 Don't say anything to them about anythiing. He says they know what they are doing or not doing. At this point, he says anything I say to them will just be "Nagging" to them. #2 He said for me to make up a budget showing what is going out and then give it to Tony and let him do whatever he wants to do. He says I am not the one who has to work this out because they are his kids. So basically, I guess I am to stay out of it as much as possible. Pastor said it is true we are supposed to help others when we can, but he doesn't believe we are supposed to walk all over you. He was shocked to learn that Tony does the lawn. He said he just assumed that Tyer and Richard would help. I told him, "There are 2 trash cans in front of the house that need to be brought into the garage because they are empty. When I get home, they will still be there and I will be the one to take them in. They will walk right by them and leave them until Tony or I go out and bring them in." I told him, "That is the kind of people I'm living with". I told him I wasn't as upset about the fact that they can't pay as difficult as that is, it is the fact that there is no appreciation for what is being done for them. So, I have the Y to go to and I'm going back to Bible Study tonight. I'm going to find more things to do away from home and ride it out the best way I can.

Even my preacher said that "I need a miracle".

Patty, your preacher is right. In a way, you are enabling them - for example bringing in the trash cans when they were supposed to do it. Hang tough. This too shall pass.

Well, from 188 to 185 in 48 hours so the gain was definitely water. Had a pedicure yesterday (big treat!) and the technician noticed my ankles were really puffy. I've been drinking lots of water and running to the potty a lot - good thing as we are in a severe heat wave - 97ºF is major up here! I'm sure it's even worse where Mad is in southern Ontario. BGL is staying stable and I am eating properly with lots of veggies and yummy local strawberries.

Hi everyone: well things are going well. We had the wax day yesterday, I got the rest of the plantings done, and did lots of errands with DD. Haven't spent this much time together in years.
For comparison Trish: she helped make supper, did the dishes afterward as I was planting and cleaned one of the bathrooms and tidied a corner of the kitchen. I know she wants the house looking good for her wedding too, but I did find that after her first year away at university, she came home a better roommate in general. On the other hand, if DD and her family lived in a slovenly home, they probably rarely tidied up after themselves and aren't doing anything different. My daughter's apartment gets tidied at least for visits, and since its so small, doesn't tend to get too out of hand. I saw it on Tuesday, in what she said was a big mess after packing and getting ready for wedding stuff, and it was untidy, but not worrisome, and not very dirty.

Ruth, my weight is back down too after highs after the weekend, when I enjoyed hotdogs at the ballgame. Just have to be careful for a few more days, don't want to gain an ounce as the dress waistband is just slightly tight, and is ok at this weight, but not more. It is wicked hot even first thing this morning. Oh well, a little more painting and lots of cleaning today, before we go for massages this afternoon.

Rie I'm still here. Thanks for asking. Things are as well as can be. We have a ton going on here. Like Trish I need to go talk to my Pastor also. I feel like every time I talk to him about one issue and we pray through it another arises. My Pastor said I am one of those people that you would never know has any issues because I always appear happy and I am always smiling. (I seem to fake life's issues really well.)

Listening to all of what you all are saying here just reflects what I am going through here plus some.

My fbs have been in the 140's to the low 150's this week. My weight is up also. I am going into work 2 hours earlier since the kids are out of school. I'm not sure if that plays a roll in my blood sugar or not. I am going to bed an hour earlier so I thought it would average out. I forgot my Metformin on Tuesday and had my daughter bring it to me and yesterday I remembered to take it with me but it wasn't until before Bible study that I remembered I forgot my morning dose.

Bonnie and Trish good for you on doing some things for yourselves. Trish on the DVD's I am still having an issue with my kids putting them back in their cases.

Madeleine love hearing about the time you are spending with your daughter, enjoy

Rie what platform is walkitout on? If it's fun, I'd like to give it a try.

Ruth nice loss

I hope I didn't miss anyone, it so it's not intentional

Good Evening Chickies I decided to call a meeting with the grands this morning. Layed my cards on the table. I told them I decided to go to counciling yesterday and would go again if I need to. Did not tell them where I went or who I talked to... it isn't any of their business. Didn't tell them what I said or what the counsellor said. I shared with them what I learned and what I took from the counciling. I was very clear about how I felt about everything what I expected and what I will and will not do. Told them the way they act is what my grandmother always called heathenism, but I just called it being morons. Told them I was not going to say anything to them any more about anything because they know they don't do what they are supposed to do and they don't care. I told them they are manipulators who say whatever they think they have to say and then do as the please. Then explained how a manipulator is the same as a con artist. I worked in TX prison system and the only thing I remember learning at the academy was the con artist. Intervewer asked the con artist "Don't you feel ashamed of the way you do the people you con?" The guy said "Naw, it doesn't bother me. If they are stupid enough to fall for what I do, I figure they deserve it". Then used the situation at DQ when I had told them I was taking them for ice cream and they tried to trick me into buying more. They did talk me into a blizzard for DSIL, but I did not give in to the burgers. They were very ungrateful for the ice cream so I won't be doing that again soon.

You know I don't know why I didn't do this before. As I write this, I remember reading a book for step-mothers years ago and I just realized what I did today is what the book recommended. I told them, I am not your real grandmother so you don't have to like me or love me. I had hoped we would at least be like family, but evidently that is not what y'all want. That is fine. I can live with that. However, I am your grandads wife and I'm not going any where. I explained that when we let them move in, we changed a lot of things in our lives/lifestyle to fit around them, but I'm changing that now. They will work around my lifestyle... explaining this is my house and their grandads and this situation IS TEMPORARY and we can get through it as friend or foe and that was up to them. I explained to the oldest DGS that I had tried to help him because I saw how much responsibility he had, but once he started treating me disrespectively then he lost my respect and I will NOT be doing all the things for him any more . Told him the dirty bottles etc he griped to his mother about the other night is just one example of what I've been taking care of for a whole year. Told them grandad toldme not to clean up but I had told him if I didn't it would never get done. He looked shocked. Told oldest DGD "I only gave you one chore and you refuse to do it. Told them I never asked anyone to do anything I would not or could not do and I can do it 10x better and a whole lot faster. I explained to them what bordering is and how it works. Kind of gave them, especially the oldest, a quick lesson on economics 101 and who wants to be an engineer so he doesn't have to worry about money. I told him that if he doesn't learn how to handle his money that it won't make any difference how much money he makes because he will always be broke because you cannot live spending more than you make. (Really strange thing? I turned on tv after we finished talking and thought I was getting ready to watch one preacher I like and was shocked that I had another one I like. So I thought well I'll just listen to her instead. I ended up backing it up and calling DGS in to watch it as she was talking about how the Bible tells us to take care of our money and our stuff.) He watched it and said to me "Did you use to live next door to her or something? Only difference in what she is saying and what you tell us is she says amen while she is talking and you don't.) Strange huh?

It is really strange. I was so calm it even amazed me. At one point, it reminded me of when I'm making a speech at church. It didn't take me very long to talk to them and get my point across. I never felt any real emotions. I believe that it was the miracle and wisdom Pastor prayed for God to give me. When we finished, I told them that was all I had to say and asked if they had any questions etc. The youngest DGD looked at me and said, "I'm sorry". Oh I know this is long but I must share this about her. I took care of her from 3 months to 3 yrs old when we moved to SC. When at DQ she spilled her blizzard. I didn't realize what had caused it. She is flighty and I really didn't get upset with her accidents happened. But I had got made at her when she smarted off at me. Any way long story short, I found out from oldest DGD that Hannah was trying to copy her. Haley didn't have much left in her cup and turned it up, but evidently not upside down. I didn't see it... Haley told me about it. Hannah gets in trouble all the time by trying to be like Haley and Tony and I suspect Haley uses that to get Hannah in trouble although that was not true in this situation. It was genuinely an accident because Hannah didn't understand what she was doing was not the same as Haley and her blizzard was completely dumped.

Well, I think Hannah's flighty personality is because her daddy left when she was 3. I've seen children who lose daddy's at or around this age especially girls. She is alway acting for attention and love because she (of course she doesnt' realize it)misses that daddy relationship. I was able to take the opportunity to let her know that she is Hannah and she isn't supposed to be Haley.

Results -- They have been great. Don't really know what the oldest DGD has done, but the little DGD worked like a little housekeeper. Attitudes are great. They had problems with the baby. I told DGD, "I can teach you some things if you want, but I'm not going to force it". Then he asked what he should do. I told him how to handle the situation and explained to Hannah how what she thought was helpful wasn't. You know in the beginning we all thought they were here for me to be a real influence on the kids and now I see how that can be possible.

I know this is long, but y'all have walked through and supported me so much through all the horrible part of this so I just had to share the good stuff too. Is it solved? Knowing life probably NO, but we have overcome a hurdle and while I may never be "grandmother" since I'm not theirs really, maybe we can build a "friendship". At least, they know they can trust me to be who I am and they know I am on their side. And that will be worth it all.
Example, I remember one day when my daughter was a young girl came home from school and said, "Mama, I need you to say no". She never told me what it was about all she said was "Someone wants me to go do something and I don't want to do it. So I just need you to say NO". I said "No" and that was it. I hope I just showed the kids they can have that kind of confidence in me.

Thanks Guys.

Ruthie I am loving the strawberries here as well. You take care of those swollen ankles.

Mad I am so glad things are working out so great with you and your daughter. I think she just needed to get out on her own and get some experience on her own. I forgot when the wedding is going to be. Is it this weekend. I'm happy for you.

Rennie You know what? I am bad about hiding what is going on with me as well and it really took me a long time before I would go for help. As I talked with the DGC today, I realized that God was answering his prayer for me. I had peace when I left there and there was such peace when I set down and talked with the children. It is strange for me to say this because DH and I are in charge of the online prayer ministry for our church. We get the prayer requests that come in and then DH sends them out to our prayer partners in the church so I should know this first before anyone else. It is good to pray on your on and many times that is enough, but sometimes we need someone else to pray with us.

Bonnie Hang in there and keep doing nice things for yourself. I feel your pain of stress and prayers coming your way. Thank God these things don't last forever so focus on what is good for yourself. It is not selfish or wrong to make time for Bonnie.

Rie I think about you working with kids. You probably see a lot in your job with things kids go through and trying to help them is not easy but it is rewarding. I taught 5 year olds for a while, but I had a child that had lots of problems and at that time no one knew how to handle him. He was seen as a behavior problem, but I think he probably should have been in a special school for his needs. I ended up quitting my job because I knew I couldn't do anything with this child and my frustration was getting unbearable for me. DH oldest DGS was that type of child himself so to see him graduate and going to college on scholarships is wonderful. I always wondered what happened to the little boy in my class. I felt God gave me a second chance to help DGS get to this point in his life. So let me say that people like you who work with these kids are much appreciated. I wonder how many people are in jails etc because no one knew how to help them find their way because they were different and marked as behavior problems. Thank you for loving kids enough to help them like you do.

If I missed anyone, I'm sorry. Have a good evening.

You hit it right on the nail.
Their mother is one of those people who cleans house to impress people otherwise no one cleans or picks up anything if they don't have to. Clothes are washed when they have to be and then just thrown in the middle of the floor. When they lived in their own home the girls room was always a mess and dirty. You would never have wanted to take a bath in the kids bath tub. DSIL son evidently told his mother how the house was because CPS was called out on them. Of course, they cleaned everything up for CPS and got out of it. And utilities were always being turned off. Tony and I payed to have utilities turned back on when we spent a week with the kids so she and hubby could go on a cruise for their honeymoon. So this is the norm for them. Hopefully the children will be able to learn a better way of life while here.

This is a flyby. Got to get to the Y. I have a habit of going at noon and don't want to get out of it as I know me. Trying to become more disciplined. This will get me 4 days done. I think next week I will plan on just going Monday thru Friday and get 5 days every week. Also plan to get on kind of a routine to go with it. Will try to get back later. If not y'all have a great weekend.

Quickie to let you know the water weight seems to be draining away very slowly. 183.4 this morning. Now to get through a foodie weekend - birthday party tonight with Chinese food and a Strawberry Social tomorrow. The strawberries would be fine BUT it also includes ham, potato salad, that sweet cole slaw and the usual macaroni salad! I am trying to think of a legitimate excuse to opt out!

Ruthie Good luck with the chinese and strawberry parties. Glad that water weight is coming off. Enjoy your weekend.
The talk I had with the kids has worked. My home is finally peaceful. I told the oldest DGD that I appreciated the things she was doing as I noticed she had done her chore. She said,"I'll try to keep it up and do it everyday". I believe she means it. It seems that everyone is working within the boundaries I have set. Even DD and her DH are better. I saw him coming down the stairs with his dirty dishes. The dirty dishes usually collect upstairs until one of the kids bring them down.

I just do what needs to be done when I find things to be done. It makes it easier on me and a lot less stressful.

Bonnie,Rie,Rennie, Mad and others

Hello everyone: well things got way too busy in the days leading up to the wedding for me to post much. I was really careful with eating though. End result was today's weight about 168.8 is still below 170! I am thrilled.
Not feeling my best, work up at 7 am after going to be late (about 2 am) but throat is sore and scratchy. Having tea and some breakfast, and a tylenol for the sore throat. Will be a bit off plan today I expect, then back on plan tomorrow and for the summer I hope. Today will be clean up in the afternoon.

WELL< the wedding was about perfect. As always little things (like not having a table cloth on the signing table) didn't seem to matter. The vows were beautiful, the minister did a lovely homily, and everyone was happy. The speeches were short and heartfelt, and not a dry eye in the house as DD described the watershed moment when she felt the need to start her own family after sitting at my mother's deathbed, as she wanted to be loved the way she loved her grandmother. I can only say seeing my lovely daughter's and knowing they are as beautiful on the inside as on the outside, was one of the proudest moments of my life. I feel unworthy to be so blessed.
DH was wonderful, and the bride's friends helping were just wonderful.
Even some of my ne'er do well relatives pitched in at times quite unexpectedly, and helped with little things so that the bride and groom didn't have to deal with small matters.
The food (a bbq) catered by a nephew's firm, was excellent, and the local made pies were a total hit for dessert (no wedding cake) and though they decided on no dancing, the games and campfire (including music, and a little dancing) were wonderful. All told, the guest seemed to have a lovely time.
DD has 4 more days of teaching before the end of school, then is a bridesmaid for a friend (who was also a bridesmaid for my DD) then a monthlong honeymoon in Japan. I think they will spend the rest of the summer up at the lake, and hunting for a larger place. They are not in a big hurry to move, but by next year at this time, was larger home, I am hoping it gets filled with a new baby by then too. Lots of jokes about this, I gave them some fertility beads, and the quilt they were given has been dubbed "the babymaker" (if you ever saw the movie "the proposal" with Sandra Bullock and betty white, you will get the reference). Lots of fun and laughs and tears.
My dress and makeup were great, the hair stylist did a great job with a retro look of a bun off to the side, which was perfect with the vintage dress.
Ok so enough about me.
I have been reading about everyone and won't do personals now, but will chime in more as the week goes on. Hope things are going well, and thank you all for the well wishes. It means a lot.
Love m

Mad Thanks for sharing with us. Your description made me feel I was actually there and it sounds like your DD has really matured. I felt your joy knowing they are as beautiful on the inside as that will take them far in life. What a wonderful reward for all your Mothering... makes all the rough times worth it.

CONGRATULATIONS Mad on making it through all the preps and festivities and still being under 170. You have done a great job. I am so thrilled for you and thankful that you are so blessed because you are always such a blessing to all of us here on this thread. I know you have sure been a blessing to me.

DD and DSIL went out for a while last night while the grands, DH and I watched a movie. They put the baby to bed before they left and said it would be no different than it would be if they were in their own home. Oldest DGS would be in charge of taking care of all the kids. So DH and I could just spend time with the grands. It was good time with the childen.

Got up and went to church. The 3 older grands went with us. Came home and their Mom came in and talked to them while I was changing clothes. I haven't seen her today so don't know what she and DSIL have done or been doing, but the 3 grands have been cleaning house since we got in from church. It seems that there are some major changes and they a pleasant. Everything is still peaceful. Many things I've done for them in the past that I would be glad and love to do, I've learned that I can't do for fear that I will ruin things and we will lose the ground we have gained. Sermon this morning helped me to see that I'm a person who has a good heart that causes me to have a desire to help people when I see they have a need. There are times that it is good to help others when we can, but I realized that sometimes this causes me to set myself up to be taken advantage of. I must learn when I'm helping someone and when I'm being used. Just because someone has a need doesn't mean I'm the one who is supposed to meet it. In fact, there may be times no one is supposed to help because they have to learn from their mistakes. So we have actually become more like 2 families sharing one house and I'm not sure that is a bad thing.

My eating is good. No real diet per se, but eating healthy and not eating emotionally is a big help for me. The exercise is a great stress relief. I have a few friends who keep trying to get me to take exercise classes, but I'm not going to let them do that. I love doing the incumbent bike and think I will add 5 min to it this week. I have been wanting to do resistent exercises and realized that is what the machines do. I may end up doing those 3 days a week rather than daily as I'm thinking about eventually adding the treadmill to what I'm doing but not sure how soon I'll add that. I'm going to learn how to listen to what my body tells me. So for now, I'm very happy with what I'm doing.

Hope everyone is having a Super Sunday.

Good Morning Chickies,

DGS has orientation at college today and tomorrow. DSIL went with him for a while... not sure when he will be back. I got up to take care of the baby as this is what DGS does in the mornings and oldest DGD was up with him. She said she was told to get up and take care of him today and tomorrow. So I am free, but will not leave this morning as I planned although DH is here and asleep. I told them I would not leave until I go to the Y at noon so will keep my word. DSIL should be back then. I don't see DD and DSIL much and they are taking care of baby or having the children take care of him. I'm not sure if there is still manipulation (punishing me by keeping baby from me) or they aren't sure what to do since their power of manipulation has been removed. However, I told the grandchildren when I talked to them that was all I had to say on my part, so I have said all I'm going to say. I have known real grandmothers as well as step-grandmothers who refused to even do what I'm willing to do. I used to wonder why they wouldn't do more for their children and grands. Maybe I just found out why. When we had our family meeting back in the beginning of this year DH told them that they had to take responsibily for themselves and their children because that is not our responsibility. Regardless of what game they are playing by keeping the baby away from us, it doesn't really matter. It is forcing them to grow up and take responsibility for the things that are not mine. Hopefully it will cause them to mature and when they do get into their own home again they will be able to make it on their own.

So I'm going to the Y around noon. Wanted to get my nails done but wouldn't leave. Might do that tomorrow. DSIL should be back by the time I come back home and DH gets up so DH and I are going out to eat and then on to Costco. I'm looking forward to our time together.

Eating is good. My weight is up a bit, but I'm sure that has to do with exercise changes etc. I believe that as I keep eating the way I am and keep exercising that eventually my body will catch up.

Y'all have a Marvelous Monday!!!