- I want to be fit like my brother, the Golden Boy, the marathon runner
- I want to lose more weight than one of my friends, because she's so smarmy about her weight loss
- I want to lose more weight than my other friend's husband, because I'm tired of hearing how he "lost 53 lbs by not doing anything" (i.e. his wife drastically changed her grocery shopping habits and he's too lazy to do his own food shopping - yes, he lost weight because he's LAZY)
- I want to wear something sexy at Halloween this year
- I hate going to the gym, even though I do it anyway
- It drives me nuts that my mother keeps saying "Can't you splurge, just this once?" - It's a LIFESTYLE change, Mom, NOT a diet!

Sigh

Dana
304.2/285.2/200

Well that's not good news!! I'm going to be VERY careful about my weight as I go into this. In the past, my BIG problem with my weight has been being able to balance work/life. When work gets intense, my exercise and eating habits fly out the window, and the weight packs back on. I'm always going to have to be careful about this and learn how to put myself first.

Dana, you are really doing a great job! My husband can just THINK about losing weight, and suddenly he's lost 30 pounds. Makes me sick. I'm sorry about your mom... some people just don't get it!! You sound really dedicated. Good luck to you!

Nice or not, I too have thought the same thing!

These are my confessions:
- I am actually happy no matter what weight I am, but I hate being the sweaty armpit girl, since I've gained 50 lbs.

- I want to lose the weight not only for me, but so my son won't be embarrassed by his mother. Not that I think he would, but I have the fear..

- I want to lose the weight not only for me, but for my parents. They are both overweight and always talk about my weight, saying they don't want me to end up like them. I secretly hope that I can show them that we can all have the power to be healthly, if thin comes out of it, then good. As I am getting older, and seeing them get older, I fear the worst. I am an only child and can't image their loss.

love this thread!

I tried to go shopping for a goal outfit the other day and realized that I've been shopping in plus sized stores so long that I was literally TOO SCARED to go into the normal stores without a thin friend! I was worried that everyone would look at me and know i dont belong. So I went into dress barn because they carry plus sizes too but I couldnt bring myself to go over to the Misses/non plus section.

Also, I've been dating this man for the past few months and he started hinting that he wanted to get more serious but I told him I just wanted to be friends and was enjoying being single right now. The real reason? He was interfering with my weight loss.

On a related note: Lately I have become obsessed with weight loss and fitness and how many calories I burned and how much faster I can go on the treadmill and how many steps my pedometer has recorded. I workout 4 hours a day on my days off. I think about it more than any other thing in my life right now. It is totally consuming my life.

Another one: A doctor just told me that, with my lean body mass, I should aim for a weight of 174.5. My goal weight here is 160 but my secret goal=150

And here is the one I am MOST ashamed of: I just signed up to start a doctor supervised VLC (very low calorie) diet. I will be eating 500 calories a day for one month starting next Friday. Then I will slowing increase my calorie intake to a more normal amount.

I think my husband doesn't really love me because of the way I look and the only reason he hasn't left yet is because I take care of him, am a good cook, wash his clothes etc...

My mom just lost a bunch of weight recently because she was dx'd with diabetes and quit eating so much junk. She is smaller than I am now and I don't want to hang around her as much because she's always been much bigger than me, it makes me feel like a failure. She keeps giving me her old clothes and I keep telling her they'll be way too big but in reality some of them do fit.

I feel bad for thinking that about my mom cause she's my mom and I should be proud of her. It feels good to let that out though until now I've not told anyone how I feel.

I'm jealous of skinny girls who flaunt themselves around. I look at them and find their flaws to make myself feel better. I don't tell them their flaws though. Because that would be rude of course!

I always feel like an outcast and a blacksheep no matter where I go. I always look around to see if I'm the fattest person there, and I usually am.

Confession is good for the soul.

*I wish I'd never lost the weight in the first place so then I'd never know what it was like to not be fat

*I hate that my DH can eat pasta and rice for every meal and not gain a pound

*I'm ashamed that my son can ask, "Mama, cookie, please."

*I hate that my sisters got gastric bypass, but secretly wish I could do it too.

*I have no concept of a few. I WILL eat the entire bag of cookies, go back for more sweets, even when my stomach hurts from being over-full.

*Hate that everyone's attitude of my weight went from 'you're fat' to 'oh, you had a baby. It's okay now.' When does it go back to 'you're fat'?

That's the worst of them, though there are millions of guilty little things I could own up to. And all of them revolve around food.

Yes, me too! Though right now I don't go anywhere without the baby, so people will know that's where some of the weight came from. (BTW I'm originally from High Point, so not too far from you.)

I'm not changing my FB profile picture (same as my avatar) until I have lost some weight. It's from last summer before I got pregnant again.

Wow, great thread. It takes a lot of courage to post things like this that involve guilt, shame, and fear, so thanks everyone. Here's my baggage...

I am afraid that I am a food addict, and I can't ever see myself getting well. I can't imagine a life without chocolate.

I have had bouts with bulimia in the past, and occasionally still binge and purge.

I am so disgusted with my own body that I have not had a relationship in 3 years.

Despite the fact that I have recently lost 30 lbs, I feel like I look no different.

I am afraid that I will never find someone to share my life with, and that I will run out of time to have children.

I sometimes take allergy pills when I don't need them because they kill my appetite.

I have absolutely no motivation to exercise, and that, more than anything has made me fat and will keep me unhealthy. It may even contribute to my death someday.

Despite the seriousness of being unhealthily overweight and possibly obese, even the smallest change has been an uphill struggle.

About 8 years ago, I weighed 125 lbs. I was only at this weight for a few months, but during my "skinny year" I had more dates than I have in my entire life combined. How humiliating.

In some ways I hate myself.


Sorry for being such a bummer.

I feel like this too!!! So glad I'm not the only one!

Wow! There were so many things in here that I didn't realize other people felt too! Now here's my list, and it may end up being long:

-I'm terrified that my boys will be fat because of me.
-I don't want to lose my boobs!
-I can't wait to have men (other than gross old men, drunks, or wierdos) think I'm attractive, but it also scares the crap out of me.
-I want to be a hot mom, you know, the one all the other moms hate when they pick their kids up from school because she looks so good? I want that to be me!
-I have stopped taking my boys to the park since the hottest part of the summer arrived because I sweat so much because of my weight and I feel like everyone is grossed out by me.
-I deleted pics from facebook before sending friend requests to a couple of ex-boyfriends and a friend I hadn't talked to in a while because I didn't want them to see me this fat.
-I can't wait to put up skinny pics so those same people can be like "Wow, she looks great!"
-I sometimes think my husband is to blame for my weight gain because he bought me a whole box of my favorite candy bars when we were dating, and that is around the same time I started packing on weight.
-I am afraid that I will have a heart attack and die while I am home alone with my young sons, since I am so heavy and my dad, grandpa, and grandma all had multiple heart attacks.

I think that's it for now. Thanks for a non-judgemental place to let this out!

I do exactly the same thing. I'm obsessed whether it's going into my mouth or not!



Yes, yes YES! Is there a thread about this? It seems to be pretty common based on these confessions...



Totally understand about the parents. And I do the same thing with running. The only thing that helps me is if I repeatedly think to myself "I am invisible. Nobody is looking at me." which can't be good for the psyche.



I was a server for 10 years--from college pub to fine dining-- and I can tell you with absolute certainty that we are NOT thinking this! Most of the time we are thinking about the 5 things we need from the kitchen, the dirty table that needs to be bussed, the refills at table 7, the bad tip from that rude lady... trust me, we're not judging your food choices, we're just trying to get through the shift!


.

I had to get this one off my chest. I will add more later but this one is bugging me the most.

-- I wish I had no social life for at least the next 2 months. Even if I can get myself into a good pattern of excercise and diet for the week, it all turns to crap on the weekends with all the social functions and obligations we have to attend which revolve around nothing but food, alcohol and long stretches of inactivity. We got married in early May and it is now the end of July and EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND has been eaten by some birthday/baby shower/summer bbq/in-law nonsense we have to attend where my routine gets whacked.

so I joined a gym about 9 months ago but didn't start using my membership until April becuase I thought I was too fat to go to the gym and wanted to lose wt before I went...how stupid does that sound!?!?!? I finally said Screw It! and realized I had to go to the gym to lose the wt to go to the gym. LOL Now I go at least 3 times a week.

Every once in a while I get an uncontrolable craving for crappy food (McDonalds, pie, etc...) and I eat a bunch of it and then feel so bad (physically and mentally) make myself throw up. If it happened more than once a month or so I would say I am bulimic...but maybe I am kidding myself.

I'm so right there with you on that one.