Hi everyone, Hi Lisa oooh those labs do love to make us clean up after them

I've been doing super well with exercising every day, was doing very well with eating, well alot of improvement, except I caved yesterday, was so hungry, ate everything in sight. I will just try to put myself back on track and not berate myself.

Did some yard work yesterday, and picked up a bunch of junk from a hidden part of the yard, well it's hidden in summer but is evident any other time..you know the household junk that is too big for regular garbage and you have to take it to the dump. Broken screens, old mop handles, rusty this, broken that...i loaded up my car, drove 9 miles to the dump and saw they were closed yesterday well I will go today. Did put a couple things up at the top of our driveway with the Free sign, couple things gone right away.

One of the rusty broken things is a almost 5 foot long metal pole tree trimmer, it has a curved serrated blade at the end (looks like a Grim Reaper scythe!) and I had to jam that in my car..it looks like one of those Final Destination movie plots about to happen, lol.

Yes I am enjoying my time off its always great to NOT have to be anywhere isn't it! We haven't had great weather but just ok, like overcast and 50.

Holly,

I am glad you have time to regenerate. It really will make you feel like a new woman. I know you love, love, love your pastry job. I am so happy for you.


Ladies,
I feel a little better. I'm not sure why, I've only taken my increased dosage 2 days. i wouldn't think it would work that fast. I just know that my mood is decent.

I was supposed to have an appt in the morning at 9:30 am. I got a letter today saying my appt was changed to the 1st at 2:30 pm. I am so glad. I had no idea where the office is. I was going ot have to find the office before 9:30 am. It's an old knee Dr in a new office. Anyway, it's changed to the 1st.

I was looking through Jennifer's baby pictures the other day. I picked out two and I need to buy frames for them. 1 - 5x7 and 1 - 8x10. She was so incredibly adorable. I always, as my mom did, dressed her in the cutest clothes and put her hair in a waterfall on top of her head.

I can't think of anything else to write. Have a great Wed night.

Lisa I am so glad you are feeling at least a little better! maybe the increased dosage has helped already. Hope when you have your knee appt that you find the office in time, I know if I don't allow a ton of extra time to do something like that I always end up late. Your baby pics of Jennifer are precious and will be so nice framed. Are you still communicating with the lady friend? any chance of meeting? With weather warming up there must be alot of activity on your lake do you have access to the lake, is there a beach, or a dock?

Kathleen oh how disappointing for your daughter! very good to find something else to do that night. but still a disappointment. Yay for your son's final class with the regrettable girlfriend! and super Yay to you for continuing to progress with recognizing feelings of 'okay that's enough' instead of 'i want more' (which is me most of the time ) and so great that it is becoming a little easier? or maybe more of a habit? good job!!! and also yay for nice weather to walk your pups

HI to CinnamonHearts, Monica, Coop, Britt, JesikaBeth

Did some more yard work outside yesterday, it is still so hard for me to be in my own yard and feel the oppressive presence of the hulking house next door, and recently there are even more hammer monkeys crawling all over the place. I step out of my house and I can SEE them turn their head to look over here. Not that there is anything to look at but just the fact that they see movement and look over here, I just feel so friggin exposed. I know, why do I care? I know they just glance and go back to their work but it still rips against my spirit. If I was in better shape, I WOULD put on a bikini top and TRY to distract them I did have a friend tell me "walk around naked, both you and your husband, that'll learn them"

I try to battle my bad thoughts with positive action..if something is bothering me, that I see, and if I can't do anything about THAT (like my husband's clutter) then I will pick something I CAN do something about. Yesterday, it was looking at some scrap wood I had tossed in the woods just past the yard line, when things are green and leafy it was hidden, but it is glaring obvious now. and has been there for over a year. So I put on boots and long sleeves and gloves, and first cut back the bushy crap that kept me from raking; then raked; then progressed to where the wood was, then carried it farther into the woods but now i can't see it from the house, so that is good. Little victories like that help me.

Hi Lisa,

For some reason I always pictured Elvira as a little terrier. Is she a lab?

I'm glad that you got outside, even for a short time. I absolutely love the sun. I find even just a short amount of time in the sun, for me, goes a long way in terms of my emotional well-being.

I understand about the gym and comfort levels. I was blessed to make friends with one of the trainers when I first started...we were close friends for a couple of years after. Anyway she made me feel super comfortable with the equipment and gave me a ton of knowledge regarding working out. So I feel grateful that I feel confident in that respect going to the gym...but I've been avoiding it. Partially due to social anxiety. Partially because truthfully I felt self conscious while trapped in cycles of bulimia.

That said, I'm a huge believer in, if you want to increase your exercise/movement, to do whatever exercise you like to do, in a place that make you comfortable. Right now I'm more comfortable going for walks with my husband. I just haven't had the courage or brainspace to go to the gym. I guess I'm just rambling a bit.

I liked your comment about liking the fact that you can still learn new things about yourself after being in therapy for a while. I hadn't thought of things that way, but I like it. I tend to keep on thinking of myself as a broken person in need of repair, but I like your comment because its a reminder that I'm not broken, just constantly learning new things about myself.

I hope you and your animals are enjoying your new home It sounds lovely and peaceful.

Holly - Congrats on getting back on track after a small tumble I also like how you focused on things you can change, like yard work, to shift your focus from negative thoughts. I might try this out for myself

Kathleen - Thank you for all your previous kind comments. I apologize that I did not respond back for a week or so...

I'm happy to hear that your kids are doing well! What sort of alternative fun activity did your daughter pick out?

I feel that we are thinking similarly about eating. I've been focusing on being mindful while eating and stopping when full. It's not always easy but I am finding with practice I'm learning more and more about myself and food.I might write more later on this.

I really like the elliptical too, although it's been a while. Congrats on your exercise!

I thought I would elaborate more on how I've been doing lately.

I finally finished the book Brain Over Binge; I had bought it a few years ago (I think) and never finished it. Anyway it's been a pretty amazing read. The premise is that you need to dismiss the urge to binge in order to heal, rather than fix or discover your "issues".

I feel that all of a sudden I understood the premise and I stopped bingeing. It's been 2.5 weeks and I haven't been white knuckling it either. It's been a blessing; a very peaceful new development. I realized that I needed to stop tracking my eating so that I could focus on the urge to binge, which for me was the actual issue. That in of itself was a huge blessing too.

Right now I consider myself fully healed of bulimia and I've been trying to adjust to eating without tracking, without shame. I was afraid I would just eat and eat and eat if I didn't track...but I find that isn't happening at all. It's like I'm uncovering all these rules I have had about food and eating and I'm just...shocked. I thought I was just committed and disciplined to eating heathily. But how can I be healthy while I'm mentally beating myself up and bingeing? Trying to eat more naturally or intuitively is quite interesting...like I said, I'm uncovering all these rules about eating that I'm realizing have been huge weights on my shoulders. And it's so interesting to see that without tracking I'm following my hunger cues and to a certain degree, what I desire to eat. And I'm not feeling deprived nor am I going crazy with eating. Nor am I eating perfectly.

I feel that I have been healed from binge eating, although obviously I'm still learning about myself and overeating and dealing with different problems in my life. There's some painful stuff going on.

I still haven't returned to the gym...It's been so tied to negative feelings about myself and self punishment that I'm a little afraid that if I return, then I'll start having urges to binge or punish myself. I really want to return to the gym and focus on doing my favourite exercises and being ok with leaving the rest behind. I've been trying to get outdoors walking on the weekends but either my husband hasn't felt well and I didn't want to go by myself, or the weather has been terrible. So for now I'm hoping to return, but focusing on overcoming bingeing and overeating first.

wonderful posts Cinnamonhearts! and we are now in our May thread