Fell way off the wagon and am trying to get back on track but I'm struggling. I'm going to exercise and stick to tell plan and then weigh myself in a few days

Rin, sorry to hear of the 'blip' in your efforts! Yay to you for commitment to exercise and sticking to the plan, as you should Yeah don't even attempt to weigh if you think it will just bum you.

Coop - I wish we had that product here, though I'd probably abuse it :shock:

Lisa - I'm glad you spoke to your physician about how you're feeling about your Mom, it just plain sucks doesn't it. You probably know that it will get better, but don't know when, and don't know when it just washes over you unexpectedly. we are thinking of you and pulling for you! Hug your dog and kitty extra Oh and very sorry to hear of the hip pain! is this something new?

Hi to Kathleen, EasySpirit, purplecow, catinhat, and is MissManda still with us? I did 'see" Fi posting elsewhere on the forum so she is still kinda here

Another beautiful day here, sunny and 55, perfect for working outside. Each time I think I'm done with the yard, I get inspired to tackle something else. today it was raking back the cut down blackberry brambles and 10 years worth of leaves. Then picked up the bow saw and loppers AGAIN and heading into the woods for more cutting down.

I am giving my peonies and rhubarb plants water daily, cause we've had hardly any rain.

this morning's workout was Day 10 of the Beginner's HIIT Challenge, 30 minutes. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmRA515kREI

Hey so all these ads here are new, aren't they? it used to be you were only bothered by ads if you were on the site without being logged in; once you signed in, the ads would disappear. Now they're all over the place.. Huh.

Well I still haven't received my first umemployment insurance check!! from the week of the 4th! I hate to call them, I did call on Monday and they said it was 'going out that day'. Well I would usually receive a piece of mail the next day, but I'll be patient and wait til tomorrow, then call again.

Hello, friends.

Lisa, we all must go through the steps of the grieving process. There are days you will be okay, days you will be miserable, and days where you just feel like something is missing- not quite right. Eventually you will have more good days than bad, and still later you will find acceptance. You will never forget, and certain songs, people, tv shows, will make you think of your mother - but the thoughts get easier in time. I have never watched Dancing with the Stars, but my mother loved it. Whenever someone mentions it, I think of her....things like that.

Holly, you are a whirlwind! Between the yard work and the exercise, you have been great!

Fi, Hello my friend if you are about.

Kathleen, I hope things are going well for you and your family, especially your son. Life can be tough.

Hello to everyone else.

Like Rin, I have fallen, or I should say JUMPED, off the wagon. I ate both ice cream and chocolate this week, and did not stop until it was gone. I have also been dealing with family problems that have me upset, and I ate the ice cream to calm myself. I like odd-shaped tins, and a friend found one shaped like a teddy bear at HomeGoods and bought it for me - unfortunately, it was filled with decadent chocolates - I ate every one of them. I know I cannot have anything like that in my home; I eat it all when I am upset - which I am at this point. THREE family members are having emotional problems - job related and marital - and all three seem to think I am the one to spill the beans to. In reality, I just put up a good front. They have no idea how they upset me - my stomach is in knots, I get queasy and sometimes light-headed. And, I calm myself by exercising and eating sweet things. (how is that for a crazy combination?)

My weight is up, I jump when the phone rings, I feel on edge, like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop constantly.

Hi Holly. It really does suck. I spend a lot of time blocking it out, maybe I shouldn't but I can't go 24/7 thinking about it. I need to live my life but it does seem to always be there over my shoulder.
I am spending my time with the pets. I love them so much. Jennifer is home for a couple of days, that always helps to not be alone.
The hip just every once in a while would not let me put pressure on it. Now however, it is hurting me a lot more. I have never felt pain like this before. I don't know what to do?
Anyway, again I'm sorry for complaining.

Lots of love to you, Holly.

EasySpirit,

I do feel like something is missing or off. You worded it perfectly. I haven't been able to put my finger on it, I've just felt off, not right. Mom and I were so close. I have to get used to being on my own too. I've always leaned on my Dad and Mom, now they are both gone. I am 49 years old and still relied on my parents for support and money. I know that sounds awful but they have always helped me out financially, not just mental support.

I hope I do heal.


Much love to you!

Sorry I haven't posted for several days. I was reading along some of the time, but just didn't have the energy to post. Things are so tense in our household that I am constantly on edge. My son and hubby are not getting along at all. Long story but my son had to leave last night and I didn't know where he was for awhile. I was beside myself!!! My hubby took his phone and computer, but thank God I convinced him to let him have his Ipad since he purchased it with his own money. I was finally able to get in touch with him through Facebook messenger. He went to our lake house, which is about 50 minutes away. I just thank God he had a key to get in! And I thank God that he left in his car before hubby took that, too (since it's technically ours). All kinds of thoughts were spinning in my head (of dread and fear and sadness) before I knew he was safe somewhere. He is attending his intensive outpatient therapy 3 days a week and made it there today, despite a very rough and emotional night. He actually really likes the therapy there. I hope and pray it will help him to deal with everything, including all that's going on within our little family right now. It's all about balancing the needs of a 20-year-old with the expectations (and "rules") of living (for free) in our household. We actually had to set up a contract with him at his therapist's office recently. He has done some things that have really disrupted our household, especially for our 16-yr-old daughter. I agree that there needs to be consequences, but I am not willing to put him out on the streets over the things he's done. Hubby is way too strict and I tend to be more lenient. With all that he has been going through, it is just extremely important to me that he knows someone (me!) loves him no matter what! I honestly worry about losing him in so many different ways. He assures me that he will not hurt himself, but things were pretty bad when he left last night. I hate to even think about it. I am trying so hard to take one day and even one moment at a time and live my life as "normal" as possible under the circumstances and to stay strong for everyone, especially my kids. But I am so filled with anxiety constantly right now. I just thank God that my psychiatrist put me on Klonopin twice a day recently (for this very reason). It at least takes the edge off of my constant worry and anxiety and allows me to somewhat function the way I need to. I just also worry about the toll this is taking on each one of us. Sorry to be such a downer, but I am just NOT at a good place right now. I feel like my family ~ which, along with my faith, is EVERYTHING to me ~ is falling apart. My hubby and I are not getting along at all because of everything, which is added stress on both of us... and on our 16-yr-old. She begs us not to argue. She is so innocent and sensitive and this is killing her, too. I hate it all more than words can say!!! That's all on that subject for now. I will post this and try to post some personals separately, just in case I lose this to cyberspace!

Lisa: I cannot even tell you how sorry I am for what you are going through with your grief about losing your mom. My heart breaks for you! I just hope and pray that you will be able to get through this process as quickly as possible. EasySpirit is right that there will always be moments that are difficult, especially with her death being so new. Please be patient with yourself and don't expect too much from yourself too soon. Your grief is so fresh and raw right now. It won't be like this forever. I am sending you the biggest hug I can muster up through cyberspace!!!!! What is the word on the job with Hallmark? Hope things are going well with all of that. Please keep us posted when you get a chance! And please take good care of yourself!!! You are important to us and you matter!!! Sending you much love!

Holly, loving hearing about your yardwork! It must be keeping you very fit I hope your unemployment check arrived.

Kathleen, so sorry to hear about your stresses, and what a worry your son's been causing! It can be very difficult when a child has lived away from home and then returns. They've had a taste of 'adulting' and making their own rules, but as parents, you still feel they are the dependant who should obey your rules. It is difficult striking the right balance, and I hope you get there soon!

Lisa, unfortuntately there really are no rules to how and when you will stop feeling so horrid. I don't know if it will bring you any comfort to say that absolutely nothing you are describing sounds unusual though. You will get yourself into a new routine with your new job, and it will help distract you.

I am getting on ok with my new medication, still feeling quite queasy, but trying to console myself that it has reduced my appetite and helped me lose a few lbs! I hope the feeling passes soon though, it's not fun...

I went for an interview for a new job this week, and they said they will be sending me an offer next week. It will be a good position, I am trying to shift fields, and this will help me transition. I feel very guilty about my current job though. I really like the people, and am will be leaving them short, but I am trying to remind myself that my future is also important.

Thinking of all of you - Especially you Lisa. Time will make everything better, give yourself a break and feel bad and realize it won't last forever. Kathleen - sounds rough in your house. Klonopin is great stuff, but it can only take the edge off.

My diet continues to go well! Lost 22 lbs in 5 weeks, but lots of willpower required. People are starting to see a difference and comment that they can tell I've lost weight. It feels so good!

I want to talk to my psychiatrist about getting off of the Abilify. I've been doing well for a while, but can have sudden crashes. I'm hoping that getting off the Abilify will help me lose a few lbs. I know I gained when i went on it, but needed it at the time.

Hugs to you all!

Coop,

You're right, I am just so mixed up right now. There is just such a hole in my life. I hope this new job does help me get back on track.

Take care.