I often find that, if I weigh-in after a workout, I tend to be up temporarily. I'm not sure what that's all about. Maybe it's the increased H20 intake during my time at the gym. SO, I try not to be discouraged when I weigh after a workout.
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Having a rough week here. I managed to stay pretty much OP until today. As I mentioned, I'm taking a really intense course (7 days/week, 7-8 hours/day, then add homework), so I'm doing well at keeping busy. I also tend to binge when I'm bored. However, I'm not getting the sleep I need. Last night was horrible. I didn't even know it was Friday, I was so confused and tired. I knew I had a test this morning, so I got to bed at 11 to be up for 6. I was determined to get my workout in before class, since it makes me feel good for the rest of the day. My BF was going out with friends.
He returned ~1:30 AM, or rather, one of his friends carried him through the door and into bed ~1:30. He's 145 lbs soaking wet, and he'd been trying to "keep up" with a bunch of 200lb + men at the bar all night. This is just not typical of him at all. In the 2.5 years I've known him, he's only done this twice. But what timing, right? So, long story short, I spent most of the night cleaning up, making him comfortable, checking in on him, etc. I finally got to sleep again around 4 am, and was awakened every hour until 8 for really obnoxious requests (i.e. pour water in my mouth, the facecloth on my head fell off...). To make matters worse, I suspect he got loose-lipped about some of my personal problems with his friends last night (depression and prozac, sexual dysfunction, weight and body image issues) because one of them decided to "reassure me" about everything as he stumbled out of the front door. This incenses me. So, I'm a zombie today at school.
I had no time to work out, make myself look decent, or make breakfast, so I grabbed a bagel (lite cream cheese, but used too much and ate the whole thing), and a super-sugary coffee on the way to school. I had the forsight to pack an apple and banana for lunch, but I'm off plan so far, and I just know I'm going to be fighting a binge battle when I get home.
AND, I know that if I start telling him how I feel (infuriated!) we'll have a knock-down drag-out. I feel so violated that he aired my dirty laundry in the middle of some bar. I know we all do stupid things when we're drinking, but getting that drunk is a choice. I am trying to separate my feelings for him from my anger at what he did while intoxicated. It's really hard to do, as I have been an "enabler" of an alcoholic significant other in the past. My BF is not by any means an alcoholic, but it is hard to both 1) not make excuses for him and hold him accountable for his actions, and 2) realize that a lot of what he did was because of the alcohol, and that binge drinking is not typical of him at all.
To top it all off, I started a new medication yesterday, and I'm really having trouble concentrating on anything, keeping my inner monologue to myself, and I'm stumbling over words, so I feel like a big doofus. I wish I had some extra strength reserve to draw from for the next couple of days. I'm going to pull out all the tricks to keep myself from binging, since that is the one part of this situation I can truly control. I've decided that, if I feel the urge to eat further off-plan today, I will brush my teeth or take a walk. I have to go grocery shopping after school, but I will only buy what is on my list. We'll see how well that works.
Anyway, sorry to whine or bring anyone down, but having an anonymous forum to vent this on really helps.
