Morning chicks!

Motivation Level: 6

I'm a little pressed for time this morning (as usual) so I'm going to try to make this a quick one. Short shift at work today, so exercise this afternoon will be no problem. I finally got a working digital camera, even though it's a crappy one, so I'm going to take some progress pictures of myself this afternoon also. If they turn out decent I'll post a few. If not... you'll just have to wait to see my beautiful face!

Food shouldn't be too bad, as I'm fixing dinner and I'll make something healthy. Don't have any idea what though. I'll figure it out. I get to clean my entire house today too. Bleh... I don't really feel like cleaning, but I know I need to, so I guess I will.

Jaymi: As for measurements, I measure everywhere: Waist, hips, abs, but, chest, bust, upper arm, bicep, forearm, upper thigh, lower thigh, and calf. I'm not sure how accurate I am about it though, as I can never remember exactly how I measured the month before, so I worry that I'm not doig it the same way and therefore I'm getting different numbers. As long as they're fairly close, I'm assuming they're right.

Anyway, gotta run! I'll be back this evening. Have a lovely day everyone!
~Elisha

Evening ladies.

Today was... eh, ok I guess. Mostly good, but for some reason I am depressed now. I didn't get to work out, or clean my house, or even fix dinner today. I had to chauffer my brother around looking for a car, and as payment he gave me gas money and bought me dinner. Then I had to chauffer my best friend around because her car is in the shop. We had a yummy dinner though, and I didn't even go way over my calorie limit--I came in at 1456 for the day. My intake seems to keep getting lower, and I'm not even trying. Not that I mind, it's just kind of weird. I didn't get any decent pictures taken either, and now I've already taken off my makeup for the night, so it's not going to happen now.

The depression though, is a different story. I feel like I should be doing better. With my weight loss, with my finances, with my life in general. And the fact that I'm not doing better kind of pisses me off. But certain parts of it I don't really know how to change. A girl at work was asking me about my weight loss goals, and I said I'd like to get down to around 150 or a size 8, but that I didn't really know how to judge because I've never been that size. She said that I have a large frame and I'll probably never be below a 10/12, or a 13/14 in juniors. I know she didn't mean it to be insulting. She has about the same stature as me and that's what size she is, and while she looks a lot better than I do now, it still kind of came as a blow to my self-confidence. It's like, "You'll never be any better than this, so don't wear yourself out trying."
And then I look at my fat. I look at the scale. It says I've lost almost 30 pounds. But I don't see much of a change. If 30 pounds doesn't make a difference, why should the next 50? There is a lot of fat on my body, not just places I could use a little toning up, but actual rolls of fat. It disgusts me. It feels like so much more than 50. 30 pounds hasn't even budged this thing I call a stomach, let alone my cottage cheese thighs. I feel like even once I lose the weight I'll still be the same shape, and it's the shape that bothers me.

I hate this. I hate being fat. I hate myself for letting me get fat. I hate the fact that I have to go through this. I hate the fact that it's my fault. I hate the fact that it could have been prevented. I hate myself for not losing weight sooner, or faster. I hate myself for not being someone I am able to respect. I hate myself for not being able to control myself better. I hate the fact that I let my emotions overrule my logic. I hate the fact that I ever let my life get to where it is right now. I feel so incredibly stupid.

Ok, sorry for that rant. Had to get it out of my system. Don't feel much better now though. *sigh*

Tomorrow, part of me wants to sleep in, but part of me wants to get up and exercise, work out some of this frustration. Maybe tomorrow will bring a fresh perspective. One can always hope.

Have a good night, chicks.
~Elisha

Imprisoned in every fat person a thin one is wildly signaling to be let out.
-- Cyril Connolly, "The Unquiet Grave" (1945)

Morning chicks!

Motivation level: 6

I'm not feeling particularly energetic today, but after the day of completely crappy eating I had yesterday, I do feel like I absolutely have to climb back on that wagon today. I'm going to do my exercise here in a few minutes. No idea what I'm going to do yet, but I'll do something. And my eating is going to be right on target today. No excuses.
I start my new job today. I think I should be more excited than I am. Maybe the excitement has already worn off (since I have known about it for more than 2 weeks, and it's not really like I'm getting a new job--I just have a new title and slightly more responsibility). But I need the money. However, I'm hoping to hear about a tech writing position this week, and that is a job I actually want and a lot more money. I guess we'll have to wait and see on that one.

Lucia: Congrats on the 2 pound loss! You're right--any progress is still progress! And keep up the good work with the journaling. Once you get used to it, it almost feels wrong if you don't do it.

Jaymi: I'm sure you're still out there being as active as ever!

Have a great day, chickies!
~Elisha

Hey all!

Sorry I havent been checkin in! I havent had any free time to myself. I am very, very cranky right now! I didnt get to exercise yesterday, and I didnt yet.. today. Everybody and everything gets on my nerves!! I'm used to getting up and going where ever I please... even if it is just to the store or something. Now I have to wait for everyone to get ready. My sister wants to sleep all da*n day and at about 4 or 5 say... Are we going anywhere today? H*ll No! The day is over with!! Meanwhile I havent really gotten anything accomplished that I wanted to. I just don't get it.... why is such dumb things irritating me?!? I'm not even going to get on the hubby, he just gets on my nerves... for no reason... or every reason. I need an attitude adjustment! I need help!! I wouldnt want to be my friend if I met me right now!!!! Anyways, my kids are both acting bad and they are getting on my nerves! Plus it's over 90 degrees outside, and THAT gets on my nerves! I can just imagine me trying to go walking out there in this heat, I'd be passed out in 5 minutes. I want to go to the beach or pool, but Tom is still linguring and that gets on my nerves!!

So... I guess everyone can see why I havent checked in.... too grumpy!! As you all know, this dumb AOL cuts off constantly and that just tops the cake. I really, really, want to leave!! The hubby is off fishing, but when he comes in... which better be in the next 30 minutes or so... I'm leaving him, the kids,, and maybe even the lil sis and go buy me some tampons and get a tan or something. This weather sucks so bad, I doubt I get into the water...plus Its probably packed. But I don't care... I need some alone time!

Well everyone, sorry If I ruined your day! I didnt come here to type this...but it all just came out this way! My life seems to just suck and be the worst ever.. but I know that it isnt.... I just have this major bad mood thing going... and I've been having a headache every single day! Plus I cant seem to wake up early, and I've started having nightmares again. I assume this could make you all be grouchy too! Well anyways, I will try my best to come back here with a more positive attitude. Whichs gives me a bit of lee-way since it just has to be a little better since its so bad now!! ! Well I hope everyone has a great day, and I will talk to you soon!

Jaymi

Jaymi--You're right, that would make everyone else grumpy too. We all have days like that occasionally. I seem to have quite a few of them, actually.

Let's see, how did I do today? I did manage to get some exercise in, though only a 20 minute walk up our hill. But, that's 20 more minutes than I've managed in the past few days, so it's all good. Calories came in at 1531, so I'm in good shape there. I might even indulge in a little popcorn while I watch a movie. I'm really craving something crunchy/salty. Mmm... popcorn. I even made Mom buy me some light popcorn at the store, so I won't feel too guilty about it.
As for my first day in my new position... all good. I made 400% of my sales plan today, and that's not even counting what anyone else sold for me today, which was a good bit. Granted, my sales goals are fairly small, but that's good. Easy goals make easy bonuses.

And I just have to say this because I am so freaking happy... my new car gets 42 mpg. How awesome is that?! I've been filling up once a week, which is great, considering I drive about 18 miles to work one way.

Ok, enough bragging. Movie time. Have a lovely evening chicks.
~Elisha

Just a quick note to let you all that I am back. I wanted to say something really profound to let you all know that I am feeling refreshed, but nothing comes to mind! Camping is wonderful and even a "moody" husband didn't get me down at all! When one breathes in the air of Lake Michigan every morning and feels the sand at her feet and watches the laughter from the depths of a dear daughter's soul, one can't help but feel refreshed. The only thing that made me a little crabby was driving home today! It's back to reality and back to the structure of my days and nights. I so enjoyed reading on the beach, waking whenever I wanted (which was no later than 8:30 on any given day and usually around 7am!) and watching the beautiful sunsets from the comfort of my own campfire chair through the trees or walking to the beach (just a few yards from that chair at the campfire) to lay in the sun or play with DD at the beach! I walked on the beach and through the trails in the park, I biked, but mostly I just enjoyed each moment as it was! It was beautiful!

I am back to daily goals, however and tomorrow is no exception!

I will:
Walk in the morning or ride bike for 20 minutes or more and if not, I will ride bike when I get home tomorrow night! Schedule is a little off kilter this week as hubby leaves tomorrow for 3 days in Milwaukee and have to take and pick up DD from daycare (that will be the hard part...remembering to pick her up after work...I've been spoiled!)

Work on a menu plan this week, but for tomorrow I have some deli meat and chicken leftover from camping with some veggies that I will take for lunch. B-fast will be something quick, probably oatmeal!


That's it for tonight, my friends! I hope you all have a wonderful week. Thank you for your continued inspiration!

Elisha...I read your post from a couple of days ago...we all have days where we don't like ourselves very much, but you seem to have come back to your sanity!!! LOL! Perseverance & diligence! That's what it's about girl! I'm in it for the long haul and so are you! Don't let what one person says to you defeat your attitude! YOu are above that. Someone told me that I would never be a size 8 and so I found a whole bunch of pictures and phrases from an exercise magazine and made a collage and hung it on my fridge! I am determined...and when I forget, I look at that and what it means to me and I am motivated again! It may take me longer than some, but I will get there...and so will you! I've missed you!

Lucia...way to go on the 2# this month!!!!! Heck, I will take 2# without a question! We seem to be trudging along at this thing. Maybe this will be the month where we can both kick it into high gear and lose, say....3#????!!!! LOL!!! Hugs to you, chickie!

Jaymi...you are young with 2 children and a husband who doesn't help you much and you do everything for all of them. Girl...it's no wonder that you get in these fits! I have said it before and I will say it again, take time for yourself (not all day, but some time every day) WITHOUT guilt or discussion about it...and do what you need to do for yourself (even if it's just to paint your toenails or pray or scrub the sink or whatever!!!) Relaxing calms the soul and you need to be calm for a short time every day! Hugs to you!

That's it chickies!!! I'll catch you tomorrow sometime!

Julie

Dieting is not self-denial; it is self-affirmation. --Terry Dunkle

Morning chicks!

Yay!!! Julie's back!!!! Glad to hear you had a good time on vacation. It sounds very relaxing.

Lucia--Best of luck on the 4#! You're doing great!

Let's see...
Motivation level: 6

It's my day off, but for some reason I have to go run a bunch of errands for everyone else. Bleh. Oh well. I might take the opportunity and drop by the book store. There's this awesome book by Kevin Aucoin that details how to achieve different looks with make-up, and since I am the Cosmetics Manager now, I figure I should know how to do some of it. Besides that, it just looks like fun. I love playing with make-up!
I know, I'm a dork.
Anyway, I have to go do some laundry, clean up around the house some more (I feel like I've been cleaning for days already!), and hopefully get in some exercise. It's kind of rainy and icky out today, so I'll probably use the stairclimber today and do some weights. Oooh... I might even do our Pilates DVD.
I'm going to stop by my grandparents' house. Hopefully they won't make me eat with them. I plan to use the excuse "I have to go cook dinner at home," because they will make me eat if I am there while they're eating. Ugh...
Anyway, off to breakfast for now. I'll check in again this evening. Have a lovely day everyone!
~Elisha

Well, I didn't do too incredibly bad today. I didn't do too incredibly well today either. No exercise. Calories came in at 1633. Water was good.
I got my makeup book, and I've been playing all evening. I wish I was at work, so I could play with ALL of the cosmetics, rather than just what I happen to have at home (which I will admit is no small collection). When I find a look I like and can do well, I'll take a few pics and see if I can figure out how the photo gallery thingy here works. I also really need to take a few full length shots so I can see my progress. I had my brother take some 35mm shots of me soon after I started this health kick back in February, but I haven't taken any since. I think actually seeing the almost-30-pound difference on paper would make it a little more obvious to me. I might wait until I've officially reached the 30 pound mark. My weight has been hovering at 210 for the past few days, and it's starting to bother me, since I had been down to 208. In any case, within a week or so I should have some pictures to show you all.
I guess that's it for me tonight. I'll see you all in the morning!
~Elisha

I posted my goals on the new Labor Day challenge and this morning, although difficult, I got up and did my 20 minutes on the bike and some general toning exercises. Haven't done the butt isometrics in over a month and that felt good to do those!

Yesterday's day was not worth mentioning because of food I ate and lack of exercise, although we did take the dog for a walk last night around the block and I did vacuum the whole house becaue dog was home when we were on vacation and she didn't stay in her gated area! Bad dog!!! So white fluffy dog hair in every part of the house is now contained in vacuuum cleaner!

I bought Oprah's O magazine while on vacation and found some helpful information there and lots of little quotes, so when I have a moment, I will post some things. There was a little "tear out" section titled "Something to think about" with 5 areas to focus on. One of them spoke to me and maybe will to you.

"Who would you be if you pulled out all the stops? Finish the phrase "When I'm in my full power, I'm able to...."

Maybe we can work on this one this week, huh?

Hugs to all!