Hello.


I'm kinda down tonight. I'm having a terrible time concentrating on math. I'm getting everything wrong. It pisses me off that i cannot finish my assignment and get onto next weeks. I'm so mad I could spit. I need to calm down and stop worrying. I'm this close *putting my fingers close together* from being done with the first and second week's assignments. Maybe I just need some rest? I am the kind of person...when I am tired I don't do well. Sometimes, well most of the time, I don't even know I'm tired.

VM, thank you for the kind words. I'm not feeling particularly calm and centered right now. I feel like a mess at the moment. I've even taken a clonazapam trying to calm down.

Thank you all for letting me vent.

Much love to all.

Sorry I have been missing the past several days! We have been really busy and my daughter had a sled hockey tournament all weekend. I have checked in when possible but haven't had a chance (or the energy) to write until now. It has been interesting to experiment with feeling physical hunger. It takes a lot of focus and attention and sorting out physical from emotional feelings and hunger. I seem to only be sure that I am physically hungry when I am very hungry and/or my stomach is growling. It kind of feels like an emptiness in my stomach area and like I feel kind of thin at the moment (because I haven't eaten in awhile). Sometimes it feels like an ache in my stomach area. How do each of YOU feel physical (versus emotional) hunger? Just curious and it is helpful to hear how others experience it. I have also found that I tend to follow the clock as to when it is time to eat rather than relying on physical sensations. I am working to change that and only eat when I am truly physically hungry. My mind seems to always be filled with distractions, so I need to really quiet myself and go within to even know if I am experiencing true hunger or not. It has surprised me how difficult it is to just identify whether or not I am hungry. I am SO out of touch with my body! That's okay, though. At least I am realizing that now, so that I can move forward on this journey.

Lisa: Sorry you were having a hard time last night. I hope your venting here and the clonazapam helped to calm you some. And hopefully you got some rest. How are you today? Were you able to concentrate on your math any better today? I hope so! That is so frustrating when you can't focus your mind on the task at hand. Makes everything feel more difficult. Try to be patient with yourself and get rest when you need it. You will get through this difficult time!

Holly: My family situation IS workable now, thank God, but we have a lot going on. On a positive note, I have been surprised and proud of myself for how well I have handled the turmoil lately. I have been much more confident in myself and in my abilities to handle whatever comes our way. Thank you for your support, as always! So happy to hear that your annual motorcycle raffle went well! Glad you are relieved of that looming over your head. Sorry that you are battling a distorted self-image. I can certainly relate! I sometimes feel "okay" until I see photos of my LARGE self. Then I think, "What was I thinking?!?" I am working hard to not judge myself too terribly harshly, but to instead use the "observation" (without so much judgement) as just information. I remind myself that I am working on weight loss and making small changes every day. Trying to focus on the positive rather than the negative. It is a constant challenge for me, but I am getting a little better at it all the time. On another note, I too wonder/worry about some of our "old" group members, like Lilturtle, Amy, CDubsGotGoats, and many others. When I think of them, I just say a little prayer for them and wish good things their way.

Invincible1: I am so sorry to hear that you had such a horrible eye appointment the other day. What exactly is wrong, if you don't mind me asking? And when will your surgery be? I will keep you in my prayers. All will be well..... eventually. Sending a BIG HUG your way!!!

Fi: That is great news that the situation with Grace has improved a whole lot! How did your Friday with her go? I hope you were able to raise your mood before you met with her so that you could thoroughly enjoy your time together. Have you still been able to keep the bingeing at bay? I've been thinking about you and wishing you well!

Everyone Else: Where are you and how are you??? We want to hear from you!!! Hope all is well!

Kathleen, I am still struggling with math. I am stuck on one particular kind of problem and I cannot go any farther. Sooooo frustrating. I am going to be behind.

I have the day off today which I really needed, I am so down. I called my nurse and requested a new med to take the place of my chlorpromaz. It is supposed to calm me down too but all it does is make me sleepy. My Clonzapam works well but I need something to go along with it because I can get hooked on it.


Where did everyone go? Lately it's mostly been Fi, you, me, and holly. C'mon ladies let's get to posting it will make you feel better.

I am so tired today. I think it's my depression trying to kick in. Not cool.


I love posting here, it gives me somewhere to vent and not feel bad.


Much love to all and everyone please come back.

Lisa: Can you get some help from anyone (friend, relative, tutor, the teacher) to help you understand the math problem that is giving you trouble? So glad you had the day off to give you some relief! Good for you for calling to request a med change! That is no good if the one med just makes you sleepy and doesn't even help calm you. Yes, I am aware, too, that clonazapam can be addictive. For this reason, I use them so sparingly that I forget to use them when I really should. I am so happy that you get some comfort and relief from posting here at the group! That is exactly its purpose! You have been so great about posting consistently lately. It really does help. I don't know why the group has been so quiet lately. I think sometimes people stay away when they feel they haven't been successful with weight loss behaviors, but sometimes that is precisely when we need support the most! I miss hearing from everyone, too! Hope you are able to keep that depression at bay most of the time. Work hard to think about and congratulate yourself on ANY positive steps you have made lately on weight loss or just life in general. That usually helps me to shift my perspective to the POSITIVE! Hang in there and many hugs to you, my friend!

Kathleen,

I've tried contacting my professor and have not heard anything. I have a tutoring session on Wed. afternoon which will help me. I'm going to go extra early to work out my assignments.

My weightless sucks and I still come here. Lack of weight loss should not be a reason to leave us. I am the heaviest I've ever been and I still come here. I need this web site because I know...there will be a day when I do start losing weight. I just know it, I don't know when or what will be my last straw but I will change my outlook and just do it.

Speaking of my depression, I have an appt with my...I'm not sure what to call her, she's asks me questions on how I'm doing and then we will or won't do a med change. She's not a shrink, she's more like a nurse practitioner. I see her next Monday.


I am so tired tonight, that is how I know a depression is trying to work it's way in. I kind of feel like a zombie. I want to stay up though, at least, for a while. It's only 8 pm. I wish I didn't have to work tomorrow, I know that is just the depression talking but I'm so burnt out. I'll be ok though, my meds will keep me going until I go Monday morning for my appt.


Well, that is about it for now.


Much love to all and please, if you're lurking post and let us know how you are doing.

Hello,
I have been lurking since Kathleen started the thread. I have pm'd Fiona and Holly in the past.
Lisa, if you write one or two of the type problems, either on the thread or in a PM to me, I will be happy to help you. I was a math major in college.

Although this is my first post on the thread, I have followed it and worry about the missing members, like Lil Turtle.

EasySpirit

I am going to take her help, Kathleen. Last night, I was just so dang tired. This depression is really knocking me for a loop.


Easy Spirit, I'll attack that problem later today, after i get off work.

yes, an "official" to EasySpirit! (and I appreciated that pm you sent about my particular vent, it made me smile )

Kathleen, boy it is a challenge to identify what REAL hunger is, isn't it! for me, even a growling tummy lies to me, because I have had the growling when it is not close to a mealtime but I have smelled something savory. Lying stomach and I get that 'feeling thin' feeling also!! I guess I can identify REAL hunger when it has been hours since eating, AND the tummy is growling.

I am so glad you are feeling confidence in handling whatever family differences are happening..I truly hope there are NOT any troubles but am proud of you for your confidence in yourself

Lisa, I am sorry you are feeling so tired!! and having problems with the math. Again, I think you are a SuperWoman for even taking classes while working fulltime!! I hope you can find a med that helps without hindering other aspects.

EasySpirit, Hi and I hope you feel comfortable to come here and talk to us. Even to vent. Or even when there is nuthin' going on It does help me so much to know there are people that care!!

Hi Fi I hope you are OK

I just tried to take a pic with my Kindlefire of how beautiful it is outside, fresh white snow clinging to everything, brilliant blue sky and sunshine. It is too bright,my pics came out white ...I am trying to embrace the beauty even though I hate winter

Had a VERY busy day at work yesterday, MLK weekend is always a busy 3 day ski weekend and we were slammed at work, and we were short 1 person, which was a huge handicap. We (3 of us) stood in the same space for 2 1/2 hours nonstop, making sandwiches.

I have a sore throat again I start out the day with a sore throat and feeling like I have a cold; I take a hot hot shower and pain relievers, then I forget about ick feeling, then at the end of the day it comes back again. Everyone in town is sick I think. or coughing alot.

Well today is my Friday so I am happy at that

I wasn't going to post anything about this until next Tuesday, when I find out exactly what's going on. But since lots has been going on with our little family lately, I am extra stressed by potentially bad news. So, for anyone who prays, please keep me/us in your prayers, please! I had a mammogram last week and they called me to say that they found calcifications on my left breast. The lady said that this indicates that there have been "changes at the cellular level." It could be due to anything, like a dog walking on my breast (which actually happens often) or any kind of trauma to the breast. OR....... it could be the beginning of breast cancer. I am trying so hard to stay strong and positive and not get too alarmed before I find out for sure what is going on. But I am scared to death inside!!! The good news, IF it IS cancer, is that we caught it early. But 2 years ago, I was called back for a 2nd mammogram that they ended up saying it was all fine. Last year, no call back; no cancer. I just hope that they were right that all was fine 2 years ago. I fear that they could have made a mistake and I've actually had it since then. That would not be good. But, again, I am trying to not jump to too many conclusions before next Tuesday. Hubby is going with me because she said I will get results when I am there. I will keep you all posted, but please pray that I can remain calm and strong and faith-filled in the meantime. I just want to be prepared for whatever lies ahead. I have a very strong faith that will see me through whatever comes my way, but I am so NOT ready to leave my children yet!!!!!! I was up most of the night crying while thinking about that possibility. I just can't help but "go there" some of the time. My handicapped daughter, who is only 15, especially relies on and really needs me here with her. We are best of buddies and so very close. My 18-yr-old son has been a little distant as he struggles for independence, and I want so much more for our relationship before it's all said and done. I also want to be here for and get closer to my hubby. So I am not done here yet, dammit!!! I trust in God's plan and perfect timing, though, so I will accept whatever happens, but not without the FIGHT OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for letting me vent! I am not telling anyone about this yet until I get results next Tuesday, so I am about to explode!!! It's all I can think about. Thankfully, I am doing well so far with the Gold coaching program and not eating due to my emotions. So the program came along at the right time! Not a coincidence, IMHO!!! Thank you for any and all prayers you can send my way!!! IF things are confirmed and I do have breast cancer, I am RELYING on all of you to help keep me focused on the positive and to fight like h*ll!!!

Kathleen, please try and think positively. I had to go back myself a couple of years ago and it wound up being a water cyst. Feel free to vent here but try to stop the snowball effect that negative self-talk takes. I fight that myself and it makes me so sick, negative self-talk.

We are here for you, always.


I am doing math tonight. I've decided to move on to the next Chapter and work on ratios and proportions and then tomorrow, go back and ask my tutor to help me with what I don't understand from Unit 1. I'm going to head to school early tomorrow afternoon so I have plenty of time to do my work.

Holly, I wanted to tell you that I only work part-time at my job. I am on disability. I cannot work full-time, it would throw me into a depression big time. Between the depression and anxiety it is simply not possible for me to work all the time. It is all I can do to go to school and work. The anxiety is out of hand too, not just the depression. I just take lots of deep breaths and try to think up ways of getting my work done without doing it all at once. I can't handle it all at once.

Much love to all and you're in my thoughts.

Hello ladies,

I would like to join you if it's ok. I have been feeling bad for a couple of weeks now. I feel so sad and lonely and hopeless sometimes that is really hurts. Some days I walk home from Uni with the tears really close to the surface and as soon as I close the door behind me, I start crying so hard. I just can't fall asleep and sometimes I kind of just start crying after having tried to fall asleep for an hour.

Depression runs in my family and I have always felt depressed during the dark season, but it has never been that bad. I have a lot of stress at the moment due to final exams and I fell in love with a man who doesn't want me, but tells me he just doesn't have time. I know I should avoid all contact and move on, but I can't. Also, after the exams in April, most of my friends will leave this city and I am scared of the loneliness that will come afterwards.
I try my best to cheer myself up. I exercise and try to get out, but it doesn't help much.

Amygdala: to the group! Glad you posted! Sorry you are feeling so down right now. Did the sadness, loneliness, and hopelessness just appear a couple weeks ago, as you said, or have you felt this way for awhile? Do you think you are depressed? Is the primary reason for the low feelings due to the "man you fell in love with who doesn't want you?" The reason I am asking these questions is because, even if you are depressed, it might just be episodic depression (due to a specific episode), rather than clinical depression, which is much more serious and long-term and usually calls for a trip to a therapist and possibly medication before you see any improvement. Sometimes, episodic depression also requires therapy and meds (to assist you in getting through the episode that is making you depressed). The diagnosis also depends on the length of time you have been experiencing the feelings of sadness, loneliness, and hopelessness. You said that you know you should avoid all contact with this man and move on, but you "can't." Without knowing exactly what you mean by "I can't", I would venture to say that you are choosing not to avoid all contact and move on. So my question to you would be why are you choosing to not move on if this man "doesn't want you?" (You don't have to post answers here. I am just trying to give you some things to think about.) It seems like that would only add to your stress and feelings of sadness, loneliness, and hopelessness. If this is a relationship that will definitely never move forward, I hope that you will love yourself enough to move on. You deserve someone who likes, loves, and appreciates you just the way you are. But if you are busy trying to win the affection of someone who truly isn't interested, you cut yourself off from any potential new prospects in the meantime. I suggest that you work on being the type of person that you want to attract. I have read several sources that say this is the best way to attract what you want into your life. Work on yourself first, and then you have more to offer someone when the opportunity does arise to begin a new relationship. I hope this is making sense. I don't mean to sound harsh. I am just trying to help. Please post more about yourself if you feel comfortable doing so. We are here to support you in any way that we can. You didn't mention anything about weight loss. Since this is a weight loss and depression forum, I am assuming you are on a journey toward better health. So I wish you the best with your journey and good luck on your final exams! Hang in there!!!

Dear Amy,

Welcome to the thread.

We are so glad to have you here. I am so very sorry you are so down. I know what it's like to love someone who doesn't love you back. They are like a drug that you can't do without. To this day, I am not over the pain of losing my old love and that was 24 years ago. I have gone on though, I've had other people that I've loved since him and it is possible for others to come along.

I am on meds for my depression and they help me so much to function and be happy despite life stressors. I have a wonderful daughter, who is 21 and goes to college. She is quite brilliant. See, so it is possible to be happy and move on.


Kathleen is right, you might give some thought to talk therapy, Amy, just think about it. It really will help you, talking always does. Maybe start a journal and write down your thoughts. It doesn't matter if you write the same things over and over, just get your feelings out.


Again, welcome to the forum and we are totally here for you.

Thanks, y'all, for all the positive thoughts. I have a lap full of kitties as I write these words, but I'm not doing very well. Ever since Sunday I've been struggling with depression pain. I have a collage all mapped out in my head, but I haven't been able to make it. I don't know what else to say, except "Greetings to the new people!" and I'm praying that Kathleen gets good news.