So many things on this thread apply to me...

While going through a brutal divorce, I lost 50lbs, and was feeling and looking pretty good at 165. That lasted about five minutes before I suddenly started gaining again. I had quickly regained about 40lbs before the doctor found out that I was hypothyroid. Even though my levels are now within normal, I've never been able to feel better or lose more than a few pounds since. The doctor won't increase my medication because my bloodwork is within normal limits.

Other than that, I don't exactly know why I got to my high weight of 283. I have some ideas, but they probably all contribute, rather than being the main cause:

-I got remarried, to a man with a BIG appetite. He loved to cook for me, and his very large portions became my very large portions.

-My husband is an extreme pack rat, and I hate clutter. Feeling suffocated under his clutter, it caused a lot of trouble in our marriage, but rather than divorce him, for several years I ate and stuffed my anger.

-Deprivation. Living on a fixed income, when it gets toward the end of the month, we tend to live on foods that "stretch"--potatoes, breads, etc. Also, when there's not enough money to do much else in life, it's easy to look at a bag of Reese's or a box of doughnuts as a "treat", "splurge", "reward".

-Loneliness. My daughter and her family moved 1500 miles away. Phones and e-mail are nice, but it's not the same as being able to see each other, or to take care of the grandchildren, in person. I feel like a huge part of me left when they did.

-Diets and discouragement. Many, many false dieting starts have left me an ever-gaining yo-yo. Carbs blow me up like a balloon, yet I've never been able to stick to a low carb plan either. After years of watching yourself go up and down the scale (usually always up), you get discouraged and end up throwing in the towel. Why sacrifice so much if you aren't going to lose more than four or five pounds out of the hundred and twenty you should lose?

-Narrow life and just plain exhaustion. Other health problems have left me unable to drive more than a mile or two, and I haven't been able to hold a job outside the home for a few years now. As my world becomes narrower, I grow WIDER. I don't know if it's a touch of boredom, depression, or just plain exhaustion, but sometimes you wonder, what's the point--and is it worth it? I don't think that *I* am worth the trouble to keep trying, so that's probably part of it too.

I lack the spark that will make me want to try again, seriously, to improve myself. Sometimes I'm just too discouraged and tired to care.

((((Truffle))))

You ARE worth it.

Truffle-
I have felt that way before. You are worth it. Don't give up!

Hi, I have also wandered how I got so big, I've been a yo-yo dieter for years and I am sure that's contributed to some of the weight gain, as well as the fact that at times I've simply put losing weight on the back burner. These days I am really trying to make sure that I keep myself aware of what's going on with my body and not give in to hiding my head in the sand during times when I am going through a lot of stressful
situations, although during those times eating seems to give me a bit of relief, I have now admitted to myself that over eating is a temporary fix and that it creates even more problems in the long ran.

I've been eating my emotions since middle school.

When I'm particularly emotional or down (I've gone through cycles of clinical depression since childhood, more specifically atypical depression), I not only eat more, but I eat really unhealthy foods. The problem reached its peak a year or two ago when i was able to down almost a dozen donuts in just an hour or two.

My highest weight (that I recorded...I could have been even a little heavier) was 260. And yes, I do notice when I put on weight. I can feel it in my face, in my stomach, in my low-quality sleep because I end up waking myself up every time I laboriously turn around in bed. But food provides a temporary high for me that, when I'm not doing well emotionally, is really difficult to avoid. And when you're depressed...getting off that damn couch to go exercise is really hard to do. When I'm happy and normal, I'm an outdoor junkie and pretty active. But when I'm depressed...no.

Fortunately this past winter and spring have been really great for me. I sought therapy for my problems for the first time last fall, and since then I've slowly been healing. If this semester hadn't been so crazy and unpredictable, I think I would be doing even better today when it comes to weight loss. Plus I finally made some new year's resolutions that I can actually stick to. No more 'lose x amount of weight by next fall or else'. Instead, I resolved to cut negative things and people out of my life, spend more time preparing the food I put in my mouth rather than purchasing ready-made, and to become a more confident person. That explains 1) the weight loss I've experienced so far and 2) my first boyfriend/serious relationship! At 23 that might be a little sad to some people, but whatever.

And to the OP, I do not find your questions offensive at all. I've thought the same thoughts about people who are at a higher weight than I am. But then I see so many of them doing so well, and damn. If that isn't encouraging, nothing is. Don't get me wrong, the 100+ pounds I still need to lose seems really daunting to me, but people are achieving a lot more than that every day.

I was skinny as a child. I was sexually abused for several years, starting in early childhood until I was 14. When I hit puberty and things got worse, I became depressed, so I stopped being active, I stayed in my bed all the time unless I was at school. And I started eating a lot because it was comforting to me. Also, part of me mistakenly thought that if I got really fat that the abuse would stop, but of course it didn't. I finally got my life together in my late teens, and started my weight loss journey. I lost 50 pounds of the 80 I needed to lose and was well on my way to goal. I ended up getting pregnant with my second baby at that time. I managed to do OK in the beginning, but halfway through my pregnancy I was put on strict bedrest. I was on bedrest for abut 4 months, and unfortunately in that time I let boredom, cravings and my emotions get the best of me so I gained it all back. Lost a little after that baby, but was pregnant again just 9 months after having her, and I ended up on bedrest yet again, so back in the same pattern. A year later, pregnant again (see a pattern yet? LOL!) and of course, bedrest again.

I am an emotional eater for sure. I was carrying a lot of baggage around for a long time, and even though that baggage isn't really a factor for me anymore, as you can see the coping habits I used back then still haunt me today. Whenever I am down, I want to eat. Now I am just trying to replace my bad habits with good ones, permanently.

Truffle, please don't feel like you aren't worth it!! You are worth it, and I'm sure that the people who are closest to you would agree.

I was always a little "heavy" but never this big. As a matter of fact, when I got married I was a size 7-8 which for my height would be "curvy" and I thought I was a whale...go figure. My ex-husband is a great cook and his specialty was pasta, and we both worked late shifts so our dinners were huge pasta dishes at about 10pm every night. When I got pregnant with my first son I gained about 25lb, not a huge deal but I never took it off; instead I "gave up" and dedicated myself to the house and baby and stopped taking care of me. slowly I went from about 130lb to 190 and that's when I got pregnant with my youngest. I gained about 40lb with that one and to date I've only really lost 10lb and he's 4 years old!!!
This is it though! I'm doing it this time!!

((((Truffle))))

((((Walrus))))

I'm sitting here at work supposed to be working but instead I read through this entire thread. I am like the OP, I sometimes see overweight individuals and wonder how they let themselves get so big because I had an AHA moment at almost 230 pounds and just KNEW I had to do something. But this thread has shown me that you never know what's going on with people, everyone has their own issues and crosses to bear, as I did.

I was pretty slim as a kid. I didn't really gain weight until high school. I was 175 then and thought that I was fat compared to the other girls in my class. I slowly packed on even more weight during college. I went to Temple U in Philly.. Cheesesteaks, hoagies, Chinese food, fast food. You name it, I ate it. I remember eating whole foil tins FULL of Chicken Lo Mein in front of the TV watching Jerry Springer before going to my work study job. And physical activity? Please. I BARELY MOVED unless I was going to class.

After I graduated I came back home to NY to look for a job, and since I was in the house all day I ate and ate and ate. My parents never said anything, but I'm pretty sure they were like damn she's eating us out of house and home!!!

I finally found a job, then another job that paid more and moved out into my own place. But I ended up hating the job AND the apartment and became depressed.

Lucky for me I was in a neighborhood where there were mostly, how can I say this - ethnic people living there, mostly African American and Caribbean. I honestly believe that they put many fast food restaurants in poorer areas because they know they are the ones who eat there most often. (Just to give you an idea, there were barely any supermarkets in the area, I had to drive to a decent Stop and Shop or Pathmark, the ones in that area were just BAD...but every fast food you could think of was right around the corner.) Every single fast food joint imaginable was up and down one block. And I remember deciding pretty much every night which one I was going to eat at. Because I surely wasn't cooking in THAT kitchen. White Castle, Taco Bell and Wendy's were my drugs of choice. I'd just sit on the couch and stuff myself. I was miserable in the apartment, miserable with the LONG commute to and from work and miserable at the job it took me so long to get to. I would be on the phone with my mom crying almost every day. I thought I was stuck in the apartment because I had signed the lease and I was job hunting but nothing was turning up. I just kept getting fatter and fatter and that depressed me more, so to ease the pain I ate and ate.. which made me fatter and fatter.. and I KNOW I don't have to tell y'all about THAT vicious cycle...

I hit 220 pounds and saw some pics of me dressed for a night out in the city my birthday weekend. I looked like a STUFFED SAUSAGE in my skirt and red blouse. I hated shopping because I could only go to Lane Bryant for clothes and I hated going out because I always felt like the fattest girl in the club. I got NO attention from MEN at all and just felt horrible about myself.

I eventually broke the lease and left the apartment after an incident involving bees (more insects) and the management company's refusal to send an exterminator, and managed to find another job. Once I got those things situated I started going to WW and lost about 40 pounds which put me at 180. I loved my new size and loved that I could shop almost anywhere for clothes.. so I did... and ran up quite a bit of credit card debt in the process. Once the bills started piling up I realized that I didn't have the money to pay them... so I had to get a second job... which put WW and workouts on an indefinite hiatus. I tried to keep up with my WW meetings, but I was so tired all the time and was just angry at myself for letting the bills pile up like they did, angry at myself for letting the weight come back, tired from working so much, just UGH! So the 40 pounds came back along with 6 of his friends.

I finally got the bills under control quit the second job and decided to return to WW for the second time in Jan 06. This time I managed to drop 65 pounds in about a year, bringing me down to 160. But it was INCREDIBLY hard to maintain that weight and because I was being soooo restrictive with my eating I began rebelling, and binge eating and managed to regain 30 of the 65 I had lost. I felt like a failure for a LONG time, even went to therapy earlier this year to try to conquer the binge eating demons, but honestly I found that it only made it worse, talking about food food food all the time... so I stopped going. I can honestly say that I'm doing alot better now, lost 10 of the 30 I gained last year and am slowly trying to work my way back down to 160. I'm confident I'll get there, and I try not to put pressure on myself about time frames. It WILL happen and I honestly don't care how long it takes me.. I know I will get there.


Thank you all for sharing your stories!

Everyone's stories are so amazing! I would love to see this thread "stickied"!!!

most people got big b/c they settle down and just got a little lazy, hey its the american way. , we get older an we tend to relax more... Another thing is fast food places are everywhere and alot people tend to eat there instead of at home, i guess because its affordable. weight takes time, just weight loss takes time. Remeber you have to eat to lose weight, most people will eat less and that will make you gain more weight. The body is like a car, food is the gas, so if you miss meals and do not eat healty, your engine will not run correctly, which is why your metabolism will become slower and slower, to speed it up, you have to eat every three to hours, meal, snack, meal and so on.

I am studying to be a therapist...which might explain my way of thinking...but I believe that people all deal with stress in different ways. My coping mechanism is food when I am tired, sad, depressed, frustrated, or feeling fat. Food addiction is a lot like drug addiction...which runs in my family. As difficult as it is to be overweight, I am glad I am not addicted to drugs. However, as someone who is studying to be clinician, I dont think there is enough attention paid to food addiction as an ADDICTION. I have been looking to see a therapist who specializes in weight loss...but I havent found any. I think overweight people are looked at to be just "lazy" and it is not taken seriously. I will be interested to see if the food addiction will ever be taken seriously as a mental health issue...

Maybe there aren't any of those therapists right now, but perhaps that's a niche you could fill. In the past, I have pooh-poohed the idea that there is often a huge mental component to being way overweight, but now I agree that there must be. I don't know if I would call myself an addict, but I have heard enough stories here of people eating one tiny bit of refined carbs and going into a crazy eating frenzy to believe that there IS such a thing as addiction. And I think that others of us eat for complex reasons that we may not be aware of (fear of intimacy, fear of failure, etc).

Best of luck in your career!

for me i gained weight quick and i think ive been in denial about it. About 18 months ago i weighed about 140. For the first time in 18 months i weighed myself yesterday and it said 198. I just couldnt believe my eyes. about 60 pounds in just 18 months. I just found this site today, and yesterday after i weighed myself I said to myself im ready for a life change. I want to loose my weight, im young (22) and only 5'4. Ive noticed my weight gain was due to drinking alcohol, eating late at night and not watching not one bit what i was eating. Plus I was not working out at all.

In high school I was thin- about 128 or so. My problems started when I was about 21 and I had no direction in my life. I didn't "know what I wanted to be when I grew up!" So, my weight went up and down about 20 pounds either way from year to year. Nothing really drastic, just annoying. Then when I was 27 I got pregnant and gained a TON of weight.

My doctor even got mad at me for gaining so much. I think it was because I had been a vegan for years and he told me to eat dairy and eggs. So, of course I thought that cheese enchiladas were in the "dairy" family.

I gained 82 pounds. The February day I went in to deliver my son (who is now 13) I weighed 240. Though, I was down about 35 pounds the next week, just water weight and what-have-you.

But my 10-year class reunion was in that June- I weighed 145. Then up and down a bit with my second child five years later. I was about 40 pounds overweight. At my 20th year reunion, I was 145, so I guess that is a good weight for me. But I feel like if I am several pounds less that that it won't get out of control so easily. So, it really is a stuggle for the 138 number, but I have to keep my focus on it, I believe. That's my story.