Hi everyone,

I am going on a couple of weeks with no loss and actually a gain of a few pounds. This has happened several times already in my journey, so I'm continuing to hang tight. I tend to start thinking the weight will never come off and I should give up. As giving up is not an option anymore, I'll continue to try, and wait for the next progress mark. I can now tell the days my body is letting go of some weight --I can't stop going to the bathroom--and I'm having one of those days so hopefully the scale will move and reward me for my continued commitment.

This losing weight after 40 business is a lot harder.

Battle-I've had an 18 month plateau and a 6 month long one. They will drive you crazy if you let them. I survived them simply because at the time I hated myself so much that sticking with it without any progress was a great way to punish myself.

Laura - Welcome! You practically have a built in fitness program between having 3 little ones and running a daycare. I get exhausted just thinking about keeping up with all those little ones! Congrats on your success so far!

Misti - Hi again! Just looked around your website. I loved the pictures. I've decided that dorm rooms in MO are smaller than those in AR!! I just got my daughter settled in to her prison cell sized room and was shocked at how small it was. My dorm room was nearly twice that size. The one in your picture is even smaller than my DD18's!

Lilion - thanks for the salsa recipe. I love salsa too, the fresher the better.

Brandnew - How scary! Everyone is right, you still have time to make changes before the worst happens. This is a great place for support, especially when you hit a rough patch. The people here are always willing to listen or suggest.

meta - Congrats on getting the bike out and getting it ready. That's a pretty big step. When we had exercise equipment at home it always got in some sort of unusable shape. Covered by stuff, out of the way..so on. I used that as an excuse to NOT use the equipment. You've gotten rid of the excuse which is farther than I usually got.

Christine - Great NSV.

Heather - Interesting post. I think that when we're younger fear of dying is real, but just more abstract. You're going to live forever no matter what you do. Getting older helped me some to realize that I had to do something sooner rather than later - otherwise there might not be a later. Still, it wasn't quite enough to actually get started. I had to find something scary in the present sense. My own wrecked car as it was. Changing my attitude about the here and now helped me to find a way to get started on my current path. I think being a bit older and a tiny (tiny tiny) bit more paitent helps keep me on or at least close to the path. The more success I have the more I am willing to try for more success. Not just with weight loss, but in other areas of my life. The more success I have with other areas the more energy I have to focus on my weight loss. It's a good circle. Similar to the old evil circle I used to employ with my life. Fail - eat - fail some more - eat some more. Of course I did have to learn that a mistake is NOT a failure. You're right I have to believe I can work the plan and give myself permission to make it work.

Battle - I do the bathroom thing too. I can also tell when I'm not going to have progress because I spend a lot of time NOT going to the bathroom. LOL


I made it through my first week of classes and I think I'm going to be ok. ASL is a lot easier to pick up on that I feared it would be. The whole "no voice" class idea had me pretty nervous. A bonus is that I have learned just enough to make a few snotty remarks when my husband is annoying - snotty remarks that he doesn't understand. My Spanish teacher is crazy, but at least she's fun to watch. She also has more energy than any human I have ever met over the age of 4. Imagine that you gave a 4 year old hyperactive child a giant pixie stick - that would be her energy level. She's 65. The adjustment for my family isn't so smooth though. DH especially is having a hard time with the concept that I NEED HELP AROUND THE HOUSE. I get up at 5:30am and am going non stop until 11pm. Friday's I don't have class, but I do need to study, I am going to workout and laundry doesn't do itself. New rule for DH and both DS is that any laundry not located in a hamper at the bottom of the stairs on laundry day will not get done. Clean laundry will returned to same hampers at the bottom of the stairs for them to haul back upstairs. All 3 ignored me today so none of them will have clean clothes next week. At 40, 16 and 14 if they can reach all the knobs on the machines and hopefully can figure it out from there. If not they know where the frebreeze is stored. I'm just glad I won't have to be the one sitting near them all day.

Stacey -- You're right, for me, getting older had a lot to do with it. FEELING older had a TON to do with my ability to stick with it. I was 39 and felt at least 50! When I was younger, I didn't FEEL so old and it was easier to ignore...

Hello and Happy Friday!

2FForU, hang in there. I know when I was in my deep depression, it was hard to hear anything except for the sadness in my heart. Not isolating and keeping in touch with loved ones helped. Reading a good book or watching a comedy helped too.

Battle, I hear ya on the frustration of the way our bodies deal with losing weight. My weight loss isn't steady downward. In one month, I usually have a week of .5 gain, then a 2 lb loss, the TOM and a 1 lb gain, then stay the same. It's actually getting fairly predictable!

Catherine, you get extra stars for being on an 18-month and 6-month plateau and staying on your program!!! That's the type of action that motivates me to continue onward. I'm not alone in this battle.

Brandnew, keep posting and let us know how you are doing. No one does this alone here!

Hugs for all the peeps out there lurking and anyone I didn't specifically address.

Luv,
Rat

Hi ya all!

Sandi - One of the things I had to understand and integrate before I could move forward this time was that I ate and ate and ate in the face of overwhelming negative consequences because that eating filled a set of genuine needs greater than those consequences. In opposition to 3 decades of horrible negative messages I sent to myself, I didn't eat because I was weak, or crazy, or masochistic, or critically lacking in strength of character, self respect or willpower. I wasn't just a plain lazy glutton. I wasn't stunted, emotionally immature, or excessively self indulgent. I certainly wasn't stupid. I was just doing something we all do, thin and fat. I was coping. I was coping in the only way I had ever learned and now that I know that I can learn new ways. In short, my actions have always made exquisite sense in their context. Compassion and understanding directed inward has been a cornerstone of my success so far. It has lifted a very large burden that became part of the problem.

BattleAx - hang in there. You are so close to your goal of being under 300 and it's a wonderful one to reach. Hopefully you saw some movement on the scale today for all that peeing! I always admire those who can move through plateaus stoicly. Plateaus make me absolutely mental.

Stacey - Fantastic that you are carving out some time for you. Self love and self care is critical in so many way to this process and it supports everything else in the rest of your life. So yay Stacey! I'd say that in Spanish, but I don't know how. I could probably manage some mangled French, should it be important to you.

I tried the first of my new veggie cookbook recipes the other night. It was a small zucchini, slit down the middle with pieces of goat's milk cheese inside, misted with olive oil, sprinkled with mint and ground pepper and baked in foil for 30 minutes or so. My son was hugely unimpressed with the goat's milk cheese, so I ate his half for lunch the next day. I think the next time I make it I'll experiment with different cheeses. It said you could sub any mild cheese. I enjoyed it, it was definitely a zucchini I wouldn't have eaten otherwise, and it looked pretty on the plate - so I'm calling recipie one a success!

I normally don't update my ticker in the middle of the week, but this morning I was at 268.4. That makes me halfway through, so I wanted to see it on my ticker!

Hi again all!

Ballonlady, cool about taking 2 languages! All 3 of my sisters are certified interpreters for the deaf and one owns a business for interpreting. I'm the only one that doesn't sign, but I know all the dirty words.. hehe. I can tell you the time, find my way to the potty and ask for a coffee with cream in spanish. Make that family do stuff around the house! You aren't asking for that much. I'm just hoping I don't sit downwind from your family any time soon.. hehe.

Meta, it's true with me as well about the way I was coping with issues. I coped by eating and putting a wall around myself, physically and mentally. About your new cookbook, let me know if you find anything else in your veggie book that comes out yummy. I really hate veggies and anything to make them more palatable is great. And CONGORATZ at making your 50% mark. That's amazing.

Debbie, that's good your DIL and son will move out soon. You've done great by even letting them stay as long as you have! Yay for hitting 40lb mark~!!!

The back is doing better on the meds. I know the steriods will mess up my weigh in tomorrow, but I am trying to prepare my one brain cell of that possibility. It still is whining that it's deprived. I figured if I keep my one brain cell and my bratty inner child arguing, I can keep focusing on my eating program. hehe.

Hugs and Luv to all!
Ratkity

Ratkity - I orginally signed up for Spanish so that I could learn enough to communicate with my customers. While looking at the course catalog I noticed that they offer a degree in ASL interpreting. It really appealed to me, so that's what my ultimate goal is. For now at least. After SIGN 102 and 102 I can apply for the program. By then I'll have a good idea if it's right for me. Even if I don't end up going that direction knowing ASL will come in handy. The Kansas School for the Deaf is nearby so I have made balloons for deaf children on several occasions. Consequently I know how to say most of the colors and several animals already. I've also have several shapes that work well for children with little or no vision. The idea there is to make something the child can help you with that is not too simple. A sword is boring to feel, no matter how easy it is to make. A lady turtle bracelet has more detail but is still simple enough for a child to help with.

As for the family they will learn to help out soon enough. DS14 will probably learn first. DH and DS16 tend to be tunnel visioned about whatever is on their minds right then. They don't notice the lack of clothes, toilet paper, soap etc. until it actually affects them. At least DD8 has been helpful and with DD18 off at school there is one less person to keep up with at home.

I hope the one brain cell behaves tomorrow at WI! Maybe the inner child will take a nap.

Meta - Halfway!!! Congrats!!!

Debbie - Congrats on making 40lbs gone!!

Hi everyone,

I'll come back for personals in a little while. In the meantime, here's my update.

Last night, I went to an event, and as usual there was a fabulous spread. I ate fried chicken. I don't even know why, except it was there and I saw other people eating it and I wanted to have what they had. It wasn't even that good, and my system *did not* appreciate it one bit. I got terrible indigestion.

After eating, we all moved into the theater for the program. The theater was filled with the absolute cheapest plastic resin lawn chairs--you know the ones you can get for $5 on sale? Panic set in. Would I fit? Would I break it? I sat down, and I heard a shrill snap in the chair. Dread....shame.....recrimination: serves me right for eating the fried chicken! Uncontrollable pig! I thought for a minute to pretend I hadn't heard the breakage, but as the person sitting next to me gasped, I decided I'd be fooling no one. Turns out I had sat on a disposable plastic cup. I hadn't broken the chair after all.

On to the next fear. I was a presenter, so there was attention focused my way. Would the chair hold? Would it be stuck to me and would I have to struggle to get out of it when it was time for me to present--when the entire audience would be watching me get out of the chair and move up to the stage?

I was able to rise from the chair just fine, and even I had just been sitting in a pool of fear, dread, and shame, managed to do well and appear relaxed with my presentation.

I tell you, this is the kind of nonsense I cannot wait leave behind. I am so very tired of these kinds of experiences. Instead of having a nice evening and paying attention to the program, I paid attention to my fear, anxiety, dread, and shame.

Catherine: "I hated myself so much that sticking with it without any progress was a great way to punish myself." ROFL!!!!!!!! You made me snort with laughter! Heck, if you can stick with it 18 months and 6 months without results, surely I can stay OP for a while longer.

Stacey: Good job on letting your family feel their own consequences. Hopefully they'll learn, but either way you'll have a more manageable life.

Ratkity: I hope your back feels better soon

Meta: I don't know about the idea of goat cheese on zucchini. I suspect you and son will enjoy a different type of cheese more. Don't you call them courgettes?

Debbie: congrats on 40 lbs gone! I am crossing my fingers that son and DIL move on quickly. You've done great at holding your tongue with DIL, but enough is enough.

2fat: You've come so far already. Hang in there, and ask your doctor about the medication.

Sandi: You can do it, I know you can.

Valerie: oh,the triumph of moving the scale weights at the drs! You go! Won't it be nice when you go again and have to move the scale weights back further.

Heather: I'm with you and Stacey about age being a factor this time around. I have always felt pretty good, so it was easier to be in denial about the damage I was doing to my health. Once I started feeling older than the hills, and like I was slowly dying, it was easier to think of my eating plan in a different light. At a certain point in life you realize there are no more do-overs.

Wowsa, what a day!!

We had tickets for the Red Sox/White Sox games last night and tonight. Last night, our wet slog to the ballpark was unsuccessful and the game was postponed to today -- but we reworked our schedules and got to see BOTH games of the doubleheader today!

And the Red Sox won both!! It turned out to be a great day -- the evening game was great weather -- even though we feared initially it would rain all day.

And not only that, but there were some perks. Last night someone gave us tickets to a members-only stadium club. He just gave them to us as he left! We were just hanging out there trying to stay dry. We got to hang out there for the end of the rain delay -- it was very comfy and with great food. The passes were only good for a particular game, but they also worked for the first game today. So, we had lunch there today!

And then, between games, we were given free tickets to Sunday's game by some Sox fans who can't use them -- so I'll be going back!

I also found out the ballpark sells Gardenburgers -- so that was dinner tonight! A much healthier option than hotdogs!

What a great way to spend a day!

G'morning all!

Battle, I was holding my breath as you were describing sitting down in those horrid molded plastic torture devices. I'm glad you lived through that pressure. I was there right with you during all those fears. You aren't alone!

Geeeeeeessh Wyllenn!! What a great day! One rain delay and you won the Sox lotto! What a great way to spend a day with a friend or DH. Yay on the gardenburger find!!

Well, my inner child is taking a nap and my one brain cell is bouncing around from the caffeine since drinking my morning tea. The rest of me is jumping for joy! I lost 2.8 lbs in today's WI. I'm so close to waving the 240's behind. Before my inner child wakes up, I'm going to get dressed and go for a bike ride. The back has been behaving itself and no spasms this week. I'm hoping the meds give it a chance to do some healing.

Luv and hugs to all!

Ratkity

I finally went down another pound. Just 1/2 a pound to go to be in the 370's. For the LAST time too. And that was before going to the bathroom. I'm going to treat myself, not with food, but with a trip to the Habitat for Humanity store. A thrift store of building supplies basically. It is my nirvana. I do mosaic tile work as therapy for my damaged left hand, and they always have a few bathroom tiles left over of different colors for 10 cents each. I also want a new dresser, and ours just got a shipment of hotel furniture from a hotel remodel. Then we are going to the City of Edmonton's reuse store. Basically where people can drop off household stuff to be recycled. It's $2/bag, and they always have lots of crafts and sewing stuff. A little old lady dies, and her husband or kids bring a life time of accumulated sewing stuff and drop it off. I'm all atwitter just thinking about it.