Thank you so much for the warm welcome. 😊 I never really talk about this stuff, so sharing it here helps.

So my new job is quite different from anything I've done before, and I'm always having to go to meetings and stand up and introduce myself. And today I had to give a presentation in front of a huge room full of important people and I totally bombed it. I feel like they probably regret hiring me at this point. My anxiety just took over and it's been added to my most embarrassing moments. I feel like this just is just too stressful and too much pressure sometimes because it's really hard for me to just talk to groups of people I don't know and I have to do it all the time. It's hard for me to even be social with my coworkers because of my anxiety. Im starting to think I should see a doctor about medication for this but I'm worried about side effects. Does anyone else struggle with this? And what do you do about it? Sorry for rambling. I just got home and i just feel so embarrassed by the whole thing

Welcome, Rin and Miss Manda! It's been crazy busy and I haven't posted recently (I also stopped getting notifications, which I need to check on). I will come back later to update, just wanted to poke in here really quick and say I didn't mean to go so long without posting.

Holly, I almost fell over when I read the RatB*stard gave you $2.00 extra! What a creep!!!! And, I agree with Kathleen, you do not have to worry about how you look at your son's wedding - I wish I looked like you!

Kathleen, a family member was in an intensive out-patient program after being released from a mandatory in-patient due to a suicide attempt about ten years ago. He has since turned his life around, got a new job, married, etc. and he swears the out-patient hospital is what helped him. He said that if he could afford it, he would sign himself in for two weeks every year for a refresher course! I am hoping and praying your son has the same type experience.

Lisa, I had periods of numbness - totally vegging out - for atleast a year after my mother passed away. It does get better with time.

Fi, hello if you are reading along.

I have not had chocolate in four days - I am still over-eating, but at least not candy.

Greetings to everyone else.

Lisa - Hi and and thank you for checking in, even if you don't feel like talking, we are here for you and rooting for you You just had a major loss, I would think it's perfectly acceptable for you not to want to visit, for any reason. Sending you hugs

Kathleen, I see that today is when your son starts the intensive outpatient therapy today, BEST WISHES to him!!! and you!! I'm glad your family did agree to the family counseling, i hope the home tension gets to be diminished for your sake hon, that is no fun. And your surgery recup is still going good?

Rin, oh I am sorry to hear that you feel you didn't do well with the presentation, I am in respect of someone who has a job with that level of responsibility, maybe it wasn't as bad as you imagined but I am sorry that you are so anxious at even your co-workers. I do not have anxiety like that (yay for small favors ) but maybe someone here can tell of possible side effects from meds.

catinhat - Hi! nice of you to check in even though you are busy, is Springtime still happening for you? and how about your job situation? thinking of you.

EasySpirit, yay for no candy! yeah the $2 was pretty funny then he told me that the store was down $45,000 in 4 months because of our no-snow winter...and today they are flying to Dominican Republic for his annual 2 week vacay, well he will enjoy the tropics but he is still a Rat B@st@ed in the tropics, lol.

Hi to Fi if you are reading along

missmanda, Hi and I hope it is NOT snowing today for you!

Today I did the #2 Beginner's workout , https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgSB...&nohtml5=False
I HATE cardio like this but I did it anyway, had to modify alot to protect my knees and just because it was dang hard. But I stuck to the end and got a fist bump from Hoy and that was worth it. Then I 'attempted' a Pahla B workout that was floorwork abs, just really difficult, did about half of that, then about 5 minutes of floor abs that I CAN do.

as usual I can commit to working out but I just eat too much, large portions, and do wander into the kitchen when I am bored at night.

today is sunny but still too cold for me to want to do outdoor stuff (36 degrees)

For years, I have been getting my med (Wellbutrin) from Canada Drugs, I get a 90 day supply for about $80. Yesterday I was doing errands and thought to ask a local drugstore about their price, just to get a comparision? THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS So my response to the local drugstores saying "you should keep your business local" is pfffft!!

Sorry just now able to respond to everyone – finally sitting down to a computer instead of checking the board on my phone like I usually do.

VermontMom - Way to go on the workout! That sounds tough! And what a terrible boss! He sounds like a jerk! I’ve had bad bosses before, but yours takes it to a whole other level. And congrats on the time off and on you’re son’s wedding! That’s awesome!! I think outdoor weddings are so beautiful and special, and just a lot of fun. And thank you so much for the welcome.  It means a lot. And thank you, I’m feeling a bit better today. It’s like the worst has already happened, so how much more can I screw up? It was kind of freeing, even though the anxiety is still there. But no one really said anything about it today, so I’m trying to turn it into a positive.

IBelieveInMe2 – Thank you for the welcome! It means a lot. I’m just taking it one day at a time and trying to celebrate every small victory. It sounds like you have a lot going on too. Hope everything works out with your son.

Catinhat – Thanks for the welcome!


Well, today I did terrible on eating and did not exercise. But tomorrow, I'll work on doing better, and after how crazy this week has been, I'm just trying not to gain and if I turn it around, maybe even go down a pound or so.

Rin: I can certainly sympathize with you about major anxiety. I get it a lot and used to have to give presentations in front of small groups of people YEARS AGO for one of my jobs. I dreaded it every time! And that was before I was on meds! At the time, I thought I was just "nervous," but looking back now, it was part of my pattern/habit/illness of anxiety. I am betting that you were way harder on yourself about your presentation than the others at your job were, especially since they didn't seem to have a negative reaction the next day. And I like your take that it was actually freeing because you feel that the worst has happened. That is thinking positive! I like it! Good for you! If you do find that your anxiety interferes with your life too much, though, I would definitely recommend asking your doctor about medication options and their side effects. It can't hurt to ask and get some information from a trained professional. You definitely don't have to go through anxiety without help. It is not a weakness to admit you need help (if you do). It is part of taking care of yourself. I used to be on Buspar daily for anxiety, but they took me off of it last summer when I was forced into a psychiatric hospital for a manic (bipolar) episode. They switched all of my meds around, but now my own psychiatrist has me on .25 (small dose) of Klonopin 2x a day. I used to take it only as needed, but with all that's been going on with my son and family, we decided together that it's best to be on it daily. And it has helped me to cope SO much better. It's not a magic pill, but it takes the edge off of my constant anxiety/worry. I was consumed by it before taking the Klonopin twice daily. Best of luck to you with whatever you decide to do!

catinhat: Thank you so much for checking in! I wondered what happened to you. Was beginning to worry. So I appreciate it! I know that you have to choose to get notifications with each new monthly thread. Don't know if that might be the issue? Anyway, I hope you get it straightened out. It helps me to get the notifications, too. Hope all is well with you! I, too, am wondering about the status of your job. Please post with an update when you get a chance.

EasySpirit: Thank you for your story about the family member who went through intensive outpatient therapy and swears it helped him. I, too, hope and pray that my son has a very positive experience. Thank you for your prayers for the same. He didn't say much about his first day, other than he liked it. He is a man of few words. I hope to get a little more out of him as he has more sessions. Way to go on 4 days without chocolate!!! Hope yesterday made day 5! Keep up the great work and take it ONE day at a time! You can do this!!! We are all rooting for you!!!

Holly: Thank you for your kind words and well wishes for my son and our family. I really appreciate it! My recovery from surgery is still going very well, but it seems as though my left arm is swelling again. The swelling seemed to be down some right after surgery, which gave me a lot of hope that the surgery was working. I will find out more at my 4 week post-op appointment with my doctor this Friday. This swelling has me worried, though. I am thinking that IF the surgery helped, it might take awhile for new pathways for the lymphatic flow to develop. They connected lymph nodes to veins in 6 places in the hopes that the lymphatic fluid will flow out through those veins. I guess it normally would go up my left arm and across and flow out through my heart, but when I had the 19 lymph nodes removed (with my mastectomy), I developed blockage at the site (under my left arm).

That is CRAZY about the price comparison of getting your Wellbutrin at a local drugstore!!! $300 is ridiculous!!! I'm thankful you can get a 90 day supply for $80 at your current pharmacy. Yes, stick with it!

I am in awe of and downright afraid of the workouts you do on youtube!!! I have a difficult time working out to videos because it takes me so long to figure out the different poses. I am a bit obsessed with having the correct form. You must be a fast learner. Good for you for sticking with it! Wish I could do the same! All I'm allowed to do right now (post-op) is walk outdoors or on the treadmill. At least I can do that. But I am totally impressed with the variety of difficult videos you have been doing!!!

Lisa: Would you be interested in doing a scrapbook page of memories of your mom? Just a thought. It might be therapeutic and healing. Or just do a page on your feelings right now. I feel sure that your desire to sleep a lot and avoid engagement must be from your grief ~ expressed or not. Maybe scrapbooking would help! I hope you will begin to read again, too. I know you like to read. Also, please keep us posted on your job with Hallmark. I hope you will hear from them soon! Please take good care of yourself! We all care a lot about you and want you to be well!

Coop, Fi, & Everyone Else: Waving hello and wishing you well! Please pop in to say hello and let us know how you are doing.

good morning friends! (see, when I have time off, I can come here daily! )

before I lose them, here are the 2 workouts I just did. The first one is the Pahla B lady, she has such a sweet demeanor but she is a strong lady I had to modify a bit but did my best. The second one is the very charismatic and energetic Millionaire Hoy, I am on Day 3 of his HIIT Beginner 30 Day Challenge. I hate cardio like this but I am making myself do it!!

http://pahlabfitness.com/2015/07/07/...ith-dumbbells/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rpaSdeDJo0U

Kathleen , I hope so much that the left arm swelling stops!! that is amazing what the surgeons did, such delicate work, and I hope your arm starts behaving the way it should thanks for the comps ( ) on the workouts I'm doing, LOL!! I absolutely modify when I have to but am trying to stick to it. Absolutely you should only do what you are allowed to, during your healing. I hope it's nice enough outside to enjoy a walk with your dog(s?)

Lisa, oh gosh of course it would be sad to think about your mom's landline being cancelled that is a very final thing!! Did you create something with your scrapbooking? best wishes to you

Rin - hey if no one said anything about the meeting the other day, maybe it was not a big deal to them..anyway, good for you for sounding like you can just move on from it Hope you have a better day with eating and exercise thanks for the comps on the workout, and the commiseration about the rotten boss

EasySpirit, ,we are sprinkling all kinds of here for no sugar!!

and HI to everyone else

super - sunny today!! but still only 39 degrees at 11 a.m., it's gotta get to at least 50 and sun for me to want to work outside, hope it gets there. I've been terribly unproductive but don't care well I have done daily house stuff but not tackled any clutter or projects yet. And I don't feel guilty about it I am enjoying this time off so much.

Hey friends

first, here's my workouts for today - Day 4 of HIIT Challenge for Beginners https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_tJ1Se57WE and then a 20 min. Jessica Smith workout with hand held weights. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vh3N...XC2N3&index=53

THEN because it was beautiful out sunny and 52 degrees, I did extensive yard work, I lopped off over 100 small saplings, then sawed down about 20 intermediate saplings. I'm not a tree hater just trying to manage the ever-encroaching woods. I don't know if I will be able to visually see a difference once the big trees leaf out, but for now I can see my work! I was outside working for almost 4 hours

I do hope that this weekend, my husband can do the process of getting our bikes out of the garage, powered up and ready

I already feel SO much better, just from being able to be outside and toiling in the dirt

Hi kathleen! Sorry I've been quiet, I'm reading but haven't been posting! Hope all has been going well with your sons treatment.

Did mean to say congratulations to Lisa on the new job! I hope you enjoy the new work.

Also hello to the new posters! And hi to everyone else!