Hello Support Buddies! I am pretty much back on board today with eating and exercise, but I still feel incredibly weak-minded. I feel like I am being tempted at every turn. My head says don't give in, but my stomach wants to give in to poor food choices. We have plans to go somewhere healthy for dinner, so I should be okay tonight. Then, I HAVE to fast after 8:45pm tonight because I am getting blood work drawn in the morning for my medication management. I dread stepping on that d@mn doctor's scale tomorrow!!! Every time I see my weight where it is now, I get depressed and feel so defeated. It takes all of the internal might and positive self-talk I can muster up to fight the negative feelings. That is where my mindset is right now. Since I have been off the wagon the past several days, I feel so BIG all over. I'm sure you all know the feeling. I am reading a book about willpower right now in hopes of helping me snap out of this funk. I will feel better sooner or later, but please keep the coming!!! I need all the help I can get!!!

Fi: Happy to hear that you are already feeling better. I hope you can get your caloric intake back up to a healthy level soon, if you haven't already. I have NEVER had that problem and I can't even imagine it! I hope you took that walk and got back on board with leg exercises!

Holly: It's so great to hear from you!!! Thank you for all of the ! It is slowly helping. I just hate your winter boss!!! Can't wait for your summer job to start. When is that again?!? Counting down the days for you! GREAT that your heart and blood pressure checked out good at your doctor's office! And I'd take 160 lbs any day!!! I am sorry that you are disgusted with yourself, though. I can soooooooo relate!

idgie_marie: Thank you, too, for the ! I really need it!!! 50 degrees and a nice walk with your dog sounds wonderful!!! Our Ohio weather has been a rollercoaster ride. No surprise, I guess. Best of luck to you on the couch-to-5k program!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!

Waving hello to everyone else! Please post when you can and let us know how things are going. I am still worried about Trish! She hasn't posted in March at all. I hope she is okay.

Hello ladies.


I just wanted to check in and let you know I am still here. Things are going pretty well. Life is going good, school is going alright, hectic but alright. I am taking it one day at a time.


My eating hasn't been going very good though. I have been eating too much.

I am anxious for warm weather to get here. I am going to buy myself a bicycle and get outside. I hope I can still ride one. LMAO


As for school, I took an exam last week and only scored a 22/30, not good. I just have to do better on my next one.

I hope you all are doing well.

ohiofreespirit— I am SO glad to hear that you're feeling better! Don't fret too much over your eating or your weight or your exam: all those things will begin to get better now that your head is back in the game. Remember to give yourself positive feedback for what you're doin' right, not any negative feedback at all.

Kathleen— Ditto for you on the positive feedback! Here's what I did last year to get myself into that mindset: I hung a wall calendar in my kitchen (put it where you'll see it like 50 times a day) and for every day I stayed on plan with healthy eating, I highlighted that whole day in a bright happy color. I paid no attention to the days with no highlighter: I just focused, month to month, on having more and more days colored in. If I had an off-plan day, I was much more likely to get right back in the saddle again, because I wanted to see that highlighted day. And it was good for Bob, too, because if he looked at the calendar and saw a long string of highlighted days, he would say something like, "Hey, you're doin' great on your eating plan!" Sure enough, month by month, I got to the point where all the days were highlighted. Try it!

idgie_marie— That's great you're havin' some better weather and even more great that you're taking advantage of it to get out and move! That couch to 5K thing sounds wonderful: I know a couple of other gals that're doing it. You go girl!

Holly— Good for you that you got some good feedback from your doctor: it's always a real boost to me when that happens. Here's how I do 600 leg lifts a night (and I did them tonight—yay!): First of all, I alternate legs between days, so each leg gets a whole day of rest before it has to work again. I do 5 sets of 120 lifts, 60 on my back and 60 on my side so I'm working different muscles. In between sets, while I'm catching my breath, I work the lower leg on that side by doing flexion-extension at the ankle. (I don't count how many on the lower legs.) I do it on my couch while listening to rock-n-roll, so it feels like dancing and it's fun. That's it! (But unless you're already in good shape, don't start with sets of 120: I had to work my way up to that.)

Y'all wanna see something funny I made? I made this collage and then a fellow collage artist animated it for me: click on it for a larger version..

Hello everyone!!!! I just joined today and started jumping for joy when I saw there is a forum for those who struggle with depression and are overweight!!!! FINALLY!!!! MY KIND OF PEOPLE LOL. I have read a little about some of you and hope to get to know you much better. I'll start off with a little about myself. I am 24 years old and a drug and alcohol counseling major. I will be graduating in the next year, not a moment too soon! Addiction really speaks to me because I struggle with my own. I battled with bulimia for 7 years. during which time I lost almost 100 pounds. I decided to seek help when I was 19 years old. I gained a little bit of weight but maintained at a healthy 150lbs for almost 4 years. Then, about a year ago I was diagnosed with anxiety, depression, PTSD and OCD. I have finally found meds that work really well for me but I have gained over 100lbs in this last year. I'm not sure if its the meds or the depression. I guess it doesn't really matter. The point is that I have a lot of weight to lose and know I need help to do so. January 1st I started a diet consisting of 1200 calories and exercising 6 times per week. It had been almost three months and I have only lost 8 pounds total. I JUST WANT TO GIVE UP!!!! I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I have my first appointment with a nutritionist in a couple days. I am determined to do this and I thought a forum like this would be a great support system to help me get by between my nutritionist appointments. I am open to ANY feedback. I look forward to getting to know you all!!

to 1llife2lily! first, wow I admire your dedication to education and will to help others with your particular major! second, congrats on being on plan since January with a sensible plan; I think I also would want to give up but DON'T!!! some of us are slow losers! I could look up in my journals that I think I also was perfect-on-plan for 2 months or so and had barely lost 8 pounds, and that was a big switch from eating everything, to about 1500 calories. Anyway, hang in there!! this is a lovely bunch of chicks

Kathleen, sorry you're struggling! I don't know when it's worse, to have one's head OR stomach fighting our good decisions. I hope maybe you'll have a pleasant surprise when you step on the scale at the doctor's. What is the current book you are reading, about will-power?

I kinda berated myself for saying I felt disgusted with myself at 160, when that might be a goal weight for others..I just know how I feel so much smaller and better at even 150 and positively tiny at below 145. And get this - there is a lady at work, I really like her, she's positive and friendly and a hard worker; she is TINY, maybe 5'1" but tiny birdy legs, hips and arms Probably a size 2?? She knows she weighs 126 and she feels huge...yes!! She feels best at 120 so she feels that she is way overweight.

Here's alot of this stuff for us!!

Hi Ohio and Fi, that animated postcard collage was great! Kathleen, my last day at current crappy winter job is next month!! Either Sun. the 13th or Mon. the 14th. The owner actually closes the store for over 2 weeks, so they can go on vacation. Since they close the business, we workers can actually get a week or 2 of unemployment benefits. Then I am able to start at my summer job the first week of May. We need time to open up the kitchen, get the water running, take items out of storage, get food and supplies in; then the actual Opening Day (yes we refer to it in Capital letters, lol because it is a big deal) is around May 14th.

Sorry my posts are all separate and not together, and stuff not in bold or italics..I am struggling still with this @$%&%*^ Windows computer; I used to EFFORTLESSLY be able to cut, paste, whatever in a post to make it better but not anymore..spent 15 minutes trying to freakin 'select' and copy/paste but cannot figure it out. I miss my Mac so very much so my posts are boring.

Jeez, are any of y'all Bipolar? I've been having trouble lately with surges of dysphoric (very unpleasant) mania. It kind of goes with the no-appetite, working-all-the-time, hardly-getting-any-sleep brain set I've been in lately. When I was young, before I became Bipolar, I used to have over-the-top happiness: long stretches, or at least long evenings, of euphoric hypomania. But now that I'm Bipolar, the only kind of mania I have is the yucky kind, where I feel like I'm buzzing on the inside, or as if I'm about to explode. The closest thing I can compare it to is a big-time caffeine overdose, if you've ever experienced that. (I only drink two cups of coffee in the morning—no other caffeine at all.) I take Clonapin for it, but it takes a high dose to chill me out when I'm in that state. =sigh= I hope I level out into a tolerable medium phase soon, because all this agitation and distraction and being so wired I can't eat or sleep is for the birds!

Hello All, I'm new here too. I never have had a problem with my weight until 15 yrs ago when I lost my teenaged son to a drowning accident. The subsequent depression helped me pack on 80lbs until I reached 233 lbs. Now I want to finally put that horrible event behind me, by losing the weight I gained following my son's death. I am taking Phentermine and have been on it for three days and am down 5lbs, which I'm sure is water weight but it still feels like progress. I am a healthy eater but do NO exercise to speak of. I am going to change that soon! We have an exercise bike in the garage that my husband is going to bring in the house.

That's my weight gain story, i look forward to getting to know you better!

Semperfiddle- welcome!!!! So sorry to hear about your son. Its amazing to hear that you are ready to start the next phase of you're life and become healthy again. I wish you the best of luck with everything and hope to be here with you through you're journey.

Fiona- I have not been diagnosed with bipolar but I have worked with lots of people who were and I too have many of the same symptoms. Sorry you're struggling right now. What always seems to help me when I'm having an episode is to soak in some sunlight. If that's not possible I go to the tanning bed. I know it may sound crazy but the vitamin d really does help. Keep us posted.

Vermontmom- you talk about you're friend from work and it reminds me of myself. I remember being 125 and thinking I was so fat and now its a dream to be you're weight again lol. I think self esteem really plays into my journey a lot though. I'm afraid that if I were back down to 160 , I would still be unsatisfied.

Sooooo I'm breaking down today and having a lady give me a quote for cleaning my house. I can't believe I'm actually doing this. But I'm a parent, go to school full time and work a full time job. My husband works 80 hours per week. I just feel so overwhelmed all the time. I also have OCD so a messy house really effects my mood and makes me feel out of control. Hopefully this helps... until next time. Everyone take care and live large ��

Hello and welcome new friends!

Fi, I am also bi-polar. I know that feeling!!! All that is helpful to me in that state is meditation and breathing exercises to bring my mind back from the discomfort and ick(and total irritability if I'm honest). If you are a writer I hear that can be helpful also. I love your collage, and it is so funny! I got a really good laugh out of it

Kathleen, Thinking of you! What book are you reading? I could use some willpower inspiration myself. How are you doing with everything since your last post?

Holly! I am so glad that you are almost done with your winter job and onto sunnier things! I am also glad that you brought up the issue of perspective in how weight affects all women, it's something that I have been thinking about a lot lately and struggling with. Overcoming a negative self image is not easy, even if you have really gone far or if you should feel great about how you look or how much you weigh. I guess I would call it mind over mass I'm not sure where that was going but I appreciate that you said something about it.

Ohio, it is good to hear from you. How exciting that you are in school! I am glad to hear that you are doing better and taking things as they come. A bicycle in the summer is so nice, I hope that will be something you really enjoy It's probably what I miss most since moving out of town.

I am conflicted and depressed right now, and feel trapped in my job. It is not conducive to healthy eating. Or really anything but sleeping a lot. Still hanging in there though, trying not to eat sweets, and to not drive my partner totally crazy.

Hugs and strength to everyone!
Chelsea

to you Semperfiddle! first..I know you don't know me, but as a parent...i am so sorry of your tragedy. I won't speak of it much more if you care not to, but felt I had to say at least that.

second..I applaud you for losing weight no matter if it's water or not I bet you will burn up that exercise bike. Kudos for being a healthy eater!

third ...I don't really have a third just nice to have you here!

Fi - I must say I've not experienced symptoms like that...I'm too sluggish I guess, lol. Well I do remember posting here last summer, saying how glad I was that I was consistently feeling 'good' but its never manic or high.

Kathleen - here's some more of that sparkly stuff 'cause it's so pretty

OK I drove home in a rage, due to something my boss did today. THere is a customer who is more friendly than he should be, he would hug me tight if I let him (ew!! why would I ? he is a creepy Montreal lawyer who is 20 years older than me, and it's not even MY store or MY customer!!) Anyway..my idiot boss started telling this guy that I was a motorcyclist, that i had a big motorcycle, what a bad *** I was, etc.., and he should have KNOWN that would make this guy think he could then make comments about 'hot motorcycle chicks' and stuff like that...

so YES the customer got all stupid and loud and vocal about stuff like that, then said "I want a ride with you, I'd hold on real tight like this!" and comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me, clutching me tight against my midriff!!! I immediately pulled his arms off me and stepped back and said "NO THAT Is NOT COOL" and they all laugh it off...he walked away and i said in a low voice to my boss 'it is NOT okay for yur customers to put their f******g hands on me'! and he just laughs it off too!!!

i BOILED in anger for an hour...then confronted idiot boss and said, 'do not EVER give personal information like that to anyone again! You should have known that would make him all crazy and a jerk and I am pissed at being groped by your f****ng customer!'

he says, "oh, I'm sorry, I hear ya" and that was so lame, I said 'I don't think you do!!' and got my coat and walked up to a co worker and said "I'm gonna sit in my car for a while" and I did that. I have NEVER walked out on teh job before in anger, in 40 years of working.

So I cooled off, came back inside, started working again. Idiot boss came up to me and said "I'm gonna yell at that guy tomorrow, what's wrong with him" and oh my god! I almost exploded again, I almost yelled 'it was YOUR fault for starting it!" and he just does not get it.

THis job end in mid-April, then I go to my wonderful summer job, but for years, I would work for said idiot on Wedesday afternoons, just to keep in touch and for a bit of gas money, but i'm telling him tomorrow that I am not going to do that this summer...and I might just bite it and have to find a different winter job this November.

Oh and despite the sign outside the building that says Store Hours - 6:30 am to 6:00 pm, tons of people still flocking into the store when I'm trying to close..and wanting sliced meat from the deli...i told one lady "it is really hard for me to get you something from the (closed!) deli when I have to take care of other people at the register" and she says, "oh thank you so much!" WTF?? So I get her ****, I left the fatty parts of the meat I had to trim all over the counter, and finally got rid of all teh customers, locked the door 15 minutes after 6, did the final closing chores, and left a hastily scrawled note in the deli - "DO NOT EXPECT ME HERE UNTIL AT LEAST 11:15 TOMORROW, YOUR F*****G CUSTOMERS CANNOT READ 'STORE HOURS' AND I HAD TO SLICE/TRIM THEIR S***

( I do not get paid a cent more for staying late, that's why i resent it so much)

Okay i am done screaming for the night

Just droppin' in quickly to say I had a better day today—no depression, no mania. But I have a ton of work to do because I want to make two collages this weekend. Thanks for the supportive comments from everyone, and Holly, I am SO there with you in your rage at your boss! I can't stand being touched like that when I don't want it, and I admire you for being so pro-active about it. G'night, y'all...

Hi ladies,

i hope this post finds you well.

Holly, it sounds like you have had a rough time lately. I'm so sorry. This is a great place to vent. I'm so glad we could be here for you. *hug*

Chelsea, I am so sorry you feel trapped in your job. I love mine so it hurts me so when people are unhappy in theirs. You sound so unhappy. *hug*

1life, I am glad you are having someone to clean your house. I hope it helps improve your mood. *hug*

Semperfiddle, Welcome to the thread. We are thrilled to have you here. Thank you for sharing your story with us. *hug*

Fi, I, too, am bi-polar. I mostly have trouble with my lows though. I am so sorry you are having trouble with it lately. *hug* I hope you come out of it soon.


I have to get ready for work. I will check back in soon. Much love to you all.