Hey everyone, sorry I have been off line! We have quite a bit of snow and cold, and my plate has been very full taking care of all the animals. Been eating ok, but have been feeling pretty down over the last week. Not a lot to report on right now, but I should have some time to really catch up with everyone tonight.

:hugs:

Kathleen— Thanks so much for your name, and for all the suppor!

I'm hanging in here after a very rough weekend, depression-wise. I got in touch with my shrink, and we both agree that going off the Effexor wasn't a good idea, so back up some more on that med and hoping for the best. I had a small cup of my husband's muesli to help me sleep last night, but that doesn't count as emotional/binge-type eating. He's being really sweet to me. Right now he's gone out grocery shopping for me since I needed seltzer and cream (for my coffee) and the kind of turkey lunch meat I like. I'm really tired from all the depression pain. Last night he made me an omelet with smoked salmon and onions—almost as good as a bagel.

Thanks everyone else for all the support, too. I'm just too tired to write anymore today. Hang in there, Chelsea!

Fi - so sorry you have had a tough, painful time!! and NO LOUSY PERSON words from you, missy

Kathleen - your weekend sounded great and you are too kewl to take a ride on the mechanical bull it's not that easy, is it!

cDubs - what kind of animals do you have? (goats I assume?)

Hi saraphin, seabiscuit, and others!

I'm so glad that I haven't had a long depressive day in a long time. and I'm thinking back to last week, when I let myself get bothered by something minor and went back to bed but then made myself get up and then had the great shopping experience.

I've had a minor problem with a co-worker, she thinks that I should give some of my hours to her, and has vehemently talked to others about it, this is not a rational request and she is not always rational herself, sometimes she just ups and quits, then comes back; but the boss condones this so it just goes on. Anyway, I was dreading some days working with her, knowing that she is resenting me, especially that she is tiny and cute well for heaven's sake she is also 21, I just can't let myself compare my body to a 21 yr. old! And her up and down behavior is just so upsetting to the workplace. You just don't know 'who' she will be that day. She obviously needs help.

I guess this girl is my only worry for now (besides my constant worrying about my appearance and weight) so I am pretty lucky I guess.

have a good night

Hello Friends! Just a quick check in, since my dogs woke me in the middle of the night...... again! I walked on the treadmill at the gym again today while my daughter worked out with the trainer. I walked 16 of my 40 minutes not holding on, and tonight I have the worst back pain. I assume it is because not holding on kicked in my core muscles that are....ahem.....very weak. I feel sore and fatigued all around my midsection and back. I work with the trainer in the morning and will get her opinion. Anyway, I bring this up because I imagine that the pain is similar to what Fi feels every afternoon with her physical pain from depression. It is agonizing for me right now. It makes me sad to imagine Fi feeling this way all the time. I so hope you can get some help with the pain at some point, Fi! I hated to hear that you had a very rough weekend, depression-wise. Some kind of relief just has to be in store for you soon! It sounds like your husband takes good care of you, too, which is wonderful! You deserve it!

Chelsea: I, too, am curious about what animals you take care of! Goats?!? I just love all animals, so I am very interested in hearing all about it. I am sorry to hear that you have also been feeling down this past week. Hope things begin to look UP for you, soon!!!

Holly: Your image is very accurate of me once that mechanical bull started to move! One big lunge to the side and off I went!!! At least I lasted long enough to get a hilarious photo out of it. Your coworker sounds very immature and yes, like she needs some help. Sorry you have to put up with that crap! It must be difficult to maintain good spirits at work in her presence. Sounds like you are handling things pretty well, though. Just do your best to ignore her tantrums and petty behavior. Why in the world does she feel entitled to your hours anyhow?!? That is just weird! And the boss condoning such behavior as her ranting to others about it and quitting and coming back is just enabling and crazy! THAT would drive me insane!!! Good luck working everything out! Glad you feel comfortable enough to post about it. I hope venting here helps just a little.

Well, I must get back to bed! Hope everyone else is okay! Please post when you can with an update!

good morning, and just needed to note, Kathleen you are incredibly empathetic and supportive; and are able to show those feelings through wonderful writing It is one thing to be so caring for people, and another gift to expressively put into words what you want; and you do both I do have people who care tons about me, but I don't always get what I feel is proper attention to my current rants I thank you so much for providing that to me!!

Yes my boss totally enables that behavior, because he doesn't want to have to hire someone else Like I said, if she is my biggest worry right now, I'm on Easy Street.

LOL at your description on the bull! and congrats on doing part of your treadmill work without holding on..but real sorry about the pain! can it be relieved with ibuprofen or anything? Hope the trainer can tell you how long to rest/recover..because I will totally encourage you to continue on with that!! I do know having core strength is vital for everyday functional strength. I will be your cheerleader

Hello to everyone else hope everyone has a great day I am especially psyched because today is my Friday, I have Wed. and Thursdays off so I just need to 'get through' today. take care! (and watch out for ice, i slipped and fell on my side yesterday, at work, yes, that same boss does not sand the driveway)

*edit to add - I can slightly explain the co-worker feeling entitled to my hours...I work at this job from early November through late April, then I go to a different job, early May through October (have been doing this for over 10 years). This young girl was hired to fill in for me, knowing that I do return!! but she decided she didn't like those rules

Kathleen— I don't know if this will help you on the treadmill or not, gal, but I used to get lower back pain from walking until I learned a couple of tips: One is to contract your abdominals as you walk, continuously, because they will help support your spine so your back doesn't have to do all the work; and the other is to bend way forward, from the ankles, as you walk, so that your hips are carrying your upper body weight instead of it rocking back onto your lower spine. If you do both of those of those things, you should notice quickly that your back is less stressed. There's a really good book called Walk Yourself Well that I learned those and other tips from.

Hi! Haven't checked in for a few days. My real name is Trish by the way. I am trying to get back on track with my diet. At first i just watched my calories, then I did Atkins. I hated Atkins. Now I am just trying to watch my calories again and pay attention to carbs. I've been back on my meds for a week now so there is some progress there. I have been having insurance problems getting outpatient treatment. It is frustrating. I need therapy to deal with some of my issues (including my weight and eating). I'm trying to hang in there. It has been a bit of a roller coaster the last couple weeks.

Hello Support Buddies!

Holly: Thank you for your generous compliments. Empathy and writing about my feelings are two of my stronger suits, learned from experience. I appreciate your sentiments. My pain was relieved some with over-the-counter meds. Then I got a massage today (weekly gift from hubby) and it really helped! Thank God! I was really feeling it from engaging those obviously weak back muscles! I will continue with working up on my times NOT holding on while walking on the treadmill, but my masseuse recommended working up a little slower than I have been, which makes better sense. That gives me little goals to aim for, which will keep my treadmill time interesting and fresh. Enjoy your Wednesday and Thursday off!!!

Fi: Thank you for the awesome tips for me while working on NOT holding on during some of my treadmill time! Makes sense and I will definitely try your ideas out next time I walk, along with working my times up more gradually. That should do the trick! I love that you love self-help books as much as I do!!! I hope your Effexor is beginning to make a difference and that some of your pain is subsiding. I think about you now in the afternoons, and wish you well. Please let us know how your appointment with your shrink goes on Wednesday! Hoping and praying for some relief for you!

Trish: Happy to hear that you are back on your meds. Thanks for checking in! I hope that you will be able to get the outpatient treatment/therapy that you need. As you know, it is so important to your mental and overall health. I hate dealing with insurance companies! Wishing you the best and sending a BIG HUG!!!

Hello to everyone else! Please post an update when you can. Thanks!

hi friends,

i am sorry to read so many stories of pain ,but by far, fiona, yours is the worst i think. what is depression pain, love? is it headaches?

i have severe nerve pain and i take methadone, lyrica and cymbalta - that also is for anxiety. i am stable atm.

i use mind control for my nerve pain because there is not a really good solution. i go THROUGH the pain and ignore it. "it's only pain" i tell myself.

i must get on my dreamill now actually, even though my foot hurts so much. it's ok. i just walk THROUGH it and i'm glad when i finish!

my weight has plateaued AGAIN (4th time in 14.5 kilo's) for TWO WEEKS. i'm stuck at 85.4 kilo's.

that's 187.88 pounds. you know there are calculators on you computer…just google one. unless you want me to convert for you. i don't mind really. especially since it's usually the SAME. aaaaarrrrgggghhhh.

bfn, saraphin xxx

Well now I'm confused. I was extremely depressed this afternoon and also craving carbohydrates—not cookies, just carbos—like crazy. So I broke down and had two generous helpings of my husband's muesli (mostly oats w/ a few raisins and a bit of added sugar). Then I took a nap and woke up... all better! No depression! The transformation was amazing!

So I started reading online about the whole neurotransmitter issue with people who are on the strict Atkins very low carb diet. 'Turns out that some people—especially women, especially people with a history of mood disorders, especially people prone to getting really low in the afternoon—in other words, me—are prone to getting depressed on Atkins. Not everyone, just a few people who are more "carbohydrate dependent."

So it's possible that the past 19 days of no binge (i.e., carbo-loading) behavior on my part may have set me up for this depression.

Or not. It may just be that the adjustment in my medications finally kicked in.

I'm quite tempted to add back in about 50 grams of carbs, around noon each day. What do y'all think? Will I still lose weight?

Hello all..i found this site looking for help to lose weight. I am a fat vegetarian with bipolar and a recovered alcoholic. I quit drinking over 7 yrs ago and learned i had been self medicating for years. Since then my bipolar has progressed to chronic severe depression and some psychosis...yippie. and now i am 100 lbs overweight which greatly effects my mental and physical health.

I look forward to this journey. Today i am emotionally stable and hope to find support and motivation through following Your journeys. Many blessings!

You've come to the right place, Becca, if you're looking for support on your weight loss journey and if you have issues with ups & downs in your mood. Wecome on board! Your avatar is beautiful...

Fiona...that is interesting about carbs and depression. I'm going to look into that more. I didn't do well on Atkins. I'm back to jut watching my calories. I want to start eating smaller meals/snacks spread out throughout the day instead of one big meal and a late night snack.

I'm so busy trying to catch up on the the things that I had to let slide during my depression, I don't have time for a long posting, but I just wanted to say: Wow! Adding in one muesli meal at noon has completely dissipated my depression pain, and I feel like a whole new woman. 'Turns out there are a lot of issues involved in the effect of insulin on serotonin in the brain, but I won't go into all that. But I do really appreciate all the support and concern from you folks here on Ups & Downs: they have been a comfort during my recent dark hours.

Trish— (Thanks for your name: I love the name Trish!) That's interesting that you didn't do well on Atkins. I felt like I was doing well physically, but obviously my emotional state really cratered, and I couldn't figure out why I kept craving carbos—not sweets actually, but things like whole wheat, oats, bran. My psychiatrist, whom I saw today, is well-versed in principles of Chinese medicine, and after hearing my detailed description of my depression pain (which is mostly in my chest), he said an earth element food, such as complex carbs, would be the suggested remedy. Anyway, Trish, what you say about dividing your daily allotment into several small meals makes a lot of sense. And CONGRATULATIONS on your 46 lb. loss so far! That's a lot of weight you're not havin' to carry around anymore! =smile=

hi everyone

well well so much to take in. carb-loading? i think i've been doing some of that and i do agree there must be some sort of relationship because i get anxious and my DH says "have you eaten anything?" he knows me. when i eat, i feel better. not necessarily carb's though because i have avoided all carb's (hard to believe) for 13 weeks!

fiona...i'm relieved you feel better now. i don't know what to suggest here. i think do what your WHOLE body tells you. you'll have to decide for yourself.

i just changed phases with my diet program and i'm JUST on the RED GRAPH LINE to reach my goal weight by the date i set (may 22).

still no carb's though. but i'm going to start eating 1 small fruit a day. after NO fruit for 13 weeks - that will be something! also i used to eat 5 fruits a day before when i was enormous so um…WRONG.

becca - welcome

thanx kathleen and trish, for your names!

trish - do hang in there…we are your friends here

hi holly, cdubs

look! i had a whoosh!