Hey Everyone,
Well I am just going to jump back in, after a couple of days there is almost no way to catch up! I hope you all had a fabulous Easter. We did. With four of my own daughters, one from someone else, one grandson, two dogs and only four of us real adults, we had a grand time! I love watching the girls on our annual treasure hunt. Just to much fun.

Anyway, things are still crazy busy around my house, Scarlet's Wizard of Oz play is 2 1/2 weeks away, I am the costume lady, so its crazy. Then I was told this morning that our school's May Faire is the day after our play is over. I am corraled into doing something for that too. At least that is not too much work. I am not complaining, I am having a great time, and still losing weight too. I lost another two pounds, sooooooo

two carrot jigs for me.

I missed you all the past couple of days. I am back though. So I will keep up and write some personals this week.

As far as the conversation about family members not wanting to say anything about your weight loss, my mom, who weighs well over 450, told my daughter how great she looked, she does. But she wouldn't even look at me. I guess I don't mind so much. When you really are losing weight, it doesn't matter what others think. There is no lying to yourself, good or bad.

Oh yeah, Zelda- Your new picture is gorgeous!!!!


I hope you all have a great day.

Hi,

I’m back from the dentist and it all went smoothly, my anaesthetic hasn’t quite worn off yet, but I hope that as the work wasn’t too invasive today I won’t suffer too much. I didn’t have to make another appt so that’s it no more dentist for a long time I hope!

Heather - I think I will have to start reading the Maintainers thread, I obviously have no idea of how it’s done and will need all the help I can get.

Zelma - I am glad you went to the doctors and I really hope that you will see an improvement from being on the meds. It’s scary isn’t it to have such strong mood swings, but hopefully the meds will help settle them and you will be feeling more like yourself soon

Donna - sorry that you are part of the ‘butt issues’ club lol, but what a great incentive to lose weight. Have you noticed a difference already after the brilliant 20 lbs you have lost already. about that fab loss, you are doing brilliantly

Lilion - It was me who asked how long you and hubby have been married. Did you guys do the traditional gift giving, 7 years is meant to be wool or copper isn’t it? Daren and I celebrate 5 years this November, it’s a wooden gift which is wonderful because I want to get us a Wooden Love Spoon, a gift which is very popular over here.

Patti - you said your knee is much better, does that mean it’s ALL better now, or just not as bad? You still never went to the doctors did you!?

DJCJRun - on the 2 lbs down, you deserved those I totally agree with what you said about losing weight and how there is no lying to ourselves. I feel that way whenever I think about going off track, or having one or two extra ‘points’ in a day. I can’t help but try to make excuses to allow myself my digressions, and then I realise I am just kidding myself. If I go over my points then I am asking for trouble, that’s the end of it.

Okie dokie well Ugly Betty is about to start so I better go. Bye for now…

Hugs,

Ammi

Hi Ladies, and to all the new ones. Sorry it's been so long since I've posted but things have been crazy and I was really upset cuz I'd gained back 15 pounds ....and didn't want to tell anyone.
Mechelle, like you, it was stress induced. I sure hope you get the answers and treatments you and dh need soon ......like yesterday soon.
Ammi, Got your email. I probably don't have time to email you today, but I hope soon.
Lisa, You poor thing. I'm so sorry your work situation is so difficult right now. I don't have any answers or solutions, but know I toatlly empathize with you regarding work issues. They can be worse than family issues I think. I also understand about the air plane seat belt thing. I went through the same thing when I visited my sis in Salt Lake City. What I felt was worse was how out of breath I got cuz I didn't have $$ for a cart for my luggage and didn't have luggage with wheels then. It was dreadful. Here's a big, big for you. And besides, YOU know you've lost weight, you know all of your nsv's. We don't need another's approval! (i have trouble with that one too, but am working on it.) And I don't think you could ever offend anyone here. We all experience similar feelings. That's why you're here, right? Hang in there. I know you are a very strong woman. You'll make it through all of this.
I too had the same "butt issues." That is one thing that is much better right now.


Zelma, I know a lot of people are really against anti-depressants. My response to them is, "Y'all don't know what it truly feels like to be depressed and live in that deep dark pit. If you did, you'd beg for anything to get some relief!" That having been said, I've not been on Lexopro, but I do take Wellbutrin, Prozac and Resperdol. The Resperdol was started during my last terrible spell of depression. It's not gone completely yet, but at least it's lessened my bad destructive thoughts and aggressive thoughts. If your meds bring you the relief you need to get through all the emotions and stressors going on, then be grateful they're available. If it hadn't been for my Andy, dr and the meds, I don't know if I'd be here today to tell you to not feel any guilt about taking them. Please, think of them as a tool. That's what they are for me, tools to deal with ptsd, depression, anxiety attacks etc. At least I can hold on to my job. The last time I went through a big spell of depression, I lost my job. You'll be ok. I promise.


Patti, I'm so glad your knee is doing better. I think of you every time and in between getting on the gazelle.


Just a catch up on us. I've lost 13 of the 15 pounds I'd gained back and I'm happy about that. Miss Abby got her braces on today and she's so, so happy about it. Her appointment wasn't until 8:30 this morning, but she woke me at 6:15. I told her to leave me alone, that my alarm was set. Didn't work, she came in again about 45 minutes later. (alarm set for 7:15 and that's when I finally made her happy and got up. She had a snack after school and is now flossing her teeth. She's already brushed them 3 times today. LOL. She is a funny girl.
We have a guy from child services visit us Monday. He had a report of my sd using marijuana while at her mom's on spring break. He'd already tried to contact her mother but her mother didn't call back. He just happened to find her home Monday. Of course my sd denied it, but we talked about getting a hair drug screen, she freaked out. She'll get her test by the end of the week. Happily, no kind of detox can take it out of her hair. I just hope hair dye doesn't mess it up. Cuz she colored her hair while she was at her mom's too. (her mom is honestly so worthless, cops were talking to her 15 year old daughter in front of her apartment and she never know. And, supposedly, she was home.
Moving along here. DH has lost 32 pounds + in the last 6 weeks. He's looking great! He's finally in two town. Made it there officially this morning. He now understands how important two town and one derland is to us. Silly boy! He's been just great this last week. I've had tons and tons of pelvic pain the last year, but the last week it has gotten unbearable.
Turns out I have a prolapsed bladder and rectum. The ob.gyn doctor tried this thing called a "pessary" yes, it sounds like you use an "I: instead of an "e." Well, it didn't work so now I have an appointment to see a specialist called a urogynecologist next week. The ob/gyn dr I saw thinks only surgery will fix the problem. I don't know if I get to keep my girl parts or not. I first went to the er cuz the "urgent care" and they told me it was a prolapsed uterus and I'd have to have a hysterectomy. So, I won't even have any real answers til AFTER my appointment next week. I'll get the answers at my second appointment with the specialist. Happily, the group of doctor's I'll see are the best in the country so I have been told. They were the very first accredited
urogynecology department in the U.S.
Anyway, I'm trying really really hard to get my food intake under control again, and I have to do more weight training now than the gazelle cuz the gazelle can be painful.
Hope that wasnt' too much information. If it was I apologize.
At least I'm feeling better emotionally. Right?
Big to all. Til later tonight I hope.

Sharon-I used to really get noticed in Florida when running into people after losing a couple of hundred pounds, but here it is like starting all over again. No one here knew me then. I had a lady come up to me at a bus stop and ask if she could talk to me about weight loss stuff, and I said, “are you kidding me!” I told her that I am only allowed to lose a pound a week, and I’d love to be able to lose quicker, so if she could call my doctor and convince him that I should go on her diet, I’d love to give it a try. I told her the man was so silly wanting me to lose weight the healthy way when there are so many more knowledgeable people out here who want to help me. She walked away with out saying anything else to me. She even waited for the next bus. Go figure.

Lisa-If it wasn’t for venting, I’d never have anything meaningful to say. I haven’t lost 200 hundred pounds. I’ve lost one pound 200 times (well probably several times 200). Just take small bites, and be gentle with yourself. This is so hard, and you are also undergoing some serious chemical changes in your body. You don’t have to be perfect. Being perfectionists is what got a lot of us into this trouble in the first place. What you’re doing is hard, you are having to do it alone, and no one else is going to understand what you are going through. Take it one day at a time.

Ammi-I was surprised I hadn’t mentioned reach issues before. I have whole sections in my book about different things I had to do over the years. I wasn’t just my size, my back injury doesn’t really let me twist at the waist much. I think our lives as really super-sized people are filled with such humiliations, that there is a line where we just can’t bring ourselves to talk about it.
Speaking of which, Canadian Immigration are such poo-poo heads. They actually sent me a letter saying the decision had been made on my application, and that the local office would contact me for an interview. Because of the immigration forum I belong to, I know that means I have been approved, and the interview is a landing interview where all they do is ask you if you’ve been arrested since applying, and stamp your passport. What would it have mattered for them to actually say that I had been approved. I know that if the decision was a bad one, they would have sent a letter saying that, and not transferred my file to the local office. At least now I have a light at the end of the tunnel, and you are right, I am so relieved, but cautious. I not going to completely relax until I have that PR card in my hot little hand.
I don’t have to be actually sedated for a cleaning, but I take a half pill or so just so I won’t tense up or cause my blood pressure to shoot up.

Chimi-My house got robbed when I was 26, and I wasn’t able to sleep another night under that roof. I stayed with my mom until I sold it. They had actually done things like take a knife to my comforter, and smash light fixtures. It took me a long time to feel safe again.

Zelda-Don’t feel bad about taking medication. When our bodies receive a major shock to our system, sometimes it just messes up our body chemistry. It’s just like diabetes is a problem with blood chemistry, and they take medication to rectify it. I wish that someone had made me go on medication for the depression that followed my father’s passing.

Donna-having friends over is a great way to rid yourself of stuff from the fridge or pantry that needs to be destroyed.

Lillion-No time like the present to get back on the horse. I find the longer I take to get back, the harder it is. I once told a friend who had a problem with alcohol and hang overs, that the best way to avoid a hang over is to not take the first drink. That’s the one that gets you drunk, not the tenth. With me, it is the first bite of something I shouldn’t have that causes me all the trouble, not the 100th.

Sandy - so lovely to see your post, a big and for you for losing nearly all of that 15 lbs you had gained. You should be so proud of yourself.

Glad you got my email, no urgency to answer it, I just wanted to check in with you and say hi.

I am sorry that you have a prolapsed bladder and rectum. Do the docs know what caused the prolapse. My mum had a prolapsed womb, she had surgery and was right as rain afterwards. I hope you can have your surgery ASAP and that you will have as good a recovery afterwards

Bad news though not too surprising about your SD and the pot smoking allegations, her response to the tests seem to be answer enough to the question doesn't it.

At least you have some fun with your youngest, how adorable that she loves her new braces so much. Does she have them on the top and bottom or just one set? How many more times has she brushed her teeth today

Catherine - maybe you have mentioned 'butt issues' before now and I just didn't pick up on them. I have such a bad memory, or maybe I just missed those particular posts. I know what you mean about sometimes it's hard to talk about all the things us big gals have to deal with. Before finding this place the only people that knew about my problems like that were Daren and a friend in Australia. She was/is a fair weather friend, one that seems to like me because I make her feel better about herself. I'm fat, she's thin, in her eyes I'm ugly, she's pretty, you get the picture. When she found out about my 'reach' issues she never let me live it down. Nearly every time she spoke to me she would pretend concern and ask how I was doing with the 'problem' then go on to say how she'd just die if she couldn't wipe her butt properly etc. Anyway being able to read about a person who has experienced the same kind of problems as we do is yet another reason I reckon you should get that book published in parts and get part one out there NOW

Oh I misunderstood, I thought the immigration thing was done and dusted. You still have to feel cautious so it's not time for a cyber party yet, but just let us know when it's all official and we can all party with you

Got to go again now, I am loving being back and posting and keeping up with you all. I miss you all loads when I am not around. Bye for now,

Hugs,

Ammi

I have been meaning to find time to post all day, but have been really busy - hopefully tonight when I get home after the gym and before Lost. But before I forget, I wanted to mention

Lisa - I was well over 50 pounds lost before anyone said anything to me. Please don't be discouraged because other people don't notice. Whenever I start to get depressed because I "only lost x" I go and pick up something that weighs that amount to remind me. Do you feed your dog with one of those big bags of food? If you go to the pet store and find one that weighs 20 pounds and try to pick it up, you will quickly realize just how significant 20 pounds is. I know you are on a very restrictive diet so it probably has felt like an eternity, but it really hasn't been that long. This is a long journey we are on. Also, don't beat yourself up too much about your choices to eat - it's not like you went straight for the pizza and cake. You had lettuce and chicken! Even if you did have pizza and cake you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. What good did that ever do? Finally, please never apologize for coming here when you are having trouble. As others have said, that is what this board is for.

Oh - and everyone cross their fingers for me . I saw an apartment today during lunch that I really liked. I will hopefully find out tonight if I got it. It is for May, but I am really ready to get this move going, even though it means paying a bit extra. Now I am convinced that the last place just wasn't right for me.

Hey Ammi ~ I've really missed being on line here too. Yes, it's no surprise about sd and pot. It's just annoying. You know how I feel about it's use, I just wish she would have waited til she was 18 and out of our house so her dad wasn't upset. ... again. I was really sad the first night and now I'm just ticked off about it. And, I'm pretty mad at her mother about it too. Andy has told her a thousand times she has to keep track of Chantal's where abouts.. And no. it isn't surprising. I actually wonder if it's why she seems to not be able to concentrate on anything a lot of the times and why sometimes she won't freaking shut her mouth.
Abby has to brush 2 more times today. After dinner and before bed.
At bedtime she has to floss and use a floride rinse. She was given a little dentist mirror too so she's been checking her teeth & mine tonight.
The dr said my prolapses is mostly from having 5 children, the heavy lifting I've done most of my life and of course my weight. I'm upset about it all, but now, I just want it to be over. I cried so much the last 2 days about it, I think I'm all cried out now. I am glad to hear after your mom's surgery she had such success. That makes me feel better.
So glad you have lovely weather over there. Maybe you could share it with us. We haven't had anything but freeze warnings, snow showers, rain, flooding, way below normal temps etc. It's really weird cuz I've already had time to sun bathe this year and we're all back to winter coats..
.....and I am proud of getting rid of 13 out of the 15 pounds. I have to behave now cuz I can't have Andy doing better than me! LOL


Nancy, I do hope you get the apartment you like. You certainly deserve to have a nice place to call home.

Til tomorrow my dear friends!

This is absolutely awesome. It has been raining all afternoon here in PA and chilly all week, yet my knees have not been hurting. I was able to do over 45 minutes of working out and they didn't bother me the whole time and still don't! Usually at the first sign of cold or rain, I was in agony.

I'm going to weigh myself tomorrow; not sure if I lost anything, but a lot of my clothes I haven't worn in awhile fit better than they had previously. I guess I will have to see what I have to rely on more! LOL.

Whew. We went to visit my inlaws on Thursday and got back Sunday. I have only now been able to catch up.

So... I didn't eat well at all. I mean, I ate better than I used to, but much worse than I am now. I don't think I touched a single vegetable while we were there, and I ate too too too many carbs. I'm diabetic and could really see the effects on my blood sugar. I'm back to normal now, though, so everything is okay.

I weigh in at the Dr's every Tuesday because my scale only goes up to 330 pounds and I want her to keep an eye on me anyway. I gained 2 pounds this week. It was, however, a well deserved two pounds.

I'm back to working out on the Gazelle, and have worked up to 15 minutes every day. It's killer on the front of my thighs though, or I'd be able to do more. I'm also doing the strength program that *********** generated for me, and can really notice a difference in my arms. I actually have more muscle definition than my wife does, which is surprising, because she has already been the tomboy and I've always been the girly-girl. She's still stronger, though.

Zelma, anti-depressants do not mean that anything is wrong with you. I had a friend explain that it just helps to correct a chemical imbalance in your brain. Much like my Metformin helps to regulate my blood sugars, or how my Altace regulates my blood pressure.

I have to say though, your before and after pictures are so inspiring! I can't believe how much younger you look!

I plan on getting a picture on my avatar soon, just be patient.

Grrrrrr! I just spent an hour writing a response w/ personals and my computer died and I lost it all! Note to self: type all responses in Word and save before trying to post to website.

Well, at least I'm feeling better. The cold has mostly subsided, and I haven't had to take any cold medicine since yesterday afternoon. Good thing, too - when I was at the doctor's yesterday, she said my blood pressure was fairly high, which it never is - apparently that can be a side effect of cold medicine. I guess that explains why I feel so jittery and out of sorts when I take it.

On a bad note, I found out this afternoon that I didn't get that library job I interviewed for last week, which I'm pretty bummed about. Normally, that would be the sort of thing that would drive me to binge on an assortment of junk food, but I'm determined not to do that this time. Still, it's a good thing there isn't a big hunk of chocolate cake in my fridge ...

OK, let me try this again:

Catherine, I'm glad to hear you didn't let your morning affect the rest of your day or week. Hormones can definitely wreak havoc, that's for sure. Oh, and being a poo-poo head seems to be a job prerequisite for immigration employees, regardless of country, I'm sad to say! And oh, don't get me started on having people come up and offer weight loss advice!

Shadie, awww, you are so sweet, thank you for your kind words, they're much appreciated, especially today. I am still amazed at the amount of support and camaraderie among the women here, yourself included, and am thankful I'm a part of that.

Ammi, thank you for the compliment - I hate my smile, actually! Perhaps when I have less fat surrounding it, I'll like it more. I'm glad to hear your appointment today went well and you can stay away from the dentist for awhile!

Michelle, I'm so sorry that you and your husband are experiencing these medical issues. My heart goes out to you and I hope all the test results come back with the best results possible.

wyllenn, I think maintaining a 120 lb weight loss is amazing! I am a bit scared to think that when I lose all this weight that I might gain it back. Visiting the maintainer's forum is a great idea, thanks!

Lisa, I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard week. Please don't ever think that you shouldn't post if you're not posting something positive. Part of the reason this forum exists is to share the bad as well as the good and offer support to one another. Sometimes it helps to just get it out and vent your feelings.

chimi, how awful that your family was robbed! Are the police investigating? I hope your move goes well.

Zelma, I was on Lexapro a few years ago and don't recall experiencing any of the side effects. The good thing is that you're in tune with your body so you can discuss any changes with your doctor. I think you were brave to go and talk to the doctor about this and better to be on medication and be well both in mind and body than not and be miserable.

Donna, congrats on being down 5lbs - that rocks! And even bigger for not eating any of that junk in your fridge!

DJCJ, sounds like you've got a lot going on over there! Glad to hear you had a lovely holiday and are down 2lbs to boot!

Sandy, I'm sorry you've had so much stress going on lately, but good for you for losing 12lbs (so far) of that 15! I hope the treatment for your bladder/rectum are as noninvasive as possible. I imagine it must be very scary right now, especially not knowing for sure what's going on. I hope you get some definite answers soon.

Nancy, fingers crossed! What's the apartment like?

LAnne, how great that your knees aren't hurting! And 45 minutes - that's awesome!

Sharvanne, at least you are back home and back on track now. Whenever I go to visit family, I always find it hard to eat right, especially when they eat so much food that I would consider 'off limits'. Good for you for having a positive attitude about the whole thing!


As for the issues we larger women (and men) face, I know there are things that I'm embarrassed about, especially when it seems like I'm the only one who experiences them. Being the fattest person I know, it's easy to fall into that trap. That's part of the reason I'm thankful I found you all.

Hello all. Not much time to post. I had me Calc test yesterday. I think I did OK but don't feel quite as confident as I did about the last one. I am anxious to get it back.

I also wanted to brag on myself. Today was my weigh in day....lost .8 and am oh-so-close to being in Two-derville again. But that is not the brag. For the past several weeks I have gotten back into the habit of overeating after my weighing thinking that since I didn't have to weigh for another week I could get away with it. Well, today I did not. I left work very tired today and then had to go shop for a new outfit. Let's just say clothes shopping did not work out very well for me today and I left the mall not only tired but now discouraged, sad, and depressed at the the same time. I was thinking, "Oh to heck with it, I'll get some food on my way home and pig out." But, miraculously, I didn't. And to top it all off, even after being so tired and getting home much later than usual, I got myself out the door and walked for 30 minutes this evening. I feel really good about it. (Still don't feel good about the clothes shopping though. )

So, I am off to watch AI results. I have them TIVO'ed. Ammi, I know you are just beside your self that Sanjaya is still there.

Hi to All! I'm overwhelmed by your responses to my gloomy email! Thank you all so very much for your support and encouragement. Last night was a really bad night, but today has been better. I woke up with a different perspective on things this morning and I talked to our in house attorney who said that he wouldn't allow anyone to make me cross a line or do anything with which I was uncomfortable. I trust him and that made me feel a lot better. When I got on the plane to come home, I immediately asked for a seat belt extender when I entered the plane. However, much to my surprise, I was able to buckle the belt this time (although it was VERY tight). That made me feel a lot better. As for the eating this week, I am going to just try to keep my expectations reasonable and realize that I am not perfect. If I choose to be a perfectionist, then I will surely fail. I did my best to stay on plan when I was out of town, and if I gain weight because I ate a plate of lettuce with vinegar on it, then so be it. At least it tasted good, right? I'm back at home now and have cuddled with my dog and I am ready to get back on track. Tomorrow is my WI, so we'll see what happens.

Once again, thank you to everyone for your kind, supportive, and encouraging words of wisdom. It means so much to me and I hope you guys know that I am here for you too!

Have a blessed day!

Lisa

Hi everybody.

Wow it has been so long since I have been here. It's been a super hard few months weightwise since I had such a badly pulled muscle and could barely walk, let alone exercise. It's getting better now... still sore but not as much... and I am having a really hard time getting back into things and it is starting to show.

Otherwise same stuff... work is a zoo and doing overtime. Enjoyed a nice week in Fort Lauderdale, yay, and a short cruise to Key West and Cozumel.

Some have asked about my pastor's daughter who had the severe brain damage a few months ago. Thanks to those who have cared and/or prayed for Annie. Initially she was paralyzed, blind and deaf. She is now home and can hear and see... not sure what sight damage there is but tests do indicate a lot of vision, eye tracking, etc. She can roll over and stand with some assistance... starting to learn to walk. Sunday was her fourth birthday. She has a long way to go but we are thrilled so far with her progress.

On a lighter note... hey, how about that Blake Lewis on American Idol from... yep right here at home... Bothell, WA!! I always used Seattle on my profile since no one had ever heard of Bothell (which is a Seattle suburb) but now I guess Blake has put us on the map! Super!!!

Hope everyone is doing well. I really need to start coming back in here and getting in gear again. I am hopelessly behind in reading LOL but will gradually catch up with all of you.

Blessings
Misti

Hi Misti, so good to see you posting again. We've missed you. Lily

Thanks Lily... all of you are so thoughtful... and I really NEED to get back in here!