This has been an amazing thread, although I admit I didn't read it all, 34 pages ya'll!

My confessions:
1. I use to be a secret eater, I'd buy a large block of chocolate or cookies and eat them all myself. Or worse if we had something like that in the house I'd eat too much and realise my DH would know how much I ate, so I'd eat it all and then go and buy another replacement pack and then just eat another couple so it would look like I'd just eaten one or two. I'm scared I'll revert to this mode when I am no longer actively losing weight.
2. My sister use to weigh more than me, now she weighs less. While she helps my motivation part of me is so jealous of her and I really hate myself for it.
3. I'm 34 and obese, I come from a family of obesity (Mum is and sister was), I fear that my lifestyle will be something my kids inherit. I try not to use sweets as rewards/bribes with my kids but I do it all the time.
4. I hate my stomach so much I've imagined using a scalpel to cut it (as a biologist I think I could do this if it wasn't for the pain)
5. I have a list of things I want to do when I'm skinny. Things I'm too embarrassed or scared to try. I'm sure people will judge me or I won't be able to do it. My weight is hindering my life in so many ways.

I confess that for some reason I've been getting an increase of guys approaching me and asking me out, and instead of being ok with it I am really offended.

I've recently put on weight and I feel like these guys would not have approached me if I were thinner. I try to be nice but secretly I am mad because I feel like why do they think we are compatible or why would they assume I'd be interested or attracted to them?

I know this must sound mean, but I'm venting on a confessions thread, so there it is.

Usually it's the reverse, so I find this interesting. I have trouble accepting male attention now...it's like I don't know how to deal w/ it. I mean, back when I was at my highest weight I had a handful of guys hitting on me...now it's pretty frequent and I'm SO not used to it. I assume that's something you eventually get used to???

It is true that when I was thinner, younger, etc I had more invites from types of guys I could possibly be interested in.
I just meant that whenever my weight goes up, I get more "random" or not-my-type guys approaching me, that figure they have a great chance of me saying yes.

Other confession for today-
I ate way too much yesterday. I fell off plan about 2 weeks ago and am having trouble getting back.

Last week I got fed up with my blood pressure medication and cholestoral medication and just stopped taking both. Didn't tell the doctor but I will when I go back in a few weeks.

I shouldn't be on this stuff any more. I know it in my bones and the docs are way too cautious in getting me off the drugs so I just did it. I am monitoring my BP every day just in case.

I'm so terrified that I'll never truly break through this stall.

I dream way too much about the scale and weight loss, especially in the morning. Working towards losing weight is making me feel emotional. It's true what they say about shedding the psychological baggage with the pounds.

Ahh, I gotcha now. I don't think I completely got what you were saying before...you feel like they're only approaching you b/c you've gained weight and they think "hey, maybe she's lowered her standards!"

I had more ice-cream and fried foods last week than I have in months!!! It was a snowball, drop you on your arse kind of week.

Time to reverse the damage.


Munching on a few tic tacs to hold me over until dinner tonight.

I have had fleeting moments if wishing that I hadn't quit smoking when I did. I would probably be at goal already.

My biggest fears about this are:

1. That I'll never quit smoking because it may help the weight loss, even though I know it's so unhealthy
2. That if I ever actually lose weight, I won't know how to handle the attention and will be even more insecure than I am now (I've never been anything but fat my whole life)
3. I have quite a few close guy friends, and I'm terrified that my losing weight may make them treat me differently, and I'll hate them for it.
4. On the other hand, I fear that I'm going to let my parents down if I don't lose weight (they're the kindest souls ever and only want it for my health)
5. That I'll never have a healthy relationship because I can't be secure about myself.

But more than all that, I fear that my fears (listed above) will prevent me from actually starting to lose weight with dedication. I feel like I'm still putting in a half-hearted effort.

I binge-watch SuperSkinny vs SuperSize on youtube and judge both the fat and skinny people thinking I never wanna be that unhealthy and sick. Keeps me off that slippery slope because "just a few pounds" can turn into a hopeless illness.

While I've normally always been a positive and happy person, I do want to get this off my chest. I confess:

1. that my primary motivation for losing weight is to become attractive to the opposite sex. I have been thinner for most of my life aside from the last 10 years and the difference in attention from guys is massive. Not to mention the treatment from others just in general.
2. that if I had not gotten so fat that I probably would be married and kid(s) by now (late 30s).
3. that I know people judge me for being fat despite the fact that I'm smart, well put together, successful and all that jazz. I'm 100% sure that judgement is also what has keep me back career wise as well.
4. that I hate it when my mom points out my weight for being the primary reason that I am single (3FC moms - don't do this to your daughter ever! lol).

Ahhh.....it really does feel better to actually admit those things.

I have read all 34 pages when I should be working oppsie.
I had to buy bigger pants as I refused to go back to work still in maternity clothes.
I don’t want to be the fat mammy when my baby starts school.
I pulled my goal weight out of the air and I don’t think I’ll ever get to it (& it should be 121lb).
I think people who are a healthy weight are too skinny and I don’t think I would let myself get to a healthy weight – but I know I need to.
I would be happy to not be obese – I managed that before I think I can do it again.
My husband would kill me if he knew how much weight I was thinking of losing – too skinny mind-set too.
I am only behaving myself as my baby is allergic to dairy so I can’t eat chocolate, ice-cream or cheese (and many other things).
I am going to say something to that nasty teenage boy who keeps commenting as I slowly jog past – just bite your tongue someday he will get fat (& I hope he does – very nasty).
I have no idea what I’m doing – everything is half @rsed. Not really calorie counting, not really exercising and not really committing to what I’m doing.
I really want my sister and I to lose weight and keep it off, I want to set a good example for my baby.
I think I could go on all day but I’ll stop. This has helped. I will focus I will.

Well, okay then.

I have never become overweight in "standard" or stereotypical ways, so I resent the **** out of this being necessary. I gained weight without changing my eating or exercise habits because my body fell apart...though that is my doing.

Long term anorexia is why my body fell apart. I have been underweight or had a very low body fat % for most of my life. I have only been recovered for about 5 years.

There are days I would go back, if I could do the behaviors without the insanity creeping over every aspect of my life and soul.

I would go back to the exercise addiction piece, and I might be on my way.