I feel so bad about today. I started out really good. I drank my mater...Had my 64 oz by 2. I had a good breakfast of an apples and some low fat chedder with unsalted crackers. Lunch I had a great green salad with low fat ranch. NO sodas. Black coffee. Dinner I made tacos and I made me a taco salad with just the meat on the salad greens, no cheese or salsa. I was so proud of myself

The the friends came over. The jerk brought a huge tray of brownies..I had four! I resisted then next thing i know i was halfway through my second. Then I got depressed about it and ate two more!

I can't belive i did that!

Last week was not good for eating. I got to the gym twice so I feel good about that. I came to the realization today that a lot of my eating has been about trying to cope with my husband's mood swings and anger. He's been on anti-depressants for several months but for about the last month he's been off the ones that were working and trying something new. It wasn't working at all and now he's on another different med. Hopefully it kicks in soon. When his mood is bad and he's angry all the time I've realized that I am eating in an effort to cope so now I'm wondering if I can attribute this serious weight problem I've got to 18 years of trying to cope with his anger. When we moved in together I was only about 20-30 lbs overweight. I'm not saying that I wouldn't have gained weight regardless but since things have been so bad here the past month I've noticed that I just can't stick to any kind of eating plan. So I've got to start learning how to cope with stress a little better than eating!!! I won't bother journalling what I ate last week, let's just say I capped off last night with chips and dip which are my ultimate comfort food. This week will be much, much better. I'm starting the day off with a bowl of oatmeal!

WickedMommy, please don't beat yourself up about it! This happens to everyone, I promise. It sounds like you had an excellent, OP day, and those evil brownies were just one small slip up. You did what so many people (myself included) do, when you realized what you were doing, instead of stopping there, you let the "too late now" mentality take over and it just fuled the vicious cycle. At least next time you'll know that you just feel worse when you don't stop yourself and maybe you'll be able to leave it at one brownie instead of four. Either way, it's in the past and there's nothing you can do about it now, so instead of kicking yourself for it, get right back OP and go kick evil brownie friend! Hey, at least that won't show up on the scale the next day, and it may even count as some exercise if you play your cards right!!


Food for today:

Breakfast: 1c. Kashi Go Lean Crunch cereal w/ 3/4 c. skim milk.

Snack: 1/2 Chocolate mint Zone bar

Lunch: 1 small low-carb tortilla filled with lettuce, spinach, deli turkey breast, celery, tomato, red bell pepper, green onion, & spicy mustard. Salad w/ mixed greens, spinach, carrots, celery, tomato, green onion, red bell pepper, a sprinkle of rice noodles, & f.f. Italian dressing and 1 Blue Bunny yogurt.

Snack: 1/2 Chocolate mint Zone bar

Dinner: We went to Applebee's where I had most of a Santa Fe grilled chicken salad (done my way- everything on the side!) It was mixed greens, chargrilled chicken breast, pico de gallo, salsa, about half of the guacamole (1 tbsp.?), a few tastes of the sour cream (1-2 tsp.?), and some of the tortilla strips sprinkled on top. I passed on the cheese but I did try 1 bite of my husband's shrimp alfredo and I had 3 bites (not full pieces, just bites) of his boneless buffalo chicken appetizer with a tiny bit of the ranch dipping sauce, and I also had some of the celery that comes with the buffalo chicken.

Snack: 1 frozen Blue Bunny black cherry yogurt and 1 hard boiled eggwhite a little later.

Beverages: water, coffee

Exercise: Morn.- 40 min. on Gazelle, Aft.- weights and crunches, Eve.- 30 min. on Gazelle at level 1 resistance.

I hope everone has a wonderful, on plan day, good luck!!

Beverly

Yesterday went fairly well. I didn't measure anything but I had

Breakfast: Yogurt, strawberries and a banana

Lunch: 2 Beef fajitas

Dinner: Nachos (yeah I know real healthy but I think the baby wanted calcium )

Snack: 16 oz coke and a fruit juice bar

OK I did have a fruit juice bar to curb my sweet tooth which was a good thing. Looking at the list, yes I had high fat food, but it doesn't look like I'm eating enough for being preggo hmmmm. Might wanna tweak that today.

WickedMommy - something positive can come out of this. You made a bad choice but it can be a learning experience. I read how pleased you were with your food choices all day (good for you) and then read how you feel so bad "about today". Those 4 brownies negated all the good you felt. NOW you have to remember that feeling. Next time someone shows up with a tray of brownies tell yourself how it ruined the whole day for you last time you indulged. I try to keep on hand Pria bars or fat-free fudge pudding cups for those times when people show up with treats I know I will find so difficult to resist. So, stop feeling bad (its over and done with) and chalk it up to experience, okay dear?

Jen - Your post touched me because I really understand what you're going through. I spent 10 years in a marriage with an angry, mentally depressed person (I may have been able to deal with those issues if his excess alcohol consumption hadn't been an additional factor ). I think we all know that using food to relieve stress, handle anxiety, deal with emotional pain and provide comfort is a very common response in these situations. Have you thought of exploring alternate means of coping? Is your husband receiving therapy for his depression? Are you involved? If so, could you also discuss with the therapist how hubby's problems are adversely affecting your own health? I really give you credit for having such strength during the last 18 years.

Kimberlie - so glad you've joined us. I do remember how difficult it is not to feel that its okay to forget about portion control because you're eating for two. Stick with us and I'm sure you'll find you won't have as much to lose once the wee sweetheart is here as you would if you wandered away for the duration.

Bev - its so wonderful to have a maintainer here helping out us "trying to get there" people. It lets us know that not only is it possible to get there but its equally possible to stay there, which is something I need to keep going. I'm really grateful, darlin'.

Breakfast:
3/4c Kashi Go Lean cereal with 1/4c low-fat milk, half a banana, 1/2c calcium enriched orange juice. 500ml bottled water

Lunch:
2 slices Weight Watchers 60% whole wheat bread, 1tbls. peanut butter, 1c grapes, Silhoutte fat-free, sugar-free vanilla mousse, coffee with milk. 500ml botted water

Dinner: TBA

Where's everyone else?? What are you eating??

Sunday 4/17

-1 can tuna packed in water
-2 tbsp. light mayo
-4 slices light bread = 420 calories

1 glass lemonade =120 calories

How is everyone doing?

WickedMommy - I agree with my wise friends here, no point beating yourself up, but there is a point figuring out some strategies for the next time temptation strikes....I like the idea of you beating up the evil brownies!

Jill - thanks for starting this thread, it is certainly helping me to be more mindful about what I am eating!

Sunday

Banana (light snack before swimming, 30 mins)

Salad with beetroot, tomatoes, chicken, roast onions

2 apples

Roast chicken (no skin), oven roast leeks, sweet potatoes

Strawberries, raspberries, orange with low-fat natural yogurt

Let me just say that I am very THANKFUL for Flex points. I went over-board I know. But I wrote EVERYTHING down and stayed within my plan. Boy, how easy it is to just get right back to eating. Steve brought home a BUCKET of carmel cheese popcorn that he had ordered from a lady at work. Here it my Saturday in all it's Glory.

4/16/05
2 - 1 c. cherrios
2 - 1 c. skim milk
1 - 1 slice toast
1 - 1 tsp butter
7 - 1/2 cup BBQ pork on seeded Bun
1 - Apple (I was doing pretty good up to here...)
3 - 1 1/4 cup carmel cheese popcorn
2 - 1 Tbsp Peanut Butter
2 - 1 slice cheese
1 - a few M&M's
20 - crossant cheese hotdog (2)
3 - 1 serv chex mix
6 - 2 serv that darn popcorn
3 - 1/2 cup light ice cream
3 - 1 more serving of that popcorn!!!
57 - TOTAL (25 Flex Points used!!!!)

4/17/05
2 - 1 cup cereal
2 - 1 cup milk
1 - 1 serv fruit salad
3 - Can you say popcorn!!!
8 - Ham & Turkey sub
1 - 1/2 bag baked chips
5 - 1 pkg cheese crackers
14 - Pepperoni Pizza
0 - salad
3 - 1/2 cup light ice cream
39 - TOTAL (last 7 flex points used!!!)

Dinner: 3/4c homemade pasta sauce (no oil used and chock full of green and red peppers, onions, tomatoes and seasonings), 3 (gumball sized) chicken meatballs, 1c penne noodles, sprinkling of parmesan cheese, one small end piece of garlic bread (no cheese), side plate of fresh sliced tomatoes with ground black pepper. 750ml lemon flavoured mineral water.

It was a lovely warm and sunny day and we spent most of it outside. I live very close to Lake Ontario and we walked along the shoreline (including climbing huge breakwater rocks). I figure we covered around 3km.

Is that popcorn gone yet, Sandi?? If not, you'd better stay away and let hubby finish it!

Packed the last of it in his lunch. Whew!!! Also packed my healthy lunch for tomorrow!!

Even though I had an "all points" weekend, I still feel in control. I ate within my program and I can't even tell you what the intake would have been had I not been on plan. Double maybe. And I think that's the key. No one says that you can't have treats or occasionally have stuff that's high cal. Key word being occasionally. I only get 35 extra points every 7 days. No way I can eat that way every day and be on plan.

Hey there, everybody! It's great that you guys have this "Accountability Thread" -- great idea! Special hugs to Sandi for bravery and strength in the face of difficulty. You rock, girl, and I'm so proud of you!!!! Stay present here and you can't go very wrong -- not with these friends.

Well, since I've kicked some cancer *** -- or at least knocked it to its knees -- I decided it was time to refocus my weight loss efforts -- or at least reestablish my previous, hard-won good eating habits. I'm still on a steroid, so eating on plan is SO INCREDIBLY HARD, but at the time of this writing, I'm 3 days into it and going strong, so I'm hopeful I can continue at least most of the time throughout the rest of chemo......and THEN -- well, then there will be no stopping me, provided my metabolism cooperates -- which is apparently an issue for a lot of folks after chemo. But I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

As for weight loss goals, I'm going to just take it as it comes right now, since the cancer is my primary concern right now. My last day of chemo will be June 14, so I have a little ways to go. I know at the end it will seem to have flown by so quickly, but right now I'm just taking it one day at a time -- just one day in treatment after another, and one day on plan after another. It seems to stretch before me. As for sticking to plan, at this point I'm just going to do my best, and not beat myself up if I misstep. Eating on plan while on a chemo/steroid regimen and at home all the time is just totally a different ballgame from the old routine I had in place when I was working, before my diagnosis!

I had gained 25 pounds, but now I'm down 2, so at least I'm headed back in the right direction. My oncologist has already told me that she would definitely NOT approve of any major weight loss efforts while I'm in treatment, so I'm not shooting too high. Like I said, I'm just playing it by ear, but the part about which I'm NOT going to be flexible with myself is the adherance to mostly healthy foods. The average gain on my chemo regimen is 35-50 pounds, so I guess at just 25 I'm doing ok! It's just hard, though, you know? After working so hard, so steadily, and getting rid of 78 pounds working so hard over those 8 months, it's been painful to watch them go back on as a result of my treatment. I hate to make excuses, but it's hard to muster the energy to organize and prepare all the good eats and then find the self-control to not listen to my 'roided out hormones that tell me to eat, eat, EAT!

As for exercise, the fatigue has pretty much put the old kabash on that. I've mustered it a few times, but I can't make it a regular habit at this point.

Anyway, like I said, I'm 3 days into it so far, and, for those of you who know me from when I was totally on track and doing really well until I got derailed by the diagnosis, I'm back into something resembling my old eating routine. Same gig, different time. I'm also using my Diet Power software again, and feeling great about it.

So, enough with the blah, blah, blah -- here are my eats for the last few days (since I started to eat back on plan):

Friday, 4/15
Breakfast: ½ cup All Bran Extra Fiber, ½ cup Kashi Go Lean, 6 oz. fat free milk, protein drink
Mid-AM: 1 cup low fat cottage cheese, 1 apple
Lunch: 2/3 cup brown rice w/3 oz. albacore and 1 ½ cups chopped asparagus
Mid-PM: 3 oz. skinless chicken breast, ½ Kit Kat bar
Dinner: 4 oz. skinless chicken breast, 4 cups rough chopped romaine, 3 cups rough chopped mixed baby greens, 1 Roma tomato, low-fat balsamic vinaigrette, 1 hunk of rosemary bread
PM: Smart Ones Orange Vanilla Treat
Water: 100 oz. water and Crystal Light
Calories: 1408, 17% fat / 44% protein / 39% carb's

Saturday, 4/16
Breakfast: ½ cup All Bran, ½ cup Kashi Go Lean, 6 oz. fat free milk, 1 protein drink, 2 cups coffee w/2 oz. fat free milk
Lunch: 1 mini serving non fat yogurt, 1 apple
Dinner: 6 oz. grilled beef tenderloin with 2 tbsp. A-1, 8 spears grilled asparagus, romaine with low fat balsamic vinaigrette, 2 beers
PM: Smart Ones Chocolate Mousse bar
Water: 120 oz. water and Crystal Light
Calories: 1425, 23% fat / 31% protein / 33% carb's / 12% alcohol

Sunday, 4/17
Breakfast: ½ cup All Bran Extra Fiber, ½ cup Kashi Go Lean, 6 oz. skim milk, 1 protein drink, ½ cup non fat cottage cheese
Lunch: 3 oz. turkey breast on 2 slices rye, with lettuce, tomato and spicy mustard; 1 cup vinegar-marinated cucumbers and tomatoes
Mid-PM: 2 oz. grilled rosemary chicken breast (skinless,) 6 spears grilled asparagus, 1 apple
Dinner: 5 oz. lean ground beef (94%) on a small hamburger bun with 1 tbsp. low fat mayo; LOTS of romaine with tomatoes, cucumbers, red onion, and just enough reduced fat ranch dressing to cover it (like 2 tbsp.)
PM: Smart Ones Chocolate Mousse bar
Water: 110 oz. water
Calories: 1545, 27% fat / 39% protein / 34% carb’s

Take care, everyone! Sorry this was such a long one, but I had some catching up to do!

WOW, Sarah! Dang girl, it's so great to see you back around here! I knew you'd kick cancer's butt. I am so, so, SO impressed by your dedication. I'm also really glad you're going to try and take it slow. Take care of yourself, Ms. I'm-Woman-Hear-Me-Roar-and-watch-Me-Kick-Cancer. How're you feeling lately, anyway?

Great to see you here, Sarah! Of course the cancer is your primary focus right now, but good for you for not using it as an excuse to allow you to ignore other aspects of your health. You're doing great with the "eats". Talk about inspiration!

I'm sure you're getting lots of advice on this front, but I just wanted to add that when George was recovering and on steroids he blew up like a balloon. Admittedly he ate more out of boredom because he was living in a hospital bed. However, once that was over he lost 60lbs. at an amazing rate without "dieting", he just went back to regular eating. So please don't let the temporary steroid gain dampen your spirits!

The dog broke off her leash and had me running through the forest behind my house for about 1/2hr. so I'm counting that as exercise. Was late for work and quickly choked down 1c Kashi Go Lean with 1/4c low-fat milk. Enjoying a large tea with milk right now. Skipping morning snack due to a planned early lunch. See you then!

I forgot to mention that I have a horrible time getting online at home. I did attempt to make it here on Saturday morning but my phone line had so much static it couldn't seem to log in without getting disconnected. I probably would've done way better had I been on here.
Anyway, my Friday did go according to plan and I ate well and even got in a bit of exercise (not what I planned but I did walk to the roping arena behind the house twice and had their not been such a huge crowd there I would've tried to haul my large *** up over the horse's back but I'll save that for another day when not so many eyes could be watching )

Saturday (had I ate according to plan I would've had just over 1800 calories)
Breakfast--Honey bunches of oats for breakfast (two bowls)
1 c. 2% milk, 1 c. 1% chocolate milk
618 calories

Lunch--one sandwich, 2 oz. of cheese and a bag of micro popcorn (I measured and it's 8 cups)
648 calories

Dinner--chicken curry on rice (1.5 c rice, 1 c. curry)
600 calories

now for the bad parts:
Homemade oatmeal butters (on the back of the toll house mixture) (at least 10 cookies)
I don't know how many cosmopolitan drinks and 2 small bottle of mango margheritas
estimated calories:1600 or more
Total for the dayver 3500

Sunday
breakfast
Crixpix and milk

Lunch
Ham sandwich
macaroni and potato salad
a few chips

Dinner
2 hamburgers
more potato salad, small serv. mac salad
guac chips

Total for day:almost 2200

Sure is good to see you back at it Sarah. Don't know how I missed this for so many days but I'm in. I love to journal now. I used to hate it but since I really set my mind to journal it has really helped me out. I will only be posting on a Daily though so here is yesterday.

kashi w/blueberries and skim milk
1 Hot dog
2.5 oz peanuts
Subway Salad
Subway Turkey wrap
1 biscotti
6 Chicken wings
1/4 cup yogurt w/blueberries
________________________
Total calories 1835
Total fat 85 high today because of the hotdog and peanuts at the ball game.
Total water 128 oz.