Its definitely your lack of confidence. Some men are only attracted to thin women, some men are only attracted to bigger women...but most men are attracted by confidence.

If you don't think you're attractive, and are down on yourself that is going to show 100%!! You could have the "perfect" body, be drop dead gorgeous, but if you don't have the confidence to go along with it you're probably not going to be approached.

A don't look at me vibe is what causes people to get overlooked. I know I'm beautiful, and that doesn't change no matter what size I am...and when I was single I was asked out constantly, and I'm always getting guys flirting with me.

My cousin is 100 lbs heavier than me and she always has some guy wrapped around her finger.

LOVE YOURSELF.

Hey ladies, thanks for all the awesome responses. I was a little unclear about it, but what I was actually wondering is how many of the men you've dated have had a history of dating healthy-weight women. I'm usually attracted to guys who aren't skinny, and I'm not at all worried about finding a "hot" guy. I'm just wondering how common it is for guys who aren't exclusively attracted to bigger women to like an overweight girl. I'm worried about what deserttabby, startswimming and rainbowgirl were talking about.

A lot of what you all said makes sense to me. I think my crazy lack of self-esteem and complete unwillingness to show interest is going to hurt me more than my weight in the long run. Even with friends, I've always avoided talking about myself in terms of dating, and I have that whole "Oh, haha, it's just me, I don't count" complex when I'm interested in male friends, so I distance myself to avoid embarrassing myself by letting them know I'm interested. I think if I was able to seem open to it, it might help. I don't know how to be any other way, though.

My boyfriend and I have been apart for almost six months (part of that just distance, but most of it not together), so in terms of time, I've totally moved on, but I'm definitely not ready to date in the sense that I'm way too insecure to let someone get close. Even when my friends say they think someone is interested, I roll my eyes and change the subject and assume they're lying. I know it's a problem.

I'm definitely hesitant to try online dating. A few of my friends have done it, but I'd rather try meeting someone in person first. I don't think I'd ever work up the courage to meet someone I met online, and I pretty often make friends with guys I'd maybe like to date if A) They were interested and B) I could get to the point where I'd even believe it if they were.

But just for curiosity's sake, sontaikle, kirsteng, coondocks, rapunzel, Michelle, funsize, nellie, etc. — did the guys you mentioned have a history of dating overweight girls?

Personally, I expect it's extremely common, probably even the rule rather than the exception - because none of the guys I dated had a history of dating only overweight women (except maybe some of the guys I didn't date long enough to learn anything about their ex's).

I would say though that the men I dated, seemed to have dated a wider variety of women, than a lot of the guys my friends were dating. It was kind of creepy to know that a friend was dating a guy whose past girlfriends all could have passed for sister/clones.

I worked with a guy who only dated "Barbie clones," to the point that people in the office would refer to the women (behind his back) as barbies (as in lawyer barbie, teacher barbie, bartender barbie....) Literally, they were so physically similar, that I bet they all wore exactly the same size clothing.

In fact, there were stories of some of his friends making the mistake of thinking they were meeting the same girl they'd met before - and would only realize mid-conversation that it was not the girl they met earlier.

kaplods: Love the story about the clones- Obviously each woman was simply a "substitution object" resulting from transference! (He didn't have much of an imagination - nor was he very bright!)

Most of my boyfriends dated a variety of women - being curvier than almost all of them made me the outlier. I have never personally encountered a 'chubby chaser', so I'm always surprised to hear they are common. Most of the guys in my history date girls of all sizes, within the range of normal. My husband refused to date, so I don't know with him, except that I know he was attracted to curvy, feminine women and that my weight was both more than he'd have chosen if he had to write his ideal on paper and yet far less of an issue than he'd have imagined.

Most men you'd want to build your life with will love people, not a body type. They might have a distinct preference, we all do, but looking for someone for whom shape or features aren't an issue is a good starting point