All of these posts mentioned A LOT of interesting things and got me thinking about whether I've experienced this. I find people have always been really nice to me. I do work in a setting (part-time, full-time student haha) where I'm interacting with different people all the time! And everyone is just so nice and friendly! The people I do notice that seem to clearly dislike me because of my weight are those certain girls. You know, the ones that think they're the best looking in any room they walk into? And they have that look to them, that snooty look, that says "I'm better than you". Yeah, those girls lol, they obviously don't think much of me because of my weight.

Guys wise, I do get hit on by some guys, while others I don't, meh. A lot of my friends at university, are guys. I've never noticed them to be embarassed to be seen with me. I have lunch everyday once a week for two hours with one of my (very good looking) guy friends and he never seems to care that people might see him with me, and he even introduces me to his friends (I have noticed though, that friends of his that are girls, REALLY don't like me haha).

But yeah, in general most people are nice to me, they haven't ever been rude to me or ignored me, except for those certain girls. They're the only ones I can think of. I guess maybe because I always have a smile on my face? I dunno..but yeah that's my experience.

To prettyinpink , I think that's soo rude what those people said to you in public while you're at work in front of others! That's none of their business. If they're concerned, fine, but keep it to yourself (esp since they're strangers!). How would they like it if someone publicly starting counting off their flaws in front of 20 others? Some people don't seem to think before they act/talk. Stupid. The only person who's ever asked me that question of "why are you so big" was my doctor a few months ago but that's because she wanted to help me and get to the bottom of my weight issues! Now she can ask me that, cause I go to her to get my health evaluation and expect her to tell me things that aren't right with me...but those strangers? That's not their palce. So sorry you had to deal with such rude people!!!!

I find that strangers are nicer, people I've known well are slightly meaner. And I'd bet that 90% of that is coming from ME...my attitude makes me come across happier and more confident and more approachable to strangers, and seems odd to people who knew me well and who had placed me in a role that didn't fit in with the new me.

Another 10% may be coming from other people's prejudices and issues interacting with overweight people.

I notice that on days when I'm down or less confident, I get those same less-friendly reactions. The department store example, for one...I had a bad shopping experience where nothing really fit (and yes, that still happens at goal!), and then walked to the makeup counter and not one person offered me help...I wasn't able to even make a purchase without literally going to drag over a salesperson. A few weeks later, I had just found my dream dress for a big work event, felt fabulous, and everyone rushed over to try to make me over. My weight didn't change, but my attitude definitely did.

I have to say, this may not be due to friendliness, but to size. Sitting next to a smaller person can be more comfortable than sitting next to a larger person, especially in tight, public spaces like a bus or subway. It isn't kind, but I'd bet that had more to do with it than being friendly vs. not. Happened all the time on Southwest for me (where they have open seating)...when I was bigger, I'd often have the seat next to me free because on a non-full plane, no one would choose to sit next to me. Now I almost never have that empty seat, because people see me at the size I am and decide I'd be a comfortable seatmate (little do they know I'm scared of planes and therefore tend to talk and wince the entire time).

While I know there are definitely people out there who are fat-prejudiced, I have to say that I've been both fat & skinny thru-out my life, and I've never noticed anyone, be it stranger or familiar, being more or less friendly or unfriendly due to my weight. When people are unfriendly to me, I don't think it has anything to do with me personally, I just assume one of two things:

1) they're having a really bad day
b) they're just an ***hole

Yes of course I've known people who are prejudice against race, gender, age, body-size, etc. Those people I file under "just an ***hole"

And I can say without guilt that I have avoided certain "fat people" - one that particularly bothered me... NOT because she was "so fat" but because her WEIGHT was ALL she EVER talked about! - And she'd eat like there was NO tomorrow and never BOTHER dieting OR exercising... but she just would not STFU about it! - all conversations started or ended with the number on the scale with her. So see? Sometimes there are REASONS why people might avoid someone... and you can't get inside their head to figure it out, so why bother trying? I just focus on MY OWN SELF, and try to be friendly to all people, even when I'm in a bad mood (which is sometimes hard to do!)

One related thing I've noticed is that people are a little more free making negative comments about other people's weight in front of me. When I was 300 pounds, no one ever said the word "fat" in my hearing. My students (I teach high school) never referred to weight in any way around me. Now that I've lost the weight, I will hear them talking about how so and so is putting on weight or whatever. I need to find a way to deal with this beyond "the look"--I have standard lectures for racist and homophobic and other types of mean talk, but I've got nothing for this. It's so much more personal that I am uncomfortable bringing it up, even, though obviously I need to get over that, since in a few years I'll have kids that never knew me as "fat" and will be even less restrained.

I really didn't realize how casually people will make negative comments about obese people until I was no longer seen as one of them.

Related to that: almost none of my students EVER mentioned my weight loss to me directly. Just as my weight wasn't mentioned before, there was this unspoken convention that it wasn't referred to. However, they became more comfortable talking around me (like kids eating lunch in my room, or hanging out after school) and I've learned that teenage girls NEVER STOP TALKING about diets. I really had no idea. Before, my room was apparently the only place in the building that they talked about anything else, and I had no idea.

I agree luciddepths definitely


but if you read what I wrote up above how people treated me when I gained all the weight? you'll see that ALOT of people are just so mean & insensitive..& majority of society is shallow...uhhhh

GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE LOSING THE BATTLE OF THE BULGE!

I absolutely noticed that people started being nicer to me.
Specifically, this one woman who was downright rude when we were in board meetings together and whenever I saw her in local travels, school, town. Then I lost the weight. SHe saw me and was all smiley and WOW, blahblahblah. I was almost polite in response, but probably not quite.....

I do think that people are nicer to normal weight people, which is sad to me. I think thin people are perceived to be smarter and have it all together better than overweight people.
Of course, we all know that this is so far from the truth. Skinny people and fat people all have their problems in life. Weight is a very low predictor of
a person's innate worthiness, but unfortunately, it is a visible gauge that some people are unable to see beyond.
I also agree that people who are happy with themselves are more open and receptive to others around them, resulting in more positive interactions.

thanks love114 yea i had to deal with it ALOT uhhhhh people r so rude! BUt all well just makes me look at them like who raised you?? Wild wolves? lol

I haven't noticed people actually being nicer to me but I think it's because I can't really remember any instances where I was actually treated badly when I was 50 lbs heavier. Having said that though I definitely notice that I get a lot more attention now. Guys flirt with me a lot more than they used to.

People are definitely different now, but as others have mentioned a lot of this may be in response to my own attitude.

I wouldn't say people were mean to me before, it was more like I felt invisible. Whether this was due to my own tendency to hide shyly, or due to their own prejudices is impossible to say. Probably a little of both.

Wow where to begin. Good topic by the way!

Obese vs. Overweight Experiences

So all of this talking about how you are treated when you are bigger vs. skinny has given me a lot to think about. First, from what I’ve been reading and experienced I think that those who are overweight, vs those who are technically considered obese had different experiences.

For example I’ve been obese twice in my life for a few years at a time. When I was obese I remember walking with a large friend of mine at night and having some guys yell out their car window, “I hate fat people.” When I was back to being thin but was hanging out with an obese friend of mine same thing, some guys yell out their window as they drive by saying, “You’re FAT. You suck!” While the other guy adds to me, “why are you hanging out with her?” Who does that? I mean really! To this day it bothers me because it’s like how is yelling at someone because they are obese going to help them magically transform into a fit person? UGH---it’s awful!

But I detract from my point. When I was overweight I haven’t gotten those really nasty comments, or stares, like when I was obese, but when I was overweight I did get comments like, “if you lost 30 pounds you’d be so hot.” I mean really. That’s so rude! Plus, if I had lost the 30 pounds at that time I’d be anorexic thin. So I wouldn’t want to be that thin anyway. I want to be fit & have muscle.

Whenever I’ve lost weight and been in the overweight range I get lots of nicer things too. Like strangers, men and women, holding the door open for me more. Or people going really out of their way to help me with something I need, or giving me free stuff more often. (I’ve always had people do nice things for me but it’s overwhelmingly more the smaller I am). Or when I start a conversation I got better reactions. I’ve even recently had women start talking to me first more. Back when I was obese few women did that, and I’m an outgoing and confident person.

Confidence

I didn’t let my obesity or my being overweight stop me from being my bubbly, happy, outgoing self. I had confidence back then, though I can’t say I have the same confidence I do today. Losing weight, the journey, has really helped me to see how strong and capable I am, and I’m really proud of what I’ve done. I can’t help but feel more confidence in my abilities and the fact that it’s worth the work and effort to take care of my body. It really is a whole new me, but it doesn’t change the fact that I did have confidence back when I was obese. I know people saw that and for some people it didn’t matter. They treated me like I was less of a person simply because of my weight. In my younger years some men in particular wouldn’t date me because I was overweight, but after losing the weight they tried to date me. I told them that was nice or just didn’t show up when they went to pick me up. Yeah---I wasn’t nice.

Big Girls: +20 Mean Shallow Guys: 0

So I think that there is a difference between the way obese people are treated vs. overweight people and sad to say, in my experience, the smaller the nicer.

I loved this topic! I guess I'm not ready for this to die.

Anyone else want to weigh in?

Without a doubt!!

yes, for sure a part of it is due to how I interact with other people, and thus get a different response.

But there are specific cases too, lots of people who were positively horrible before actually in my life that are really nice now - doesn't say a lot about them of course!!

also just generally - people letting me cross the road etc...

sad state of affairs, but hey