Hello All,

Nice to have a chance to read all the postings. Company left this mid morning-Great time-still have an easly upset stomach to kept eating in check.

-Great to hear from you Karina-Girl? Boy? sleeping thru the night yet? As absolutely darling as a newborn is, boy the work until they are bit older and sleep longer and go longer between feedings-true 24/7 dedication is needed.

Heidi -so sorry to hear about Henry being sick again. Sending much hope your way for his quick and full recovery. Like you when stressed I go back some old food patterns but soon stop-It is like I try it but quickly know that these old patterns are useless in giving me any true satisfaction when dealing with difficult emotions. PS thanks for the recipes on eatingwell site-trying to use that grain more often heard it is very healthy.

I read others mention the play of emotions and changing our eating habits. I have linked food and soothing my feeling for many decades and had caused me to get close to 400 lbs. This process of change has been very slow but overall successful using alot of the Beck ideas. One of the biggest changes has been stopping that "all or nothing attitude to eating healthy". I used to do mindless months (years) of overeating if I could not be perfect on some diet. I like that I can successful do many Beck steps in a day even if "ate off my plan" Changes is so much more that counting the day total calories!

OnebyOne thanks for including the site of successful big losers-I think posting here has kept me in touch even when treading water in making changes-this is my support system for food issues-Big Thanks to all. Plus Thanks for all the work that BillBlueEyes does to keep the site together and current along with being such a great success story!

I do get so discouraged as it has taken me two years to lose 75 lbs and still am over 300 lb-just a small drop in the bucket of 200+ needed to lose! but there is another voice that is soo proud-got a new doc who was amazed that I lost so much on my own. Any way it is a personal goal and so always get back on program-I think we all mentioned getting back on the wagon again that Beck soltion which always work when done mindfully and consistantly. Some days I am joyful to be eating nutriously, others days resentful, on some nasty days I am sad-guess eating healthy is kind of life-such a good things but some days are so tough. Growing up is still hard even though I am in my 60's.

Have a great day all
sue

All Right Bill!!!!! WTG!!

Thanks so much everyone for your kudos, I really appreciate it!

Its official, Im sick

Tomorrow is suppose to be my first workout with Michelle. I want to get started on this, and Im pretty bummed about this.(really really ticked!)

I emailed Michelle, gave her the scoop, and then asked what she thought. It seems to be just a cold, but I had a fever last night. I think I'll wait until I hear back from her.

Have a great evening everyone.

Just a quick check in,had a good day,ate what I packed and planned dinner.I walked about 3/4 mile at lunch,I have to go slow due to a painful foot condition that is improving,plantars fasciatis[spelled wrong I think].After dinner I braved the yard to start gardening and get everything in order.I have strawberries,rasberries,blackberries,blueberries and my perrenials are up.I have been reading square foot gardening book and I want to grow some nice veggies but have little space.Also most of the space I have is shaded.Great book for limited space and still growing some veggies and fitting a good variety.Need my DH to help with building some planting boxes.Plan to get supplies on Monday my day off.

Evening coaches

I went to market today. It was humid (!?) in the morning, and overcast, but I thought "not too bad should clear up" as it was only 7:15am when I said that. By 8:30am my booth mate Tim and I were huddled under the canopy alternately grabbing a stick to lift up the canopy's roof to get the rainwater off of it that was pooling there. We had to be careful that the waterfall did not hit the sheepskins to the left of us and the nicely packaged gourmet cookies in pristine white paper bags to the right of us. We gave fair warning and it all worked out. Across the way the wind lifted a canopy roof and dumped the contents onto the head of a lady who was browsing in the wrong place at the wrong time. We avoided that with our fancy stick work Today was mini horse day! I LOVE mini horses.. There were two of them, one was harnessed up and led around the market causing its friend to neigh (nay?) in a decidely big horse manner. Since it was pouring rain most of the day we had a plethora of umbrellas to look at. I strated taking pictures of them all. You wouldn't believe how many people walk around with broken umbrellas. I am guilty of that too but so are half the people out there. And a fancy non-black umbrella really grabs your attention. Also the little dogs were out in their finery. See my avatar for one of these fashionable pooches. we felt they were dressed warmer and more sensibly than we were as we were soggy and freezing most of the day. Still I sold stuff and people came and everyone is happy to be back at the market. Growers mostly had green onions. Some had potatoes. It is Canada after all...


Foodwise I managed to have breakfast, had a sandwich for brunch, a fantastic Bonnie's buttertart which I think must be made with 1 whole pound of butter per tart OMG it's fantastic And then came home too hungry and ate a pre-dinner snack right before dinner(?) I don't know where my Beck thinking has gone. It seems to be in some locked compartment in my brain. A big part of it is I feel so bloated. When my body gets like this I just feel uncomfortable and that drives me to eat. I can't understand why this happens, why this is a food trigger but it is so and has been so for a long long time. I guess it's part of soothing msyelf. My weight is back to rising again but it's a hormonal thing with me right now I am pretty sure. It's not helping that I am not working out so tomorrow I am driving to the Y. I'm going swimming. Tomorrow I am working out my DASH foodplan/WW combo and writing out my meals. It'll take some doing but ever since I stopped planning on paper the night before I have been floundering. Obviously I need that structure. It gives me peace. I don't go into the school tomorrow and I don't have to be anywhere. I am looking forward to that and have hope that I can straighten out my food and write it all out like I need to. Coaches, remind me that I can do this. I am still trying to get below 250. I will get below 250 right?

I really need to get to bed now, so I'll check in with you guys individually tomorrow except to say BillBlueEyes I knew you knew about MOBA! What's your favorite artwork? DH always cracks up at the monkey skritching the clown's chin... I do love More! ... You?

Diet Coaches – Made three journeys out on my newly tuned bike and my new helmet. One trip was to get a tube of cooked polenta and hamburger to make Barbara (BlueToBlu)'s Tamale Pie. It's good. The recipe makes six servings so I have four leftovers for lunch this week. CREDIT moi for the exercise and for trying a new recipe. I'll make it again, probably adding additional cumin and chili powder until I get the taste as close as I can to my childhood memory of the tamales wrapped in corn husks that my father used to bring home.

Sue (CoastalSue) - Ouch that you're still on The Stomach Flu Diet. I agree with your new doctor; it's just amazing that you've lost 75 pounds. And much better, you have just the best awareness of the permanent changes you're making in your life that will keep you on a healthy eating and exercise plan. Big Kudos for your clarity. And Kudos for not being discouraged that the weight loss isn't always as rapid as you'd wish.

Heidi (hbuchwald) - Waving. Continue to send best healing thoughts for Henry and support for you and DD.

wendy (wendylan) - Ouch for your painful foot; Kudos for all the walking anyway. And Kudos for continuing with the on plan eating with your packed meals. Your garden of berries sounds sooooo good.

onebyone – Congrats on making some sales on your first market day of the season. Your story of the market day in the rain is a hoot. I recognize that taste of "a pound of butter." Kudos for getting your head together to get back to your written food plan and exercising. Not remembering off hand what my favorite painting is from the Museum of Bad Art (MOBA); perhaps your interest will inspire me to take another trip to improve my memory.

amy (gahundy) – Waving. With the weekend over, hoping it will be a good week for you.

Robin (RobinW) - Ouch that you're feeling sick. Ouch that you're "officially" sick. Ouch that you're missing your first appointment with your new trainer. Kudos that you came here to post rather than curling up in a ball under your covers, LOL.

redballoon - You wrote, "I can go to the corner shop early in the morning and get still warm tofu." - now that's the good life! Kudos for routing out the Sabotaging Thoughts. We see a few recumbent bikes around here. When I was heavier they had the appeal that it wouldn't be so much work. Maybe so, maybe not. It is fun to see them though.

northwest - Yep, it does seem to be that we can train ourselves to think differently to get to eating the way we want. It's rather encouraging.

Readers – " They also didn’t know that dieting has many natural ups and downs" From the Introduction, Beck, pg 12. [/INDENT]
__________________
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Completed Beck Program-day 42. You’ve met your goal. Congratulations!

Kathy,

Good for you for having a Beck moment. You realized that hunger isn't an emergency and even though you chose to make something to eat that was quicker you still didn't derail your eating plan.

Hunger not being an emergency has been my biggest Beck realization. I look back on times on family vacations I've said "I'm going to starve if you don't stop the car right now".

Now I know that many of those times I wasn't even hungry -- just bored and wanting to eat. And, you have only to look at me to know that I'm not in danger of starving.

Preparing meals when hungry is challenging for all of us. I do remember that Dr. Beck said that the one time she allows herself to eat standing up is when preparing meals and she only allows herself to eat raw veggies. I've taken to doing that if I'm struggling with "sampling" the meal before I have time to cook and serve it.

I just called the Y and found they have a 45 min water aerobics (aquabics to me) class at 10:05 this morning. I will be there! Great.

I just got a waft of the heavily scented roses I bought myself at the market yesterday. Nice. At $2.00/stem they are worth every penny to me. I've put them in my avatar so I can send you guys roses too

I feel much improved today. Slept in until 8, Kitty X on my tummy for the ride. She was sleeping in too as she usually wants me out of bed, after her nap on top of me, by 6:30am. Smart kitty. She knew I needed the rest.
Today I feel capable of figuring out a new and imporved foodplan that I will write down for the week ahead. I am down a pounbd by the scale today and it just reinforces the feeling of the water leaving my system. Yay! A little exercise will be the icing on the cake.

northwest I don't know how many times I too have said "if I don't eat something right now I'll just die!" Or how mnay times just feeling empty has set me on edge. More often this is what happens to me, I feel anxiety and give the right circumstances, deep anxiety and fear can be triggered in me. Still not an emergency. Just uncomfortable feelings that can be managed if acknowledged and honoured.

BillBlueEyes You're really putting that bike to good use! Bravo! Tamale pie sounds great. Right now I am looking for good, simple fish recipes. I am going to try to switch to more fish and chicken, less beef, though I could more easily give up chicken than beef. Mostly I can feel really really bad that I am eating a chicken.... love the birds so! Not as attached to cows for some reason.

wendylan I've used the square foot gardening book myself. It's good and it is surprising how much you can actually grow. I have 10 hostas to plant today. Weather's good and I have the time. Yay for both! looking forward to having nice leafy plants, with fantastic flower stalks (hostas shoot up the most amazing flowers) in those areas of my tiny backyard that haven't been as successful to my gardening efforts than others.

RobinW Don't know if you made it to the gym with the trainer today but you know the hard part is done. You've made the call, got one, and now you just need to wait until you're better. It's all happening and you've got something to look forward to! Yay for that!

coastalsue I ma so glad that "change is more than counting calories" as you wrote. It truly is. I can sometimes go over on my planned food for the day but it doesn't mean all is lost. I too am learning this lesson. I may hove around 250 and be frustrated, but you know, I am NOT hovering at 260 like I was in November - February. And that's a change that deserves a pat on the back as do your 75lbs gone. Happy you're here posting. You help me a lot.

redballoon Boy ain't this the truth. I get so seduced by crappy food so easily and then it's like I get tunnel cision in my mind and tastebuds and I want more more more of it and only it. Nary a green thing will pass my lips at times for weeks! BUT if I eat the green thing, even a simple steamed green bean, and really taste it? Well nothing compares to it's clean fresh full-of-vitamins-and-minerals goodness... I know it and my body knows it. I just get detoured by shiny packages and "new!" flavours. That is very attractive to me and must be for many as advertisers have been using that old trick for decades, nay, centuries methinks. Kudos for tackling your first big post... it was nice to read.

Everyone enjoy your Monday as best you can!

hello beckies!

not quite back from the brink, but darned, darned close. i still have a final and one more class to complete, but it will all be over Wednesday night and on saturday i will walk for commencement. after 8 years, this is a big deal. i'm getting my life back!!! wheee!

also knocked out that half-marathon yesterday. i was correct in my assessment that i was grossly undertrained - combination of sickness, illness, compounded with sorry-for-myself-i'm-tiredness. didn't matter - i did it anyway. finished in 3 hrs 14 minutes, an improvement of 9 minutes from my first half marathon, about three years ago. i'm feeling it today, too! swollen knee, tendonitis in my foot, a pulled muscle somewhere near my hipbone that makes it hard to lift my right leg at the knee - but nothing serious, it's just uncomfortable and everything will be back to normal in two or three days. i actually feel wonderful. i did it! i did it! i did it! this was my first big race. the full marathon is a qualifier for Boston. at the finish line, there were literally thousands of people cheering everyone on. it was amazing! i was in a lot of pain by that point but i was still running, and when i came down the shoot, seeing all those people screaming and cheering for us - i actually got choked up and almost cried. wow. what a feeling! dh brought el nino down, and they were both there at the end. amazing. the last 4 miles i thought, i'm an idiot, why am i doing this? now of course i can't wait to do it again. at the packet pick up the day before, someone was selling marathon charms so i bought the cincinnati one (a little pig.) i was going to wait until the next 5 lbs come off to put it on my bracelet, but i think i've earned it just for finishing. what do you think?

i want to give myself a week or two to recover and recouperate, but after that, full steam ahead - restarting Beck from day 1, and i'm giving more serious thought to starting a part-time cake business. i found a guy locally who's going to give me a private class on blown and pulled sugar work, and i've had a couple of pros give me a thumbs up on my work so far. so, many more miles to go on that but i'm really, really excited about it. unlike school, i can take it at whatever pace i'm comfortable with, and i can do it at home. really excited!!! i finally have a good reason to take more art classes.

i also promise to get back to personals very soon. there's so much going on with everyone and i know how much it means to me to hear from you guys, the least i can do is return the favor. you all are in my thoughts!

cheers,
jeanie

Good morning or should I say good afternoon everyone.

Well Mr Bill, you have magical powers cause guess what happened. My little monster/angel begged me to go for a bike ride....yikes. How can you say no to a five year old. I need my bike looked at as something was wrong with it when I started riding. I ran while they rode the bike. That seemed to be okay with the little prince. Were your ears burning. I was calling you names under my breath, but all joking aside, I want to thank you for sending those thoughts.

OnebyOne, what is the Dash diet, if you dont' mind me asking, would you have time to post a menu for the day, only if you have time.
Is the farmers market you go to very large? Is it the one by Stitsville?
I just haven't been to an outdoor market in such a long time. In the 80's I did go to the Stittsville Market but that is so long ago. I went with a few friends and it was such a great outing for us. Brings back good memories. How was your water aerobics?

Jeanie, I think you deserve to place that charm on your bracelet immediately. That is amazing completing a half-marathon. I think I would have got all choked up at the finish line seeing all those people cheering. Wow that sure is support.
Congratulations, 8 years is a long haul. Way to go.

Sue, I love reading your posts, I get so much out of them. I hope you are feeling better soon.

Wendy, I had planters fasciatis ( not sure how you spell it) before, it sure was painful. It was a chiropractor who helped me to get better. In the morning I could hardly walk. I don't ever want to get it again.

Heidi, how was your mental health day?

Red Balloon, you sound like you are taking control of those sabbotaging thoughts. that is awesome.

Northwest. I too find that I sometimes think being hungry is an emergency. I know it isn't but it is hard to really believe it. I know it is just trying to change our thinking and we can all do this.

Robin, I hope you feel better soon.

Sorry if I missed anyone.
Have a great day everyone.
Ann

I wanted to say that I made it to the Y, did the 45 min aquabics class, and swam an extra(!) 15 minutes to make my workout today an even hour.

kuhljeanie So you managed to fit a half marathon into your schedule eh? You are INCREDIBLE! Of course you deserve to wear the charm... wow. You can rest easy nursing your sore body. You earned it honestly! Fantastic.

Newlifestyle The DASH diet http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/publ...h/new_dash.pdf is specifically meant to lower blood pressure. I take BP pills now that are working, but I retain water like crazy. It'd do my body good to lower its sodium intake and this is probably an ultra healthy diet as well. It may be something I need to work towards rather than just immediately jump into. I'm already over my fat intake of 1 tablespoon a day for today.
Stittsville eh? The Stittsville Flea Market closed about 3 years ago. I just drove by the site this weekend and it's empty. Lots of construction out there but that giant lot is empty. I sell at the Carp Farmers' Market. If you take the Queensway to go to the Stittsville Market well you'd turn the opposite way to go to the CFM. I was just setting my booth up for the opening day this coming Saturday. The Ottawa Farmers Market started on Sunday and that's where I was. I am outdoors there. Do you live around here?

CoastalSue I only did 4 full laps (there and back) in that extra 15 minutes after the aquabics class. After only one lap I wanted to stop! But I told msyelf that if CS can do it, I can do it, and it doesn't matter if I do it perfectly (Beck) so I grabbed a noodle (love those noodles) and kept going, kept moving my body. Sure feels good to have done it.

BillBlueEyes I was driving home and saw an older man, with a big belly, riding his bike down the bike path. Sheesh, I thought, I don't have to ride when there are maximum folks out... I have the luxury of being able to ride during the day when most folks are at their place of employment. Now that brought a smile to my face. I now know I can ride my bike and I will ride my bike I just have to get it into riding shape. Thanks for the posts about your joy in your bike. It makes me want some of that too. I may now be introduced to the world of the panier myself!

Okay I am going to veg out now.

There is only 1 pile of snow left in our yard.

High 5 to all you bikers

I did something amazing, surprising and scary today. I answered the phone and it was the president of our area cancer society. She was asking me to speak at yet another cancer dinner..... Then the astonishing thing happened I said NO!!! The entity that took over my body continued to explain that I was no longer available to speak at cancer functions and/or support groups. I don't know which of us was more stunned. After hanging up I had a feeling of guilt quickly followed by this strange light feeling. It was like a huge weight had been lifted off my heart.

I think I have had a major breakthrough. Could it be the beginning of "Beck Brain". I know to find health is so much more that physical. My Spirit has been so broken and it is time to love the inner me. Inner me needs to play and laugh. Inner me craves beauty and joy. Inner me spoke out today " It is my turn, take care of me" !

I seem to be taking my time doing the days. I am almost ready and will move on soon. It will take a little while to find out what gives me joy. that phone call was definitely joyful. Be well my friends.

Evening Everyone.

Finally feeling almost back to normal after a week of stomach flu, Still can't have any raw veggies or much fat. Actually learned alot about living without much food.-no cravings, never wanting to be full-So now I am fine and all the craving came back Drats! But it is easier after a week of so little food-telling myself any bites of processed sugary food or alcohol is just going to intensive the cravings. Years ago I finally quit smoking after a long horrible chest cold-never startup again. Hoping this week allowed my body to clear out some of toxins from sweets and booze. Just a possiblity but this was the first weekend of guests where I have ever lost weight.

I have really missed swimming -am hoping to do it tomarrow-But I have also hurt my back and can't lay down and sleep is a bit uncomfortable and have to see how the back and shoulder are doing. This getting older is not for sissies. OnebyOne so glad you enjoy the pool-loved the noodle-did one exercise using it like riding a bike across the pool for weeks and wore the bottom out of my suit-actually fabric got too thin.

Envy you Bike riders- that is such great fun!! Biking was one of favorite things for the family-used to live in Sacramento ca-warm and very flat with lots of bike trails-You all have much fun. As my balance is now poorer I would love a three wheeler but it is not usable where we live and can't get it on our little car. PS BillBlueEyes-my favorite bike was old three speed Raleigh from the the mid 70's -big seat and fenders and gears I could understand.

Last night watched most of a 3 hr special on Alice Waters-on book TV. She came across as such a compassionate, warm, articulate and brave woman. She mentioned often how important it was to mediate-to achieve that sense of inner calm and focus. It was an inspiration for me to be more consistant
in my practice. When I needed it the most I forget it the most.

BillBlueEyes-sound like you are having too much fun on that bike. I hope you are giving yourself much credit for all that healthy cooking. While I was Ill my DH ate only bread, luncheon meats, potatoe chips. coffee and beer. I got tired of seeing of what he was eating. Plus the Doc asked how he stays so skinny- I wonder the same thing. You truly are doing a new lifestyle.

Elkfordian- Hope that snow goes away soon and spring will soon be there for you. Much Much credit for taking care of yourself. I do think alot of Beck helps us prioritize actions-learn how to break those old habit (saying yes to others requests too often) in order to become healthy-

onebyone-Yeah swimmer! Hope you find it both fun and relaxing-loved the pic of the roses and what a great vase! It has been awhile since I smelled roses -love the scent but currently they look nice in the stores but have no smell. We'll be doing our first craft fair of the seaon in 3 more weeks-memorial day weekend. We do functional recyled material birdhouses. We rarely have rain in summer but boy can we have the fog or the wind, wind wind.

Newlifestyle-That is quite a workout to run as other bike-I notice your posting about hunger being/not being an emergency. I find my biggest temptation is new taste treats when not home-like I must taste this new exotic food-that becomes an "emergency" for me-like my life isn't rewarding enough without trying some unique food-an illogical area I work on to stop impluse eating.

KulhJeannie-I can just say Wow!! the run, the school, the family, and now a new busness. Your cakes looked fab! I am sure you'll do well. You not only earned a charm- you get a new necklace!

Redballoon-agree I also would love a Trader Joes near by. I actually some days do a journal of sabatoging thoughts and positive responses to them.-It has taken me a long, long time to learn to hear them and not act on them. Before they cropped up and then quickly undermined my healthy choices-still do some but not so often as before.

Robin W speedy, speedy recovery!

Heidi-good healing thoughts for your and your family-both the 2 legged and 4 legged members.

Wendylan-garden sound yummy-good luck

Northwest- to being normal. I had eaten some high caloric foods on Sat and was lamenting it to a "skinny" friend who said "Oh well tomarrow is another day". There is was -no quilt, blame, or upset-just you'll be fine tomarrow and eating correctly. That is new concept for me-normally a mistake leads to mindless days of eating.

best wishes to all

sue

Diet Coaches – Another tightly scheduled day. Faced down a platter of cookies and large individual bags of chips at a training session yesterday. CREDIT moi. Got to the gym, at last, after only making two sessions last week. I feel good that I was drawn to working hard to get back rather than having those thoughts of dropping gym since I had fallen off the wagon. I do hope that that is an improvement in my Believe It skills. Will do a CREDIT moi just to encourage myself there. I so long to get away from dreading that any small diversion from my journey is the start of the slippery slope to walking away from it all.

Sue (CoastalSue) - Yea that the stomach flu is gone. Big Kudos for losing weight during a weekend of house guests. It is so good for me to be reminded that someone can always be working on how to achieve the inner calm and focus.

Heidi (hbuchwald) - Continue to send healing thoughts to Henry and supporting thoughts to you and DD.

Jean (kuhljeanie) - Love the little pig charm - yes, you've definitely earned it; wear it with pride. Big Kudos for the half marathon. Delighted to think that you're building toward qualifying for the Boston Marathon - that's so much fun around here. Yea that you're getting so close to the end; keep the faith.

onebyone – Kudos for the aquabics session (and extra 15 minutes). Big Kudos for buying yourself roses - you can even chalk that up to one of the Beck strategies for taking care of yourself.

amy (gahundy) – Hope the week is going well for you.

Ann (Newlifestyle) - Wonderful image of you running while your 5 yo DS rode his bike. Kudos for that great exercise. LOL at my "magic powers" to get your DS to ask. I could be bribed to get him to pick up his toys, you know.

Lori (elkfordian) - Amazing breakthrough taking care of yourself. Kudos, Kudos, Kudos. Like the notion of calling it the beginning of "Beck Brain."

redballoon - Still chuckling over the dramatic, "...the sabotaging thoughts are starting to roll over and go belly up in the face of my now fierce determination to rout them from my psyche."

northwest - You wrote, "Now I know that many of those times I wasn't even hungry -- just bored and wanting to eat." Yep, BTDT.

Readers – “…For many people dieting is relatively easy at the beginning. …" From the Introduction, Beck, pg 12. [/INDENT]
__________________
XXXXXXX 7 XXXXXXX 14 XXXXXXX 21 XXXXXXX 28 XXXXXXX 35 XXXXXXX 42
Completed Beck Program-day 42. You’ve met your goal. Congratulations!

Hello all. I have been being a bit too lax the past few days, but still doing most of the things I set out to do on my challenges, like making fresh vegetable juice every day, cutting out sugar, booze and cigs. I had a day with some sugar today but didn't pig out like I used to. I'm also forcing myself to eat more fruit and that is working out. Rode my horse today and THEN got to the gym for the first time in a bit. It felt good to go heavy with the weights. Always is motivating to have all the guys there lifting heavy. I realized we're coming up on beach season and people are out in droves. The gym I go too is also big into bodybuilding so those people, the serious ones, have already started to lean out and build up. I used to do heavy weight training but have gotten away from it. Just no time to maintain and I tend to bulk up and NOT lean out...

And, a little Beck here...I was walking home from the gym. It takes a good 50 minutes and there are lots of convenience stores along the way. I used to graze my way home. Tonight, I was planning to get home and THEN eat, but the siren call of the 7-Eleven got to me and I went in. I did get good stuff, well, half, a pack of chestnuts and a stick of cheese. Then I was about to tear into it as I continued my walk, when I heard this..."SIT DOWN and eat that!" So, I looked around for a place but the parks were closed. Kept walking...then saw the baseball field lights and went up there, straddled a bench and watched the young fellows warming up for a night game. Nice...OK, then I stopped in at another store for water and had a bit of something else I shouldn't have had and I had it walking, but, oh well, it was partially good.

You know I was looking through the mini-goal and goal forums. I always find many of the posts quite inspiring. One fellow has lost 90 lbs and I read part of his blog. I especially liked the following...


Here is his blog... feed://zeusmeatball.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default

It got me thinking about the fact that I've been sitting in the same spot with my weight (well, with LOTS of things actually, but we won't go there...). I mean, WHY don't I just get the job done?!?! Eh?!?!?

I would love to see what is holding me here....probably a lot of habit and inertia...and a HUGE rut that resembles something more like a subway track, so deeply embedded in the earth...the MIRE...of my subconscious that I can't even see just where it's running anymore or even what's actually running. Hmm....better do some excavating.

Yes, sabotaging thoughts....I'm still working on them. Someone mentioned "positive" thoughts and I was thinking, darn, my thoughts are really, really MEAN, not just negative, outright vicious and the only way I seem to be able to combat them is when I get vicious back. OK, OK, there are times when I hear this little sad, lonely voice that just needs to be hugged and told that everything will be all right, but that little voice rarely comes up. Usually, it's some others...I think they're doing time in Sing Sing. They are tough to put it mildly and they go for my Achilles. BUT, if there's one thing that gets me going it's a dare. I turn to them and, well, I can't say here what I say to them, but it ain't pretty. They quiet down though.

Thanks, all you who said nice, encouraging things to me. You all hang in there now, you hear? I'll try to write personal, instead of all ME, again soon.

Good morning coaches

I continue to try to stay on plan and fall short. However, that was yesterday, and I get a do-over today. So far, a cup of coffee with 1% milk and 1 cup of cooked steel cut oats. Steel cut oats. Nothing says "trying to eat right" to me than steel cut oats. On the hierarchy of cereals I put it at the top. I only get it out when I really want to make a change. I'm not sure how much I like it. This is the same feeling I get when I contemplate a diet of chicken breast and fish. Hmmm. How can I maintain a long term foodplan based on those proteins only? Well, the answer is I can't. And I don't have to be so rigid. I am still contemplating the DASH diet and the WW plan and I haven't jumped into the game with that yet. I'm feeling afraid that I can't maintain such a plain foodplan because I'll be bored with it in a second... and then I'll rebel...and then I'll eateateat without stopping! This is a thinking error of course. I am projecting into the future and deciding it's going to be a negative outcome without having even tried it. All this does is keep me stuck here right where I am, rocking back and forth, not going anywhere because I can't make a decision and act on it. I need to get my book out and follow the steps again. When I did that I moved forward. I need to do it again.

redballoon Good for you to have found a place to sit down for your snack. Beck is indeed getting under your skin! That's good. And also good news is your recognition of the mean voice within you. It is no wonder your quiet soft voice gets drowned out. If you're in a room and all these mean, critical people are shouting, and you feel small and unsure of yourself, would you speak up? I wouldn't. I'd be afraid of being attacked for what I said. Both voices are valid, but one will bring you peace and the other keeps you in your place IMHO... you're doing good work redballoon... be brave, keep going!


BillBlueEyes You know I think you brought up something true for me as well. I am no longer looking for justification to not workout either. I keep focusing on working it in, and starting it up, I don't see exercise as something that I would stop doing either. Wow. Kudos to me and you for that attitude shift! Thanks.


coastalsue I understand riding the noodle like a bike through the pool... we had an instructor yeterday who worked us out with the noodle instead of the styrofoam pool dumbbells. One exercise was to hop over the noodle in the water, holding the ends like a jump rope and using both feet to jump over it in the water, front to back and back to front. Back to front is especially hard. Lots of deep abdomenal work with that one. Also just simply draggin it through the water as you walk sideways through the pool with it really ups your workout intensity. Hope you feel better soon and can get back to that pool! I look forward to hearing about your market adventures too. We don't have any birdhouse makers right now at either market.

elkfordian The ability to say NO is a real skill. It gets easier once you start to do it and you take the risk of saying it and wait a while and realize that someone will step into your shoes and life goes on. I am so happy to hear you are going to give to yourself now. It sounds like you have already done a lot for others and been there for others.