How do you guys who bake do it??? I don't think I could bake a lot of food for others and not eat it! I haven't tried, so I don't know. All my cooking and baking has been stuff I can eat regularly...

Heather, I thought I could bake last year, and found out how wrong I was. I just am not there yet. I may never be. At least this year I have an excuse.

I'm starting to feel like Jimmy Stewart in "rear window." It should warm up to 1 today, so I'm going to have him open the patio door for a little while just so I can get some fresh air. I walked to the mailbox yesterday. That's still inside the building, but it was like taking a walk around the block. I haven't seen or spoken to another human being except my husband in almost 3 weeks. I hate to ask friends to come over to visit because it is the busy time of year, and the roads have been horrible. I'd hate if someone got in a wreck just to come visit. All our neighbors in the building work except the grandmother across the hall, and she doesn't speak any English, and my Mandarin is damn rusty. I've been able to do a little sewing everyday, but had a major malfunction yesterday. I sewed the wrong sides of something together, and just didn't want to get the seam ripper out, so I just shelved it until later. Today I'm pimping out my bomber hat. I would wear it around the property, but not when I'd go somewhere because it is black, and I like for people to see me in the crosswalks, so I got some orange reflective sew-on tape and am going to put a strip on. I'm also installing headphones in it. I saw a Bula bomber hat (that's high fashion if you're a snowboarder) that had built in headphones, and copied it. I had a clip over the ears Sony set that I took apart to sew inside. We'll see how that turns out. If I mess that up, the sewing machine is getting put up until after the holidays.

Annie - that is awesome that you didn't have any goodies. Goody for you! It's that first bite that would be the killer for me. One is too many.

Heather/Catherine - I am forgoing my baking this year - I know after the Thanksgiving experience I am not able to handle it - this year - and maybe never.

Catherine - opening the door at 1 - even for fresh air that seems pretty darned chilly.

More later,
Carol

Carol-1 degree here is 33 degrees in American. He ran out without a coat on this morning.

Well, the sewing is done for the year. Not that I don't have anything to sew, but rather my machine decided this would be a good time to have the motor go out. It's a 30+ year old Bernina that they can separate from me when they pry it from my cold, dead hands. They might as well bury it with me. It does have to have it's motor rewound every 3-4 years. It thought now would be a good time. It was the one thing I could actually do while stuck in the house. To cheer me up, he brought me fresh baked bread from the Portuguese bakery around the corner. He had coffee with a friend there, and the owner asked him where I was, and when she found out that I had been hurt, she sent a sack of sourdough buns fresh out of the oven home for me. They were so warm when he brought them in, they were steaming. She said to help keep my strength up. The lady kneads bread all day, and has forearms like a body builder on a 4'8" frame. I believe in supporting neighborhood businesses and mom and pop places, and sometimes it pays off. It is nice to be missed. I will enjoy every 90 calorie roll with a clear conscience.

Hi Everyone!

Well, today should be ‘interesting’ to say the least. It is the kids’ last day at school (staff go back tomorrow morning for farewells and last-minute organisation) and I don’t have a voice! I’m not sure exactly what the cause is, but I have a feeling that I boasted a little too much about not getting a cold when everyone else had one, so my body decided to give me a cold when NOBODY has one. It is officially our summer now (started December 1st) and I lasted ALL year up until now without a cold. I actually feel that maybe I have just been fighting something off for a while and now that most of the stressful things are over - two whole-school assemblies that my class helped run (and which went beautifully, even if I do say so myself), report writing, moving ALL of my gear out of my current classroom and generally lots of other normal end-of-year ‘stuff – my body has just told me that it needs a rest. I just wish it had waited a few more days before deciding this. I’m not sure what my ‘crowd control’ is going to be like today without a voice. I think my whiteboard is going to get a LOT of use. I have wonderful students, but I am not expecting them to be ‘perfect’ on the last day of school. At least we had the class party yesterday, so I don’t have to get through that. I am sure I will also have the help of some great staff, so that should help. I just think it is going to be interesting, and maybe a little funny.

I really am going to miss this group of students. After having most of them for two years I have become quite attached to them and their families. Hopefully some of them will join the choir next year, so I should see them a bit through that. I have told them all that they HAVE to come and visit me. Mind you, at the moment I don’t actually have a ‘home’ at school for 2008. I am doing the ICT (Information and Communication Technologies) role for half the week and Junior Music and choir for the rest of the week, but I don’t have a room for these things. The ICT role is working with the teachers, so I don’t need a classroom for that, but I would like some kind of office or at least a ‘base’ to put all of my gear. I am hoping to share the music room with the current Performing Arts teacher and I will sort something out today hopefully (through sign language!) for that. He has told me that there is cupboard space there and hopefully I’ll be able to put a teacher’s desk in there as well, as long as it doesn’t make it too crowded. I could end up having to do some music lessons in the regular classrooms, which may be a pain, but could be bearable. My current classroom may be removed over the holidays (it is a transportable classroom) as our numbers have gone down. We are not sure whether they will take my room, or the one next door, or BOTH, so both of them have to be totally emptied. That is going to happen today, and a couple of teachers are going to help, which is wonderful. I am hoping to at least keep my desk until tomorrow. It is fine for the kids to work on the floor, as they see that as a bit of an ‘adventure’, but I don’t think that I can do my work for the day on the floor. I may be able to get DOWN, but I would either fall asleep on the floor, or I would need the kids to help me up, as I don’t feel as though I have a lot of energy at the moment.

We had the Chorus Christmas party last night and Neil came, which was lovely. There weren’t many husbands there, but I am glad he got to meet some of the wonderful people I sing with. We are singing around the city next week, which will be a great learning experience for me. It is called Roving Carols, and that is basically what we do. We sing at one location then move on to another and so on. I am REALLY looking forward to it. I didn’t pass the songs for the concert this Friday (my recorder kept messing up and I couldn’t get the tapes in to the person who passes them, and I also learnt most of the songs that were cut out of the concert as the organisers cut the time down by about half... oh well) but Neil and I are going in to watch the ladies and the men’s chorus. Hopefully Neil may be able to get some good photos of the groups while we are there.

Oh well, just a catch-up. I’ve been meaning to do this for a while, but have hardly had time to scratch myself. I hope you are all having a wonderful week.

Take care,

Zelma

EmilyMay So so glad to see you back. You look wonderful on your avatar! So glad you have a job you love!

Sharon WTG on you 5 pound loss!!!!

Annie Glad your dreadful meetings are done. You did wonderful resisting that salty and fatty food!! have fun baking cookies!!!

Carol, I'm glad you have power and are safe. We are "suppose" to get SIGNIFICANT
snow this weekend. Personally. I'm hoping for a blizzard!!

Heather, I eat some, walk a little and drink much more water when I bake. I can never make it without eating some of it.

Zelma, So good to see you. Feel better soon and enjoy the warm weather of your summer.

I only have a few minutes as Abby has basket ball practice tonight. I do partly ok baking and making candies. I get in trouble with all the cookies our clients are sending to say thank you for customer service. One was a graham covered with coffee chocolate icing. OMG it was wonderful NOTE, I said IT ... only 1!!!
Emotionally, things are tough. I'm so pmsing and my sd has been in a snit since before she left for her mom's last weekend. I've really about had it with her snotty stuck up attitude. It's so bad, I literally can't stand talking to her. She never answers a direct question directly so you have to spend 30 minutes trying to figure out what she really said. There's more, but it would probably bore all of you. All I can say is it's so dreadful to be around her.
Tomorrow is the big test day! The bake sale for the humane society. But, I can do it. I'll leave my money at home.
Gotta go, hope all or you are well.

KarenJ – I am sorry to hear that things are so tough right now. If you are finding your depression debilitating than I strongly urge you to seek help with it – either a counselor, medication or both. You don’t have to feel that way – there are many ways that by reaching out people can help. What great Christmas presents!

Sharon – Congrats on the 5 pounds down! Absolutely if you have to put up with being sick you should get something good out of it. I am so glad to hear you are feeling better.

EmilyMay – You are looking great in your new avatar! Thanks for stopping in and letting us know how things are going with you. It is so inspiring that you have followed your dreams and not let your weight stop you from accomplishing your goals. You rock!

Cyn – Way to go on writing everything down! It is such a simple thing and yet so powerful.

Johnie - Congratulations on hitting the 50 pound mark. That is a huge milestone!!! Are you giving yourself any kind of reward for getting there?

Battle – If we could find and antidote to not feeling badly about how we look we could become the richest women in the world (either that or targets for assassination of every make-up company/ plastic surgeon/ etc.). I love the boiled frog analogy. That is exactly how I feel about how I ended up where I did.

Carol - on finding old clothes fitting nicely! A quarter of a pound is still things going in the right direction. I am so jealous of your cruise!

Deb – Yeah, I think that facing these issues when they crop up rather than ignoring them is so important. Wow – 85 degree weather? That sounds lovely. I have still not adjusted to the fact that I need to wear a coat everyday.

Ratkity – I have spent so many years tuning out when people treat me badly that I don’t think I am registering any change yet. I know that it is mostly in my head and I need to cut it out!

Annie – You are my hero passing up all that food at the office! I am sure once you sink into your routine you will find you have more energy in the evenings. It just takes some adjustment time.

Heather – I am with you on the baking . . . I don’t think I could do it.

Catherine – That is so sweet that the bakery lady sent rolls home for you. How much longer is it going to be before you are mobile again? I can’t imagine how frustrating it must be to be stuck at home like that.

Zelma – It is so good to hear from you! I guess it is a good thing that you didn’t have to sing in the concert if you don’t have a voice. I hope you enjoy your time off and have the opportunity to give your body all the rest it needs.

Sandy – I am sorry that sd is being such a pain. I too marvel at people who can bake. Batter rarely gets into an oven when I have anything to do with it.

I am feeling a bit better about myself today. I do admit that the new t-shirts are helping, but I also need to come to terms with the fact that I have done damage to my body and some of it will heal and some will not. Perhaps I will post a picture, but I am not sure. Maybe at the very least I can make someone else feel better about themselves.

I am so inspired by the dance class that I have ordered myself a pair of dance sneakers. They have split soles and smooth toes to help with turns. I spent a long time looking and found ONE pair that comes in wide. I am really hoping they will fit me since my feet are so wide. I guess that dance shoe makers don’t think that people with wide feet dance. Huh?

On a follow up, I did end up getting my Welburtrin prescription approved by my insurance company. I do feel like it is helping with stabilizing my moods a bit more and not feeling like I want to turn to food. I normally almost always crave something sweet at night and recently I haven’t been.

My timer just went off (I can’t believe I am eating dinner at 10:30!) so I better run. Ciao!

Hi everyone,

I feel an illness of some kind is brewing, and I hope I am wrong. I've been tired the past few days, and have fever sores in my mouth. I only get them when I'm coming down with something.

To Nancy's comment about flip-flopping perspectives on how we look and where we are, I have been cycling back and forth between proud and happy and feeling great about the smaller body, to feeling huge, ugly, and very impatient and sad about the enormity of the work ahead. It is never a good idea to focus on how much more work there is to do to get out of obesity, I have learned.

I had a meeting today with a new business contact, a lawyer, and I was digging on him. Yum, he was nice, very personable and down to earth, and I could see myself on a date with him. Then I think about how at this size, in this area of the country, I am just not even on the radar screen as a potential date for most available men. THis is not a good path to go down, I can assure you.

Must exercise and get out of the negative thinking.

Just to throw my thoughts in... I'm at my low adult weight and wearing size 12 clothes and I swear I can see both how far I have come (which boggles my mind sometimes) AND how fat I still am in some ways (I am just shy of obese, really). I see all my jiggly bits and cringe. I love how my body looks in clothes, in many ways, and yet see I'm not thin by a long-shot.

I think this feeling will never go away. I think many women experience it, even some who are thin by society's standards.

I have to remind myself, sometimes daily, that no matter how I feel about how I look that I have reclaimed my life, and that is the most important part!!

Hi all,

Okay First I have to say I agree with you all on the body image things. Especially Heather. Maybe because I truly am a "glass half ful type of gal". I see how far I have come and then I flip to how farrrrr I still have to go and it makes all the how far I've come thoughts almost cower down. It's like that part of me that is soooo happy that I can zip up all 3 of my brand new winter jackets that I bought when I moved to Idaho and could never ever wear because they wouldn't come near to zipping up and now they are huge on me, like room enough for a small child to join me at least, that part of me that is thrilled gets squashed. That is not something we should be doing to ourselves! WE need to celebrate our accomplishments. Lord knows that this world won't. This world will look at how ya, you maybe have lost some weight but you sure aint close honey. Don't do that to yourselves too! When you feel proud of yourself for your accomplishments GOOD! You all have worked so, so hard to get to where you are right now Don't let the ugly monster that likes to steal joy come in. Especially don't let that ugly monster steal your joy because once it does..... it will continue until you feel defeated. Okay. Climbing down from the soap box now. lol. I am just so very proud of all of you. Being in this battle to gain health in our lives is so hard fought. It is something that we deal with EVERY Single day! Don't give up! On to personals.

Heather: I wish I knew what snapped in me so that I could bake, cook be around food etc. and not think twice about it. I don't have any feelings of "poor me" Nothing. I feel so lucky and blessed to be alive and living life after so many years of being an IT, Blob, not that I was an it or blob but I lived like I was and acted like I was, so, I was. Maybe that is what allows me to bake for my DH and others with joy and enjoy what I'm doing without wanting to taste and sample every thing. There truly is so much more to me now than cookies and milk. lol. I wish I knew what it was so I could give it to all of you. Hugs.

Catherine: Every time I think about your sewing and creating beautiful things with your magical sewing machine I get inspired to think about sewing. lol. That's about as far as it goes for me though. I'm glad that you were able to make it to the mail box today. The rolls sound yummy. I hope you enjoy them! It does pay to be as sweet and kind as you are and I know I've never met you in person but when you were "missing" from here for a while I sure did miss you.

Carol: ARe you getting excited yet? I can't wait to hear how it goes on your trip. Please take pics for us to see.

Zelma: Sounds like you are going to be one busy lady for a bit more. Hugs to you on missing the kids you've shaped and molded for the past two years.

Sandy: Hang tough at home and at the sale.

Nancy: I'm so happy that you are feeling so much better. You always make me think that I want to take a dance class. I think I will bring it up to my hubby about a couples dance lessons or something in the new year.

Battle: Hugs and don't under estimate your ability to catch a sweetie pie that your heart desires. I did and well, just look at me. So, go for it.

Blessings to you all,
Annie

A fly by before taking off out the door to go to work and the tempting bake sale. I'm not taking ANY money, so I'll be ok. Whatever it takes, right.

Heather and Annie Your posts mean a lot to me and I hope to carry those thoughts with me all day.

Hope all of you have a good OP day. Don't forget to drink your water!!

Hi everyone! Wow, I've missed so many posts! I have been a little blah these days! It ALL catches up to me around the holidays. I had said I wouldn't let it this year.......but.......
My husband went back to work this week. After 5 months! (He had been very sick)!
The weather is cold and wet and dark all the time! I hate that!
So much in-law exposure this time of year too! Yikes! Maybe I shouldn't have said that!
I did WI yesterday with a 1# loss. I'll take it!

To those of you baking this time of year with so much restraint - kudo's to you! I CAN NOT even think about baking without thinking about eating the batter and the cookies, breads, fudge, candy, etc.........
dogpal - good job at the meeting!
Johnie - woooohooo on the 50# mark!
Battle - hi! I'm with the rest of the girls......don't under estimate yourself! I met my husband when I was 200 + pounds and he is in a very successful position in his job! Beauty is in the eye of the be-holder! Be patient! When you least expect it........it'll happen!
Cyn - good job on journaling what you eat! I really need to do that!
happy summer ZedUs! I'm jealous! Today is freezing rain and sleet here in Pennsylvania! My daughter has a two hour delay at school this morning because of it!
HI EVERYONE ELSE!
Well everyone, have a great OP day!

Battle – How nice to meet someone you might consider dating. I can’t remember the last time that has happened for me. But I know how you feel about the negativity that can come from feeling like someone wouldn’t be interested back. However, you really never know. He may not be the kind of guy who focuses on size.

Heather – Reclaiming our lives is definitely the most important part.

Annie – I loved your post! You are so right. We need to constantly celebrate our accomplishments and not let anything detract from that.

Sandy – Good plan to not take money to the bake sale!

Jeanne – The holidays can be such a rough time for so many people. We like to pretend that we are all supposed to be happy and merry when so many are stressed. Give yourself a break and do something nice for yourself.


OK, so I have been doing more thinking (and getting my mental butt kicked by Annie’s post ). I need to stop all of those negative thoughts at the root immediately when they come up. So, I have decided that any time I start to have one of those thoughts I will say to myself, “True beauty lies not in form but in function.” What a body part looks like is so much less important than the fact that it works.

Even with a more difficult week (3 dinners out and 2 dance classes missed) I was still down another pound this week. I am so glad that I am more consistently losing again. Of course the next few weeks will be tough with Christmas coming up. So I am thinking that while it would be great to lose more, if I maintain here until the end of the year that would be great too.

Oh. My. God. This Tuesday ended a major 5 day skid/binge that started last Friday. I've not read anything yet...justed wanted to check in before I mentally wandered off too far. I'm over ticker weight and back into the 30's, though on my way back down again. Feeling back on track, but shocked that holiday/work/social stress got to me in the way it did, and that it took 5 days to right things after many months of things not being that way.

Hugs and love to all. Will catch up on all the posts I missed.

Metachick -- big first and foremost. It can be SO HARD to get back on plan after getting off. Forgive yourself and try to move on. Also, do you know what set you off? Sometimes figuring that out helps me avoid it in the future!