You're a mensch, Jaime! You will be an invaluable resource for your friend, I hope she takes advantage of you.
Uh... in the non-sexual way, of course. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Edited to add: yeah, I nuke the heck out of the boca burger until it is actually a bit dry and shriveled and then schmear with a bit of maple syrup. On a bagel it is vaguely like what I remember a "maple sausage bagel" tasting like. But then I haven't had sausage in forever so I could be way off. Whatever, I like it.

. I am not much of a fries person...I mean I like them but don't crave them. But I do love onion rings. So I'm staying away from them. 
Oh NO!! That's sooo terrible. My sister has 4 kids and has been through this TWICE. The second time she called me crying. I feel so bad for you. And I feel bad for your little 10 year old too, I got a busted eardrum in a sparring match once (by a hard punch to the jaw) and I couldn't open my jaw to eat for days. You are having a day from ****! Hope it looks up soon. 

. And I can refer to it in future. So you can build on the resources.